March 22, 2005

NOT INTEGRATING

I am having a little trouble reintegrating. I debated whether I would even blog about it or not, but I thought that others whose soldiers have just returned (or just left) might be interested to hear how we're handling all of this. I think I'm having issues with sharing. For a whole year, I've had the entire house to myself. I did whatever I wanted and cleaned up only after myself, and so I feel myself getting irritated at stupid little things that I know are only bothering me because I haven't had to deal with them for a year, like my husband's ridiculously loud alarm clock. I actually think it's harder on me right now than it was when we first got married, because at least then I had two roommates in school. I've been completely selfish for a year, and it's making me grumpy that my lifestyle has changed. It also doesn't help that I'm working full time while my husband is not, so he's at home doing nothing and I'm wrestling with seventh graders all day long. Though I must say he's not really doing nothing, because he's being a great house-husband. He's vacuuming and taking care of our car insurance and being helpful. However, it feels weird to me to have him in charge of the household, since that's been my lane for our entire marriage. It's been my job for so long that it feels weird to let go of the responsibility, and I feel a little useless and not in control. My usch level is way up, and I find myself getting irritated with trivial things. I hope the feeling doesn't last for long.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:02 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 You are not alone! I am having the same difficulties....I can only hope that it gets better soon...

Posted by: Kelly at March 22, 2005 08:52 AM (S77hB)

2 Woo boy, I can assure you that this is totally normal. In fact, these exact sort of feelings were discussed repeatedly at the Family Readiness return briefing (I'm not sure what the Army calls it). It feels bad because you want to be deliriously happy that he's home (and most of the time, you are), so when you get those little nagging annoyances, you are more affected than usual: "How dare these things intrude on my happy time?!" It will settle down, though. Alex was away one night this weekend for drilling. I was happy to have the bed all to myself, but I missed him as much as I did any night while he was deployed. You'll soon get back to the feeling that you're two parts of one unit--the feeling that you always want him near you. It just takes a little time.

Posted by: Carla at March 22, 2005 10:05 AM (6tYwr)

3 Never forget the alternative! Kelly's Mom

Posted by: Darcy at March 22, 2005 11:38 AM (E4pwU)

4 This is gonna sound really cutesy, especially coming from a guy, but trust me: every time it happens, and I mean *every time*, sit him down, give him a hug, and tell him how glad you are that he's back. By the time the words come out of your mouth, you'll forget why you were grumpy in the first place.

Posted by: James at March 22, 2005 12:07 PM (QvU5o)

5 Yeah, Sarah, I concur with James. Same situation occurred with us long ago in a galaxy far away; while she didn't "work" outside the rental house (which we were blessed to get for a steal--and didn't go up every time BAS went up!), she DID give birth to our first, and in six months' time had all that child rearing stuff down pat when our ship came in. She hasn't killed me (and collected the insurance) yet in the nearly 28 yrs, so just hang in there, recognize where all this usch is coming from, and attack it for what it is: transient, if you'll make it so. GBY and your reintegratee (new word?), and thank you both for serving at your respective posts--his in the sandbox, yours at home. Grace and peace, Jim Shawley

Posted by: Jim Shawley at March 22, 2005 01:15 PM (CnYsu)

6 Sarah(and husband), I just read this, and i could feel this "little grin" spread across my face!..and i could hear 2 little voices, the first saying..."Go, ahead!Be the MOM", and the second voice saying"OH! MY GOD!There she goes,being the mom(again)"...so my comment is...WASN"T IT JUST ABOUT A MONTH AGO, when you were writing about wifeing???Thanks, Sarah,for continuing your blog!!It won't be real long, before you're trading dishes for cooking, and vacumming for dusting.,..ENJOY the honeymoon!!!!

Posted by: debey at March 22, 2005 01:21 PM (IPf6i)

7 I agree with Darcy, you could always send him back to Iraq if he gets too annoying It is perfectly normal to have these feelings, it will pass.

Posted by: Mustang 23 at March 22, 2005 01:23 PM (POTh6)

8 Normal, Normal, Normal, Normal... This too shall pass. Hubs "real world" job puts him on the road quite often. So him coming home and "trashing" the living room has become our joke. I'd walk into the living room, see the soda cans on the coffee table, the newspaper on the couch, and every remote would be out of the basket and scattered between his chair and the couch..all I would say is "Hubs is home" and walk back out. Six months into this deployment he was already writing and saying "I can't wait to come home and trash the living room" Even when he was home on leave, and handling things that I usually handle but HATE (ie, mowing the 5 freaking acres of lawn) It rubbed me the wrong way, but he wanted to do things that were normal, things that reconnected him with being home. I remember carrying him a glass of ice water and saying "baby, you don't have to do this" his response, "but I kinda want to, if that makes sense" You are both adjusting, it will take a little time, but you'll both get there. You may go back to the way things were, or you may find a new "normal", but you will work it through. Keep writing about it, keep talking about it. It will help you, and it will help us. There are a lot of us out here who aren't in your shoes yet, and it will help to remind us all that we aren't alone when it's our turn. I like the idea of hugging him when the irritation factor is up, I may have to try it in (theoretically) 63 days Take care..you can do this.

Posted by: Tink at March 22, 2005 02:42 PM (S6VXg)

9 I am sure this is normal-can you imagine the adjustment I would have after all of these years. Perhaps the real problem is those seventh graders you are facing everyday. You had to live without him for 388 days so give yourself a break-this too will pass. Jane

Posted by: Jane at March 22, 2005 10:44 PM (xSEi5)

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