June 20, 2011

BECOMING ZEN

The nurse who used to "help" me at the fertility clinic is gone, and the new nurse is super nice.  Last pregnancy and this one, she's been really accommodating.  They've offered me the moon both times: as many blood-draws and ultrasounds as I want.  And the ironic thing is that, the more frequently you're pregnant, the less crucial it feels.  I have come to the zen state that either I will be pregnant for 9 months or for about 3 weeks, and it is what it is.  No amount of kangaroo pouch peeking will change anything.  So I thanked them but told them not to waste their resources.  I will get my blood checked twice this week and then an ultrasound later to look for a heartbeat.  I appreciate their attentiveness, but I have really embraced the weird idea that all my babies' lifespans are predetermined long before I even know they exist, and whether I know the lifespan or not doesn't change anything.


Aren't you impressed with how zen I've become?  I grok the miracle of life.

Posted by: Sarah at 07:43 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Our first was conceived on the first try and I had such a problem free pregnancy that I only had one ultrasound at 20 weeks and that was it.  Our second attempt took years, I had an ectopic pregnancy and a garden variety miscarriage and eventually had some assistance from an RE.  As a result I had a beta at 5 days (24) and weekly ultrasounds from almost the beginning.  One of the results of that was at 6 weeks seeing a blood clot between the uterine wall and placenta.  This typically means that a miscarriage is coming.  So, we wait and wait and eventually it just dissolves and he just turned 4.  What I learned from all of that is that it was entirely possible that I had the same blood clot with my first and I never knew or worried about it and worrying didn't change a thing except how I felt about it.
Way to learn from experience.

Posted by: Christa at June 20, 2011 08:19 PM (2qSbp)

2 Congratulations. on a whole new attitude. Peace and quiet within is so often under-appreciated.


Posted by: Pamela at June 21, 2011 03:57 AM (ibr+n)

3 I think it's a wonderful perspective.  Good luck!!

Posted by: beth at June 21, 2011 07:38 AM (VJK1m)

4 Back in my day we seldom even had x-rays. Of course we worried over our unborn babies but there was nothing we could do to predict who or what, or when exactly we would deliver. X-rays were given in the final days if a problem of size or something that could cause a c-section was suspected. I think your attitude has evolved into what we had. 

As one of my doctors said about my cholesterol levels a while back, "it is what it is."  I can do nothing about it, my body cannot handle those medications. So I am what I am. Zen?  No, Popeye is the one who said  sang that.

Posted by: Ruth H at June 21, 2011 12:27 PM (zlUde)

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