September 03, 2011
A BOX OF BOOKS
I discovered today while unpacking the bookcases that I have an entire box of books about how to get pregnant. Wow. That's a lot of info on a process that most people barely have to think about.
I set aside
one of the books that CVG got me a few years ago that I'd never felt good enough to read. I started it tonight, and all the feelings came crashing back. Things I haven't thought about in a long time. Things I'd forgotten. Things that used to hurt so badly and that don't hurt anymore...until I remember how badly they hurt once. It never really goes away.
And I am one of the lucky ones: I both figured out what caused my problem and managed a work-around. I conquered my infertility, at least once. I'd like to do it again, but I know how many people would give anything to do it just once.
Mostly, I remember the hope. Death by hope. Lying in bed after an IUI naming my triplets and imagining us all crossing the street holding hands. I remember how badly it hurt to have that hope destroyed over and over again. To feel it flame up every two weeks for years. What a miserable way that was to live.
It's not over though. I'd still like to conquer again.
But anything I feel today is nothing like how I felt in
April 2009. And I hate that there are others out there who live like that forever...
Posted by: Sarah at
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I have faith you will conquer it again.
It is horrible to know so many people never get their time. The fertility clinic is a roller coaster ride and it is nice when the emotions lose their edge and fade. I still remember transferring to the regular ob office and sitting through my extra long orientation meeting with my mom and finagling an ultrasound from the super nice head nurse because I was from the REI clinic and very hopeful to show my mom a glimpse since she came out specially for the appt. Only to find where once was a heatbeat there was none.
I hope your time on the roller coaster is short and with minimal heartache and stress.
I recently feng shui-ed to the thrift store almost all of my pregnancy and babyhood books. While I'd like to think I'm not a terrible parent and/or only capable of producing/raising children with delays of this or that diagnosis - the idea of trying again fades out more than in lately. I know that I would at least not like to feel like I am underwater and believe I've a couple years before I know we are on the right track with the boys.
Posted by: Jenn at September 05, 2011 03:02 PM (LHZib)
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It's amazing how the littlest things we unearth can bring it all back to the forefront. We put a lid on the infertility nearly two years ago and sometimes it feels like yesterday. I have utterly blue moments on the days that I feel that every pregnant dependent has stormed my BX at the same time to flaunt their fullness over my barrenness. I know that's my insanity speaking but for just getting the single experience of stroking my own growing belly I'd give so many things.
Lately I've been struggling when healthy close friends of mine cavalierly drop the dates of when they plan on adding to their broods. Johnnie is nearly 1 so we hope to get knocked up again in the next 2 months. It's so hard to be torn between saying Good Luck! and STFU! can't you see it hurts?? Can't you see it's NOT that easy for some of us?! You don't KNOW what it's like! Do you always make 'skinny' comments in front of the fat girls without disregard for their feelings!
I wish you all the best! I am loving you sister and praying for you from around the globe! Every post I wait with baited breath and with every milestone I laugh and I cry for you. [hugs]
Posted by: Darla at September 08, 2011 01:48 AM (d/msI)
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Darla -- One of the most annoying ones I ever heard was a friend who said, "We want a third kid but we're gonna wait until after this fall because I don't want to be fat at my high school reunion." Sigh. Oh to be able to plan so easily...
I think about you often. You might like that book I linked to...it's not funny (if you want funny, "Infertility Sucks" is a good read), but it's...powerful.
Posted by: Sarah at September 08, 2011 09:54 AM (ifOVh)
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August 18, 2011
THE LONGEST MONTH EVER
Moving on didn't come as soon as I expected. The meds worked, in the sense that they expelled the majority of the "products of conception," as they're called in the biz. But unfortunately the bleeding didn't stop, so I went back to the doctor. An ultrasound revealed that there was a blood clot being directly fed by a vessel. Conclusion: D&C.
Two days before the movers were coming.
So we spent a surprise day at the hospital. I went surprisingly fast considering I didn't expect to have surgery that day. But we missed a whole day of preparing for the move. And I had a bad trip coming down from the anesthesia because I hopped right out of bed as soon as I woke up and raced home to retrieve BabyGrok from the babysitter and continue with moving plans.
But everything got done, as it always does, and we're packed out and gone. We're at my folks' house for a week before we head to our new home on post. We're excited.
But this last month has been ridiculous.
Worst.fetus.ever.
But best kiddo ever:
Posted by: Sarah at
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I'm glad things have calmed down. You deserve a week's rest after what you've just gone through. I hope you never have another month like the last one. May the rest of your move go smoothly.
Posted by: Amritas at August 19, 2011 10:23 AM (5a7nS)
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What a sweetie! And I love the pink crocs! Best wishes for a smooth & uneventful move!
Posted by: Toni at August 19, 2011 08:23 PM (aL5Tl)
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Sarah,
I am sorry for your loss, and pain. I have admired you for the way you have dealt with everything that has come your families way. I wish that I really knew you, just know that there is someone out there that thinks and prays for your cute family.
cindy h
Posted by: cindyh at August 21, 2011 09:38 PM (ND10h)
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('bout ready to smack that jersey s.o.b. into next week)
(and ready to smack Dame Fortune for being such a bitch to you lately)
The move is halfway over...I admire you for the fortitude you have. And that picture is precious...it would be neat made into a painting.
Posted by: Mrs. Who at August 27, 2011 01:18 PM (CtX4I)
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Was this one Brett Farve? Quits, comes back, quits, doesn't leave, etc?
Posted by: Chuck Z at September 05, 2011 04:32 AM (OITDh)
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Oh the curls and the crocs - too precious. Thank you for sharing!
Posted by: Amy at September 07, 2011 03:41 PM (/aae1)
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July 29, 2011
MOVING ON
Just an update. The second round of meds worked, and I immediately felt better. Not morning sick anymore. Still a little sore, but glad to be moving on now.
Now just stressed out that we're moving 1000 miles in two weeks.
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I'm glad you are physically feeling better, I know it's still rough.
Regarding the move, I'm sure you have lots of access to advice for a military move, I have a few suggestions as a veteran of 8 of them, including one whole shipment that they lost. Take pictures of everything, put up in a private Flickr acct, on several smart sticks, but have a picture inventory. If a box, or, as in our case, the whole shipment is lost, you have to identify every item lost. Much easier if you have the info, this includes model and serial numbers for the higher priced stuff. I tried to have 1 adult per packer writing or taking pix of what went into each box. My good friend had a bag of garbage carefully boxed, and had her very expensive curtains used to wrap a fish tank. We avoided that, but had damage to wood tables, bed headboard, bookcases, and in one case the whole bookcase disappeared. In some cases they tried to argue that the damage had been there before the move, with pictures, you can prove otherwise. Adult supervision can help with the stupid stuff, and the recording. Next, toddlers and young children can get very upset as their toys are packed and taken to the truck. Finding a good friend or relative that can take your daughter while all the upheaval is going on is something I highly recommend. You have so many talents for coping, they WILL help you get through this. Take very good care of you and yours.
Posted by: HChambers at July 30, 2011 03:17 PM (VaG1x)
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I'm glad the experience has come to a conclusion so you can be feeling better and moving forward. That little girl of yours will be a fantastic mover!
Posted by: Darla at August 02, 2011 02:52 PM (d/msI)
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July 25, 2011
GONE BABY GONE
Without hesitation, this has been the most irritating pregnancy so far. The raised expectations and the morning sickness, then the death dragged out for three weeks, then the continued morning sickness, and now...
I took the round of meds on Thursday and they didn't work. The baby did not get the eviction notice and is still hanging around. So now I have to start all over again tomorrow. More meds. And this time with no husband home on the weekend to help.
I just want this baby GONE.
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You remain in my thoughts. I wish you a speedy conclusion to this ordeal.
Posted by: To the Nth at July 25, 2011 01:59 PM (mB143)
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I so agree with the above comment...
Posted by: Connie at July 25, 2011 05:11 PM (L6nIP)
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July 21, 2011
I THOUGHT I WAS DONE
What's been hardest to accept, I think, is the fact that I thought I was done. I foolishly let myself get my hopes up this time that, because I felt so similar to how I felt while pregnant with BabyGrok, and because that one was a success, that we were having another baby. And since we would be perfectly content to be a family of four, I thought we were done. I even remarked to a friend that maybe we'd get off easy, maybe we'd get away with only having to be pregnant six times.
Only six times. How sad is it that that's now what I consider having good luck...
I was done, in my head. I counted the chicken before it hatched and let myself breathe a sigh of relief that I might never have to try to get pregnant again. We were stepping off the rollercoaster and calling it a day. We had "won." We were successful. We had completed our family at long last.
I am accustomed to losing babies. I am accustomed to getting my hopes dashed. But this one hit me hard because I had The End within my sight, right at my fingertips, and it got yanked away.
And now I don't see myself getting lucky the seventh time. Now I start imagining that we might have to do it an eighth or ninth time...and could we stomach doing it a tenth? How many is too many?
I thought six was the end. Now I don't see any end in sight.
And now I have absolutely no criteria for feeling confident about future pregnancies. Strong hormone levels? Means nothing. Morning sickness? Had it in half the pregnancies. A baby with a heartbeat? #6 had a flicker and #2 had a full-on thump, and what good did it do?
There are no reliable indicators for success anymore.
The seventh time will be hard.
And it will be in a new city with a new doctor too...probably someone who will try to convince me that all the indicators mean something.
Ugh, I was done. I thought I was done. It hurts to have that taken away.
Posted by: Sarah at
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It hurts to see you go through this again.
I thought you might be done too. I was wrong. I am so sorry.
Posted by: Amritas at July 21, 2011 07:54 PM (ZsCaC)
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Ugh. I hate this. I hate that you are having to be thinking that 6 was a lucky thing and such. I wish that you were able to be seeing that end in sight. I remember Kev and I having a discussion about this after the miscarriage between Caden and Jack. He said, "If you knew for sure that you would have another baby, but you had to lose 3 more to get there would you do it?" I couldn't answer that question, I just hoped with all of my being that the next pregnancy would end with a live baby. I am so sad that yours didn't. I wish I could make it better for you and take on a few of those losses for you.
Posted by: Stacy at July 22, 2011 12:44 AM (n8pne)
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Stacy, you've already had more than your fair share. But I know what you mean, we've had that talk too. I wish it were knowable, because I could survive three more if I were certain the fourth would be another baby. The hard part is the not knowing.
Posted by: Sarah at July 22, 2011 07:02 AM (iD+cA)
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I can only imagine how much all of this sucks, but as someone who lives in her head, I know the terrible ways our brains and emotions torture us. Sometimes the only good thing about time is that it keeps on moving.
Posted by: beth at July 23, 2011 10:51 AM (s/jIo)
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So sorry Sarah. I have no words of comfort but not saying anything felt too wrong. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Tracey at July 23, 2011 09:41 PM (wKx+4)
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I've stopped by here several times, but haven't really known what to say. I've experienced a miscarriage (again, with those damn 'high' hormone levels), but did not go through the multiple experiences you have...the not knowing must be overwhelming. I'm not sure any words I can say can bring comfort...but you are in my prayers. Thank you for reaching out with your situation so that others can know, maybe try to understand, and even be able to find a kindred soul...
Posted by: Mrs. Who at July 24, 2011 10:25 PM (CtX4I)
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July 16, 2011
CRAP SANDWICH
Horrible. Just horrible. I am still extremely morning sick. But it's either that or take the meds and face excruciating pain. Nice choice. Can I have neither? Nope, I get both. So I get to be morning sick for one more week and then I get to have the big dose of pain. What a crap sandwich.
Posted by: Sarah at
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My sympathies and condolences, brought to you courtesy of the utterly anonymous internets.
Posted by: Eowyn at July 18, 2011 12:57 PM (t4Rat)
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Crap sandwich is a good way to put it. Sucks big time. So sorry.
Posted by: Stacy at July 18, 2011 10:29 PM (n8pne)
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That is a crap sandwich. I hope with every snuggle of that adorable baby girl you get little feelings of peace and hope.
Posted by: Darla at July 19, 2011 12:18 PM (d/msI)
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July 14, 2011
CRUEL SHOCK
I don't even know how to write this, or where to begin, or what witty angle to use to lay out the story of yet another dead baby. I used to compose the blog post in the car on the way home. I have been home for hours and still don't know what to say or think.
This one was a surprise. A cruel shock.
The only other time I had doubling HCG levels and strong morning sickness was with BabyGrok. I was craving the same things (pizza bread and white wine) and as exhausted as I was with her. And even last week's WTF wasn't enough to deter me from thinking that we had just conceived late and everything was going fine.
Is it because it's happening today and it feels much more real, or is this really as I perceive it to be: the biggest blow of them all? Because this time, more than any other time before, even BabyGrok, I was sure I was having a baby.
It just feels so cruel to have to be morning sick for a month for nothing. And to still be morning sick because there's a dead baby inside of me pumping out hormones and tricking my body into thinking it's pregnant.
Ugh, I just can't say anything more about it anymore. I am mad and hurt today.
Posted by: Sarah at
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I'm so terribly sorry. I wish I knew what else to say.
Posted by: Erin at July 14, 2011 09:31 AM (G5D6v)
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Nothing I can say will take away the hurt, but please know I care and pray for you.
Posted by: Connie at July 14, 2011 11:16 AM (L6nIP)
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I am so sorry and I wish you didn't have to go through this.
Posted by: Christa at July 14, 2011 11:41 AM (2qSbp)
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So sorry Sarah, my prayers are with you.
Posted by: Tracey at July 14, 2011 12:13 PM (wKx+4)
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I am so sorry to hear that. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: To the Nth at July 14, 2011 02:31 PM (mB143)
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I have long admired the strength you have shown as you have faced the challenges you have been confronted with over the past few years. I am more sorry than I can say over what has happened, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Sandra at July 14, 2011 05:05 PM (Sxyff)
Posted by: Sig at July 15, 2011 07:47 PM (OzC/x)
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Rock your child,especially when she is sleeping. You'll still hurt and be unbelievably angry, but the touch of your child will make a difference. I am so sorry you had to go through this yet again.
Posted by: HChambers at July 15, 2011 09:50 PM (VaG1x)
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Words cannot express how sad I am for you! Send you support and love from across the ocean (I'm sorry that my iPhone has been blocking me posting for nearly a week. I apologize for neglecting so long!)
Posted by: Darla at July 19, 2011 12:16 PM (d/msI)
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July 07, 2011
COUNTING MY BLESSINGS
There's just one so far, but she's a pretty big one.
Posted by: Sarah at
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LOVE the cute curls from behind!
Posted by: Connie at July 07, 2011 10:38 PM (L6nIP)
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She is a beautiful girl! You have been blessed.
Posted by: Darla at July 09, 2011 02:39 AM (EsO0b)
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She's a pretty amazing one!
Posted by: Stacy at July 11, 2011 11:42 PM (n8pne)
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I'M TIRED OF GUESSING WHETHER THE ATOM DECAYED OR NOT
OK, I'm trying to be zen, really I am, but life is really testing my limits.
The nurse originally wanted to schedule my ultrasound for back in June. I resisted, saying that I wanted to wait until we'd be positive either way that we ought to see a heartbeat. I thought July 7th was well far enough in advance to guarantee that no heart = dead and heart = alive.
But I went in today and the results were inconclusive. There was the merest, tiniest flicker where the heart ought to grow, meaning that there could be a heartbeat within days...or not.
Ugh.
I just feel overwhelmed with frustration right now. I tried so hard to avoid this scenario. It felt like an eternity waiting until July 7, but I did it because I thought that uncertainty at home was better than uncertainty in front of the ultrasound screen. Unfortunately, I got both.
And what I'd really like now is to talk to someone who gets it...but I don't know anyone. I don't know anyone else who has repeatedly sat in limbo wondering if her baby is alive or dead. I don't even know anyone who's done that once. I know my friends are sympathetic, and as empathetic as they can be, but I just want solidarity. I just want someone who groks.
So I wait another week, wondering if the flicker will turn into a heartbeat or just peter out. Debating myself whether my morning sickness is real or psychosomatic. Living in two alternate realities, one where the atom decays and kills Schroedinger's cat and the other where it doesn't.
I'm tired of doing this.
Posted by: Sarah at
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I am so sorry about this. I have been there. And I remember the games I would play with taking pregnancy tests and scheduling ultrasounds and whether I would tell people I was pregnant and when. All sorts of superstitions cropped up when I am not normally a superstitious person. I am a planner and uncertainty doesn't lead to good, concrete plans. With one pregnancy I threw caution to the wind and bought some cute girl outfits that were on sale and then had to hide them in the closet because looking at them hurt. What finally worked for me was complete pessimism (I am not suggesting it, just telling). I don't think I really believed I was going home with a baby until we got past the week of viability outside my body.
Even my husband didn't really get it. I think because my miscarriages were so early, that for him they weren't as real as they were for me. I was the one obsessed with dates and hormones and tests. So, it was hard to talk to him about it because he was so certain it would all work out and what I really needed was someone to acknowledge that it might not and that I wasn't worrying for nothing.
I know were don't know each other in real life, but feel free to email me if you want to talk.
Posted by: Christa at July 07, 2011 04:37 PM (2qSbp)
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I get it. We went in for the ultrasound last June and the baby was measuring small and my doc kept saying I had my dates off but I knew I didn't. Then the next day I started bleeding and for 3 days would bleed off and on heavily. Everytime I called to go in I would be told that the blood wasn't necessarily a miscarriage and I just wanted to scream at them to shut up and quit giving me false hope because I was dealing with the loss until they piped up. I'm 29 weeks now and still don't feel like we are out of the woods yet and will relax once she is home. I have had no where near the difficulties that you have had, so I can only imagine the stress you are feeling.
Posted by: Tracey at July 07, 2011 05:38 PM (wKx+4)
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Thank you, ladies. Christa -- I know what you mean: my husband is the one person who's gone through all of this with me, and yet...he hasn't. You're right, he doesn't count dates or take pregnancy tests or sit and agonize over when we must've conceived in order to have a 6 1/2 week old fetus instead of a 7 week old one. He's there for me, but somehow he doesn't feel it as acutely as I do. Tracey -- I have been there too, with the "are you sure your dates are right?" and the bleeding and the false hope. Most of the time it was truly false hope, but I was bleeding with BabyGrok too, so that was a time that it worked out. But usually it doesn't for me. The nurse today told me to think positive and I said, "I'm trying, but I'm 1 for 5!" Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
Posted by: Sarah at July 07, 2011 06:46 PM (iD+cA)
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I don't get it. I've never been there. But if there was anything I could do to alleviate any of this for you, I would.
Posted by: Code Monkey at July 07, 2011 09:00 PM (3ZmMp)
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Ditto Code Monkey
Posted by: Connie at July 07, 2011 10:37 PM (L6nIP)
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Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, sending positive energy your way. I think you are one amazing woman.
Posted by: Mary at July 07, 2011 11:22 PM (0+wct)
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My grandson and his wife have gone through this, and then the last two turned out to be real, but tubal. More heartbreak. So they are turning to IVF. She is on the hormones now and will hopefully be implanted by the next 2 weeks. They are lucky all the genetics seem okay.
Ironically, his brother and his wife have the twins and older one, all under 2. Mother Nature has some mysterious, screwed up, stuff going on.
Posted by: Ruth H at July 08, 2011 01:20 PM (CvvEA)
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Ugh is so right... and I'm so sorry...
Another ditto to Code Monkey. *hugs, thoughts, and prayers*...
Posted by: Krista at July 08, 2011 03:10 PM (BqTRT)
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I'm very sorry for your frustration! I can't imagine what you are going through. Thoughts from my corner of the world!
Posted by: Darla at July 09, 2011 02:42 AM (EsO0b)
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I went through the bleeding thing and having them say it was no big deal and it was a big deal, Everyone's experience is different. I have a friend you might want to talk to. She would totally grok.
Posted by: Mare at July 13, 2011 10:50 PM (t+Csh)
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July 01, 2011
June 23, 2011
HEAD'S UP
My hormone levels doubled like they ought to. The only other time that's ever happened for me was with BabyGrok. So maybe this is BabyGrok2. It's looking like it might be...I feel icky and tired and hot. (Caveat: it's 100 degrees here, so that could be a factor as well.)
Anyway, I have an ultrasound in two weeks to make sure, but I think we might have another head's-up penny here.
For the next two weeks, I am going to pretend I am having a baby. When is it too early to wear maternity clothes? Because I have a pot belly that could pass for pregnant already...
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It's never too early! Good thoughts your way
Posted by: Connie at June 23, 2011 08:49 PM (L6nIP)
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Fingers crossed. Makes it hard to type, but I'll deal with it.
Posted by: Code Monkey at June 23, 2011 10:55 PM (Girmz)
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*fingers crossed* Me too me too!
Posted by: Green at June 26, 2011 10:29 PM (MGKXv)
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Best wishes! Fingers crossed here too!
Posted by: Toni at June 27, 2011 08:22 PM (aL5Tl)
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WRETCHED CULTURE
My problem with Civil Affairs and, if I may speak for him, my husband's reason for leaving the branch:
So the Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity is building schoolhouses in Afghanistan. Big deal. The problem, in Kandahar as in Kansas, is not the buildings but what’s being taught inside them — and we’ve no stomach for getting into that. So what’s the point of building better infrastructure for Afghanistan’s wretched tribal culture? What’s our interest in state-of-the-art backwardness?
Posted by: Sarah at
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Couldn't agree more... and then we'll complain about the problems stemming from cultural issues a while from now, (affecting us both directly and indirectly), and be all surprised that yet another project that "seemed like a good idea at the time" (to someone) came back to bite us... ::eyeroll::
Quite a fun article to read... I loved this quote: "War is hell, but global 'mentoring' is purgatory."
Posted by: Krista at July 08, 2011 03:06 PM (BqTRT)
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June 20, 2011
BECOMING ZEN
The nurse who used to "help" me at the fertility clinic is gone, and the new nurse is super nice. Last pregnancy and this one, she's been really accommodating. They've offered me the moon both times: as many blood-draws and ultrasounds as I want. And the ironic thing is that, the more frequently you're pregnant, the less crucial it feels. I have come to the zen state that either I will be pregnant for 9 months or for about 3 weeks, and it is what it is. No amount of kangaroo pouch peeking will change anything. So I thanked them but told them not to waste their resources. I will get my blood checked twice this week and then an ultrasound later to look for a heartbeat. I appreciate their attentiveness, but I have really embraced the weird idea that all my babies' lifespans are predetermined long before I even know they exist, and whether I know the lifespan or not doesn't change anything.
Aren't you impressed with how zen I've become? I grok the miracle of life.
Posted by: Sarah at
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Our first was conceived on the first try and I had such a problem free pregnancy that I only had one ultrasound at 20 weeks and that was it. Our second attempt took years, I had an ectopic pregnancy and a garden variety miscarriage and eventually had some assistance from an RE. As a result I had a beta at 5 days (24) and weekly ultrasounds from almost the beginning. One of the results of that was at 6 weeks seeing a blood clot between the uterine wall and placenta. This typically means that a miscarriage is coming. So, we wait and wait and eventually it just dissolves and he just turned 4. What I learned from all of that is that it was entirely possible that I had the same blood clot with my first and I never knew or worried about it and worrying didn't change a thing except how I felt about it.
Way to learn from experience.
Posted by: Christa at June 20, 2011 08:19 PM (2qSbp)
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Congratulations. on a whole new attitude. Peace and quiet within is so often under-appreciated.
Posted by: Pamela at June 21, 2011 03:57 AM (ibr+n)
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I think it's a wonderful perspective. Good luck!!
Posted by: beth at June 21, 2011 07:38 AM (VJK1m)
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Back in my day we seldom even had x-rays. Of course we worried over our unborn babies but there was nothing we could do to predict who or what, or when exactly we would deliver. X-rays were given in the final days if a problem of size or something that could cause a c-section was suspected. I think your attitude has evolved into what we had.
As one of my doctors said about my cholesterol levels a while back, "it is what it is." I can do nothing about it, my body cannot handle those medications. So I am what I am. Zen? No, Popeye is the one who
said sang that.
Posted by: Ruth H at June 21, 2011 12:27 PM (zlUde)
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June 19, 2011
SIXTH FLIP
Pregnant again. Sixth time, for all of us who've lost track (I have to pause and count frequently.) Fingers crossed that it's the happiest Father's Day gift ever.
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Posted by: Connie at June 19, 2011 08:57 PM (L6nIP)
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Best wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy! You're in my thoughts.
Posted by: To the Nth at June 20, 2011 06:55 AM (mB143)
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Fingers crossed in Arizona.
Posted by: Christa at June 20, 2011 12:26 PM (2qSbp)
Posted by: Pamela at June 21, 2011 03:42 AM (ibr+n)
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Fingers crossed here in N.Y.!
Posted by: Toni at June 22, 2011 06:55 PM (aL5Tl)
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June 11, 2011
June 10, 2011
May 30, 2011
IRON MIKE
Baby Grok waving and saying hi to Iron Mike today. She's too young to know what today means, but we still took her.
Posted by: Sarah at
07:49 PM
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Oh, this is touching. She looks so sweet.
Posted by: To the Nth at May 31, 2011 07:32 AM (r9Ie6)
Posted by: Mary at May 31, 2011 06:20 PM (rg/GF)
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Beautiful photo. Thank you for sharing her with us.
Posted by: amy at June 02, 2011 09:08 AM (hDF8H)
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May 02, 2011
A HECK OF A WEEKEND
Last night was our last night with my husband in his hotel room.
OK, I haven't blogged in a while, I need to back up.
My husband changed functional areas again. He just left for new training. He'll be TDY for three months. So BabyGrok and I drove with him and stayed a while in his temporary lodging.
And we made a detour for the Milblogs Conference. BabyGrok was a real hit with SecDef Rumsfeld.
So anyway (man, there is a lot of backstory to gloss over when you only blog monthly), the whole family was sharing a hotel room. We tried to be super quiet with BabyGrok in the room, so we'd shut off our cell phones when she went to bed.
This morning my husband left for PT at 4:45. He woke me to say a final goodbye. I looked at my phone to see the clock and noticed I had missed two phonecalls in the middle of the night, one from AWTM and one from my mother.
I can't tell you how my heart plummeted into my stomach. I thought for sure one of the SpouseBUZZ authors was dead. It seemed an eternity until I got to my voicemail. First message was AWTM; all she said was, "Are you sleeping? It's time to
bake a cake!" So I knew it was good news; some dictator had just bit the dust! I figured it was Qaddafi. Then my mom's message explained the rest.
And it was 4:45, so I could either 1) jump up and check the news or 2) stay quietly in bed and keep BabyGrok sleeping. I chose the latter.
I missed the jubilation and excitement on Facebook. It was fun to read my friends all wondering why I wasn't partaking in history.
So today was the day to bake the cake in bin Laden's dishonor.
Yes, that cake is made of bacon. Up yours, Osama.
So it was a heck of a weekend: Milblog Conference, saying goodbye to my husband, and then the news of the decade.
Plus there was cake.
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April 19, 2011
SIX RAMBUNCTIOUS YEARS
Yesterday was Charlie Pup's sixth birthday. Who would've thought that little
sweet potato we picked out of the litter would grow to be such a silly mess? We do love him so.
He has proven so good with Baby Grok, better than I could've hoped for. Her new favorite activity is to bring things to him. She brings him things all day long. But when he takes them from her, the game is over...so she is constantly taking toys and treats away from him so that she can give them to him again! The dog is a saint: he will let her take bones out of his mouth, just so she can hand it to him again. She also taunts him with her food constantly, but he never steals it from her grubby little hands.
He's not our baby anymore, as anyone who's had a pet discovers when they have a child...but he's our beloved doggy and an important member of our little family.
Happy Birthday, Charlie! Sorry your new toy keeps getting snatched away...
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Happy birthday, Charlie!
Charlie is a good Big Brother Grok. That sounds Orwellian ... oops.
Baby Grok will grow into Toddler Grok and talk to him. What will she say?
Posted by: Amritas at April 19, 2011 02:39 PM (5a7nS)
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Six! Really? I was wondering how they were geting along. Sounds just right.. When my first boy was born we also had a sweet pup about the same age. She was great with him. They had a symbiotic relationship. My toddler would open the cupboard and get out the dog treats. The big doggie cookies. My son would give her one, she would crunch it and the two of them would dive for the bits! He couldn't bite them and she couldn't open the cupboard. My mom wasn't thrilled with this trick!
Posted by: cindy h at April 20, 2011 10:18 PM (ND10h)
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April 13, 2011
FEELING GREAT
I am doing really well, just to let you know. Man, a natural miscarriage is SO much easier than an induced one. I imagine it's the same type of scenario as the difference between going into labor on your own and being spontaneously induced. This time has been gradual and virtually pain-free; I took 2 or 3 doses of some stronger meds, and then I took two ibuprofen for another day and a half. That's it! I can't believe the difference.
They're monitoring my hormone levels to make sure the process has completed itself, but I can't get over how easy this time was...and thankfully so, considering I don't really have the luxury of lounging in bed all day to recover!
Feeling fine, and ready to flip this coin again and see where it takes us.
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Wasn't expecting to hear this from you. What a relief. Still hoping for heads next time.
Posted by: Amritas at April 14, 2011 02:25 AM (p83qD)
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Happy to hear from you!
Posted by: Connie at April 14, 2011 05:38 PM (L6nIP)
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So happy to read about your sweet 1 year old..Time does fly. So sorry to hear about this one. I hope you are continuing to feel better. Time fo a pup update too!
Posted by: cindy h at April 17, 2011 12:12 AM (ND10h)
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Cindy -- Will do, as Monday is Charlie's 6th birthday!
Posted by: Sarah at April 17, 2011 02:02 PM (iD+cA)
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So sorry to read about the disappointment but happy to read that you are doing well!
Posted by: Tracey at April 18, 2011 04:55 PM (wKx+4)
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