May 01, 2006

SEEKING

Wanted: New best friends

Must love knitting. And talking about knitting. And reading about knitting, swapping patterns, and making knitting jokes. Must get excited about figuring out a ptbl. Knitting ambition is required: applicants must attempt patterns that make me cringe. Also must be a knitting nerd: must think the binary hat and Fibonacci sequence scarf are awesome.

Must love the other domestic arts. Sewing is a definite. Quilting is a bonus. Cooking is required. Must love calling first thing in the morning to rave about what you made for dinner last night. Must love reading cookbooks, cover to cover. Cleaning skills are a must too. Must be able to help me figure out how to get make-up out of a wedding dress or dog pee out of the sofa cushion. Bonus points if every time I call you you're cleaning the oven, or if you clean radiators when you're bored.

However, mere June Cleavers need not apply. Must have a healthy sense of humor. Preference will be given to applicants who use the f-word while discussing antique apron patterns. I'll even accept devout Catholics with a verified sordid past. Must love Alabama Worley and still keep a copy of Emily Post on the shelf.

Must be a fellow right-wing nutjob, preferably heavier on the fiscal than the social. Must want limited government and refuse WIC. Must be accepting of homosexuals, hate al Qaeda, and argue back and forth with me about abortion. Bonus points if your biracial son thinks his heritage is "Irish." Must love George W. Bush but enjoy talking about the ways he's screwing up. Extreme preference given to military wives who nag their husbands about staying in the Army.

Must have freckles, huge boobs, and look great in flannel. Must be a NON-smoker. Cubs fans need only apply if they fit all the other criteria.

Oh, who am I kidding? No one will ever measure up to Erin, Kelly, and The Girl.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:12 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 328 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I do knit, sew and love to cook. I do have freckles and love George W. Bush (and the way he puts his foot in his mouth!). I do not smoke and I am a military wife. I do not qualify for the rest...............no big boobs, I do not own a copy of Emily Post and I do not know who or what Alabama Worley is.....On another note I read that you had a BA in French. Now even though I do not agree about the US invading France (I am French LOL) send me an e-mail if you did a refresher! PS Very nice blog!

Posted by: Muriel at May 01, 2006 04:25 PM (+qzMq)

2 How sweet! Sarah, you have such a way with words. We need more folks like you out there.

Posted by: Vonn at May 01, 2006 04:35 PM (dEgRi)

3 Sigh. Saying good-bye was the worst. I miss you already.

Posted by: Erin at May 01, 2006 04:44 PM (HMH4A)

4 Geez...I'm such a mushball. I wasn't even there but I can feel Erin's pain...goodbyes are the worst and you have to say so many of them in the Army.

Posted by: Nicole at May 01, 2006 10:45 PM (CpOyu)

5 Well I knit, want to learn to sew, cook like I think I went to CIA, clean like I have OCD. I thought true romance actually was romantic. I am a certified member of the vrwc. I want my husband to remain in the army..I am well chesty but ummm I have a fatal flaw I do smoke. But at least you know I am polite about it. I don't smoke around non-smokers.

Posted by: Jen at May 02, 2006 12:25 AM (0/Lg5)

6 See...you've already got people applying. Not sure Erin, Kelly and The Girl could ever be replaced, but I'm sure there are some girls in South Carolina who are just dying to learn how to knit. You've got a pretty impressive resume there, but I don't think you inherited any of those talents from your mother--except I do have a good George W. thing going! You are crossing the ocean as I write this, so it won't be too many hours til you touch down in God's country! Love you, Mama

Posted by: Nancy at May 02, 2006 02:29 AM (OeioM)

7 That was one fine post. Best of luck on the move!

Posted by: zib at May 02, 2006 06:56 AM (84K9V)

8 i'm assuming your on the flight back, according to your mom...and i'm to old to apply for te best friend position...but always remember that you girls can meet at my house, if you want to go tromping around corn fields, totin' shotguns.and you'll hear the f word..now, that i guarentee...love ya, welcome, stateside!.ps..i have a suragate son, at ft. riley...i may need you to ''raise a little hell''

Posted by: debey at May 02, 2006 07:30 AM (VOB3a)

9 You are a fundamentalist!. How the hell you can kill for peace????Think about all the inocent people your soldiers have killed. You are not better than the nazis in germany, you doing the same things around the world!. The us is not the best country in the world. Your country have good thinks, like all other countries to. Think about this: why the most people in the world dont like amerika?. Think about it. I have a lot of friends in amerika. There people like you, but they dont believe that you can do what you want in the world, just why you are from amerika.... Bye, James Cather Argentina

Posted by: Jamas Cather at May 02, 2006 09:56 AM (9q9IV)

10 I was so there. Right up until the big boobs part! (and the knitting and sewing and cleaning) But I do cook!

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at May 02, 2006 06:34 PM (DdRjH)

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