June 30, 2008


I babysat this afternoon for my neighbor's 7 year old daughter. While I was there, I taught her to knit. And the most wonderful words came out of her mouth: "This is more fun than playing with my Nintendo DS!" Ahhh, heavenly.

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I heard this Wesley Clark clip on the radio today, and it was so stunning I actually turned to the radio with this face.


Schieffer: How can you say that John McCain is untested and untried? General?

Clark: Because in the matters of national security policy making, it's a matter of understanding risk. It's a matter of gauging your opponents, and it's a matter of being held accountable. John McCain's never done any of that in his official positions. I certainly honor his service as a prisoner of war. He was a hero to me and to hundreds of thousands and millions of others in Armed Forces as a prisoner of war. He has been a voice on the Senate Armed Services Committee, and he has traveled all over the world. But he hasn't held executive responsibility. That large squadron in Air- in the Navy that he commanded, it wasn't a wartime squadron. He hasn't been there and ordered the bombs to fall. He hasn't seen what it's like when diplomats come in and say, 'I don't know whether we're going to be able to get this point through or not. Do you want to take the risk? What about your reputation? How do we handle it publicly.' He hasn't made those calls, Bob.

Seriously. Upside down face.

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June 29, 2008


Yesterday I found a clip of Dennis Miller going off on Obama. I went to YouTube and have been happily watching tons of Dennis Miller clips, including his appearance on Politically Incorrect. I then stumbled upon Penn Jillette's appearance on the same show. That one just twisted my gut into knots. I wanted to jump through the space-time continuum to argue against the moronic things that Nia Long was saying. They're talking about selling donor eggs from models, which apparently people wanted to buy so they could have beautiful children. (My thoughts: It's a waste of your money, but you have a right to waste your money.) It then became a debate on whether we should interfere at all in the reproductive process or if it's all part of God's plan. And Bill Maher says:

Here's a question then: Why does everyone have to spawn? Why can't the people who can't do that just take a hint?

To which Nia Long nods her head and says, "Right." Thankfully, my buddy Penn Jillette counters, saying that if science can help people, it should.

Do I even have to tell you what it does to my heart to hear someone say that if I can't reproduce, I should "take a hint"?

The debate later turns to making a law that people should not be allowed to get married until they're 26. A law. Seriously. The rationale is that people aren't mature enough to be married before that.

To quote AWTM, "Can I just tell you..."

I met my husband when he had just turned 19, and we got married a few months shy of his 22 birthday. By the time he was 24, he was already leading a platoon of men in combat in Iraq. Not mature enough? Please. He's got more maturity now at 27 than some 40 year olds I know.

The whole show was just a train wreck. I imagine Penn Jillette was just shaking his head after it was over, wondering how he ended up in a room of people who want to regulate who can donate eggs, what factors you can use to determine which eggs you want, how much science you can have in your life, and at what age you can get married. I can't believe he stayed as calm as he did.

Dang, that'll teach me to look for funny clips on YouTube. I'm a bundle of horrified nerves after that show!

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June 28, 2008


I didn't hear this on the radio the other day, but it's worth reading the whole thing before it becomes unavailable. Some excerpts:

RUSH: John Paul Stevens in his dissent on the DC gun ban bill today wrote that the majority, meaning Scalia and the gang, "would have us believe that over 200 years ago, the framers made a choice to limit the tools available to elected officials wishing to regulate civilian uses of weapons." Folks, that is scary. I know Justice Stevens has been around for a long time, but that kind of interpretation -- there is no way, I don't care how convoluted a way that you read the Second Amendment, there is nothing in it to indicate that the Framers intended to grant the federal government, elected officials, the right to police people.

I too was shocked to hear that statement. It seems like a really jacked-up and backwards way of looking at the Second Amendment. The Framers never envisioned a day when elected officials got to decide whether people could own guns.

And it just gets worse.

Here Jeffrey Toobin, legal expert, CNN, talking to Heidi Collins at CNN. Listen to this question. Memo to Jonathan Klein running CNN: Do you understand how incompetent some of the people you have on your network are? Listen to this question. Heidi Collins to Jeffrey Toobin: "Specifically, Jeffrey, that's really what it's about, isn't it, the Constitution trumping policy?" The Constitution trumping policy? The Constitution trumping policy? (interruption) Yes, of course it is, but for this to be a question to a legal scholar? Here's the answer.

TOOBIN: This is just a big, big event in American constitutional history because the Second Amendment has been a true mystery.


TOOBIN: No one really knew for decades what it meant --

RUSH: Yes, they did.

TOOBIN: -- in practical terms.

RUSH: Yes, they did.

TOOBIN: Now the Supreme Court, by and large just 5-4, has said that there is a constitutional right to own a handgun inside the home.

RUSH: Stop the tape here a second. The only reason, Mr. Toobin, anybody ever debated this is because people like you, liberals years and years ago tried to tell us it didn't mean that, and you've been passing laws throughout these local municipalities and states chipping away at the Second Amendment because you don't like it. Nobody had any question about this 'til you liberals got involved, tried to obfuscate it and confuse everybody about it. And now we have to get to the point where the Constitution, which is plainly clear in this case, has to be affirmed by the US Supreme Court?

I too am shocked to hear someone talk about "the Constitution trumping policy." All policy is derived from the Constitution. The Constitution always trumps.

Rush goes on. I mean, he was just on fire that day.

RUSH: One of the problems that we're having here in our culture with all of this is the bastardization of the meaning of the word "right," as in, to have a right. For example, look what the left is saying today. We don't have a right to own guns. I mean, that would be their preference, that there be no Second Amendment. Just get four or five justices to wipe it out. We have no right, even though the Constitution specifically says we do. Yet, they further the notion that we all have a "right" to health care. We do not have a right to health care! That we all have a "right" to a home. We do not have a right to a home! That we all have a "right" to go to college. We do not have a right to go to college, because those are not rights! That we have a "right" to be free of the pollution of oil. That is not a right.

That's good squishy.

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June 27, 2008


I havenÂ’t been writing about how IÂ’m doing because 1) most of the time IÂ’m doing fine and 2) I feel self-conscious about the hint I've gotten that I need to get over myself. But writing is my way of processing things, so today I could use that therapy.

When I was pregnant, I ordered more contact lenses. I hadnÂ’t been in to pick them up yet. So while I was on my way over there, I was rehearsing in my mind what IÂ’d say. I got a feel for the words before I got to the shop. But when I got up to the counter and the girl asked me why I wanted a refund, the words wouldnÂ’t come out. They were replaced by a lump in the back of my throat.

Just say it. You can do it. Just say, “I ordered these while I was pregnant, but since I lost the pregnancy, my consolation prize is gonna be lasik surgery. Ha ha ha.” Just say it. Ha ha ha.

I think the girl sensed that something was wrong, because she said, “I’ll just check the box for ‘bought too many boxes.’” Yep, one box, that’s too many. Then I felt awkward for making the situation awkward and thought I’d better explain before she thinks I’m a freak. But still the words wouldn’t come.

Most of the time IÂ’m fine, until I have to say the words out loud.

I went to a support group meeting on post the other night, a child loss group. I havenÂ’t been sleeping well since my mom left, and if it worked for Tyler Durden, I thought maybe it might work for me. The ladies in the group were really nice and made me feel entirely welcomed, but I think in some ways it made me feel worse. These are ladies who birthed severely premature babies, but babies nonetheless. They had faces and names and lived for a week on machines. They had funerals and were buried in gowns that people I knit with had made and donated. I just felt stupid mourning the little gummy bear that I lost.

I am JoeÂ’s heaping tablespoon of Perspective.

So most of the time, IÂ’m fine. But every once in a while I get not fine, like when I do something that I wouldnÂ’t be doing if I were pregnant, like mowing the yardÂ…or drinking wine. And I try to resist those feelings inside of me. I try to suppress my inner Dante Hicks, try not to feel like IÂ’m not even supposed to be here, try not to live in this alternate reality where IÂ’m pregnant and happy and shouldnÂ’t be mowing. But itÂ’s hard, because thatÂ’s the parallel universe I want to be living in.

I donÂ’t want to be getting lasik, even though IÂ’ve waited two years to do it.

Maybe I'll just start a fight club.

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June 26, 2008


I just wanted to say that if you haven't seen Ania Egland's response to that stupid MoveOn ad where the mom won't "give" John McCain her son, make sure you go check it out.

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Tammi has been thinking in the micro about something I often think about in the macro.

Makes me wonder....what makes people feel so strongly about capital punishment? Why do some cling desperately to the sanctity of life while others draw that line so firmly in the sand and say "If you cross this, you no longer deserve to live"?

I don't believe it's something that comes with age. Or that it's a learned belief. Mama and Daddy were liberals. Mama still is. I've been a conservative for as long as I've been aware of politics. Oh, they never talked about this stuff in front of us kids, in fact it was only in the past 10 or so years that I learned about my parents political leanings. No. No influence there at all.
I woke up this morning wondering where does that come from? WHY do I feel so strongly about this? And why do others, those that go and picket executions for people they don't even know, believe just as strongly that they do NOT deserve to die? That there is nothing that one human being can do to another that warrants the loss of life?

I have wondered this and blogged about it before, about where we get our value systems and whether it's nature or nurture:

But where did it originate? Other people endured the hate and garbage in France, yet it didn't have the effect on them that it did on me. I must've already had the seeds of right-leaning ideas before I hit this point. But where did they come from?

I'd say both of my parents are fairly conservative, though we never talked about politics when I was growing up. I can't remember ever having a conversation about voting or foreign policy or anything of the sort. Did they somehow influence me in a subconscious way? Or was I born right of center and just viewed everything through that lens?

We talk about knee-jerk reactions, but isn't that just following your gut? The first blog I ever saw was U.S.S. Clueless and I immediately felt at home. Even before I had studied anything concrete about how the world works, I simply nodded my head in agreement and felt deep in my instincts that what Den Beste writes is true. No one had to teach me that; in fact, much of what we encounter in higher education these days should have persuaded me just the opposite. How was I not convinced?

I don't have any answers for Tammi. As for capital punishment, I said it before and I'll say it again.

I'm reminded again of the absolute horror my Swedish friend felt when she saw me clapping and cheering the day Timothy McVeigh was executed. But I feel the same now about Saddam as I did back then: If someone called me today and said they're short a hangman and could I come give 'em a hand, I'd say, "Give me a second to put my shoes on."

There are a few people out there that I'd have no problem putting my shoes on for. And when we're talking about child rapers, I'll just grab my flip-flops cuz it's faster.

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June 25, 2008


Like jokes in dead languages?
This made me giggle.

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June 24, 2008


I too find myself mesmerized by Bjorn Lomborg and giddy every time I see him on TV. He must just have some quality that makes straight men and housewives hang on his every word. Heh.

His interview in The Spectator: 'Global Warming Is Not Our Most Urgent Priority'

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I ran out of white-white, so I decided to try one that was more Americana looking, and I think I like it the best. We're gonna have some patriotic preemies around here!


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June 22, 2008


I bought the ingredients before I knew I was pregnant, but hadn't gotten around to making it yet. Then I was pregnant and couldn't but now I can. So I'm doing two things tonight that I couldn't do two weeks ago: drinking wine and eating Chuck Z's tuna casserole.

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I've been thinking about Heidi a lot lately, about how she never blogs about feeling bitter or jealous, or about feeling lonely that people's lives have moved on while hers hasn't. She must feel this way at times, but she doesn't express it publicly. I emailed her and urged her to write about it, because I thought it would help her.

I think I'm retracting that advice.

Writing about how I felt lonely over the weekend I miscarried has backfired a little, I think. I meant every word I said, and it felt good to write about it and get it out. I felt such loneliness that, even having my mother there, even if 75 people had called me and I'd gotten 20 bouquets of flowers, it still wouldn't have been enough to fill the emptiness.

And it was hard because it was Scheduled Sadness. It didn't spring up on me unexpectedly; I had to make a conscious choice to make it happen. And so I scheduled my day for sadness, and sat at home waiting for sadness to arrive. I sat all day and clicked around on blogs, and no one was posting...because they were out living their lives and being happy, while I sat with my thoughts, waiting for sadness.

In some ways, this time was harder than the first. And the support was so overwhelming the first time that it was hard not to make this time look underwhelming. Everyone did too good of a job comforting me last December.

But my blog post, the feelings I thought were important to write, made some people feel bad, which has made me feel worse than the original loneliness. It actually makes me feel worse than losing the baby.

Which is kind of stupid, but that's my personality. I worry more about how other people will react than I worry about how I feel. Sometimes I get over that and blog about my honest thoughts, but it makes me feel like absolute crap when I learn that something I blogged hurt people's feelings.

It makes me not want to be a blogger anymore.

And even though there are lots of comments about how people understand and have been through the same, if I hurt just one person, I feel like a failure.

I thought that writing honestly and openly was a good thing, but I am not always prepared to deal with the consequences of doing so.

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June 21, 2008


I forgot our wedding anniversary.

Or, more specifically, I forgot how long it takes stuff to get mailed to Iraq. And I missed my window.

Now, my husband? He blows it every holiday. Christmas, birthday, anniversary: I usually get a story. A story about why he couldn't get me the present he was going to get me. I am used to it; it's part of my husband's charm. Now it's just a running joke.

But this year he came through. He ordered something from Amazon, and it arrived plenty early. And wrapped! Amazing.

And I had nothing for him.

And then the day of our anniversary came, and I didn't even have hope and love to share with him. I had bad news and sadness.

He should've gotten a lovey-dovey anniversary post, like Mrs Hubs wrote. So I'll try now.

My husband is so absolutely exactly like me that it's scary. Specifically, we both grieve the same way. And he's been a big help, sending me sarcastic one-line emails that express our frustration and sorrow while helping put a smile on my face. For example, the email he sent when I told him his MBA diploma finally arrived in the mail.

Good thing the diploma didn't die in the mail causing me to have to start my degree all over again. You never know these days.

He's just the right amount of sarcastic and irreverent for me. But he also wrote a long, emotional letter too, about watching the other soldiers share the stuff their kids had sent them for Father's Day.

He's just perfect, and I feel so bad that he's so far from home right now.

But you know, he and I are also exactly alike in one other way. He said the other day that, even if our family is only ever me, him, and the pup, that's good enough for him. I feel the same way. I feel so absolutely lucky and awed every day that I found him. And he's enough to keep my heart happy for the rest of my life.

Husband, I'm sorry you got gyped out of an anniversary.
I love you.

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Rachel Lucas says it so I don't have to.

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Last Saturday was world-wide Knit In Public Day. AWTM caught sight of some ladies participating. I was supposed to join in with a friend here in town, but, well, last Saturday turned out to be a little busy.

I plan to celebrate Knit In Public Day (Observed).

Here's what I've been working on. I have been commissioned to make a blanket for a dear reader, and Charlie has taken a shine to it. Any time I leave the room, he curls up with it. Happy Baby Shower; hope you like dog hair!


Also, I've only made one, so I need to get a move on. The 4th is coming up, and preemies need to be swathed in red, white, and blue.


I have also been working on super-secret projects for a couple of you barefoot and pregnant bloggers. You know who you are. And no, I won't say what you're getting. But the best thing about getting to know people via blogging is that you learn all these little tidbits about them that come in handy later, like when you want to make something special that only they will truly grok.

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June 20, 2008


Wow. Just...wow.

When I wrote my 100 Things post, I got a comment from some douche who said that it was the most self-centered thing he'd ever read. The comment is long gone since it was back on Blogspot, but I always thought that was hilarious; isn't the whole point of a 100 Things post to talk about yourself? I thought that was the dumbest comment anyone could leave on someone's blog.

Boy, today that one got topped.

Just to make sure everyone sees the heartfelt comment Sally left today:

I think you need to get over yourself and give your friends a break. There are alot others out there that have these kind of problems. Yes it's sad but how much more do your friends want to hear about it. This is all you blog about anymore. Time to move on and consider others for awhile.

Poor Sally is tired of reading about my miscarriage. Since she pays good money to come here and read quality content, I'd better change my blog to make it more what she wants to read. Oh no, wait, she pays jack squat to read this site, so maybe she doesn't get a say in it.

But apparently I need to consider you guys, my readers. You don't want to hear about dead babies and heartache; you come here to find political commentary that you can find hundreds of other places. I should've spent my time researching current events and writing about that instead of sitting on the toilet bleeding for a week. Gosh, how rude I've been in not thinking of you, my readers and what you want me to say.

Because lord knows you couldn't find commentary on Obama and McCain anywhere else for the past week. How boorish of me to be wrapped up in my dead baby and all. A thousand apologies.

I mean, seriously, are you kidding me with this, Sally? If you don't like my blog content, click fucking elsewhere. Don't leave a snide-ass comment about how you don't like what I have to say.

You're the one who needs to get over yourself, lady.
And learn to spell basic words, like "a lot."

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So apparently there's a new Obama ad by MoveOn where a woman holding a new baby tells John McCain that he can't "have" her child for his 100 years in Iraq.

Oh, puh-lease.

You know what, John McCain? We don't have a baby yet, but when we do, you can definitely have him or her. That is, if our child wants to join the military; you and I don't get much say in coercing the kid, neither to get in or stay out. But I have no problem with it. And I'm pretty sure you can have Erin's Tucker too. He's already got the camo thing nailed.

So the selfish blond lady can keep her baby at home. We've got at least two others you can "have."

What a dumb ad.

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June 19, 2008


I've been quoting John Prine a lot these days, haven't I?

You can gaze out the window get mad and get madder,
throw your hands in the air, say "What does it matter?"
but it don't do no good to get angry,
so help me I know

For a heart stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter.
You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there
wrapped up in a trap of your very own
chain of sorrow.

Last miscarriage, I was angry. This time I just feel numb. And defeated. Reality is starting to sink in, and I'm sad. My husband said it best: Now we're just that much further from meeting our son or daughter, the child whose name we picked out during the Clinton administration and who won't be born until well into the next administration. So much time, wasted.

I feel like the last year and a half has been an hourglass, and I keep watching the sand slip through but there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I am Joe's ticking biological clock.

Last week when I dropped my mother off at the airport, I felt sad that she might not get to spend enough time with her grandchild. This week, I choked up because there is no grandchild anymore. What a difference a week makes.

Another week I can't put back into the hourglass.

And you carry those bruises
to remind you wherever you go.

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Every once in a while, I read something that makes my heart stop. Usually it's not a big-time story. Often it's a science story. Instapundit had this one today, which brought wonderment and awe to my morning: Bacteria make major evolutionary shift in the lab

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This, to me, is one of the most interesting aspects of blogs.

Obama said that we arrested and tried those responsible for the 1993 WTC bombing. He also compared the Boumediene decision with the Nuremburg trials.

Powerline explains why what Obama said is not factual. It takes a trial lawyer familiar with Nuremburg to point out where Obama is wrong. I am not a trial lawyer; I am glad people like the men at Powerline donate their time to explain these details.

But people like Obama can go on TV and say whatever they want, and most voters don't visit Powerline to get the full story.

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