October 29, 2007

MY FATHER MAKES ME CRY

OK, I'm already breaking my promise: one more pregnancy post. I am so weepy. I don't know, these are things that would probably normally make me cry, but now I just can't control myself. Went over to AWTM to watch Life Aquatic clips and couldn't even see the screen through my tears. "In 12 years he'll be 11 and a half..." I lost it.

And the other night, on the way to the party, we passed an accident. I think normally this would've gotten to me anyway, because it became obvious as we passed that a very distraught woman had just hit someone's dog. The poor little white doggy was lying in the road. We had to sit in the car for several minutes before going into the party so I could get my sobs under control.

But this one might not normally have made me cry, except for the fact that it reminded me what lies in my future. My mom and I have a good friendship and talk often, but my dad is much more reserved. He and I get along perfectly, but we rarely talk because he is definitely a Man's Man, and they don't do things like chat on the phone. But I know he loves me, because he shows it in little ways that mean so much.

When we went to my grandparents' house last week, I forgot to pack my glasses. I had my contacts in, of course, but I'm blind as a bat once I take them out. So is my father; we have the same prescription. When I realized that I had forgotten my glasses, my dad immediately handed me his and let me borrow them for the entire week. It might not seem like much, but it is if you're as blind as we are. My dad sacrificed his vision so his daughter could see. Shoot, I can't imagine myself lending my glasses to anyone, much less some dummy who has a perfectly good pair she stupidly left at home. In no way did I ever expect him to hand his glasses over to me. But my dad did it without even thinking.

He sacrificed for his child.

He made a pretty big sacrifice this past weekend as well. Crazy Aunt Purl was going to be in my hometown for a book signing, and I begged my mom to go meet her and get books signed for me and The Girl. My mom assured me she would, but business came up and she needed to be out of town. She got my father to go downtown to the Women's Lifestyle Show and ask a knit-blogger for an autograph.

What a man.

My dad made me cry a lot this week thinking about what it means to be a parent. It means doing a lot of crap you don't really want to do, like braving the estrogen-filled halls of the convention center to make your child happy. It means giving up something you need so your child can have it, like your eyesight.

Even when your child is 30.

In 12 years, my child will almost be 11 and a half. I hope I am as selfless as my father is.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:13 AM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
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1 This post made me a little teary... but I am a big time daddy's girl.

Posted by: Kasey at October 29, 2007 09:33 AM (tttDj)

2 That made ME cry and I am no where CLOSE to pregnant! Congratulations, by the way.

Posted by: properprophet at October 29, 2007 10:11 AM (Yagmr)

3 you know Sarah, the interesting part is...the appearance of something soooo illusive, after waiting for soooo long. you know what that is like. and Bill Murray always makes me cry, well except in Garfield..

Posted by: awtm at October 29, 2007 10:14 AM (BwtOk)

4 For me, the emotional range amplified even more after the birth of my children. Your heart beats quite literally outside of your body, and being a mother has given me the highest highs and the lowest lows. You become willing to give up everything you have and everything you are to make sure this person has the best possible existence. Your dad probably didn't even think about giving you his glasses. One of my friends, who I have always considered a very giving person, recently had a baby. She said to me in amazement, "I never knew how selfish I was!" You give up all these things without a second thought. You're going to be a great mother.

Posted by: Sis B at October 29, 2007 04:04 PM (6qNPu)

5 You're so right when you say your dad did that without even thinking. And, don't worry, you will too. Kids start training us early to be selfless--sleep deprivation comes to mind. I'm only cracking wise because you made me want to cry reading your post and I have homework to read so I can't be getting all bleary eyed right now.

Posted by: Guard Wife at October 29, 2007 05:23 PM (BslEQ)

6 Because I didn't get a chance to type it before: congratulations! What a wonderful post about being a parent. I think the minute my daughter was born, I left my old selfish self behind. You'll be a great mom, just look at what a wonderful example you have in your Dad!

Posted by: dutchgirl at October 29, 2007 06:13 PM (P2o4r)

7 Your dad is so sweet!

Posted by: wendy at October 30, 2007 09:54 AM (56tHP)

8 Man...That's rich.

Posted by: Erin at October 30, 2007 03:16 PM (XRza7)

9 Your emotions will never be right again after that baby is born, either. Everything affects you, now, as a mother and everything pertains to you. Now when you watch the news and see the atrocities that happen to families and children, that could be YOU. Everything takes on a new perspective and a much more serious side does come out. It can be almost paralyzing, really. I think you had a post about what you would and wouldn't let your child do in life? It gets MUCH harder when it's your own. I'm excited for you and look forward to hearing about your pregnancy and experiences!

Posted by: wochenend mit bier at October 31, 2007 06:52 PM (bNSmb)

10 Congratulations! I haven't been to your blog in a while, but knew you were trying for a baby, so thought I would stop in to see if you had some good news yet. YAY!! All I can say is that once that baby is put in your arms, everything changes. You won't even think about the selfless acts and sacrifices that you'll make for him or her. My son is 4 months old now, and every night I get in bed and think about how much I can't wait to see him the next day. There is nothing like motherhood -- the overwhelming, all-consuming love for someone you just met. And it just keeps growing and growing. So happy for you ...

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