I have hated to see this day come.
The du Toits are done blogging.
“And so, it has come to this.”
Preaching to the Choir
I can't even say any more.
I am crying.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I have been off doing my own thing this weekend, so I haven't been online. But there is one article that you simply must read.

Thomas Sowell's Ivan and Boris Again:

It may tell us something painful about many Americans today, when so many people are preoccupied with the pay of corporate CEOs. It is not that the corporate CEOsÂ’ pay affects them so much. If every oil-company executive in America agreed to work for nothing, that would not be enough to lower the price of a gallon of gasoline by a dime. If every General Motors executive agreed to work for nothing, that would not lower the price of a Cadillac or a Chevrolet by one percent.

Too many people are like Ivan, who wanted BorisÂ’s goat to die.

Posted by: Sarah at 10:49 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I read blogs for the ideas. Some of them stick with me, for a very long time. I refer to them in conversations in my Real Life. I am thankful for all the ideas out there, and I wanted to express my gratitude.

I am thankful for...

Nelson Ascher's Forget The Idiots Today
Lilek's Notes From the Olive Garden
Den Beste's Cultural Cross-Pollination
Marc Miyake's Pariah Against a Prophet
The Dissident Frogman's Consecration
Bill Whittle's Courage
Varifrank's Thank You For Delaying My Flight
Kim du Toit's The Pussification of the Western Male
Mrs du Toit's Fight or Flee
Greyhawk's On Leaving
Tim's Farewell
AWTM's Trick or Treat
Joan d'Arc's I'll Make It Up To You
Rachel Lucas' You're Decent, But Just Confused and Stupid
CaliValleyGirl's Permanent Party
Crazy Aunt Purl's Fat Girl

I know I have forgotten posts and that there are many more that I am thankful for. But I have been working on this for over two hours, and I just have to let it be.

Please leave links in the comments if you have blog posts you are thankful for.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:06 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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My husband's response to my post from earlier today: "People are going to be disappointed if they ever meet me." Heh.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:47 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I just heard about the attacks in India. It is horrifying.

Something caught my eye in the MSNBC article:

Alex Chamberlain, a British restaurant-goer at the Oberoi, told Sky News television that the attackers singled out Britons and Americans. He said a gunman, who appeared to be in his early 20s, ushered 30 or 40 people from the restaurant into a stairway and ordered everyone to put up their hands.

"They were talking about British and Americans specifically. There was an Italian guy, who, you know, they said: 'Where are you from?' And he said he's from Italy and they said 'fine' and they left him alone. And I thought: 'Fine, they're going to shoot me if they ask me anything — and thank God they didn't," he said.

Perhaps he just meant that they would recognize his accent, but the way I read it was that he would tell them the truth. If that's the right reading, he is very brave.

What would you do? Would you say that you're an American or would you lie and say you're Canadian or fake a French accent?

I think I would tell the truth. I hope I would.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:22 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I just heard this story on the radio and wondered what you think of it:

Jeff Russo says the decline of the textile industry left his family business, Greenville Industrial Rubber & Gasket Co. Inc., with about $1.5 million less in annual revenue.

So he can't understand why the federal government is now spending billions of dollars of taxpayer money to bail out financial-services firms and, possibly, domestic auto makers.

Russo was so upset by the government bailouts that he started flying the U.S. flag upside down outside of his business on Poinsett Highway as a protest. Russo said he got no objections for about a month. Then a veteran complained, and a local TV station aired a report about his gesture, and he got a slew of e-mails and voice mails.

Tuesday, Russo said he loves his country and turned the flag upside down -- a sign of distress -- because he's concerned for its future.

"The government never once bailed the textile industry out. You're talking hundreds of thousands of jobs lost in this area, including my company. We lost a million and a half dollars a year," Russo said.

"You know what the government told us? Re-educate yourself. Go after new markets. They didn't give us a bailout. I'm trying to represent every small businessman in the country. We don't get bailouts. We're responsible for our business, our employees. The buck stops here. They never have given us a bailout, never will give us a bailout, and we are the backbone of this country.

"By doing this I think I am a patriot," Russo said. "I love this country, and I don't want to see it go down the tubes."

From The Flag Code:

(a) The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.

In searching for the article, I found other examples of upside down flags:

• "discontent about not having a VA hospital in the Rio Grande Valley" [here]
  
• "to show they didn't agree with the way the presidential election was conducted" [here]
  
• "unhappy with the results of the presidential election and the general state of the U.S." [here]
  

And these are all just from this month!

Some veterans have apparently complained in each case, saying it's disrespectful to the flag and not the distress signal that was intended in the flag code.

What do you think?

Personally, if I had heard any of the other three stories I bulletted, I wouldn't have bothered to write this post. But that first story really intrigues me.

Posted by: Sarah at 10:06 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I keep having these conversations with people, and then a few days later I read something in Atlas Shrugged and think, "Aw nuts, that's how I should've answered."

Right now I am at the part where Cherryl Taggart realizes that Jim isn't who she thought he was.

"Jim, what is it that you want to be loved for?"
"What a cheap shopkeeper's attitude!"
She did not speak; she looked at him, her eyes stretched by a silent question."
"To be loved for!" he said, his voice grating with mockery and righteousness. "So you think that love is a matter of mathematics, of exchange, of weighing and measuring, like a pound of butter on a grocery counter? I don't want to be loved for anything. I want to be loved for myself -- not for anything I do or have or say or think. For myself -- not for my body or mind or words or works or actions."
"But then...what is yourself?"
"If you loved me, you wouldn't ask it."

Last week, I met a neighbor, one of those people who likes to psychoanalyze everyone. I made a joke in the group about how my husband has never been described as "nice," which is true: my husband has many wonderful qualities, but "nice" doesn't really suit him. The neighbor asked me what quality first drew me to my husband. I sat for a moment, deciding between his intellect and his integrity. As I thought on, I realized I ought to indicate his intellect, since his integrity is something that I have grown to see over the years and not necessarily something I knew right from the beginning.

The neighbor interrupted my thoughts, saying that I was taking too long, that a real answer would come from the gut and not require so much deliberation.

I said, "His intellect." The neighbor looked at me like that was a cheap thing to be loved for.

What I wish I'd answered, what I thought of later that night, is that my love for my husband doesn't come from my gut; it comes from my brain. I love him with my mind, not with my heart. A quick response to that question would be false, because the response has to come from my thought process.

My husband and I were in the same friend group for about six months before we began dating. I remember vividly at one point telling a mutual friend that I could see myself marrying someone like Mr. Grok. I was reminded of that today when I saw who Cherryl thought she was marrying. And I realized that the love that developed for my husband was similar to what Dagny feels for John Galt: she loved him even before she knew he existed. I loved my husband's qualities before I ever had any inkling he would become my husband. In fact, he had declined my suggestion that we date. Weeks later, he came to me with his mind and said that he had made a mistake and we should be together. We figuratively shook on it, and that was that.

Effectively, our love was transacted like a pound of butter on a grocery counter.

My husband earned my love. I too had to earn it from him, and it took him two weeks longer than I to weigh the merits of it. And the moments when I feel the most love for my husband, the moments when it feels like my heart is swelling, it is really my brain swelling. It happens when he has excelled at a task, when he has become frustrated with himself because he didn't live up to his potential, or when he has displayed his sharp wit or keen intellect.

I don't think my neighbor would've understood that.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:47 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 I totally get what you are saying here: I could have married my husband after knowing him for 2 days. I wasn't "in love" yet...but I knew that he was someone I could grow to love and get attached to. I already loved his character, because that was the character I was looking for in a man...now I just had to get attached to this person.

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at November 26, 2008 05:08 AM (irIko)

2 I decided to marry Deltasierra in 3rd grade. She was a) nice to me and b) pretty. She smiled a lot. Over time, I came up with some other good reasons, but I have never had cause to doubt the initial reaction. =) Sig

Posted by: Sig at November 26, 2008 07:36 AM (exefa)

3 "Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." Jules Renard

Posted by: tim at November 26, 2008 10:01 AM (nno0f)

4 There seems to be a whole lot of Atlas Shrugged reading going on lately.

Posted by: Tom at November 26, 2008 10:18 AM (lgq5k)

5 I knew I would marry DH when I was 15, I even made the pronouncement... funny, smart, handsome, and unique perspective, that always made me see something different.. We were friends, but did not date romantically, until I was 19. I have asked him what his trepidation was, all of that time alone we spent, me WAITING for a kiss, or some indication of "boy lurves girl"... he answered..."I cared about you too much, I really respected you." Huh....??? Who knew 17 year old boys had sooo much restraint?

Posted by: AWTM at November 26, 2008 12:07 PM (3Q/t2)

6 I had a list of traits and qualities I wantted in a husband. I even told my mom I wouldn'y get married unless 'he' fit the bill. Then 'he' just happened to be in the same platoon during basic training. We met in March, started dating in July, engaged by October, married in January. He was just what I had knew I wanted.

Posted by: Jen at November 26, 2008 08:29 PM (59GjO)

7 I had two lists. The list of "must-haves" (honesty and integrity, intelligence, shared values, sense of humor, etc.), and the list of "deal-breakers" (smoking or other serious addictions, complacency/lack of ambition, anger management issues, dishonesty; those kinds of things). I met my husband online, and so I got to know his personality before I ever met him in person. By the time we met IRL, I knew that (as long as he hadn't lied to me) he had all the qualities I was looking for, as well as a few that I considered to be bonuses, and none of the problems that I had hoped to avoid. I knew before I met him that he was someone who (as long as he was honest) I could at least be great friends with, even if we had no chemistry. When I met him in person after talking to him for a month online, I was pleased to find out that he was exactly the same person I had gotten to know; he wasn't some "internet weirdo" who pretended to be someone else to pick up chicks. I had been pretty sure that he was for real, but it takes meeting a person face to face before you really know. I also found out that first date that I was definitely attracted to him, so more than friends was definitely an option. The things I love most about my husband: his intelligence, his eagerness to learn, his sense of humor, his cuddliness, his integrity, and his determination. He exemplifies these qualities daily in everything he does and thinks and says and believes.

Posted by: Leofwende at December 01, 2008 10:25 AM (jAos7)

8 Doesn't matter what you love him for, all that matters is you love him.

Posted by: bx19 at February 15, 2010 05:56 PM (bWGnc)

9 I sometimes wonder if I think too much, when it comes to love, not that I've had too many opportunies to give falling in love a try.  "Letting go" of the brain doesn't seem to be an option for me.  Does that make me a "pound of butter" kind of person?

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at February 15, 2010 10:44 PM (vqKnu)

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I have been feeling nostalgic for my middle school years lately and have been listening to The Wall often. I checked the wikipedia entry today, just to see what it says. I noticed something interesting:

For "Another Brick in the Wall (Part II)", Pink Floyd needed to record a school choir, so they approached music teacher Alun Renshaw of Islington Green School, around the corner from their Britannia Row Studios. The chorus was overdubbed twelve times to give the impression that the choir was larger. The choir were not allowed to hear the rest of the song after singing the chorus. Though the school received a lump sum payment of £1000, there was no contractual arrangement for royalties. Under 1996 UK copyright law, they became eligible, and after choir members were tracked down by royalties agent Peter Rowan of RBL Music, through the website Friends Reunited, they sued. Music industry professionals estimated that each student would be owed around £500.

Does anyone else find this sad? It's not enough to say that you were a kid who got to sing on a Pink Floyd album? Instead, 15 years later, you sue the band to get 700 bucks.

And I love the idea that some "royalties lawyer" went hunting around for these forty year olds to let them know that they could sue.

I think we have collectively lost our everlovin' minds on this planet.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:00 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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#10 of Victor Davis Hanson's Politically Incorrect Thoughts:

The K-12 public education system is essentially wrecked. No longer can any professor expect an incoming college freshman to know what Okinawa, John Quincy Adams, Shiloh, the Parthenon, the Reformation, John Locke, the Second Amendment, or the Pythagorean Theorem is. An entire American culture, the West itself, its ideas and experiences, have simply vanished on the altar of therapy. This upcoming generation knows instead not to judge anyone by absolute standards (but not why so); to remember to say that its own Western culture is no different from, or indeed far worse than, the alternatives; that race, class, and gender are, well, important in some vague sense; that global warming is manmade and very soon will kill us all; that we must have hope and change of some undefined sort; that AIDs is no more a homosexual- than a heterosexual-prone disease; and that the following things and people for some reason must be bad, or at least must in public company be said to be bad (in no particular order): Wal-Mart, cowboys, the Vietnam War, oil companies, coal plants, nuclear power, George Bush, chemicals, leather, guns, states like Utah and Kansas, Sarah Palin, vans and SUVs.

Read the other nine.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:23 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 #1 on the list bothers me the most. VDH has succumbed to Make My Subject Mandatory syndrome. I don't go around telling people to be like me. Tangutology is never going to catch on, unless I make that movie I mentioned to you on Sunday. And even then, it's not for everyone. I do admit I think a mandatory semester-long survey of human language is a good idea. Most people know more about the stars and planets than about human language down here on Earth. But four years of linguistics? No. Let's suppose VDH's four-year classical language program materializes. What would really happen? The medium would get in the way of the message. I speak from experience. I've studied 17 languages - both classical and modern - in classrooms and worked on others on my own. I've seen my classmates at Berkeley struggle with untranslated classical literature. I seriously doubt the average American kid could do any better. When one is done deciphering a page, one may not even remember what it's about. I don't think I lost out on much when I read Sophocles (excuse me, Σοφοκλῆς in translation. Would military officers be better trained if they read Sun Tzu in Classical Chinese? Even the Tangut read Sun Tzu in translation. Of course, there are schools that still teach classical languages. But are European gymnasia really churning out young VDHs?

Posted by: Amritas at November 24, 2008 11:12 PM (a1nQd)

2 I think VDH and Whittle should run for president. The only problem is chosing who would top the tickt!

Posted by: MargeinMI at November 25, 2008 02:26 AM (rhOmf)

3 Amritas - What I took away from that was that young Americans don't know the basis of our society any longer. I agree with that. Because they do not have the historical basis of their country and their world, they will believe anything they are told. They do not know Margaret Sanger was a racist, or that Planned Parenthood was started as a part of the Eugenics movement. That moment when the PP Clinic agreed to take donations earmarked for a minority abortion was lost on them because they did not know WHY it was so shocking in context. They fall for the "America is most evil and racist" canard because they do not know that slavery existed (and continues to exist) in other non-white cultures since, well, forever. They do not know that Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Republican or that the Democrats were the ones pushing against the Civil Rights movement. During the most recent Lebanon/Israel war someone my age actually had no idea that the conflict between those two nations stretched to a time before the kidnappings of the IDF soldiers. No idea! And this was someone with a Masters degree! I truly believe that those who do not know the past are condemned to repeat it, and I begin to see that all around us. I don't think we should wallow in our history like some nations do, to the exclusion of our future. But, I think we've forgotten who we are, and we can't be a successful nation unless we know.

Posted by: airforcewife at November 25, 2008 04:23 AM (Fb2PC)

4 Amritas; I would amend his #1 to have students make it through basic Latin, like the semester's worth that I took in college. That much would help immensely for kids to understand the English language, as well as any others they cared to learn. I have found that teachers rarely teach grammar anymore; I learned nouns and verbs, but I even got through 2 years of French without really understanding conjugations. Latin helped me a TON. And I agree with AFW in that learning the history and literature, etc., from which our culture developed is even more important. I studied history in college, but you'd be surprised how many teens and college students these days have never read Homer, even in translation, and think that "Beowulf" is a movie that came out last year, without connecting the name to one of the oldest texts in the English Language (Anglo-Saxon). A solid basis in classical history and literature, as well as early American history and literature, would probably do a lot of kids a LOT of good.

Posted by: Leofwende at November 25, 2008 08:27 AM (jAos7)

5 airforcewife, Nice addendum to VDH. I have no objections to what you're saying, or to most of VDH's list. My specific objection is to the notion that classical languages are part of the solution. European elites graduate from gymnasia with the kind of Greek and Latin training that VDH values. They understand the roots of the West more than most monolingual Americans. Yet they are the architects of Eurabia! Knowledge is only a part of the problem. The whole mindset of the West has to be changed. That will be much harder than the already difficult challenge of improving educational standards. Schools can force kids to memorize enough Greek and Latin to pass an exam, but they can't make kids think, or feel an appreciation of freedom. Leofwende, I agree with your amendment. The only high school textbook I ever used after I graduated was my Greek and Latin roots book. It was required for my 10th grade English course. I never said we should toss out classical literature. But is it really so important for every single high school student to decipher them in the original? Frankly, VDH sounds like a snob.

Posted by: Amritas at November 25, 2008 08:38 AM (+nV09)

6 Amritas...Michael Hammer, the noted management consultant, has interesting thoughts on the role that subjects like Latin could play in the education of the aspiring executive. He quotes a senior exec at a pharmaceutical company: "All one need learn is Latin and computer programming--Latin for communication and programming for thinking." Dr Hammer is not suggesting that Latin per se should be mandatory, but rather than students should be exposed to *both* a difficult humanities program *and* a difficult hard-sciences-type program.

Posted by: david foster at November 25, 2008 10:52 AM (ke+yX)

7 I like Leofwende's idea - I know that my 8th grade English teacher drilled us on Greek and Latin prefixes, suffixes, in-fixes, all... along with the relics of sentence diagramming. I loved it because it's helped me recognize and understand a LOT more, and not just linguistically... And I'm there with you on the persistence of the language, Amritas - reading the classics (and I'll spare everyone my rant on making hormonally-ridden teens read depressing modern "classic" lit...) broadens not just your direct knowledge, but the way your mind *can* work. Although there's definitely something magical about listening to the Canterbury Tales read aloud in the Old English... *happy sigh*

Posted by: kannie at November 25, 2008 10:56 AM (iT8dn)

8 My 10th grade Lit teacher gave extra credit to anyone who could memorize the first 10 or so lines of the CT's Prologue in Middle English. That's probably one of the several events that led to me studying Medieval History and Literature in college. I did my senior Lit thesis on the Knight's Tale. Love it. Love Beowulf more, since it's older (especially adore my facing-page translation), but still love it. Studying the history and the literature is good, as long as the teachers and professors can leave their personal agendas out of it. During college I was regularly frustrated out of my mind by Lit professors and Lit research articles (far more in my Lit than my History major, which at least attempted to be objective) who insisted that this or that author was gay or who insisted that this author's "blackness" and that author's "femaleness" was the main theme in everything they ever wrote. Ugh.

Posted by: Leofwende at November 25, 2008 12:20 PM (jAos7)

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I was just getting ready to leave for work when this email from CaliValleyGirl popped up:

Just wanted to make sure that you didn't slip in the shower or anything...no long email needed, just a sign of life!

Heh.

I am here, just busy. Worked all day Saturday. Stayed up until 3 AM online with Amritas. Babysat yesterday. Eek. I came home from the experience thinking that there's no way I can be a mother, that I will do a horrible job, that I don't have the patience.

And then I caught my favorite episode of Scrubs ever, and realized that I probably will find the courage.

I got in bed last night and grabbed my Atlas Shrugged. And I remembered something that I hadn't thought of until last night: the men of Galt's Gulch only lived there one month of the year. They weren't allowed to wall themselves off from the reality of life; they had to keep jobs and live amongst the looters. But they returned to the gulch once a year to be with likeminded individuals.

So really, we have this gulch. The gulch is any time we get together, at the Milblogs Conference, at a SpouseBUZZ, at a house in Ohio, or even just typing on the internet until 3 AM.

Seems like we've had our gulch all along.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:40 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I sent an email to my husband asking him what his thoughts were on Victory in Iraq Day. He hasn't gotten back to me, so I don't have his opinion on the matter yet.

But Michael Yon's opinion counts for a lot in my book, and the fact that he left Iraq and headed to Afghanistan, saying, "The war is over and we won," well, I think that means something.

Check out Gateway Pundit's graphs, and definitely head to Zombie Time.

So today I quote from Bill Whittle's Victory:

"America bring democracy, whiskey and sexy!" said that unknown Iraqi man. This is not a trivial statement. He is saying that for the first time in thirty years, he will have his own chance for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I thought his English was dead-on.

I hope these people stagger out into the sunlight of real freedom with a willingness to do those two simple things that seem to work so well: work hard, and trust each other. I think they will. They started civilization. They have earned, and well deserve, the chance to enjoy the fruits of it once again.

I hope they will resist the temptation to let oil revenues steer their future. It is not, in fact, a blessing. They are about to start to reap the benefits of the wealth of their nation. I hope they have the wisdom to channel that wealth into their people, into their education, their technical and artistic skill that was once so well represented in the cradle of law and good government. I hope for world-renowned universities in Baghdad and in An-Nasiriyah, producing respected scholars and scientists. I hope for productive farms in the Tigris-Euphrates valley, feeding the millions of the entire region, just as there were thousands of years ago. I hope for high-tech factories in Basra and Tikrit, textile mills in Kirkuk and cell-phone design firms in Mosul. And above all I hope they have the courage to read and study history, and to implement a system that looks something like the ones that allow these daily miracles in the West.

I hope that some day they might be able to forgive us the pain we had to cause them to get rid of that devil, that threat, and his evil toys. Many already do. I hope, and believe, that many more will do so in the years to come. We are still so very, very early in this long and difficult process. But perhaps, some day, they will be able to see that not only Iraqis died for a free Iraq. Americans died. Britons died. Australians and Poles and many others put their lives on the line as well. It would be arrogant and vile to expect gratitude, but I do hope, I deeply hope, that they will be able to understand why we did what we did and how much it cost us, in those poor, shattered homes across America and Great Britain.

And I have one final wish, which I know seems very unlikely, but which I will share anyway.

I fervently hope that someday, perhaps decades from now, Iraq will have a really top-notch soccer team. I hope that one day, they will get to the final round of the World Cup, and when they do, I hope it is Team USA they play for the championship.

I hope that the Americans play a tough, aggressive, masterful game, that they use all of the speed and skill and power at their command. And then I want to sit there watching TV as an old man, and watch the faces on the Iraqi people when the game is over, because I want to see that the most relieved and joyous they can conceive of being, is the day that tiny Iraq got out on that soccer field and kicked our ass.

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The best part about living in Germany was that sending mail to Iraq was free. No stamp necessary. And I milked that for all it was worth, sending articles and photos and many letters. 215 of them, to be exact.

This time around, I sent 45. Granted, we had more regular contact via internet, so there was less to say in letters. And he was deployed for half as long. But still...

I think I am proof that people abuse privileges they don't have to pay for.

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1 I would contend that you are proof that *some* people abuse the privileges they don't pay for.

Posted by: Sis B at November 22, 2008 04:57 AM (0ScrO)

2 I abused the hell out of the "free mail" privilege from Afghanistan. I didn't keep count, but it wasn't uncommon for me to write 4 or 5 letters in a slow day. I would go a week or two without, and then write another batch. Most were to my wife, some to Mom (who didn't get a SINGLE letter from my little brother in Iraq the year before), and a lot to random people I knew only from the Intarweb. One female I knew from a forum I was on was a school teacher, and she read some of my letters (or parts of them, at least) talking about the people and the landscape and the climate and whatnot to her students while they were learning about that part of the world. So some good came from it, I guess. There is nothing better than getting a letter from home when you're in the middle of nowhere. They couldn't always get us water, food, or ammunition, but when they did come through, they brought the mail, too. Sig

Posted by: Sig at November 22, 2008 07:24 AM (/W1Z3)

3 Uh yeah...I remember the sending 12-packs of Diet Mountain Dew...and feeling bad that the packages were so heavy. I abused it too, all of the time! I can't imagine how much it would cost to send those packages from the US. Ouch.

Posted by: Nicole at November 22, 2008 09:30 AM (xPxyx)

4 So Sis, you're saying that if it were free to send packages and mail to your husband, you wouldn't do it more often than you do now? And I thought I was good at self-discipline...

Posted by: Sarah at November 22, 2008 10:51 AM (TWet1)

5 Um, OK. Well, I don't abuse all free privileges either: I don't take free meds from the health clinic, for example. I have always been a nazi about heating and cooling, even when we lived on post and didn't pay energy bills. But I still stand by my generalization that we don't treat resources the same way when they're free as we do when we have to pay for them. Next time you use an anecdote to make a point, I'll try to remember to point it out to you as "not proof of a theory." You know, not every girl's brain is like spaghetti. Only *some* of them. Yeesh, nitpick much?

Posted by: Sarah at November 22, 2008 07:46 PM (TWet1)

6 Aw, I didn't mean to nitpick. I don't think you abused your mail privileges, either, but that's just me. And I totally expected flak over the girl brain spaghetti thing and didn't get it! I knew you were out there lurking with that thought.

Posted by: Sis B at November 23, 2008 09:32 AM (0ScrO)

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Jonah Goldberg on all the people who are already saying Obama is the next Lincoln:

I think Lincoln was just about the greatest president in American history, but I sure don't want to need another Lincoln. Six hundred thousand Americans died at the hands of other Americans during Lincoln's presidency. Lincoln unified the country at gunpoint and curtailed civil liberties in a way that makes President Bush look like an ACLU zealot. The partisan success of the GOP in the aftermath of the war Obama thinks so highly of was forged in blood.

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Yesterday I happened upon a private reading We The Living. I got this indescribable excitement and wanted to grab him and talk his ear off. Of course I didn't. I stared holes into the top of his head, but I couldn't even get him to make eye contact. Still, it kinda made my day.

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MaryIndiana requested a post on unfinished knitting projects. Some people won't start a new project until the old one is finished; others constantly start projects and move on to something more exciting before it's finished. I believe I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

I have knitting ADD. I wasn't always that way; I used to only do one project at a time. But in the past few years, I have needed variety. So I always have a few things going at once. I only have a couple of truly unfinished projects. I started a sweater two years ago that I know will be to small for me. I hate to rip out the entire back of the thing, but I know I can't continue it, so it has sat for two years. I also started another stuffed animal back when I was teaching knitting classes, but with no baby to get excited about, that project petered out too. I started myself a DNA scarf that is about a third finished, and I started a double knitting scarf for my mother that takes more concentration than I would like and has sat there all year. Yeah, it was supposed to be her Christmas present. And I started an Aran sweater that takes even more concentration than mom's scarf: I tried to do a row while watching TV, and I spent 45 minutes knitting and then unknitting the row. Can't talk or watch TV during that project.

OK, that probably sounds like a lot. But by knitter standards, that's not so much. I will finish the scarves and the Aran eventually. Probably the stuffed animal too. One day I will get brave enough to rip out that sweater and start it over.

But I say with pride that I do not have any mate-less socks in this house.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I am not the Sarah who rejected the 99-Cent Dating Experiment. I think it's very funny and cute. If a guy had done that for me, I would've found it endearing. Of course, all of the gifts I can remember in my life had nothing to do with money: the handmade wooden keychain, "I love you" spelled out in pink Starbursts (my favorite flavor), a potted violet my 8th grade boyfriend walked a mile in the rain to buy for me. And my husband didn't have to buy me a thing to get me to fall in love with him: We went to a free production of Man of La Mancha, he baked cookies from a tube of dough, and he wanted to know my thoughts on Sartre.

I'd trade the diamond bracelet for the one made of Reardon Metal any day of the week.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:25 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I participated in my very first National Ammo Day today! I headed to the range bright and early...and then realized that ranges don't open bright and early. But I was ready to go as soon as they opened. I bought my 100 rounds and then shot half of them. I am improving -- only a few stray shots, the majority of them clustered around the bullseye -- and I am a lot more relaxed about the whole process.

I talked to my mother today, and we decided to organize a family shooting day the next time I go home. Neither of my brothers has ever been shooting, and it's been decades since my parents have been. I think it will be a fun family outing.

And my mom just laughs that her daughter is now a gun nut.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:21 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 "Neither of my brothers has ever been shooting" Oh that's just wrong.

Posted by: tim at November 19, 2008 09:31 AM (nno0f)

2 Perhaps I shall have to take my youngest brother (the one who's studying sociology) to the range over Xmas. As far as I know, he's never been. Dad came with us once, my other bro has been with his friends, and my mom wouldn't want to, I'm pretty sure. We already bought a whole bunch of ammo at the gun show a couple weeks ago, so we probably won't be running out to buy any today after work. But it's a good thought!

Posted by: Leofwende at November 19, 2008 09:43 AM (jAos7)

3 I headed to the range bright and early...and then realized that ranges don't open bright and early. Awww. We can't all be like you! But we should try ...

Posted by: Amritas at November 19, 2008 10:20 AM (+nV09)

4 Neither of my brothers has ever been shooting, and it's been decades since my parents have been. This made me wonder: how many gun owners here come from families with traditions of owning guns and how many are pioneers (the first gun owners in their families)? Sarah's situation sounds like a blend of the two: she may be reviving a tradition that's been dormant for "decades."

Posted by: Amritas at November 19, 2008 03:37 PM (a1nQd)

5 My husband wants to know where he can do that in Illinois.

Posted by: Nicole at November 20, 2008 04:52 AM (xPxyx)

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I finished my first Primavera sock on the plane out to Seattle and started the second.

I am fantastically happy with this project, but the second sock will be put on hold for a while while I start a very fulfilling project to fill a need. Cryptic, I know. But I can't wait to write about it later.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:29 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 You have inspired me, you know. You and that sock-knitting blog you linked to a week or two ago. I have now decided that I absolutely MUST learn how to knit so that I can learn how to knit socks. I'm giving my first sock a try; started last night. I'm sure my first set will be terrible and probably unwearable, but it will be a learning experience.

Posted by: Leofwende at November 19, 2008 09:13 AM (jAos7)

2 Leofwende, I know the temptation to emulate Sarah can be overwhelming, but please don't neglect your art. I love your self-portraits and would like to see how you'd depict other people. Amaravati already has one Sovereign of Socks. It needs a Princess of Paintings. But never mind what I want. Learning new skills is always a good thing. Best of luck with your first pair! Sarah, Cryptic, I know. And you also know that hint-dropping is a tried-and-true technique to keep your readers hooked. We'll be back every day in hopes of seeing the unveiling of The Project. How do you pick projects? The Primavera sock is on a year-old blog post. (Not that beauty is ever out of date!) Do you mostly find ideas through random websurfing, or is there a pattern of patterns?

Posted by: Amritas at November 19, 2008 11:11 AM (+nV09)

3 Usually through random web surfing. I also pick out patterns much faster than I can actually make the items, so sometimes I have patterns backlogged for years. I saw the Primavera socks by random and thought they'd be a good fit for this particular yarn I had. There is a clearinghouse of patterns called Knitting Pattern Central, which is a good place to start a web crawl.

Posted by: Sarah at November 19, 2008 11:44 AM (TWet1)

4 what kind of yarn is that? So pretty!

Posted by: Mare at November 19, 2008 11:52 AM (APbbU)

5 The photos are nice, but your readers should know they do not do the sock justice! Can't wait to see what needs you're filling!!!

Posted by: Guard Wife at November 19, 2008 12:42 PM (eb8pN)

6 Thanks, Amritas. I have done a few paintings since then; I just haven't gotten around to posting pics of them. Knitting/crocheting is something I can take with me on the bus to and from work. Oil paints? Mmmm...not so much. Next year, when I'm no longer working a long bus ride from home and when my husband is deployed, I will probably do a lot more art. But for now it's only here and there.

Posted by: Leofwende at November 19, 2008 01:41 PM (jAos7)

7 Leofwende, D'oh! Didn't occur to me that you can't paint and commute at the same time! Nor can you simultaneously commute and Photoshop. It's odd that I forgot about the mobility factor, since I insist on maximum productivity. Just sitting on the bus doesn't sit well with me; I have to do something. Unfortunately, what I do isn't as visible or as beautiful as Sarah's Primavera sock. Or your paintings. Do post some more; I look forward to them.

Posted by: Amritas at November 19, 2008 03:32 PM (a1nQd)

8 how many single socks do you have around the house waiting for a knit mate?

Posted by: airforcewife at November 20, 2008 06:45 AM (Fb2PC)

9 That's my only un-mated sock. And the mate is half done anyway. Now unfinished scarves and sweaters, that's a whole nother story...

Posted by: Sarah at November 20, 2008 11:01 AM (TWet1)

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Dr. Helen quoted Ted Nugent (heart) -- "You don't need tough love in America, you need tougher love. " -- in her post about how we need to speak up:

Too many times, we let liberals get away with making fun of Republicans and those of us who do not agree with them politically. This needs to stop and the only way to do it is to speak up in the classrooms, public and at work. Remember that we are 56 million strong--those of us who did not vote for Obama. We are hardly alone.

As you know, I have been reading Atlas Shrugged again. Every time I read it, I remember how empowered it makes me feel. My husband mentioned a small dilemma today, and I said, "Tell them how you really feel; let them have it!" Then I laughed and said, "Sorry, I am being a bit too Reardon, aren't I?"

Reading this book makes me want to speak the truth.

On my flight the other day, while discussing the Obama book with my row-mate, the conversation turned to health care. This man, who was not an Obama supporter, said he agrees with "free" health care and thinks that it's something that the United States can do for its citizens.

I didn't say what I really wanted to say: Just because we can do something doesn't mean we should.

And looking back, I kind of wish I had said that. At least the conversation would've turned a different way and perhaps it would've made this man think new thoughts. Instead I took the wimpy way out and reminded him that nothing is "free" in this world. I wish I had been more assertive in the conversation though. He was asking my opinions and I held back, for fear of sounding cold.

As I said in an email to a friend a while back, I wish I were more like an Ayn Rand character. I wish that I didn't worry whether my positions sound nice or not. The Nuge is right: we need tougher love in this country.

I wish I were bold enough to tell a stranger on a plane that I don't believe everyone is entitled to cheap health care. I'm not there yet.

I wonder how many times I'll have to read Atlas Shrugged before I have that confidence...

Posted by: Sarah at 04:33 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 I believe in speaking up, but how do you define what's appropriate? Your for instance about healthcare, I would discuss that with someone I knew fairly well. Not with a stranger on a plane. But then I also just stopped discussing politics altogether during the campaign because it became increasingly difficult to not want to choke someone for being stupid. I think if we can speak up in a logical and polite fashion then we should. Also not everyone has the same social finesse as you do Sarah. I have no problem talking to people but a lot of folks are a little more shy. Maybe the 56 million of us who didn't vote for Obama could wear lapel pins or something?

Posted by: Mare at November 19, 2008 04:13 AM (APbbU)

2 The problem with speaking up when someone is pontificating is that they usually don't want to hear it. I adore a good discussion - even with people I don't politically agree with (and there are lots of those everywhere) as long as it can stay civil and the person I'm speaking with can give me facts as well as passion. And with one other caveat - the person I'm talking with has to be as open to hearing new facts and re-evaluating their belief system as I am. That's not too much to ask, I think, and that places the onus just as much on me as on the person I'm discussing with. The problem is that if someone's entire political worldview can fit on a 2 x 12 bumper sticker, there isn't depth for discussion.

Posted by: airforcewife at November 19, 2008 07:34 AM (Fb2PC)

3 Mare, I also just stopped discussing politics altogether during the campaign I kept my mouth shut "in real life" unless someone came "out of the closet." I always let others make the first move, unless I know we share common ground (and I do share some with people on the opposite side of the aisle - they're not another species!). airforcewife, The problem with speaking up when someone is pontificating is that they usually don't want to hear it. Yes. Such people are not interested in initiating a discussion; they intend to impress others with how "virtuous" they are (since they have the "right" beliefs). Questioning their "virtue" only angers them. Rage will blind them to whatever merits the opposing position may possess. the person I'm talking with has to be as open to hearing new facts and re-evaluating their belief system as I am. That's not too much to ask It depends on how "open" one is. It's "not too much to ask" if one is willing to take a few new steps in one direction or another. But expecting people to 180 because of something one says is too much. I'll admit it - I'm not likely to go back to the left any day soon. I don't have a totally open mind about Communism - or jihadism. And I'm not sorry about that. People have vast emotional investments in their core beliefs. Striking those beliefs directly is likely to fail. Questioning peripheral beliefs is safer, though it falls far short of what Nugent demands. (Not that I feel any need to please him.) Sarah's "nothing is 'free' in this world" or her unsaid "Just because we can do something doesn't mean we should" exemplify a third, more effective approach: question the underpinnings of the core beliefs rather than the beliefs themselves. The problem is that if someone's entire political worldview can fit on a 2 x 12 bumper sticker, there isn't depth for discussion. But just enough "depth" to identify that person. That's all politics is for a lot of people. Tribal insignia. Why bother to question their badges? Good advice!

Posted by: Amritas at November 19, 2008 08:24 AM (+nV09)

4 I too, tend to keep my politics under the table IRL, unless I know the other person is open to having a genuine discussion. Where I live, such a thing is a rarity, so I am thrilled with the fact that we have become good friends with another couple in Beowulf's unit that has the same core conservative beliefs that we do. My husband, this couple, and my parents are really the only people I can think of IRL that I will talk politics with. I had some conservative friends my senior year in college, but they are spread all over the place now and I rarely see them anymore. What I am more likely to do, if politics are brought up with someone who I'm not sure how they think, is ask questions. I will ask them specifically why they think that it will work, or bring up the negatives that other countries have experienced with socialized medicine, or bring up how even the military has trouble being effective and efficient (people having to make appointments months ahead of time, a guy from hubby's platoon sitting in the emergency room for 9 hours before he saw a doctor after cutting off the tip of his finger, etc). And how they think doctors will get paid, what about malpractice suits, and what will happen to the pool of doctors when their pay is effectively "capped". I'm much less likely to tell them straight out that I disagree (I'm really kind of a shy/timid person unless I know you), but I will ask questions.

Posted by: Leofwende at November 19, 2008 09:31 AM (jAos7)

5 Leofwende, My husband, this couple, and my parents are really the only people I can think of IRL that I will talk politics with. That's a lot more than I have in IRL ... namely, zero. I'm envious. Somebody send me the map to the gulch ASAP! What I am more likely to do, if politics are brought up with someone who I'm not sure how they think, is ask questions. Good idea. I'm too shy to even do that, but I do listen to the other side. My goal is not to sway them over but to understand their POV better.

Posted by: Amritas at November 19, 2008 10:56 AM (+nV09)

6 Amritas: It's "not too much to ask" if one is willing to take a few new steps in one direction or another. But expecting people to 180 because of something one says is too much. That's why I said they have to be as willing as I am to look at evidence. If I'm not willing at all, I have no right to expect them to be. But this also applies to them. Don't expect me to listen to a rant about some person who called Barack Obama some name if you have bumper stickers on your car calling George Bush names. On the same subject, don't expect me to be more respectful towards a president I didn't vote for than you were towards a president you didn't vote for. I will be, because I have a sense of decency and respect towards office. But don't expect it, because you didn't put that tip in the karma jar. That's what I mean by that. I just expect people to be as open themselves as they expect other people to be listening to them. Invariably this doesn't happen. As you said, because they consider their views "right".

Posted by: airforcewife at November 19, 2008 12:36 PM (Fb2PC)

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Over the weekend, I told my fertility journey story at SpouseBUZZ Live. After the event, a handful of wives came to me and thanked me for sharing. They too have had difficult journeys and appreciated my candor. My friend from my real life was shocked; she had no idea that any of this had happened to me in the past six months. And typically, that's why I like sharing, because it's a private thing but people want to know that there's someone out there who groks. We've even had an audience memeber share her journey at a SBL who said she never even told her parents about her miscarriages. But she shared with me.

I wish it were always that simple and touching.

Instead, I also met two ladies who openly scoffed at my woes. They heard my entire story -- dead babies, failed fertility treatment -- and looked at me derisively and said that I just haven't been patient enough. Apparently I am just being silly in thinking that two years is a long time to try and that 31 is getting a late start. Nevermind the fact that they weren't that much older than me and their kids are teenagers. Wait, did I say "kids"? I meant their "whoopsies" pregnancies. Oh good golly, am I pregnant, how did that happen? Whoopsie! They got done telling me about their whoopsies and said that I am just impatient.

And I sat there and took it and then excused myself and left. Because I am polite.

I wish it were possible to type their tone of voice. I'm glad I had a witness to this conversation who assured me later that I wasn't overreacting.

People never cease to amaze me.

But I am trying very hard to be content with the people who were grateful I told my story, instead of dwelling on the naysayers. Guard Wife offered to throw hands for me, but I told her that it's really my problem and that I need to take a deep breath and not let it ruin my night. I kept reminding myself of this:

The first line of the most popular book in Buddhism, The Dhammapata, goes something like this: All that we are is determined by our thoughts. It begins where our thoughts begin, it moves where our thoughts move, it ends where our thoughts end. If we think thoughts like he hurt me, he stole from me, he is my enemy, our life and our destiny will follow that thought as the wheel follows the axle. And if we think thoughts like he cannot hurt me, only I can hurt myself, he cannot steal from me, he cannot be my enemy, only I can be my enemy, then our life and our destiny will follow those thoughts.

There will always be naysayers and boorish people. The only thing I can control is how I let it affect me.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:20 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 You know my offers are w/out expiration date so even when we're old and in rocking chairs & you need someone's larynx punched, just lean over and tell me & I'm on it. After this weekend, though, I know that I have so many 'alternative' methods of destruction...elbows, knees, feet...Ha-Ha!!

Posted by: Guard Wife at November 18, 2008 03:55 AM (eb8pN)

2 In my experience, it's always those who have it "easy" who judge those of us who have to work at being parents. Sad to say, but we spent much of our lives avoiding the "whoopsies." When I turned 30 and wanted a baby vs. telling my 15 yr. old to not have one. Selfish me. I'm proud of your grace. I would have probably handled it the same way because, for some asinine reason, I tend to not try and offend people I'm talking to, especially about sensitive issues. Bitches.

Posted by: Susan at November 18, 2008 06:10 AM (4aKG6)

3 I can't believe someone (two people!) actually said something so rude. Ugh. Some people deserve to be slapped. They don't know how lucky they are, both with their "whoopsies", and also that people like you (and me too) are too polite to give them the verbal backlash that they deserve for being so inconsiderate. Ugh.

Posted by: Leofwende at November 18, 2008 07:23 AM (jAos7)

4 It's often said that people who are insulting online would never say such horrible things in person. Even if that were generally true, sadly there is no shortage of people who can be cruel in real life. Who did these vicious women think they were? I would have lost it if I were you. People never cease to amaze me. They amaze us in good ways as well. I admire your ability to keep your cool when confronted with idiocy. And I am moved, both by the positive reaction from your audience and by the very real loyalty of your "imaginary" friends. I just found an online translation of the Dhammapada. Here's a word-for-word analysis of the passage you referred to. I was relieved to see that the original starts with Manopubbaṅgammā dhammā (mind-before-going [is] mental-phenomena) because I don't think that "All that we are is determined by our thoughts." "All that we think is determined by our thoughts" (my loose translation) is still too tautological for my taste, but closer to the truth. I used to believe in mind over matter (i.e., that one can be whatever one wants to be), but over the years I've come to recognize the importance of nature and nurture. Nonetheless, it is true that we determine what is in our minds, even if we can't determine "[a]ll that we are". We may not be able to control external stimuli, but we can choose to ignore some things and fixate on others to our detriment. Hence we often make ourselves suffer, and in such cases, only we can set ourselves free.

Posted by: Amritas at November 18, 2008 08:04 AM (+nV09)

5 I totally would've wanted to take Guard Wife up on her offer and then, while the "ladies" were gasping and recovering on the floor, advised them to "just be patient - you'll be able to breathe soon enough." But in reality, yeah, I would've done the same, non-confrontational thing... they're just so obviously not at that point where they have developed empathy yet. I'm glad that you know you were able to help others, though! :-) Sharing really does strengthen us all...

Posted by: kannie at November 18, 2008 08:13 AM (iT8dn)

6 I would pay to watch a martial arts movie in which Guard Wife lives up to her name. Imagine GW giving those two a paralyzing touch. "just be patient - you'll be able to breathe soon enough." Great line, kannie. they're just so obviously not at that point where they have developed empathy yet. The sad thing is ... they may never develop empathy. But Sarah won't let that get her down. She won't let the likes of them mess up her mind.

Posted by: Amritas at November 18, 2008 08:56 AM (+nV09)

7 That's just . . . mean! Argh. You did not overreact. People who feel they must tell you how to live your life are people who really ought to look at their own. Some of us have to WORK at fertility. Thankfully, we did not have the trouble you guys have had, but we had miscarriages and setbacks, too, and Ian is our little blessing from God. I'm glad you shared your story. Even though a couple people felt the need to judge your actions, more people were comforted by your positive attitude, optimism, and ability to relate. You are in my prayers!

Posted by: Deltasierra at November 18, 2008 09:03 AM (1TJiE)

8 You took the high ground on that one. Very classy, but, those of us who have come to know you a little through your blog would expect nothing else. You are a classy lady and gentle. Having said that, guard wife, there were two of 'em. I got your back girl, let me know when and where.

Posted by: Pamela at November 18, 2008 09:29 AM (T27wJ)

9 if i may be so bold as to add yet another of my brilliant words of wisdom (haha), when i told my boss that i had just returned to work from the doctor's office and that i learned that i had lost one of my twins, her response was, "oh, you must be so relieved!". I'll never forget it. someday i can share jim ross's theory of stupidity (or stupid people say the stupidest things), but suffice it to say, you are right: you can't control what other people do, only how you react. must be those good midwestern values that your wonderful mama and dad taught you

Posted by: kate at November 18, 2008 02:52 PM (576n8)

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