May 17, 2009

DONE WAFFLING

I spent all day yesterday waffling on the baby issue. Deep down, I don't feel that confident about going forward.  I know you all say that babies are better than dogs, but I just don't know how to believe you.  A year ago, I said this:

And I was never one of those women who loves babies or wanted to be a kindergarten teacher her whole life. This may sound terrible, but there's a part of me that's ready to throw in the towel because the more elusive it gets, the less important it feels. The less emotional it feels. I think human beings ought to procreate, and I think that people with stable, loving homes like ours are a good place for kids. (And Mark Steyn makes me think I need to have ten of them, to shore up our numbers.) I was always fairly matter-of-fact about having a baby anyway, and this year of over-thinking it hasn't helped any. My husband re-convinces me every day to keep trying, because I'd love to abandon hope and forget about it.

And now that even more time has passed, and we're looking at pain and money coming into the equation, I feel even less motivation.  My husband says it's his job to force the issue and make it happen, because I keep changing my mind. He says doing IVF is my own personal deployment of sorts: no one truly wants to deploy, but they do it because it's the right thing to do and it's part of who they are and their value system.

This morning I found a video via Up North Mommy that stopped my waffling.



It reminded me of a major reason why I wanted to procreate in the first place: to create more humans with my value system. To make more Americans.  I don't know how it sounds when I say things like that, but I mean it from the depth of everything I believe in.  I'm not just being xenophobic or anti-Muslim; it's the loss of my own culture that motivates me.  I'd like for there to be more people in this world like my husband and me, more people for my tribe, more people for our gulch.

And I'm now ready to spend $12,000 to make it happen.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:04 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 385 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Actually, that (the potential/impending loss of our culture) is one of the main reasons my husband wants us to have at least 4 or 5 kids in the long run.  I think he actually showed me that very same video just last week.  I have always wanted multiple kids so I have no serious objections, but I do have to agree with him that the thought of western civilization just fading and eventually disappearing due to demographic shift really saddens me.

Posted by: Leofwende at May 17, 2009 10:21 AM (28CBm)

2 So... a fundraiser maybe?

Sarah's Uterus Reutilization Fund (SURF)
Sarah and Russ' IVF Fund (SARIF)
Walter's Reproductoin Is Starting Today (WRIST)
Sarah's Big Belly Fund (SBBF)
Sarah and Russ, IVF Now! (SARIN!)
Please Help, Let's Everyone Give Her Maternity (PHLEGHM)
Knocked Up For Our Life As We Know It (KUFOLAWKI)
Put A Bun In Sarah's Oven (PABISO)
Grokking Embryos Today So Our Mother Emerges (GETSOME)
Motherhood Is Life's Flowering, And Sarah's Time Is Come!  (MILFTASTIC!)

Just some ideas...

--Chuck

Posted by: Chuck at May 17, 2009 05:17 PM (meX2d)

3

I'm sorry to do this in a post comment, but I'm looking for a working email address for Neil Prakash. I read all of hsi Armorgeddon Blog and I understand he's been promoted, isn't blogging any longer.

I just want to send him some "fanmail" and I can't, for the life of me, find an up-to-date email address for him.

 

Sorry to be "that guy".

 

T

Posted by: Tyler M at May 17, 2009 10:38 PM (QqVLv)

4 It could be worse financially.  CPAC just declined to move my furniture and car back to the U.S., so I have the pleasure of spending a lot of money AND getting my same old furniture at the end.  Can you say screwed by the system - again?

Posted by: Oda Mae at May 18, 2009 12:57 AM (9CCkr)

5 So I was thinking this fundraiser idea and then along comes Chuck. I sure can't top those acronyms. And I can't decide which is the funniest, but count me in for a little bit. Or helping with the babysitting if it's multiples. We all want to do our part for the culture;D

Posted by: Ruth H at May 18, 2009 11:26 AM (4u82p)

6

you made an excellent point! I was talking with my husband about this thing the other night and he said to just be prepared for when the boys go thru some sort of rebellion stage and instead of peircing something and wearing all black they end up turning ... dare I say it... liberal.

Really. I'm totally not ready for that. And dread the day.

Good luck with your next move making future yous (and your husband)

Posted by: the mrs. at May 18, 2009 02:58 PM (NJQf+)

7 the mrs. just scared the holy heck out of me.


Posted by: airforcewife at May 18, 2009 03:32 PM (NqbuI)

8 I vote for GETSOME or MILFTASTIC!  I can make coozies! 

Posted by: Lane at May 18, 2009 09:24 PM (W+Nqs)

9 I was thinking about this and it's estimated we'll spend what up to $250k on children to raise them through age 18. So although $12k does in isolation seem like a lot of money (because it is), in the grand scheme of how much you'll potentially spend on your child it probably is the greatest part you'll spend on them. It just means you're putting more of an investment into your child at the front end.

For some it just takes a pack of Camels from the local Speedway, peach schnapps and a prom night. For some of us it just takes a biiiiiit more. Plus, you can just have he/she/them work it off by walking Charlie a bunch.

Posted by: BigD78 at May 18, 2009 09:32 PM (g3z97)

10

I normally don't comment, but I just wanted to offer you some encouragement. A woman very close to my heart did IVF as that is the only way she could have children. She now has 3 beautiful daughters. She doesn't even think about the price tag anymore, and if she could do it again, she would. She did it twice. I won't say it wasn't a hellava roller coaster for her, but she doesn't regret it for one second.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Tressa at May 18, 2009 11:00 PM (yY6P+)

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