I think I made some progress on the computer over the weekend, but this evening will be the test of Sarah's skills. Hopefully my work will pay off.

I'm still subbing, and it's funny how I view things through the eyes of a teacher now. The husband and I have been watching the series Freaks and Geeks, and I can't help but see pieces of my own 7th graders in the show's characters. I am very sensitive about the geeks and very hateful towards the freaks, simply because I now see those interactions in front of my eyes every day.

I haven't given up on blogging. My mom says she misses me, but it's really because of our computer. I haven't even read a single blog in over a week. I hope to be back in the saddle soon.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:18 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Many have reminded me of my love of wifeing. Of course I want to wife my husband; that's why I'm upset. He's doing all the husbanding! I am the one working all day and he has to take care of the house and cheer me up when I get home. That's not what I wanted at all! I wanted to take care of him...

We're doing OK. We've been talking a lot about how we felt during the deployment, all the stuff that went unsaid when we only had the instant messenger to convey our thoughts. Puzzle pieces are falling into place, and we're working through the usch.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:30 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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The husband has also been feeling a little usch, so we've been trying to joke about it and keep things light. We both are dealing with new feelings: he feels completely without purpose, since he's stopped cold after running himself ragged for a year. Now he has no platoon and no duties, and he's entirely unsure what to do with himself. He has no professional goals for the next 90 days, and it's driving him nuts. I, on the other hand, am trying to keep from constantly talking about how I want to choke some middle schoolers, and I'm having a hard time being cheerful at the end of a long day. So he's super bored, I'm super irritated, and we have a computer virus. We've got a lot of crap on our plates, and we're just trying hard to stay positive. We've been talking a lot lately about the puppies that are gestating now.

Last night I had a dream that my husband made the move to Finance and they deployed him to Spain for six weeks. Nevermind that this makes no sense; I was still devastated. In my dream I kept arguing that we were still under stop-move and he couldn't leave again. I guess even though it's rough reintegrating, I'd rather have him home than in Spain.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:20 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 I've been reading your blog for about four months. Durinjg that time, your comments became more and more centered on your husband and how much you missed him and how you were looking forward to his return. I am only writing because I and my wife are former military. I retired after 213 year of service in the Army and must say taht although there were lows, most of the time was high. I think wives have a harder time adjusting to the return of a husband from an overseas assignmsnt. ( had three during my career). I can read the love and understanding you express through your blog, and although you sound down now, go back and read some of your blogs just before your husband returned, then let him read them again, and be thankful that you have each other and a long and joyful and rewarding life together ahead. Best Wishes, Rosie. P.S We have been married 53 year and it wouldn't have been possible if each of us hadn't been willing to give more than we got.

Posted by: Rosie at March 23, 2005 05:28 PM (kaTPV)

2 Hang in there!!! A little time to find your new 'normal' and you'll be fine. Just the fact that you can both admit and even try to joke about the feelings you are having bodes well for you! Maybe not much help, but I wanted to cheer you on a little Rah!! Rah!! Rah!!

Posted by: Renee at March 23, 2005 06:11 PM (gDEwS)

3 Hi Sarah, I, too, wanted to add my encouragement. Since I've been back, I've reluctantly assumed the house-husband role. But I will admit that it feels good to be doing mundane things instead of hazardous actions. When I read your previous entry, I had just finished vacuuming out our heater ducts. I was going to type a reply but decided to do another load of laundry first. Then I got overcome by events. I guess I've been married long enough because the first thing my wife said when she got home from work was, "Dishes?" Can you feel the love? But my leave ends very soon and I report back to duty on Monday. Say, have you tried comparing notes? I'm sure he has some troops that act like middle schoolers that he would love to choke too. :-) Randy

Posted by: R1 at March 23, 2005 06:25 PM (6QRyU)

4 Sara, I have been reading your weblog for a long time also. Since your husband has time off, maybe he could volunteer at your school, or the post library or see if any of those that lost family members could use someone to do some errands for them... Thanks for your Service (Both of you) Sine Nomine

Posted by: Sine Nomine at March 23, 2005 07:20 PM (slLfp)

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I am having a little trouble reintegrating. I debated whether I would even blog about it or not, but I thought that others whose soldiers have just returned (or just left) might be interested to hear how we're handling all of this. I think I'm having issues with sharing. For a whole year, I've had the entire house to myself. I did whatever I wanted and cleaned up only after myself, and so I feel myself getting irritated at stupid little things that I know are only bothering me because I haven't had to deal with them for a year, like my husband's ridiculously loud alarm clock. I actually think it's harder on me right now than it was when we first got married, because at least then I had two roommates in school. I've been completely selfish for a year, and it's making me grumpy that my lifestyle has changed. It also doesn't help that I'm working full time while my husband is not, so he's at home doing nothing and I'm wrestling with seventh graders all day long. Though I must say he's not really doing nothing, because he's being a great house-husband. He's vacuuming and taking care of our car insurance and being helpful. However, it feels weird to me to have him in charge of the household, since that's been my lane for our entire marriage. It's been my job for so long that it feels weird to let go of the responsibility, and I feel a little useless and not in control. My usch level is way up, and I find myself getting irritated with trivial things. I hope the feeling doesn't last for long.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:02 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 You are not alone! I am having the same difficulties....I can only hope that it gets better soon...

Posted by: Kelly at March 22, 2005 08:52 AM (S77hB)

2 Woo boy, I can assure you that this is totally normal. In fact, these exact sort of feelings were discussed repeatedly at the Family Readiness return briefing (I'm not sure what the Army calls it). It feels bad because you want to be deliriously happy that he's home (and most of the time, you are), so when you get those little nagging annoyances, you are more affected than usual: "How dare these things intrude on my happy time?!" It will settle down, though. Alex was away one night this weekend for drilling. I was happy to have the bed all to myself, but I missed him as much as I did any night while he was deployed. You'll soon get back to the feeling that you're two parts of one unit--the feeling that you always want him near you. It just takes a little time.

Posted by: Carla at March 22, 2005 10:05 AM (6tYwr)

3 Never forget the alternative! Kelly's Mom

Posted by: Darcy at March 22, 2005 11:38 AM (E4pwU)

4 This is gonna sound really cutesy, especially coming from a guy, but trust me: every time it happens, and I mean *every time*, sit him down, give him a hug, and tell him how glad you are that he's back. By the time the words come out of your mouth, you'll forget why you were grumpy in the first place.

Posted by: James at March 22, 2005 12:07 PM (QvU5o)

5 Yeah, Sarah, I concur with James. Same situation occurred with us long ago in a galaxy far away; while she didn't "work" outside the rental house (which we were blessed to get for a steal--and didn't go up every time BAS went up!), she DID give birth to our first, and in six months' time had all that child rearing stuff down pat when our ship came in. She hasn't killed me (and collected the insurance) yet in the nearly 28 yrs, so just hang in there, recognize where all this usch is coming from, and attack it for what it is: transient, if you'll make it so. GBY and your reintegratee (new word?), and thank you both for serving at your respective posts--his in the sandbox, yours at home. Grace and peace, Jim Shawley

Posted by: Jim Shawley at March 22, 2005 01:15 PM (CnYsu)

6 Sarah(and husband), I just read this, and i could feel this "little grin" spread across my face!..and i could hear 2 little voices, the first saying..."Go, ahead!Be the MOM", and the second voice saying"OH! MY GOD!There she goes,being the mom(again)"...so my comment is...WASN"T IT JUST ABOUT A MONTH AGO, when you were writing about wifeing???Thanks, Sarah,for continuing your blog!!It won't be real long, before you're trading dishes for cooking, and vacumming for dusting.,..ENJOY the honeymoon!!!!

Posted by: debey at March 22, 2005 01:21 PM (IPf6i)

7 I agree with Darcy, you could always send him back to Iraq if he gets too annoying It is perfectly normal to have these feelings, it will pass.

Posted by: Mustang 23 at March 22, 2005 01:23 PM (POTh6)

8 Normal, Normal, Normal, Normal... This too shall pass. Hubs "real world" job puts him on the road quite often. So him coming home and "trashing" the living room has become our joke. I'd walk into the living room, see the soda cans on the coffee table, the newspaper on the couch, and every remote would be out of the basket and scattered between his chair and the couch..all I would say is "Hubs is home" and walk back out. Six months into this deployment he was already writing and saying "I can't wait to come home and trash the living room" Even when he was home on leave, and handling things that I usually handle but HATE (ie, mowing the 5 freaking acres of lawn) It rubbed me the wrong way, but he wanted to do things that were normal, things that reconnected him with being home. I remember carrying him a glass of ice water and saying "baby, you don't have to do this" his response, "but I kinda want to, if that makes sense" You are both adjusting, it will take a little time, but you'll both get there. You may go back to the way things were, or you may find a new "normal", but you will work it through. Keep writing about it, keep talking about it. It will help you, and it will help us. There are a lot of us out here who aren't in your shoes yet, and it will help to remind us all that we aren't alone when it's our turn. I like the idea of hugging him when the irritation factor is up, I may have to try it in (theoretically) 63 days Take care..you can do this.

Posted by: Tink at March 22, 2005 02:42 PM (S6VXg)

9 I am sure this is normal-can you imagine the adjustment I would have after all of these years. Perhaps the real problem is those seventh graders you are facing everyday. You had to live without him for 388 days so give yourself a break-this too will pass. Jane

Posted by: Jane at March 22, 2005 10:44 PM (xSEi5)

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My husband is on his last day of reintegration. He's adjusting quite well, considering the tempo of his mission for the last year, and he's come away with minor woes, namely his back and feet. He's having trouble sleeping on our bed -- perhaps since he's used to sleeping on a cot or tank -- and he's waking up with a sore back. He also used to have the smoothest, nicest feet I'd seen, but this year in Iraq has just destroyed them. They're cracked and peeling and really awful. I just keep slathering him with Ben Gay and foot lotion, poor guy.

Also last night he and I were talking about all the myths that people throw around: all soldiers are poor, all Republicans are racists, etc. Today, thanks to RWN, I find a good article debunking the men-make-more-than-women myth.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:52 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 Sarah - try this for cracked and rough feet - take some sugar and put either water or lemon juice in it until it is wet and able to be scooped with your fingers. Then lightly scrub his feet with it and the dead skin will come off and his feet with be smoother. I hope he can sleep better soon. His back probably adjusted to the weird sleeping places he had to endure and now regular sleeping is impossible. Glad he's home and tell him THANKS again for protecting our freedom. We appreciate both of you and your service to America.

Posted by: Kathleen A at March 15, 2005 07:56 AM (vnAYT)

2 Sarah, I wish I knew you and your husband. Because, if I did, I could send you a care package, thanking you both for your service and sharing your lives with us. In the care package would be this http://www.barielle.com/barielle/control/product/~category_id=32/~product_id=1012;jsessionid=576157B0108CF5EF628B723137168FB7.jvm1 Best foot creme on the market -- and no smell (guys usually like that part). Incredible stuff -- it works on horses!

Posted by: Sherry at March 15, 2005 06:57 PM (z1fb4)

3 Agree..Barielle is GREAT. Small amendment to Kathleen's recipe...I use olive oil and sugar mixed in the hand to make the scrub..WORKS so well. Tell your DH thanks again for his service to our country. Come to think of it,THANK YOU SARAH...you did just as much in my book. All military spouses do.

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My husband packed my lunch for me today before school, and he put one of those little "I love you" notes in like moms do for their kids. He also packed way too much food for me. He's the best.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:00 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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When they finally released the soldiers -- and I swear Red 6's ceremony was far shorter than my husband's -- I skipped over to my husband, grabbed his hands, and said, "Hi." And we were back to normal. We stood and talked for a while before I said, "Can I have a kiss?"

Yesterday I wrote how proud I am of my husband, but last night he made me even prouder. He hadn't slept in two days, he hadn't eaten dinner or gotten any lovin', but the first thing he wanted to do was check on his soldiers. We spent our first hour together in the barracks, passing out bottles of beer and introducing me to his guys. I am so proud that he put them first.

And though you told me to stay away, you know I won't resist the blogging temptation for long...

Posted by: Sarah at 05:15 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment
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1 Yay! You brought tears to my eyes this morning. I'm so happy that the two of you are finally reunited. I've enjoyed following your blog this past year. Happy reunion!

Posted by: Dawn at March 09, 2005 05:25 AM (iZFDa)

2 Congrats on his safe return!!!

Posted by: Sean at March 09, 2005 06:36 AM (ru0sP)

3 Congrats Sarah! I'm so glad he's home safe and in your arms at last. Welcome back soldier. Thanks for protecting our freedom and for sharing Sarah for a little while. Take time together - we can wait.

Posted by: Kathleen A at March 09, 2005 07:23 AM (vnAYT)

4 Good stuff, that first kiss!

Posted by: Mike at March 09, 2005 07:47 AM (yPbYG)

5 YAY for you!!!! Many thanks for both of your sacrifices from this grateful American. Now go have FUN!

Posted by: MargeinMI at March 09, 2005 08:34 AM (u0NOA)

6 Hooray! I'm so glad for both of you. Here's hoping you'll get a little vacation time to get away and find each other again!

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 09, 2005 08:49 AM (5VQpT)

7 Yep, first tears of the morning, but they were tears of joy and pride. I'm so happy for both of you, so proud of both of you! I think it speaks volumes that you BOTH spent time checking on his soldiers. Plus - I think he was pretty damned proud of you too!

Posted by: Tammi at March 09, 2005 09:24 AM (HaRi0)

8 I knew you couldn't stay away long! Thanks for the photo . . . you will be glad to have that for years to come. Now that we are updated go enjoy him . . . remember the brats are probably awaiting your return too. Look forward to more updates later. Hope to meet your husband some day. I am always looking for excuses to come back. Take care!

Posted by: Heidi at March 09, 2005 09:50 AM (6krEN)

9 Um...I know this is so totally a non-sequiteur with your post, but you have gorgeous hair...lol...really shiny! Thanks so much for sharing the pic and story so everyone can live the experience vicariously.

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at March 09, 2005 09:50 AM (VN5B1)

10 I am sooooo happy for you I've been reading you for a long time, and I am proud of your hubby too. Thanks for sharing him with us and thanks for sharing your experience. Good luck to you both. Enjoy each other!

Posted by: Renee at March 09, 2005 10:02 AM (gDEwS)

11 Happy tears for both of you! And yeah, I'm pretty sure we can say he's just as proud of you as you are of him.

Posted by: Teresa at March 09, 2005 11:18 AM (nAfYo)

12 Sarah, You might have erred when you say your husband was putting his men first. I think he was also using that time to have you become part of him again, enjoying the little things about you and just having you next to him. He was probably trying not to explode. There might also be a little guilt on his part since he will be home with you and his men will not be able to see their families until they go home on leave. Expect company until then.

Posted by: NYNY at March 09, 2005 12:18 PM (8i7w+)

13 While our troops go out to defend our country, it is incumbent upon us to make the country worth defending. --Deskmerc-- You know, that sums up so well the founding motivation for ROTC advocacy at Columbia (that, and the simple, strong belief in soldiers by student-veterans and military kids at Columbia). Anyway Sarah, my point is that I hope you mention to your husband how you've helped us at Columbia (don't worry - I'm not asking for a testimonial from him), just so he knows that he and his soldiers ARE motivating socio-cultural changes state-side, and his wife is an active part of it. Civilians, while not in uniform, aren't just talking about supporting the troops, but trying to change society at home to close civil-military gaps. So that not all the positive changes are 'over there', but over here, too. Because of the honorable work of soldiers, and their wives. You're part of what's happening here, and he should know that. Well, it can wait. Do what you gotta do with your husband first. Eric

Posted by: Eric at March 09, 2005 12:44 PM (eyiWI)

14 Bra. Vo. Buy that man a double Whopper with cheese, bacon, jalepenos and hypersize the fries. Bill me. Tell him thanks for everything, thanks for serving, thanks for putting the hurt downrange, thanks for bringing his soldiers back. All his guys are honorary grunts, as far as I'm concerned. Now, who's gonna wash all his TA-50?

Posted by: Deskmerc at March 09, 2005 01:33 PM (565iX)

15 Love the kiss!

Posted by: Janie at March 09, 2005 02:50 PM (bpwmq)

16 So now you know.... Waiting is fullness. Grok it.

Posted by: MajMike at March 09, 2005 03:22 PM (zXWkt)

17 ditto on the tears, babe. i'm so happy for you guys! That picture says it all, i luv it.

Posted by: annika at March 09, 2005 03:58 PM (x2PHC)

18 I am crying while I write this. Thank you for sending the picture that I have been praying to see for a very long time. Jane

Posted by: Jane at March 09, 2005 04:00 PM (wYkda)

19 Congrats to the both of you!!!!! Thank-you for being there with me through this deployment. It has finally come to an end and now it is time to start wifeing, what a wonderful job!!! Enjoy your husband as I will mine...As far as the TA-50 is concerned you know just bring it on over to my office I will be waiting........

Posted by: Kelly at March 09, 2005 04:58 PM (oxgS1)

20 Congrats!! I'm so happy your hubbby returned safely. Have fun you guys

Posted by: Tom at March 09, 2005 05:09 PM (3aIPU)

21 beutiful. simply. beutiful.

Posted by: liz at March 09, 2005 06:16 PM (C8Vdy)

22 Good News, Sarah. Enjoy the time you have together. You've earned it. And you did very well, both of you. Your husband should be very proud of the way you handled the deployment. Press on. With the fun. Subsunk

Posted by: Subsunk at March 09, 2005 09:19 PM (adHXR)

23 Love the photo....can see his smile clearly......I too recently reunited with my husband.....it is something isn't it. I am proud of you both. Can't wait till I figure out how to LINK.....darn ArmyWifeTOddlerMom

Posted by: Rachelle at March 10, 2005 01:08 AM (IZN5S)

24 I'm glad for you both - enjoy having him home with you! I knew he had to be a good guy, as your husband - but to see how he cares for his soldiers is a great tip to what a good officer he is as well.

Posted by: Barb at March 10, 2005 02:13 AM (g9qHI)

25 Welcome Home Red 6 !!!!! I'm so happy for you both The pic is beautiful

Posted by: MorningSun at March 10, 2005 07:24 AM (aTdfO)

26 I am so glad he is home and the two of you are together again. Now.. the lovin' hehe Bryan

Posted by: Bryan Strawser at March 10, 2005 02:15 PM (Lb3cZ)

27 Congrats. And thanks.

Posted by: Bill Faith at March 10, 2005 03:13 PM (qKQwG)

28 Hoooraay!!! Have fun!!

Posted by: Pamela at March 10, 2005 04:25 PM (PlwSw)

29 Wonderful! Celebrate!

Posted by: Elmo at March 11, 2005 07:22 AM (KYjGW)

30 Sooooo happy for you two. Congrats and sincerest thanks to you both for all that you do and have endured. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Posted by: Princess Jami at March 11, 2005 04:20 PM (0gPLe)

31 WOOO HOOOO. Glad to have you back! Sarah, only blog if you want to!!

Posted by: MAR at March 11, 2005 08:06 PM (YwdKL)

32 Nice....just nice. Please thank him from me for all that he has been doing for me, a guy he doesn't even know. And that's what makes him a hero.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at March 11, 2005 09:05 PM (BjDAE)

33 Worth the wait wasn't it? Lots of thanks to both of you.

Posted by: dhammie at March 12, 2005 05:36 PM (7YIQy)

34 Congrats! And thanks to you and your husband.

Posted by: Blackfive at March 12, 2005 11:21 PM (T/oyu)

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Shaved legs? Check. Perfume? Check. Fancy underpants? Check. Husband's wedding ring? Check. Ready to go.

I also want to thank all of you who have been "deployed" along with me for an entire year. I appreciate all your support and good wishes. It means a lot to me to hear from all of you.

And now, I'm off!!!!

Posted by: Sarah at 12:03 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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1 WooHoo!! And we don't want to hear a WORD from you for At Least 24 hours! Ya hear! ;p

Posted by: Tammi at March 08, 2005 12:11 PM (HaRi0)

2 God Bless you Sarah & Russ. And thank you for your sacrifice.

Posted by: Tim & Patti at March 08, 2005 01:11 PM (UPI1q)

3 Make that 72 hours, not a word! GBY, Jim

Posted by: Jim Shawley at March 08, 2005 01:30 PM (CnYsu)

4 Happy, happy day!!!!! Enjoy every moment and... "72 hours?" Take a week! We'll miss you tons, but we'll survivie somehow...

Posted by: Beth at March 08, 2005 02:34 PM (DEwIg)

5 God bless you both.. Thank you for what both of you have accomplished over the last year.

Posted by: Tink at March 08, 2005 03:57 PM (S6VXg)

6 Thank you for letting us wait with you. Now go be happy together.

Posted by: homebru at March 08, 2005 04:11 PM (Vwt92)

7 Congrats! I've been where you're husband is and I know he'll be just as happy and relieved as you are.

Posted by: Chuck at March 08, 2005 08:16 PM (en453)

8 This is the day the Lord has made, LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT. I'm so happy for both of you.

Posted by: 1AD Army Mom at March 08, 2005 08:33 PM (lZ8lX)

9 Woohoo!! I have been waiting to read this post! I am so happy for the both of you

Posted by: Cynthia at March 08, 2005 08:36 PM (PqmP+)

10 Wooooooooooo-hoooooooo!!! Celebrate and give your husband an extra hug for me, too. Thanks for sharing your wonderful news tonight and enjoy your reunion. Robin in Ohio

Posted by: Robin in Ohio at March 08, 2005 08:51 PM (FQRd6)

11 Do what you gotta do, Sarah. Best wishes.

Posted by: Eric at March 08, 2005 09:27 PM (wO78u)

12 you go get your man-tell him {and you}thanks from an old usmc grunt{vietnam} thanks from dallas texas

Posted by: j at March 08, 2005 09:34 PM (aXXYw)

13 in true munuvian form: YAY!

Posted by: annika at March 08, 2005 10:45 PM (/J5gD)

14 I am so thankful that Russ is home safe and sound. I am thankful that you have survived such a long time with out each other. Most of all I am thankful for all of the sacrifices that you both have made for us. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!! Love, Jane

Posted by: Jane at March 08, 2005 11:10 PM (kGaUP)

15 Welcome home and a big hug and kiss from your mother-in-law. I'm so thankful you are home safe and sound. Enjoy each other, enjoy Sarah's cooking, and enjoy South Park, Family Guy, The Simpson's, etc., etc. I love you both. Mama

Posted by: Nancy at March 09, 2005 01:22 AM (YuW6k)

16 Best wishes to you both---please give your husband a crisp salute from me for his noble service.

Posted by: david at March 09, 2005 08:07 AM (ZVhuO)

17 A heartfelt thanks to your family. I hope you commit at least one bedroom felony in the course of your happy reunion.

Posted by: Setzer at March 09, 2005 11:00 PM (2Zaiw)

18 Congratulations to you both. I am jealous however. I don't think my Bride has shaved her legs for me since Chaos was born. V/R Ed

Posted by: Ed & D at March 11, 2005 09:07 PM (nXsGx)

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If everything goes according to plan, this should be my 387th and last night of sleeping in an empty bed...

Posted by: Sarah at 04:17 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Our extra two and a half weeks of deployment have gone fairly quickly. I was sick for the first week and then I was getting emotionally beaten by 7th graders for the second, so I haven't really had time to feel lonely. I am, however, a tad disgruntled that my husband's tardy arrival will make us unable to attend Red 6's wedding as we had originally planned: reintegration activities are a poor substitute for being by our best friend's side as he marries, but I just have to let that disappointment go.

So the countdown for Return of the Husband is small enough to be counted on one hand. Hmm.

In a way, I feel a tiny bit nervous, to be honest. I can't quite put my finger on why. It will be a big change for both of us to be living together again after 13 months apart. He's gotten used to an enormous amount of sharing; I have shared virtually nothing for a year. He's been sleeping on a cot; I've been taking up the whole bed. He's been eating sub-standard food; I've been eating water chestnuts and carrot cake and all the delicious things that make him yak. My life has been so easy, and his has not.

I talked to The Girl the other night, and she told me how sorry she was that I had to wait so much longer than everyone else to get my husband home. I said that the real pity lies with the soldiers, that they have not done a single thing since 18 February and that I feel just awful that they're stuck so far from home. She laughed and said it was nice that I was thinking of the soldiers and not of myself, but how on earth can I complain about my feelings in comparison? Though I have complained this year about grading too many papers and getting paid too little, my life is a walk in the park. I know this. I couldn't possibly live with myself if I didn't acknowledge and respect how difficult my husband's life has been this year.

My husband is my favorite person in the whole world, so I can't figure out where the nerves are coming from. Perhaps I'm worried about wifeing him to death. Perhaps it just seems to good to be true that he'll be home in a few days. I don't know what it is that is making me so freaked out that this week has finally come.

Actually, I know what it is. It's the thought that I will have to leave him the day after he gets home and go wrestle with a bunch of 12 year olds. That's enough to make me sick to my stomach.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:02 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The gym was packed with anxious families for the welcome home ceremony. I helped my friend's kid onto my shoulders so he could see better as the soldiers entered the gym. They got released and ran to their wives, and I realized that mine wasn't there. I thought there must have been some misunderstanding about which day he was arriving, when I saw a second group of soldiers enter the gym. There he was. As I ran to him, I got so excited that I woke myself up before I ever touched him.

I've not been sleeping well lately. My dreams are a mess of 7th graders and welcome home ceremonies. I have been told an arrival day for my husband next week, and I keep fretting about whether he's going to arrive during the school day. I managed to put myself in an extremely stressful situation a week before my husband returns from war. What a stupid move.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:46 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I've been at the school for three days, and I officially hate my students. But that's fine, because since I hate them, I don't care if they hate me. So we stayed an excruciatingly silent three minutes after the final bell rang, and I think they got the message. But we'll see tomorrow.

I don't really hate them, but you know what I mean. I have a problem with wanting to be liked. I want my blog readers to like me. I want the students to like me. I want my husband's soldiers to like me. It's my character flaw that I want to be liked, because sometimes it's not good to be liked. Sometimes you have to be a jerk. My husband learned that lesson in Iraq, and I am learning it this week.

The students' grades are suffering too. They're talking instead of working, and therefore their work is sloppy and incomplete. Most of them got F's on their in-class assignment today. I don't know if the bad grades will force them to take notice, but I've certainly noticed when I look in the grade book.

Thank heavens their regular teacher is having twins: she is procreating double to make up for the child I'm rethinking wanting to have!

Posted by: Sarah at 10:56 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Flog them! FLOG THEM! They might understand a taste of the lash if words don't suffice.

Posted by: Jason at March 03, 2005 01:10 PM (565iX)

2 Student teaching middle school math cemented for me that I want to teach high school. **g** Yes, they can be sweet from time to time, but I'm still of the opinion (adapted from Heinlein) that 7th graders should be locked in a barrel for a year.

Posted by: SandraTX at March 03, 2005 02:43 PM (XaPns)

3 I'd extend it to 8th grade as well, haha! Last year I taught (among others) a class composed entirely of 7th and 8th grade boys. They were so awash in hormones I think I could smell 'em (the hormones, that is). I felt like I needed a shower after class order to avoid sprouting chest hair from the testosterone that wafted through that room, haha!

Posted by: Beth at March 03, 2005 05:43 PM (DEwIg)

4 Sarah, I know nothing about teaching. But I do know a bit about the desire to be liked. All I can offer is that the most important thing to me is to be able to look myself in the eye (in the mirror) in the morning, and feel good about it. And sometimes that means taking a path that is a bit tougher, but is the right path. So hang in there, and if there is justice in the world, you will be remembered by your students - not because you were liked, but because you expected the best of them. (This is something I struggled with when younger, but by the mid-30s, things can shift, and your self-knowledge and values take over. You still want to be liked, but the first priority is on your values.) Wow, that sure sounds preachy, but I hope it is taken in the spirit intended. (still struggling!)

Posted by: Jean at March 03, 2005 08:06 PM (7jvO1)

5 When you are in a position of leadership, lead. You'll find that discipline will be rewarded with respect. I flunked a couple of cheaters once and they came in the next day thanking me. The thing we most want is to know what is expected from us. Let your students know what exactly is expected from them and be challenging. When the kids get distracted, use the ones who are not by having them clap. Say, anyone who can hear me clap your hands. The talkers will be left not clapping and embarassed. Remember too, your class is your audience. Keep them entertained with learning.

Posted by: jim at March 03, 2005 09:12 PM (j2EyP)

6 As I learned when coaching that age group, the boys are "just beginning to smell themselves" as someone put it. I like that description.

Posted by: Mike at March 04, 2005 03:52 PM (yPbYG)

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My job with the college might've paid peanuts, but I never came home exhausted. I'm ready for bed when school ends at 1500.

And I think I can finally report that my husband is in Kuwait. I don't have any firsthand knowledge of his whereabouts, but his commander says that he's in Kuwait. So we're gonna assume he's finally there.

Time to pack my lunch...

Posted by: Sarah at 01:24 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Sarah From what I understand, your experience is typical. My mom is a teacher (ppcd - pre-K special ed) and her routine is that when she gets home from school, she collapses on the couch and sleeps. As far as the general stress of the job, there's a reason why they say a very large portion of teachers leave the profession within five years.

Posted by: James Sloan at March 03, 2005 02:51 AM (Rd3mL)

2 Very typical. Welcome to the profession. The only thing that keeps us in it are the side benefits--being there for kids and watching them grow (both of which take a while to appear) Hang in there in the meantime. Subbing is the worst! Hubby's out of Iraq? Yeah for both of you!!!

Posted by: Beth at March 03, 2005 09:01 AM (bfseJ)

3 Sarah - I'm so glad (and relieved) to read that your LT is on the way back home to you. I've been checking every day hoping to see this good news. I trust that he will soon be back with you, enjoying a delicious German heffe (among other things). I also hope that you'll get to go on the cruise that you planned. You certainly deserve it. - Bob

Posted by: Bob at March 03, 2005 12:41 PM (Xbhpv)

4 So glad to hear your husband is out of Iraq!

Posted by: Princess Jami at March 03, 2005 03:31 PM (0gPLe)

5 I have to laugh at myself right now, because I am reading this and so wishing that I was in your shoes right now (not subbing, but that your husband is close to coming home)...ignoring the fact that we are on like Day 10 now...lol. The anticipation must be incredible. I can't wait to hear about when he comes back!

Posted by: calivalleygirl at March 03, 2005 03:33 PM (zSHGu)

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You know how they say that one bad apple can spoil the bunch? Well, one bad class period can make you feel like you've been run over by a truck. The 7th graders were doing very well until last period. Last period was out of control. I'm still not 100% from being sick last week, and I was going hoarse trying to shout over them. They were insane, and they kinda ruined the whole day for me.

But really, other than that last class, it was fine. Except what is up with kids' names these days? The spellings are killing me: four girls named Kaitlyn, Caitlin, Katelynn, and Kaitland. My goodness. And how do you pronounce Mireya and Aryal? I thought I had it bad when most of my ESL students were Korean and Chinese!

I'm beat. Time for a little Simpsons with Red 6.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:11 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Heh, heh, heh. Welcome to the joys of teaching adolescents, dear Sarah! :-) Remember, show no fear. It will get better once you get to know them and can anticipate some of their tricks. A friend of mine teaches middle school science. Her favorite "weapon of self defense" is a cell phone. If a kid is acting up, she immediately has them call their parent to explain WHY they can't behave. Works like a charm. ;-) She usually only has to do that once for the lesson to sink in to the class. Robin

Posted by: Robin in Ohio at March 01, 2005 03:16 PM (FQRd6)

2 Great idea, Robin! I think I'll steal it... Sarah, you wrote, "...one bad class period can make you feel like you've been run over by a truck." Hell, yeah! Just be glad that one class wasn't your first of the day! As a music teacher, I've had two days in a row where my toughest class of the day was first. By lunchtime, I just didn't have the mental, emotional, or even physical energy to be an effective teacher. It was NOT pretty! But hang in there. Those days are usually few and far between.

Posted by: Beth at March 01, 2005 07:36 PM (DEwIg)

3 After lunch is always the toughest. Remember - ONE teacher can NEVER outshout 30 kids. Trying only makes you hoarse and mad. My suggestion - pick a prominent offender, walk TO them, bring them to the front of the class and have them write some punish work on the board. Repeat as necessary. All assuming your school permits any kind of discipline. If not, it is hopeless. Put in earplugs and read a book. Nobody cares.

Posted by: Glenmore at March 01, 2005 07:43 PM (D+5mb)

4 Mireya? Aryal?? Where are you teaching, Rivendell Junior High?

Posted by: CavalierX at March 02, 2005 03:43 PM (RIPhW)

5 I had two general guidelines: I always addressed the kids as Mr. or Ms. Whatever, and treated them as if we were at a professional seminar. That seemed to calm them down a bit. And, my rule was: "Students are not allowed to do anything that will get Paulie at The Commons in trouble." Following a breaking of the rule, I'd immediately boot the kid out to the AP's office. Subs don't get paid enough to put up with malarkey. And the message gets out quickly.

Posted by: Paulie at The Commons at March 03, 2005 09:29 AM (QoPy8)

6 Good luck. I have done some subbing and middle school is the worst. Kids that age are just hormones in tennis shoes!!!!!

Posted by: Pamela at March 03, 2005 03:48 PM (PlwSw)

7 Segregate them: boys on one side, girls on the other.

Posted by: david at March 04, 2005 01:34 PM (ZVhuO)

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