July 15, 2004

MONSTER

True story: I was walking the dog this evening when an animal ran out of the hedges and down the sidewalk in front of us. It was in my sight for at least five seconds, running away from us, and I was staring at it trying to figure out what it was. After it dashed out of sight, I stood there, puzzled at what I had seen. I figured it must have been a baby deer, even though it looked more like it was hopping than running. If someone told me it was a kangaroo, no lie, I might've believed it. When the dog and I got to the end of the hedges and turned, there it was again, this time from a side view. As it ran off, startled, I realized that I had just seen my first hare. Lord, was it humungous. It was bigger than the dog, with powerful legs and stiff ears. I then also realized why the flowers in front of my house have not only been nibbled to death, they've been ripped from the earth, roots and all. An animal that big could pull a whole bush up. Man, this hare put Illinois' bunnies to shame; it was a beautiful sight.

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July 13, 2004

STAIRS

I've never been good at stairs. I never take my time, and I fall often. Going up, I usually don't lift my foot high enough and catch my toe on the edge. Going down, I usually put my heel too close to the edge and slip. One time when I was away at college, I came home for a weekend. I ran into the house and down to my dad in the family room, at which point I fell and came crashing down the flight of stairs. My dad just chuckled and said, "Sarah's home."

So tonight as I was walking up the stairs to class with my purse over one arm, my bag of class materials on the other, and a Taco Bell cup in one hand, it's no big shocker that I caught my toe on the step and crashed onto the landing. Since my hands were full, I didn't have any way to brace myself as I fell. The three Soldiers I was walking with were a pleasant change from my classmates in high school: rather than laughing and pointing, they immediately helped me up and made sure I was OK. Nonetheless, it was extremely embarrassing, and now the entire left side of my body hurts. I even have a nice big purple lump on the palm of my hand.

Only I could find a way to bruise my palm.

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July 12, 2004

YAY

WelcomeHomeFlag.jpg

Go and share the joy with Tim and Patti!

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July 09, 2004

MURDER

I just got home from my travels and I was going to write about the Autobahn, high speeds, etc. All of a sudden that seems so stupid.

Base officials saying little about deaths

Air Force officials released little new information Wednesday regarding the killing of two Robins Air Force Base residents found dead in their red brick duplex early Monday morning by base security forces.

I know this couple. Both Andy and Jamie Schliepsiek went to our high school. My brother used to play sports with Andy and they were pretty good friends. And, eerily enough, Andy and Jamie were in line right behind my husband and me to get marriage licenses.

I feel a sort of disgusted shock right now.

MORE TO GROK:

They were a cute couple, weren't they? And he had just returned from a tour in Iraq. Senseless.

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July 08, 2004

BUSY

Blogging will be light these next few days. Tomorrow I have to travel for work, and then this weekend I am taking a seminar on...terrorism. I plan to take lots of notes for blogging.

In the meantime, you can read stuff on my sidebar. And consider donating for a sewing machine.

MORE TO GROK:

What do al-Sadr and Michael Moore have in common? Read this.

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July 04, 2004

INDEPENDENCE

I wanted to write something really special for the Fourth of July. I read through lots of my old posts, through old emails home, through papers I wrote when I took that year of ROTC, searching for inspiration. But I just didn’t have anything else to add. I realized that when you live every day as an American – when you are proud of your country and wear your service flag and regimental crest pins every single day – then you don’t need to step it up a notch for 24 hours in July. Independence Day to a diehard patriot is like Valentine’s Day for newlyweds: it’s simply a day where the rest of society notices what you cherish daily.

When I took the Military Science class, the first year of ROTC, we were required to write an autobiography. Most of the students in the class were in their third week of college; I was a senior with a strong background in writing. I had a bit more experience to draw from than the rest of the class. The teacher, our beloved Captain R, told me mine was the best ROTC autobiography he'd ever seen and that he was passing it out to every Soldier he knew. I didn't think it was anything amazing; it was just the truth. I read it again yesterday, and I still feel the same way (though I must resist the urge to revise). Excerpt:

I am one of the oldest students in the MS 100 class, since I find myself rapidly approaching the ripe old age of twenty-two. As a senior in the class, I have been surrounded by people who are just beginning the scholarly journey I started long ago.

The most important part of this journey for me was last year, when I was a student in a French university. I spent an entire year on study abroad, which accounts for my tardy enrollment in Military Science as a senior. This was a pivotal moment in my scholarly life as a French major, because my outlook on the future has been radically changed by this time I spent away from my homeland. I found that France was nice, but it was not home. I felt aimless and rootless. I had a difficult time placing myself in a society into which I did not easily fit. I found myself standing up for my own country and facing people who were hostile to that for which my country stands. I found myself shying from the French thought and becoming more American than I ever imagined I would be.

I had always been a patriotic person. My favorite holiday is Independence Day, and I won the Daughters of the American Revolution award in high school. But once faced with people who did not respect the basic tenets of the country which I held so dear, I found within a great longing for my motherland. I returned from this year in France with a confused sense of what it is I want to become as a French major and a heightened sense of who I am as an American.

And then I began MS 100. Originally, I had just thought that it would be a better option than Health and Wellness. I would learn something to which I had never before been exposed: how the military is arranged and how it runs. I soon found that I enjoyed the class more than I had previously foreseen. On the first day of lab, even without a uniform, I envisioned myself part of something larger than I could fathom. As the cannons blasted and words were read, words of unity, justice, and freedom, I felt so proud. I felt very proud of my country, very proud to call myself an American, and proud to have called myself an américaine in France.

I never imagined that standing there in the group with me on the first day of lab was a young man who would one day be the most important person in my life. I signed up for MS 100 because of the paintball and rappelling; I'm happy to have stayed because of the values the military represents. The closing paragraph of my autobiography is ironic, considering the turn my life took when I met that young man in ROTC.

I had an argument with a foreigner the other day. He comes from a country where military service is mandatory and therefore seen as a burden and a hindrance to young men. Therefore, our opinions on the ROTC program clashed fiercely. What I said, on behalf of my experiences, was that the ROTC is a wonderful program, one that can provide students with a taste for the military, however diluted this taste may be. And through this experience of MS 100, a scholar can decide if he has been called to become a part of this greater collectivity of brave men who devote their lives to the country I cherish so much. I am proud to associate myself with these ideals, even if only for one year.

I believe these things every day of my life; I don't need to act any different today. I'll fly my flag, wear my pins, and be grateful that brave Americans today and yesterday have fought and died for what I cherish. Just like I try to do every other day.

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July 02, 2004

CHECK

There's nothing that makes me smile quite as big as doing our online banking and seeing Electronic Check Tikrit as a transaction. Good to know he has access to money.

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July 01, 2004

LIFE

Real Life struck today. I attended a three hour briefing on Pell grants, the head boss visited from Heidelberg, I wrote a quiz for class tonight on the sly while the boss wasn't looking, and now it's time to shovel the food in my mouth and head to class. No time for love, Dr. Jones.

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June 30, 2004

MEMORY

When I was 15, I arranged a good surprise for my dad: tickets to a Three Dog Night concert in Peoria. I ordered the tickets and hid them behind my sock drawer (as if he would go snooping in my sock drawer anyway). The night of the concert, he drove us downtown while I directed from the passenger seat since I couldn't drive yet. As we rounded the corner onto Main Street, he looked at me and said, "We're not going to the strip club, are we?"

It was a great concert and a great night; I'll never forget my dad's confident look as he said, "The encore has to be Eli's Coming." I'll always remember that father/daughter outing.

Happy Birthday, Daddy.

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June 28, 2004

HOMELANDSICK

My in-laws called in a panic yesterday: since I hadn't done any blogging, something had to be wrong! Nothing's wrong really; I've just been in a funk lately I can't shake. I think I'm homelandsick.

While my husband is gone, I clean up his email and get rid of all the junk. Last week I noticed a folder with my name on it; closer inspection revealed it as Sarah in Sweden. I had no idea he had saved those old emails; I took a trip through the past, reading all my messages from my summer in Örnsköldsvik. And I was homelandsick then too...

I used to think that homesick was only the feeling of missing your family or loved ones. I thought I did not get homesick. But yesterday, I got a different kind of sick. I am homelandsick. I miss the United States. I want to use free bathrooms. I want to drink out of a cup that is bigger than a salt shaker. I want to eat chips and drink Pepsi. I want to drive somewhere instead of walking. I donÂ’t want to eat so many fruits and vegetables. I want to watch TV. I want to see baggy jeans and dirty white baseball caps. I want the sun to go down, so I can see lightning bugs. And I want to leave my shoes on in the house.

Today I boycotted Swedish meals and ate pizza and chips and salsa for lunch. Somehow this just hit me yesterday. My friends and I went on a trip along the coast. It was beautiful, and I took lots of beautiful photos.

But I miss corn fields and huge houses and horizon as far as the eye can see.

I think it was this Mudville post that started it. Maybe it's hearing other wives talk about their plans for trips home and knowing that I won't be going until my husband returns. Maybe it's 4th of July around the corner. Maybe it's everything. I just want to go home.

I wasn't kidding when I said I'd rather be golfing with Bunker. And I suck at golf. I think most people here would faint if they knew my husband and I tried to trade our Germany slot for Fort Hood, but I can't think of anything better right now than going to the Alamo. Or to Vegas. Or just to Subway.

I'm such a patriot that I can't stand to be out of my country for this long.

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June 26, 2004

LOVE

For the record, my feelings for Red 6 are not weird. Yes, I did say I love him: he's like a third brother to me, and he says I'm like an extra sister-in-law to him. In our house we jokingly call him my second husband. My husband loves him as well, and he knows I have enough love in my heart at the end of the day for more than one soldier...

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June 25, 2004

SCOFF

A couple of years ago, before I started reading blogs, I saw a Dinner for Five where Sarah Silverman and Michael Rapaport were talking about how hard it is to be a Jew in Hollywood. I thought they were insane. I didn't exactly grow up surrounded by Jewish people, but I knew a few and I had never heard anyone say anything bad about Jews. In fact, I thought the Holocaust had pretty much taught us all a lesson.

Boy, was I wrong.

After two years of reading LGF, I know that I was wildly naive. I can't say if Silverman and Rapaport are discriminated against in Hollywood, but I will never again scoff at the plight of Jews in our world.

And these days I'm inclined to stop a moment and wonder if there indeed is a subliminal message in photos like this.

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June 21, 2004

PURPOSE

I'm still struggling with my place in this world. (Boy, is that an understatement.) I've been stuck thinking about a quote from page four in my book for over a week now:

Seen in either geological or biological terms, we don't warrant attention as individuals.

I thought about that concept a lot when I was reading Cosmos too. I don't matter much. In the grand scheme of things, on the universe level, I'm laughable. But even on smaller levels I'm having a hard time figuring out my purpose in life, figuring out how I matter as an individual.

My husband is fighting an insurgency to try to create a stable democracy on the other side of the world. I teach people how to write. The absurdity of those two jobs juxtaposed makes me sick sometimes.

I'm the best military wife I know how to be. I write him a letter every day. Deskmerc said I have to make the country worth defending; I try to do that. I try to stay optimistic and positive, despite the fact that I haven't seen our post flag at anything but half-mast for months now. I can even be Edith Roosevelt if I have to, and I would if it came down to it. But there are many days when I'm simply not satisfied being a just a military wife.

I want to warrant more as an individual.

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June 17, 2004

BEST FRIEND

I just got to instant messenger with the husband's best friend! It's so good to hear from him. He thanked me for being his "surrogate wife"; I told him it's twice as fun to have two soldiers to take care of (I send him two letters per week and I'm constantly running errands for him around here). I really miss him too; he was a regular fixture at 1830 when The Simpsons comes on. I can't wait to have both of my boys back in the house, drinking Newcastle and laughing like they haven't seen each episode a hundred times.

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BEARABLE

As I drove home tonight, this song's lyrics hit me

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Today my husband said that he worries about me. I find that ironic, considering his situation is so much more worrisome than mine. He said he worries I'm bored and lonely without him; I told him I manage to keep quite busy but that I can't wait for him to come home so I can take care of him again. I'm watching stars without him, and my soul does cry at times, even though I wish it wouldn't.

I'm so thankful that blogging has brought me comfort. I have no children or pets, so the house can seem awful big for just me and that houseplant (which I did cut, by the way, and it looks great). But I haven't felt too lonely thus far because I can always run to the computer and visit all of my new friends. I'm grateful for each and every one of you. She who sends me postcards. He who made me a CD. She who wants to be a Marine. He who offered to tape the new episodes of Family Guy for my husband. She who makes commenting blunders. He whose family calls me his "girlfriend". She who thought she wasn't allowed to read my blog without my permission. He who's happy his children want to move to the US. She who IMs with me each morning. He who said I look cute in the tank. And all the rest who simply email and comment to express their support. I'm so grateful to have each and every one of you standing beside me through this deployment.

It makes watching stars without him a little more bearable.

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MONEY

We four families in our townhouse paid a neighborhood kid to mow our yard last night. I realized later that he makes more money than I do. One of my students told me that the baggers at the commissary make more as well. Dang.

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June 15, 2004

HEATHER

Imagine my surprise when I saw this story via Tim:
Two Army wives put careers on hold to aid injured soldiers at Landstuhl
I know Heather Twist; her husband was in OBC with mine. She's even commented a couple of times here on my blog. I'm particularly amazed that she has done this wonderful deed without "bragging"; I didn't even know about it until I read the article. Heather, I'm so proud to know you.

So how can I help?

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WEDDING

Carla wanted me to talk about my wedding. It was really pretty standard, I would say. We got married outside in my parents' backyard in Illinois. It was raining that morning, which made us all quite nervous, but by the afternoon it was perfect weather. We wanted the wedding to be more like a cook-out than a formal event, and I think it turned out pretty perfect.

wedding.jpg

The honeymoon was what was a real hoot, though. Because of scheduling problems that came up after 9/11, my husband was told a few weeks before graduation that he couldn't start active duty right away. We started our marriage with four months where neither of us was getting a paycheck. We paid for our plane tickets and hotel for a week in Washington D.C., and after that we were a little strapped for cash. I was actually just laughing about this the other day because as I was looking back through my planner, I saw all the notes in the calendar for the week of our honeymoon: I had kept track of every dollar we spent. There are notations like "$2 = bomb pops" and "$5 = lunch, hot dogs" that crack me up. We kept track of every cent we spent because we really started out with nothing. We've done well for ourselves, considering, and we don't ever plan to budget bomb pops again.

Those little notations are one of the best memories I have of getting married.

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June 08, 2004

WORKING

I thought I'd try to simulate my husband's workweek by logging 56 work hours this week, 25 of which fall on Monday and Tuesday. I start teaching again tonight, and so I'm swamped.

I had a blog idea last night too, and I wrote it on a notepad by my bed. I'll be darned if I can't remember at all what it was...

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June 06, 2004

SELF-CONSCIOUS

My husband told me that he reads my blog every day when he has internet access. To be honest, that makes me a little self-conscious, since my husband is the smartest man in the world. (Yes, I know I've said the same thing about Den Beste, but we'll just have to live with that paradox.) He also said that, because of the nature of his mission in Iraq, he sees many wedding parties every Thursday, so there's no way the bombing on the Syrian border, on a Tuesday, was a wedding. No way at all.

If you're reading this, Blue 6, know that I love you. Also know that I'm pretty sure you fell asleep while I was telling you a story on the phone, and you're in big trouble, mister. Ha. Get some much-deserved rest and dream of crab rangoon and Captain Morgan. Soldier safe...

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