June 21, 2004


I'm still struggling with my place in this world. (Boy, is that an understatement.) I've been stuck thinking about a quote from page four in my book for over a week now:

Seen in either geological or biological terms, we don't warrant attention as individuals.

I thought about that concept a lot when I was reading Cosmos too. I don't matter much. In the grand scheme of things, on the universe level, I'm laughable. But even on smaller levels I'm having a hard time figuring out my purpose in life, figuring out how I matter as an individual.

My husband is fighting an insurgency to try to create a stable democracy on the other side of the world. I teach people how to write. The absurdity of those two jobs juxtaposed makes me sick sometimes.

I'm the best military wife I know how to be. I write him a letter every day. Deskmerc said I have to make the country worth defending; I try to do that. I try to stay optimistic and positive, despite the fact that I haven't seen our post flag at anything but half-mast for months now. I can even be Edith Roosevelt if I have to, and I would if it came down to it. But there are many days when I'm simply not satisfied being a just a military wife.

I want to warrant more as an individual.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:24 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 If we were all destined to do great works, great works would be commonplace, and no longer considered great. I wouldn't sell yourself short in teaching people to write. Education is one of the main (if not THE) backbones of our society, without it our society wouldn't be possible.

Posted by: John at June 21, 2004 07:31 AM (crTpS)

2 Great works are commonplace - if we are working on great things.

Posted by: David Boxenhorn at June 21, 2004 09:18 AM (viCKh)

3 Sarah, I do not know how many people read your blog regularly, but I do. I consider you a fine writer, a fine thinker, and one who clearly goes over every aspect of the issues. That is one thing you are, a writer. The other "thing" you are is a teacher, never discount your influence in all things to those you teach. And the most important thing you are doing now is being Sarah. There is only one of you in this world, you are the most important person in the world to your husband, one of the most important to your mother, and to the rest of your family. For the rest of your life, in whatever role you are in, the most important thing you will do is be SARAH. An old Shakspeare quote, "to thine ownself be true" (however he actually said it) doesn't mean answer only to yourself, it means if you are not being you, you are not are not being true to yourself or anyone else. It's true we are not all destined for greatness in a whole world way, but we are all destined for greatness to our spouses, our children, our families and all those we serve in what we do whether it be blogging, teaching, cooking, knitting, or just standing by. I've told you before you are one of my heroes, don't discount that either!

Posted by: Ruth H at June 21, 2004 01:49 PM (g/OJa)

4 Sarah...you have much more to offer those around you than you will ever know. I know that because I'm one of those around you...and I remembered how to spell 'grok'. I've been reading your blog, and I don't think it's boring at all. I was a blog virgin until that fateful night at dinner. Thanks to you and Oda Mae, my world is a little bigger and more enlightened...and to ME, that is a great work.

Posted by: Petal at June 21, 2004 03:53 PM (KTBrf)

5 Teaching people to write is a great thing. Being a teacher in general is noble, in my opinion. When it comes to living, however, everyone desires a change every now and again. I'm of the mindset that one makes one's own purpose in life. From this standpoint, it's perfectly natural to feel the desire to try different things, and to go ahead and make those life changes. I'd dare to say that there are so many noble and constructive things to do in this world that one individual couldn't do many of them even given a thousand years.

Posted by: cjstevens at June 22, 2004 12:39 AM (fDuiT)

6 It is that desire to warrant more as an individual that makes you so great. Always striving to make a difference, to make things better. Without you there would be less. Less knowledge, less laughter, less thoughts.

Posted by: Tammi at June 22, 2004 10:17 AM (B6upY)

7 One of the Founding Fathers wrote (and this is an approximate quoted from memory): "I must study politics and war so that *my* sons may study commerce and industry, so that *their* sons may study literature and art."

Posted by: David Foster at June 22, 2004 05:30 PM (XUtCY)

8 If you believe that your husband is doing something beneficial to this world, and you know that he loves you and you love him, then you also know that he would not be complete and would not be able to do his job without your love and support. This is not to say that you are only important because of the support you provide to him because you are much more than that, hopefully we all are. Everyday you impact peoples lives in small ways that you may not even realize, and they may not either right away, but dont forget that our grand and wonderful flag is made out of many small individual threads, and without every one the flag would not be complete or as beautiful. This question is one of the big ones that every human being must one day contemplate and I certainly dont want to take up all your comments space philosophizing, just know that you are wonderful and important whether you can see it right now or not.

Posted by: mt in big D at June 23, 2004 01:46 AM (Kd0Zb)

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