In the coming days, I plan to write up a summary post of my whole infertility journey. After emailing with Julia from Here Be Hippogriffs, I decided that one post with everything laid out might be a good resource for new readers or people finding me via google.
You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.
I thought of this line from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance while reading the post The End of the Debate. Great line:
When you do hear the phrase "the debate is over", someone is usually trying to end a debate that is very much alive.
No one would need to repeatedly remind others that the debate is over if it truly were.
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I have done this kind of list twicebefore, but I started thinking this morning that it'd be a hoot to do one for my husband. And then see what he thought of it.
THINGS MY HUSBAND LOVES
Deadwood Wolverine bacon saving money Dexter Wu-Tang Clan Greg Mankiw Thai food The Black Crowes the RX-8 his XD-M "I'm On a Boat" Alton Brown me wearing pink Burn Notice beer the St. Louis Cardinals sleep My New Haircut not having to do laundry Jim Gaffigan early Simpsons
(I showed this to my husband this evening, and he said it was a pretty accurate list. He would've added one thing though.)
Posted by: awtm at April 30, 2009 08:26 AM (YvNb4)
3
OMG - My New Haircut! I LOVE that video. "So everybody can see how tan and jacked I am." LMFAO! Dude, he'll love Guido Beach on YouTube if he hasn't seen it already. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyAzwREVBZs
Posted by: Beth at April 30, 2009 10:05 AM (W3XUk)
4
His team at work has totally started calling themselves Task Force Jacked & Tan.
Posted by: Sarah at April 30, 2009 12:59 PM (TWet1)
I LIKE SOMETHING HE DOESN'T? WHA?
My husband and I are the exact same person replicated in two different bodies, and we've decided that when we're super old, we're going to catapult ourselves into a black hole so we can be smushed together into an eternal quantum singularity.
Therefore, I am disturbed that he doesn't grok Retweet Theater. We love all the exact same things, so how can he not find this hilarious? Nothing makes me giggle more than spelling "t-o-a-s-t"...except for the fact that the Lileks character has the exact same voice as our Garmin, so every time I drive, I am chuckling to myself about $37 waffles.
Seriously, if he doesn't like Hamiflu, we may have to rethink this eternally smushed thing.
1
I can't help but think that when someone who doesn't approve of this message sees it, the first thing they would say is: "that guy is committing a crime by destroying that penny...he should watch out, he could get in big trouble for that...it's a federal offense!"
Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at April 28, 2009 10:14 PM (irIko)
2
CVG, did you see this comment at YouTube? Your prediction came true!
"destruction of currency thats a federal crime. your goin to the big house now!!! lol"
Posted by: Amritas at April 28, 2009 11:04 PM (Wxe3L)
No ways! Yeah, it was just something I had realized over the last few years...I remember when a soldier went to...I believe it was the Daily Kos convention, in full uniform, and started challenging one of the panelists who was a former Army captain, I believe...and challenging him about the surge (the panelist was saying it wasn't working...and the guy in the audience wanted to show proof that it was). And then the panelist said something like: whose your commander? You can't be in uniform here...I'm going to make sure that you get reprimanded, etc...and I thought it was funny that he used that tactic to try to silence the guy...very police state like. And I have noticed that tendency quite often...
Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at April 29, 2009 09:43 AM (irIko)
4
That is an awesome representation. I'm going to make my kids watch it today for part of their school.
And I cracked UP reading CVG's comment! Not in a good way. In a wry way. Because it's totally true.
Posted by: airforcewife at April 29, 2009 09:45 AM (Fb2PC)
And honestly, I had the, "oh crap! Don't get in trouble for destroying a penny!" reaction, too, LOL - not that the government's getting in trouble for destruction of currency ATM... ;-)
Posted by: kannie at April 29, 2009 03:14 PM (S6srO)
6
First off, I am so ticked that I missed you two this weekend.
Second, I lurve the new digs here. Well done.
Third, I am so re-posting this.
Posted by: Chuck at April 29, 2009 06:17 PM (meX2d)
In Europe, the president was asked if he believed in “American
exceptionalism,†and replied: “I believe in American exceptionalism,
just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and
the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.â€
Gee, thanks. A
simple “no†would have sufficed. The president of the United States is
telling us that American exceptionalism is no more than national
chauvinism, a bit of flag-waving, of no more import than the Slovenes
supporting the Slovene soccer team and the Papuans the Papuan soccer
team.
1
Suppose Steve Jobs told his employees "I believe Apple makes superior
products, just like Dell thinks it makes superior products and HP
thinks it makes superior products."
Would Apple have been the success that it is
Posted by: david foster at April 29, 2009 09:10 AM (ke+yX)
2
;">I find it a bit disingenuous that one so obviously enamored of himself has problems saying something is 'exceptional' without gagging. Why would anyone bother dragging him/herself from bed in the morning if all they were shooting for was mediocre? People have probably ended it all for less. Pathetic.
Posted by: Guard Wife at April 29, 2009 09:22 AM (INo59)
3
GW, no one and nothing can be as exceptional as the One and Only. Certainly not America, a country his wife couldn't be proud of as an adult until last year. What a horrible place that was. But by Barack, Omerica is getting better with each day of the eOn.
Posted by: Amritas at April 29, 2009 09:50 AM (+nV09)
In
a column, Mr. Putney has again raised the debate about the sacrifice of
America's "sons and daughters" in uniform. Some have argued that we
must continue the fight to honor their memory "so that they have not
died in vain." Others argue we must stop the wars to save soldiers from
this fate. I think an essential understanding of what motivates those
of us in uniform is missing in this debate. We are not your sons
and daughters, whom you must protect and defend. We are your sword and
your shield. We are men and women who volunteer to place our lives on
the line so you do not have to. We do not decide when or where we will
be sent. We go. You are our advocates, not our parents. [...] I
know my life is in the hands of others because I choose for it to be
that way. I am not your daughter, a child who must be guided. I have
made my choice and pledge my honor to it. I will thank you to remember
that because we serve our nation, none of us dies in vain, regardless
of the cause; end of debate.
(emphasis mine)
The "sons and daughters" argument has always bugged me too.
When I met my husband nearly ten years ago, he was still a teenager. But he had more responsibility than any of the rest of us in college. Stayed up until midnight watching TV? You can skip class, but you can't skip PT. At 19, he managed his life far better than most. And by the time he returned from Iraq at 25, he was a full-fledged man, a man who had been responsible for the safety and lives of 15 other soldiers.
He is not, and never was, a child who needs protecting. He doesn't need concerned citizens to treat him like a dupe or rube and decide what's best for him and where he should direct his energies. He wants to direct them at the Middle East, and if you "bring him home," he will try to find another way to get there somehow.
He is your sword and your shield. And he is a man.
Of course people still care about you, whatever stage of life you're in, but they're no longer responsible for you, and the infantilizing attitude (rebutted so nicely both here and in that editorial) really does need to stop. (For that matter, it needs to stop for civilian adults, too.)
For goodness' sake, we're supposed to raise kids to be worthwhile, come-into-their-own, self-sufficient (insofar as it is possible) adults, not to still be nursing at 40. And yes, our adult commitments are OUR adult commitments, not our parents' sacrificing us to appease the fire gods.
This post goes kinda well with AFW's post, doesn't it?
Posted by: kannie at April 28, 2009 05:36 PM (S6srO)
2I think the idea of "America's sons and daughters" has been watered down to this idea that our military are 'our sons and daughters' as Americans. The symbolic use of "America's sons and daughters" in its original usage (from what I can tell) seemed more to conjure the idea that the virile, courageous, young (or at least agile!) and brave would take up arms to protect the homeland. That the sons & daughters of the country would rise up and maintain freedom to honor those who went before and to provide for those yet to come.
Now, though, like everything else, this phrase has been watered down to suggest that our military blithely found itself somewhere that, had their been careful guidance, none of them would have tread.
I'm with you. They know what they are doing and they do it better than anyone else.
Posted by: Guard Wife at April 28, 2009 06:18 PM (Bfea2)
3
This view of servicemembers as children (hence "sons and daughters") reflects the paternal premise of the Left. Individuals like Sarah's husband are incapable of making decisions for themselves. The little people must be guided by a Great Leader. The armed forces were duped by a false Great Leader (Bushaitan), but now that the Omerican peOple have chosen the greatest leader of all time by a record landslide, I expect to hear some interesting new tunes. Leftists might warm up to Afghanistan while the Right loses interest.
Posted by: Amritas at April 29, 2009 12:51 PM (+nV09)
PEAS IN A POD
When I visited CaliValleyGirl, we discovered that we both love peas. Neither of us knew this about the other before. So when I found this pattern, I just had to make them for her.
She said her son loves playing with them. I think they turned out really cute.
(And learning this new blog system is gonna be the death of me. It took me forever to figure out how to upload this pic.)
I WILL SET THEM ON FIRE
I want to murder my doctor and everyone who works for him.
(Despite that intro, this will be a boring post about playing telephone tag. But I have to bang it out or I will go crazy.)
Last Tuesday when the doctor hit me with the bad news, he told me to call Tricare Referrals the next day. (As per the discussion at the conference of making your blog non-military friendly, that is our health care system. To be seen off-post by a civilian doctor, I need a referral through the insurance before I can make an appointment. I have never had to do this before.)
I called Tricare Wednesday: no referral in their system. Same Thursday and Friday. The prerecorded message said it could take 72 hours, but on Friday I found a customer service rep to talk to. She informed me that, despite the fact that my home is most definitely not located in that region, that I was calling the wrong number and should be calling the North division. Hung up, called them, they didn't have the referral either.
Called back Monday morning: still no referral. Got grumpy. Left a cranky message with my doctor's secretary to check again and make sure the referral was made because we've already wasted a week of precious time.
The secretary calls me back hours later to say that, whoopsie, I wasn't supposed to be calling Tricare after all. Who told you to do that? Us? Our bad. You just need to confirm your referral in our own hospital. Here, let me just transfer the call...yep, disconnected.
I wrote during the second miscarriage about how it's impossible to reach an actual human being in our medical system. So she had disconnected me, and all I could do was call her back, leave another pissy message on her machine, and wait several more hours for her to call me back.
I finally get the right number to get connected where I'm supposed to be, and that is also an answering machine. I leave a message, she calls me back an hour later, confirms my referral, and then tells me that it will take seven days from today until the referral shows up in Tricare.
At this point, I don't know whether to scream or cry.
We don't have time for this. My husband deploys in less than three months, we've been told it will take us at least a month to get an appointment with this geneticist, and we just wasted a week playing phone tag?
What in the holy fricking shizz is wrong with my doctor? Why did he quite clearly tell me to call the wrong place? And I told him flat out that I have never had a referral before, so he knew I needed instruction. They dropped the you're-a-mutant bomb and then shoved me out the door without even bothering to tell me which phone number to call for follow-up, so I wasted a week that we simply do not have time to waste.
At this rate, my husband will be gone before we can even get this process started. And, ahem, we kinda need him around for the process.
I swear, these people are gonna scream so loud when I set them on fire.
1
I didn't expect your new blog to start with ... this. She informed me that, despite the fact that my home is most definitely not located in that region, that I was calling the wrong number and should be calling the North division.Do you mean your "home is most definitely located in that region"?
What consequences do these people face for such non-service? None, I assume. Hence their lack of incentive. They don't understand how urgent your situation is and I fear they never will.
Posted by: Amritas at April 27, 2009 04:37 PM (+nV09)
2
Man, that sucks donkey balls! And while none of it is funny - I totally heard that last line about setting them on fire in Cartman's voice!
Posted by: Beth at April 27, 2009 05:41 PM (7t5CD)
3
Holy hell there's something wrong with this whole system. You know what I've been through... am STILL effing going through. Perhaps we need to declare blog jihad and take on the military healthcare system.
Posted by: Sis B at April 27, 2009 07:20 PM (GFl+S)
4Is it jerky of me to love the fact that when you pretend curse, you use one of my favorite words?
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this customer no-service. Nothing like dumping all this on you only to abandon you to voice mail hell. That is ridiculous. And, it super stinks that the time is always an ever-present factor for you and yours.
Let me get over this bug I have and then I will be happy to pack up the socks and the nickels and head your way.
Posted by: Guard Wife at April 27, 2009 08:11 PM (Bfea2)
Posted by: Susan at April 27, 2009 08:20 PM (EU2Wl)
6
I was going to offer matches but maybe I should just make it coals to Newcastle since the matches are already offered. Anyhow you know the intent, we are with you all the way.
Posted by: Ruth H at April 27, 2009 09:55 PM (hBAQy)
7
Note to self: let Sarah borrow plasma cannon once I actually acquire one.
Posted by: Patrick Chester at April 28, 2009 05:23 AM (RezbN)
8
Oh, good grief. I'm so sorry to read this. I had hopes that maybe the Tricare Referral Office in your region was better than the ones I've dealt with in the past!! Guess not. This really, really stinks.
Posted by: Courtney at April 28, 2009 05:31 AM (jx8rD)
And people think gov't healthcare will be the greatest healthcare ever. I ponder over this daily. Especially when forced to deal with tricare until my eyes start to twitch.
good luck getting it all straightened out!
Posted by: the mrs. at April 28, 2009 06:50 AM (NJQf+)
10
Little do the doctors know that Sarah probably has access to a real life flame thrower. Maybe just pointing it at their feet and making them dance would get the point across?
Posted by: Mare at April 28, 2009 07:46 AM (y9A8i)
Come on doc, seriously. You know the system...help the girl out!
Posted by: stacy at April 28, 2009 01:42 PM (3Xy/L)
12
Par for the course. That's why WE call it "Tri-and-get-care." I could write pages and pages on this topic.... I feel so bad for you and the salt being rubbed into your wound....
Posted by: Allison at April 30, 2009 07:33 PM (m0MUk)
FOLLOW ME
Pixy doesn't live in the same time zone as I do, plus he has a crazy sleep schedule, so I am not entirely sure when the switch will be made.
In the meantime, because I have a rant that needs bangin' out, I will begin putting new posts up at my new blog, and eventually you will be automatically directed there.
Fluffy the Spamhound and I are announcing our irreconcilable differences. I know you will all miss having your comments eaten, sending me screaming emails about how your perfect comment disappeared, and whatnot.
I am leaving for the Milblogs Conference today and will not be taking the computer with me. When I return on Monday, my blog will be new and improved. Not the content, mind you; you get the same drivel as usual, only with a flashier interface.
And no Fluffy.
See you Monday. Hopefully however you normally get here will still get you here. Pixy is handling the details, because he is teh awesome. (And Code Monkey is my back-up brain.)
1
Oh, Kip!
This having you gone is "ruining my life!" Did you eat all the steak!?
I will miss you this weekend. Man. What will I do?
Hurumph!
Well, at least when you come back I can break the habit of copying every comment in case Fluffy is hungry. LOL
Posted by: Guard Wife at April 24, 2009 03:51 AM (Bfea2)
2
C-ya Fluffy! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
Posted by: wifeunit at April 24, 2009 04:19 AM (t5K2U)
3
"sending me screaming emails about how your perfect comment disappeared"
That doesn't sound like me at all...;-)
Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at April 24, 2009 10:05 AM (irIko)
MY RUN AT MISS AMERICA
Unliberaled Woman posted again on Miss California. You know, this story has really been bugging me. Unliberaled Woman is right that it's a huge double standard for Perez Hilton to say that she should've "left her politics out" when he asked her such a question. What did he expect? A majority of Californians recently voted to ban gay marriage, but he somehow assumed that she was not one of those people. And then got mad at her for not being what he wanted her to be. Unliberaled Woman said:
It’s unfortunate that liberals continue to play from the standard persuasive tactic of “your viewpoint must cater to mine despite your individualism because your perspective might be offensive to me despite the fact my perspective could be offensive to you.”
I think that is a great way of phrasing this type of behavior. Don't ask a controversial question if you're not ready for a controversial answer. (And remind me again what's so controversial about the majority position in this country! Again, see The Occult Meaning of "Controversial" at Powerline.)
And honestly, when I heard Hilton's question for the first time, I thought of a way more radical answer. Let's see how well I play Miss America:
Perez Hilton: Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit, why or why not?"
[Big vaseline smile] "Well, I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage." [Oy, that was a bit stumbly, Miss California. But I'm right with you up to here. Now here's where I'd diverge.]
California can be whatever the people in the state want it to be. They can have universal health care, high taxes and wealth redistribution, environmentally restrictive building codes, labor laws that favor the laborer over the employer, and cliques and factions that support this or that version of political correctness. They can do that, and (as IÂ’ve said before) I would fight to the death their right to make those decisions.
I support the right of any state to legalize gay marriage by a statewide vote. If it passes, it is the law of the land. But I also support the right of states to ban the practice. And I firmly support the right of every American to "vote with his feet" and move to the state which best represents his principles and values.
So, no, I don't think that every state should follow Vermont's example of legalizing same-sex marriage...only the states which put the issue to a vote and decide through the ballot box to legalize it. And I would respect the vote of the American people no matter which option they chose in their states. That's what our country is all about.
Thank you.
(Yeah, I don't think I'd end up Miss America either.)
Posted by: David Boxenhorn at April 23, 2009 07:43 AM (KoNtx)
2
Heh - I'd LOVE it if someone started in on a real live soapbox like that, just for a change!!! :-)
Posted by: kannie at April 23, 2009 09:07 AM (iT8dn)
3
I wish you WOULD be Miss America though!
And I agree with everything you've said. Most especially regarding Perez Hilton. I can't believe he said that she should keep politics out of it. That was a poilitcal question! And a quite controversial one at that! For Pete's sake.
My only remark would be that it is an unfair generalization to say that all liberals expect people to feel the same way they do and get offended when they don't. Perhaps this is again my opinion based out of my region of the country, but I see just as many republicans behave the same way. To me, it's an issue of whether the person is an intelligent and respectful person or not, regardless of political affiliation. I personally don't care what a person believes as long as they think carefully, respond intelligently and try not to be as offensive as possible along the way. To clarify the last point: people's emotions are they're own responsibility. However, many times people make stupid remarks that are meant to insult those different than themselves. So I am not referring to the easily offended.
Posted by: Sara V. at April 23, 2009 09:24 AM (+ji5f)
4
first off who gives 2 shits about Perez....seriously.
second great answer, very WWLD.
Posted by: AWTM at April 23, 2009 01:56 PM (8lhB1)
5
I take umbrage with the fact that he asked her opinion and then judged her based on her opinion--not by its content, well-reasoned logic, or even her ability to express it, but simply because he didn't agree with it.
And Chucks answer would've been even easier:
Personally, I can't understand how anyone could enjoy taking it up the ass, or look at another man's hairy ass and say, "oh, I gotta have that". As far as marriage goes, what the hell, homos have as much right to be miserable as the rest of us. The simple fact is that I am not gay, so "supporting gay anything" isn't in my self-interest. I could care less if you can marry or not. A power not given to the federal government in the constitution is left to the states, or the people. I support that you have as much right as any other to change or petition for redress of grievances, but marriage or "civil union" is a contract no different than any other contract between two people, and the government shouldn't have any authority over that contract than they do over a contract between me and someone who rents a room in my house.
Having said all that, ewww... queerbait!
Posted by: Chuck at April 23, 2009 04:44 PM (meX2d)
6
OK, just wanted to let you know that I love your lengthy political pieces but I'm almost always handicapped by two different things to prevent me from commenting: 1. the overtaxed brain can never think properly to form the right intelligent comments and 2. Fluffy the Spamhound says I can't!
I'm just giving you the FYI ... cause I love your blog.
Posted by: Darla at April 23, 2009 05:56 PM (QXKMC)
7
Hi, i've been reading your blog for awhile but have never commented.. Was just hoping you could help me understand a little better...
I live in Australia, therefore, whilst I have some knowledge of American goings on, I find it sadly lacking.
So, just to clarify; I understand California voted no to Prop 8. My question is, what happens to all the marriages that occurred between its introduction and its exclusion? Are they annulled? Or deemed illegal once again?
What are the rights concerning those parties involved in relation to powers of attorney and such?
Also, in relation to the recession we're all finding ourselves involved with, what is the timeframe that America is expecting it to last? How effective has it been upon small businesses and those of the working class?
I don't expect figures or statistics or anything, just an opinion on how long it's expected to continue..
Ta much,
Justine
Posted by: Justine at April 25, 2009 10:45 PM (eBntH)
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
One of my cherished new readers pointed out last night that there is a blogger who wrote about her family's ordeal with balanced translocation. I am reading the archives of Here Be Hippogriffs now. One post I think might be educational for my readers, especially the chromosomes made out of play-doh: Balanced Translocations 101.
I don't know if this story will type as well as it's told in person, but I was doing some research on my chromosomes yesterday. I told my mother over the phone that chromosome 7 was related to things like schizophrenia, cystic fibrosis, and deafness. "What?" she asked. "DEAFNESS." "Huh?" she asked right at the same time I was repeating myself. "Being DEAF," I practically screamed. Then we both cracked up.
Thank you for your kind words and your wows and your tempered optimism for the future. Everyone has responded beautifully. I am doing OK and letting everything slowly sink in. I am still on the high of having an answer, but actually, this is a crappy path to be on. I don't want to do IVF. I really don't want to do IVF by myself while my husband is in Afghanistan. How am I gonna give myself shots in the butt alone? I dread that, truly. Thinking about it already makes me panic.
But, distractions abound. I am happily attending the 2009 Milblogs Conference this weekend. And...my husband will be going with me! I am excited to see my imaginary and real worlds collide. We will be staying with AirForceFamily, which is always fun, and Charlie gets to torment pit bulls again. Plus I am excited to see AirForceWife's knitting. She has been at it for a while, but I've never gotten to see her stuff. She's all nonchalant about it; conversely, I am all "everyone should see how jacked and tan I am" about my knitting. So yay.
And I think I get to see someone I haven't seen since 1995. So that's fun.
Posted by: Darla at April 23, 2009 05:56 PM (QXKMC)
7
I think IVF might seem like "a brave new world" to me if I hadn't watched a good friend go through it about a year 1/2 ago. I faithfully gave her "butt" shots for a month or whatever it was and actually, the whole process seemed normal. Of course, you never truly know until you're the one doing it.
Posted by: Nicole at April 24, 2009 08:52 PM (xPxyx)
1
While in law school, I developed an unhealthy relationship with Perez Hilton's blog. In the past two years, it has degenerated (who knew that was possible?!) to the point I don't even log on anymore. It went from being about celebrity dish to his personal take on how great he is and how stupid/bigoted/whatever everyone else is. He can keep it. As for Miss CA, she did the best she could with what was handed her and that's that. Of course, if it weren't for the media's megaphone on this story, I would have never known it b/c I probably haven't watched a beauty pageant since the early 80's.
Posted by: Guard Wife at April 22, 2009 03:36 AM (jXFDI)
2
I had known there was some "controversial" response to a question, but had thought it was along the lines of "people need maps and stuff" which was last year's beauty pageant viral. It's interesting, because I belong to that camp of people who doesn't think the government should be telling someone who they can marry or not, to paraphrase Cheney: equal rights means equal rights for everyone. However, I also think that the states have the right to choose whatever they want, and if Californians feel that's not something they support...so be it. And it makes me fume, because she was treated in such a way for expressing her personal opinion...which apparently isn't really popular in pageant circles...go figure.
Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at April 22, 2009 05:22 AM (irIko)
3
She should have said, "Well I think it's great that Americans can choose one or the other. A man should be able to choose to marry a woman, or a man. A woman should be able to choose to marry a man, or a woman, or two men, or two women. Or three women should be able to marry each other, or three men. Or three dogs, as long as the three dogs agree, of course. Or three children. But then they should be put in jail, and when they get out they should wear dog collars, and put on a leash."
Posted by: Perez Hilton at April 22, 2009 05:34 AM (oDS9E)
4
If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.
Yesterday, due to yet another snafu with The Fertility Clinic Of The Absurd, I got a preview of today's appointment: something did indeed come back on our genetic testing. I spent all night and all morning freaking out. I could barely concentrate on anything, barely breathe even. And when I got to the clinic and shared a bustling waiting room with jovial nurses and at least six very pregnant ladies, I broke down crying. Not my finest moment. (I absolutely hate that fertility patients meet in the regular old ob-gyn clinic. Talk about having it rubbed in your face constantly.)
We finally got into our own room, and the doctor handed me the results of the chromosome analysis.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am an X-man.
I am the 1 out of every 625 people who has a balanced translocation between two chromosomes. Luckily, google was invented so I could figure out what in the heck that means.
A translocation is a change in chromosome structure in which chromosomes are attached to each other or pieces of different chromosomes have been interchanged. An individual with a translocation is unaffected if there is no extra or missing chromosome material and if the break in the chromosome did not disrupt gene function. If there is no additional or missing chromosome material, the translocation is considered to be "balanced." A translocation is "unbalanced" if there is extra or missing material.
Individuals with balanced translocations typically have no medical issues though some do have fertility concerns, such as reduced fertility. The concern regarding having a balanced translocation is that, though the individual is healthy, the egg or sperm of that individual can have an unbalanced chromosome make-up that leads to the resultant embryo or pregnancy being unbalanced. The presence of an unbalanced translocation can lead to an embryo not implanting, a pregnancy being lost or a child being born with mental and physical problems. Individuals with a translocation may, therefore, experience multiple pregnancy losses or have a child affected with physical and mental problems that may be lethal.
Translation: no natural babies for us. We have been referred to geneticist at a Big Name Hospital in the nearby metropolis, so I will be calling tomorrow to try to get an appointment there. They will be able to tell me if the particular translocation I have means that I can even procreate at all, and if so...it won't be in our bedroom.
See, I told you it wasn't stress! (wink)
If we are to have any chance at all, it will have to be with IVF using Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis. Google again, how did I live before you?:
Preimplantation genetic testing is a technique used to identify genetic defects in embryos created through in vitro fertilization (IVF) before pregnancy. Preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) refers specifically to when one or both genetic parents has a known genetic abnormality and testing is performed on an embryo to see if it also carries a genetic abnormality.
I know we discussed this a little when I wrote that post on designer babies, and I debated whether to even mention that this is the route we'd have to take. But I decided that I have no ethical qualms about investigating this line of action, so I truly don't want any commentary if you think this is "playing God" or something. Please. I respect your position, but I'd prefer if you not advocate for it here.
Once we meet with the geneticist, we will have to decide if creating a Baby Grok will be worth the extraordinary complicated and fretful process. Nothing guarantees that PGD will even work: in this clinic in New Jersey, "in approximately 22% of cycles, all the embryos were chromosomally abnormal." But, if we could get some embryos who aren't mutants like their mother, the end results look promising...or at least better than the crap sandwich we've recently been eating:
Reduction in the Chance of Having a Child with the Translocation
Our personnel have performed PGD of translocations in over 100 cycles. Normal or balanced embryos were available to be transferred to the patient in the majority of cycles. Pregnancy occured in approximately 40% of the cycles with transfer. None of the delivered babies has been found to have and unbalanced translocation.
Reduction in Pregnancy Losses
The PGD procedure significantly reduces the chance of pregnancy loss. The patients who achieved pregnancy after PGD had experienced miscarriage in the majority (~85%) of their previous pregnancies. When these same patients underwent PGD, just fewer than 10% of pregnancies were miscarried. This is a significant reduction in pregnancy losses.
So that's where we're at.
On the plus side, we have an answer. We finally know the reason this has been happening to us. It is concrete and there is a potential workaround. I also have found some peace about the previous miscarriages: those poor babies had severe defects. It was not my immune system attacking them, as I had feared. I now know they died because they weren't growing properly, which comforts me somewhat.
I also am overwhelmed with relief that the problem is on my end instead of my husband's. I have puzzled people with that statement before, but I love my husband so much that I would rather bear the burden of being the "cause" of our problems than to watch him have to live with the guilt I am certain he would feel. I know I would not love him one tiny bit less if he had been the mutant, but he is the type of person would've been disappointed in himself, and I am glad to spare him that feeling. I also know, because he told me, that he wouldn't trade me for a non-mutant wife, and I believe him.
Plus he gets to tease me about being an X-man; he begged me not to take side with Magneto against normal humans like him. Heh.
So I'm afraid my experience is no longer very applicable to others who are struggling to have a baby or losing the ones they do have. Unless you too fit the 0.16% like I do -- and why do I keep giggling, imagining onlookers muttering "Freak!" like on Deuce Bigalow? -- your journey won't end up like mine, being forced to cherry-pick embryos from amongst the FAIL ones to create a frankenbaby. But hopefully my experiences and writing will still bring people some bit of knowledge or empathy.
I also have decided that I need a blog category for infertility. No one sets out on this journey to need that kind of label, but that's where I'm at, and for a while now I have felt that filing these posts under 'personal' just isn't cutting it anymore. I plan to comb through 2+ years of posts and re-categorize them.
P.S. I feel pretty OK today, and I am going to get loads of mileage out of calling myself a mutant. I am happy to have an answer and ready to see what we might learn in the next phase. So no need to worry.
1
I am relieved. It's not over yet, but that's a good thing. My worst fear was that you'd find out there was no possible workaround and that your journey had come to an abrupt and sad end today. However, I will continue to worry about you, for there are no guarantees. And I still hope for the best.
You're far from alone. One out of 625 translates to roughly 480,000 Americans - or almost 11 million worldwide! How many others are going through this - or worse - not even knowing why? Granted, many of those millions are not of reproductive age, but still ...
On the lighter side - amazing there is one at all - now I can say I know an X-Man! The world needs more X-Men to save it from the humans.
Posted by: Amritas at April 21, 2009 10:27 AM (+nV09)
2
Wow.
I'm SO sorry to hear that; and I'm SO glad for you, that you have an ANSWER. FINALLY. Even though the answer totally stinks.
Wow.
And yes, on a lighter note, being an X-Man makes it that much more obvious that you're here to do wonderful things... {:-)
Best wishes for future successful plans!!! *hugs*
Posted by: kannie at April 21, 2009 12:10 PM (iT8dn)
3
I have tears in my eyes. Happy tears. At last you have a reason. At last you know what your options are. What a relief. Now on to some more work on the problems. Maybe it can be fixed, maybe it can't BUT YOU KNOW the problem.I'm sure you aren't that unique (not a put down) you are just one who has been tested. And while it doesn't take away the hopes and dreams you had for those lost babies you know now they were never really to be, that nothing you did or could do would have made a difference.
Hmm... my son worked with Chris Carter when he produced the X-files but I never knew any X-men or women. ;D
Posted by: Ruth H at April 21, 2009 12:16 PM (Y4oAO)
4
I have to agree with Kannie on the "Wow".
Yay for finally having a real answer, even if it's not even close to a simple fix. And major kudos to you for being so strong in the face of all this. Best wishes in whatever course you decide to take from here.
*Hugs*
Posted by: Leofwende at April 21, 2009 04:24 PM (28CBm)
5
I'm so glad you have an answer, and that the answer has been a little bit of a comfort to you. I will continue to think good thoughts and cheer on whatever path you decide to take. *hugs*
6
I agree - at least you know what the issue is now. And more importantly, you know what course of action to take from here. You have a next step, instead of just what looks like another dead end.
Here's hoping that everything works out.
7
Hmm. If I understand this right, then, the majority of the eggs you have left will still have an abnormality, being haploid, the affected chromosomes will have a corrupted gene sequence no matter how they were divided. Depending on how the genes were mapped originally at your conception, maybe one in four ova will good to go? You just have to find them.
With PGD to screen, those are good odds.
Posted by: deskmerc at April 21, 2009 09:52 PM (pYOXQ)
Posted by: Erin at April 22, 2009 04:13 AM (avdYy)
9
*hugs*
I'm glad you finally have some answers. Whatever the path you choose, we're always thinking of you & sending many happy thoughts your way!
Posted by: Penny at April 22, 2009 04:53 PM (QMEWg)
10
Only thing I know to say is that you've still got lots of good thoughts and well-wishes coming from me. I'm glad you have an answer and whatever path you choose in bringing Baby Grok to your family you won't regret.
I can't wait to read your blog post the first time you're awaken at 3 a.m. with "MOM. Come here. My damn nose is bleeding again." and BG is 4.
Posted by: Susan at April 23, 2009 05:13 AM (4aKG6)
DEAR DARLA, YOU'RE THE BEST
Darla and I are currently going through much of the same -- a break from babymaking, upcoming deployments, etc -- and she wrote a great post about it.
I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been a little calmer around here since we took a hiatus from the baby making.
This past month has been very relaxing for us. No thinking about babies, no trying for babies, nothing. I had honestly been afraid that we might never be able to go back to "normal," that two years of forced coupling and repeated heartbreak might be hard to undo. But we have spent the past month happy with each other, as happy as we were before this whole mess began. So that was a relief.
I'd be lying to say I wasn't enjoying last weekend. [...] As slightly inebriated baby sister and I stumbled down the streets of Portland in the wee hours of the night behind our spouses, it was a bit of a relief to not be neglecting any children or having to place their care in someone else's hands while being completely stupidly unresponsible for myself. Sometimes it's joyous being an adult, and yes I know they have these things called 'sitters' but those barren like myself have to see silver linings everywhere.
I am quite good at the silver linings game by now. This weekend I ran to the grocery store to buy carrots for Charlie's birthday cake. I wandered around the store for a while, checking everything out. $30 in groceries later, I checked out and went home...to find that I'd left the carrots at the store. Back in the car, run back in the store, back home.
That was annoying, but imagine the ordeal toting a kid. I try to remind myself of stuff like that all the time.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't melancholy on occasion.
Snort. Sitting here doing nothing and then bursting into tears for no reason is just a way of life for me anymore.
Yet, as is the case in life, some evenings are crazier than others and sometimes the littlest stupidest thing, like someone's FB profile photo, can remind you of the exact spot you are at in life. For instance barren, at 29, here, now.
Replace that last sentence with "habitual aborter at 31" and that's me. I can't stand Facebook updates about other people's ultrasounds, and their healthy babies, and their profile pics of their bellies. Sometimes I have to stop myself from making mean comments.
Tomorrow we head to the doctor to find out the results of the tests on our genes and my immune system. I have completely freaked myself out by reading the book Is Your Body Baby Friendly? and now I am imagining the worst.
But truly the worst would be to hear that there's no cause for the repeated miscarriages. Then what?
And Darla, for Easter we had pork wrapped in pork. Mmmm.
Posted by: Beth at April 20, 2009 05:43 PM (7t5CD)
2
That was awesome! I wondered why I was getting all these feeds from you ... so I stumbled over here and lo and behold my tired eyes did see ...
Thanks! And Yes, we do seem to be so symbiotic in this sometimes. I'm glad I found you! You remind me to have a little hope and look up in life!
Posted by: Darla at April 20, 2009 05:44 PM (LP4DK)
3
Than she read, and reread the post ..
You know I feel you, you and see the cross posts often enough to understand. I will think of you next time I break down for no apparent reason, or every reason in the world. Enjoy our silver linings and spoiling Charlie and stalking your husband and think of me. In October I'm heading to DC - too bad you didn't live closer!
Posted by: Darla at April 20, 2009 05:51 PM (LP4DK)
4
*hugs*
I hope this doesn't mean you hate me now...
Posted by: Leofwende at April 21, 2009 04:28 PM (28CBm)
WELL SAID
Here's a nice, simple post about the Tea Parties and why they oughtn't be ridiculed.
Funny, I don't remember the media talking heads ridiculing the anti-war protests.
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There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of living. --The Count of Monte Cristo--
While our troops go out to defend our country, it is incumbent upon us to make the country worth defending. --Deskmerc--
Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, WWII, and the Star Wars Trilogy. --Bart Simpson--
If you want to be a peacemaker, you've gotta learn to kick ass. --Sheriff of East Houston, Superman II--
Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot of useless noisy baggage behind. --Jed Babbin--
Dante once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of moral crisis maintain their neutrality. --President John F. Kennedy--
War is a bloody, killing business. You've got to spill their blood, or they will spill yours. --General Patton--
We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over. --Full Metal Jacket--
Those who threaten us and kill innocents around the world do not need to be treated more sensitively. They need to be destroyed. --Dick Cheney--
The Flag has to come first if freedom is to survive. --Col Steven Arrington--
The purpose of diplomacy isn't to make us feel good about Eurocentric diplomatic skills, and having countries from the axis of chocolate tie our shoelaces together does nothing to advance our infantry. --Sir George--
I just don't care about the criticism I receive every day, because I know the cause I defend is right. --Oriol--
It's days like this when we're reminded that freedom isn't free. --Chaplain Jacob--
Bumper stickers aren't going to accomplish some of the missions this country is going to face. --David Smith--
The success of multilateralism is measured not merely by following a process, but by achieving results. --President Bush--
Live and act within the limit of your knowledge and keep expanding it to the limit of your life.
--John Galt--
First, go buy a six pack and swig it all down. Then, watch Ace Ventura. And after that, buy a Hard Rock Cafe shirt and come talk to me. You really need to lighten up, man.
--Sminklemeyer--
You've got to kill people, and when you've killed enough they stop fighting --General Curtis Lemay--
If we wish to be free, if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending, if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained -- we must fight! --Patrick Henry--
America has never been united by blood or birth or soil. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our interests and teach us what it means to be citizens. Every child must be taught these principles. Every citizen must uphold them. And every immigrant, by embracing these ideals, makes our country more, not less, American. --President George W. Bush--
are usually just cheerleading sessions, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing but a soothing reduction in blood pressure brought about by the narcotic high of being agreed with. --Bill Whittle
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
--John Stuart Mill--
We are determined that before the sun sets on this terrible struggle, our flag will be recognized throughout the world as a symbol of freedom on the one hand and of overwhelming force on the other. --General George Marshall--
We can continue to try and clean up the gutters all over the world and spend all of our resources looking at just the dirty spots and trying to make them clean. Or we can lift our eyes up and look into the skies and move forward in an evolutionary way.
--Buzz Aldrin--
America is the greatest, freest and most decent society in existence. It is an oasis of goodness in a desert of cynicism and barbarism. This country, once an experiment unique in the world, is now the last best hope for the world.
--Dinesh D'Souza--
Recent anti-Israel protests remind us again of our era's peculiar alliance: the most violent, intolerant, militantly religious movement in modern times has the peace movement on its side. --James Lileks--
As a wise man once said: we will pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
Unless the price is too high, the burden too great, the hardship too hard, the friend acts disproportionately, and the foe fights back. In which case, we need a timetable.
--James Lileks--
I am not willing to kill a man so that he will agree with my faith, but I am prepared to kill a man so that he cannot force my compatriots to submit to his.
--Froggy--
You can say what you want about President Bush; but the truth is that he can take a punch. The man has taken a swift kick in the crotch for breakfast every day for 6 years and he keeps getting up with a smile in his heart and a sense of swift determination to see the job through to the best of his abilties.
--Varifrank--
In a perfect world, We'd live in peace and love and harmony with each oither and the world, but then, in a perfect world, Yoko would have taken the bullet.
--SarahBellum--
Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free. --Ronald Reagan--
America is rather like life. You can usually find in it what you look for. It will probably be interesting, and it is sure to be large. --E.M. Forster--
Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse. --Mark Twain--
The Enlightenment was followed by the French Revolution and the Napoleonic wars, which touched every European state, sparked vicious guerrilla conflicts across the Continent and killed millions. Then, things really turned ugly after the invention of soccer. --Iowahawk--
Every time I meet an Iraqi Army Soldier or Policeman that I haven't met before, I shake his hand and thank him for his service. Many times I am thanked for being here and helping his country. I always tell them that free people help each other and that those that truly value freedom help those seeking it no matter the cost. --Jack Army--
Right, left - the terms are useless nowadays anyway. There are statists, and there are individualists. There are pessimists, and optimists. There are people who look backwards and trust in the West, and those who look forward and trust in The World. Those are the continuums that seem to matter the most right now. --Lileks--
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
--Winston Churchill--
A man or a nation is not placed upon this earth to do merely what is pleasant and what is profitable. It is often called upon to carry out what is both unpleasant and unprofitable, but if it is obviously right it is mere shirking not to undertake it. --Arthur Conan Doyle--
A man who has nothing which he cares about more than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the existing of better men than himself. --John Stuart Mill--
After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, "Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference." --Dave Grossman--
At heart I’m a cowboy; my attitude is if they’re not going to stand up and fight for what they believe in then they can go pound sand. --Bill Whittle--
A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship. --Alexander Tyler--
By that time a village half-wit could see what generations of professors had pretended not to notice. --Atlas Shrugged--
I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and everything seemed so shitty. And he'd say, "That's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." --Alabama Worley--
So Bush is history, and we have a new president who promises to heal the planet, and yet the jihadists don’t seem to have got the Obama message that there are no enemies, just friends we haven’t yet held talks without preconditions with.
--Mark Steyn--
"I had started alone in this journey called life, people started
gathering up on the way, and the caravan got bigger everyday." --Urdu couplet
The book and the sword are the two things that control the world. We either gonna control them through knowledge and influence their minds, or we gonna bring the sword and take their heads off. --RZA--
It's a daily game of public Frogger, hopping frantically to avoid being crushed under the weight of your own narcissism, banality, and plain old stupidity. --Mary Katharine Ham--
There are more instances of the abridgment of freedoms
of the people by gradual and silent encroachment of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations. --James Madison--
It is in the heat of emotion that good people must remember to stand on principle. --Larry Elder--
Please show this to the president and ask him to remember the wishes of the forgotten man, that is, the one who dared to vote against him. We expect to be tramped on but we do wish the stepping would be a little less hard. --from a letter to Eleanor Roosevelt--
The world economy depends every day on some engineer, farmer, architect, radiator shop owner, truck driver or plumber getting up at 5AM, going to work, toiling hard, and producing real wealth so that an array of bureaucrats, regulators, and redistributors can manage the proper allotment of much of the natural largess produced. --VDH--
Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves. --Marcelene Cox--