July 14, 2011

CRUEL SHOCK

I don't even know how to write this, or where to begin, or what witty angle to use to lay out the story of yet another dead baby.  I used to compose the blog post in the car on the way home.  I have been home for hours and still don't know what to say or think.


This one was a surprise.  A cruel shock.

The only other time I had doubling HCG levels and strong morning sickness was with BabyGrok.  I was craving the same things (pizza bread and white wine) and as exhausted as I was with her.  And even last week's WTF wasn't enough to deter me from thinking that we had just conceived late and everything was going fine.

Is it because it's happening today and it feels much more real, or is this really as I perceive it to be: the biggest blow of them all?  Because this time, more than any other time before, even BabyGrok, I was sure I was having a baby.

It just feels so cruel to have to be morning sick for a month for nothing.  And to still be morning sick because there's a dead baby inside of me pumping out hormones and tricking my body into thinking it's pregnant.

Ugh, I just can't say anything more about it anymore.  I am mad and hurt today.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:23 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 I'm so terribly sorry. I wish I knew what else to say.

Posted by: Erin at July 14, 2011 09:31 AM (G5D6v)

2 Nothing I can say will take away the hurt, but please know I care and pray for you.

Posted by: Connie at July 14, 2011 11:16 AM (L6nIP)

3 I am so sorry and I wish you didn't have to go through this.

Posted by: Christa at July 14, 2011 11:41 AM (2qSbp)

4 So sorry Sarah, my prayers are with you.

Posted by: Tracey at July 14, 2011 12:13 PM (wKx+4)

5 I am so sorry to hear that. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: To the Nth at July 14, 2011 02:31 PM (mB143)

6 I have long admired the strength you have shown as you have faced the challenges you have been confronted with over the past few years.  I am more sorry than I can say over what has happened, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Sandra at July 14, 2011 05:05 PM (Sxyff)

7 I'm so sorry.

Posted by: Sig at July 15, 2011 07:47 PM (OzC/x)

8 Rock your child,especially when she is sleeping. You'll still hurt and be unbelievably angry, but the touch of your child will make a difference. I am so sorry you had to go through this yet again.

Posted by: HChambers at July 15, 2011 09:50 PM (VaG1x)

9 Words cannot express how sad I am for you! Send you support and love from across the ocean (I'm sorry that my iPhone has been blocking me posting for nearly a week. I apologize for neglecting so long!)

Posted by: Darla at July 19, 2011 12:16 PM (d/msI)

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