June 18, 2007
Since my boyfriend/fiancÃ© has returned, I have distanced myself from the Milblogging community. Not really on purpose, but just because once my soldier returned I wanted to celebrate his being home, act like we were a Â“normalÂ” couple, doing normal couple things
When he was deployed I knew everything that was going on, the names of operations, the areas of operations, how things were going in these areas. I would check the names of fallen soldiers and read about their lives. I read milblogs religiously. I sought out new connections, searching for degrees of separation. I lived and breathed the war on terror. And I was shocked, shocked I tell you, that other people didnÂ’t share my fervor in following all things combat related.
I often complain that war is too distant from the general public. Because of the deployments, soldiers clock-in and then clock-out of the war. They arenÂ’t in war mode the whole time. And consequently their families arenÂ’t in war mode. I complain about the general public lacking the passion to fight this war, but I realize that I am just as much part of that problem. As soon as my boyfriend came back, I clocked-out.
Over the weekend, I realized that if you arenÂ’t a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. I had subconsciously become one of those people who lives as if we arenÂ’t at war. And part of me thought that in 2 Â½ years things might be over in Iraq and Afghanistan, and my fiancÃ© wonÂ’t be deploying again. That this war doesnÂ’t really directly affect me anymore. Over the weekend I realized that I hope my fiancÃ© deploys again in 2 Â½ years. Because if he doesnÂ’t deploy, it means that we have given up.
I can completely understand her feelings here. And I applaud her for expressing them so honestly; when I tried to bring this up once on SpouseBUZZ, it didn't work out so well.
I still spend roughly the same time online as I did when my husband was deployed, but the hunger for frontline stories isn't as deep as it was when he was gone. Back then I needed to feel connected to Iraq in a different way than I do now. And while I am just as emotionally invested in the outcome of the war, I know that I too am half-clocked out. Or at least enjoying the idea that I have the luxury of being half-clocked out until next year.
But I am trying to reconnect with what I've let go since March 2005. So I offer some military reads today.
Posted by: Zeno Davatz at June 18, 2007 09:37 PM (FcYJW)
Posted by: Bette at June 20, 2007 07:47 AM (ICdbF)
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