My husband has been working for 90 days without a single break in the flypaper country. His job includes luring terrorists to his turf so they avoid attacking us on our soil. Am I proud of his profession? Absolutely. Does the nature of his job sometimes make me disproportionately angry at the world? Certainly.

The purpose of this website was for me to find a way to try to understand the world we live in. I never said I was good at it. I don't think I really grok anything at all, but I know what I believe in and stand for. And, yes, it's pretty black-and-white, us-vs-them. I do think that there are certain situations where grey area is not acceptable, and I don't think I want to compromise on those areas.

I didn't start this blog to argue with people; in fact, one of the reasons I started it was so I could avoid arguing with real people in my life when I began to notice I disagreed with them on just about everything. I started it as a place for me to think out loud and work through my own confusion about the world. But this week it's gotten me in some arguments. Some of them I got myself into, and others I was dragged into unwillingly. I don't want to be in any of them, to be honest. I don't want to argue with people; it just distracts me from my own quest for grokking.

The majority of the time we're not going to change each others' minds. It's funny that we even try. I didn't have to read both Den Beste and Daily Kos back in 2002 to figure out which side I was on; I already knew from the first day I entered the blogosphere. However, within that common ground, I am open to exploring new things that I haven't considered before. I have been thinking a lot about Donald Sensing's post on crossing the line. I still don't know what I think about that, and I have been trying to grok it for two days. However, no one is ever going to make a dent in my beliefs that 1) the war was justified 2) Americans are not evil/stupid/imperialistic or 3) there are clear-cut good guys and bad guys in this world. I have some beliefs that no amount of discussion will ever change, and there are some people I will never be able to convince with my beliefs.

All of a sudden, I don't even feel like caring anymore. I need to look at the puppy for a while.

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I haven't been keeping track of the days my husband has been gone; instead, I've been keeping track of his absence by counting the letters I've sent to him. Today is a big day; it's my husband's favorite number.

My husband introduced me to Willie McGee when we met, and I don't think I've ever heard of a nicer famous person. My husband has an old yellowed copy of this article that he cherishes.

We're at letter #51, Blue 6. I sure do miss you.

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Today is Armed Forces Day.

I'll remember these four today.

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In addition to Tenacious D, I have found another soothing balm for my anger at the world. Two of my married students just got a new puppy, and they sent me a photo of him. I opened it this morning, and then left the window open -- that way I can read stuff like this, and when steam starts to come out of my ears, I quickly switch over to the puppy window and look at this little piece of heaven.

He works wonders for bringing my rage to a manageable level.

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To the Swede who thought it was real funny to make the "America's Dumbest Soldiers" webpage:

Vad fan gör du? Har du ett hjärta eller är du bara en jävla kuk? Du ä så jävla feg, att du har använt en mexikansk adress. Jag skiter i dig. Du är inte värd besväret.

Help me out, Anders. I don't even know enough swear words to do this guy justice.

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1 My motto is "The only good yankee soldier is a dead yankee soldier", but i still found "America's Dumbest..." to be a bit lame. "Citizen Smash" is much more amusing

Posted by: Martin at May 18, 2004 03:23 PM (s6aqc)

2 I'd say "Du förtjänar att få huvet avsågat, din fega jävla hora". But you said it better, Sarah.

Posted by: Anders at May 18, 2004 08:12 PM (Lmgdj)

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I've gotten lots of questions about my geek stuff, so here's some explanation.

10. LDS

No, I'm not Mormon. But I had some friends who are Mormon growing up, and I went to several functions at their church, as well as visiting Nauvoo and Carthage. I also did my term paper senior year of high school on Joseph Smith, so I know a whole lot about LDS for not being Mormon.

9. Alias

In itself not geeky, but seeing as I watched the entire first two seasons (42 hours of it) in two weeks is really, really geeky.

8. statistics (the fun stuff like the Monty Hall problem or the Birthday problem)

This predates my current book choices (How to Lie With Statistics and How We Know What Isn't So); my old roommate was a stats grad student and would wow me with stats problems. I can't wait to take stats when it's offered here on post.

7. Yukio Mishima

Found him through the short story "Patriotism" and was absolutely floored by that story. Read two of his biographies in one weekend. Amritas is right; the author is more interesting than his novels, but I own all of them.

6. Armyspeak

I read the Army Officer's Handbook from cover to cover and have tried very hard to learn everything there is to know: MOSs, Army alphabet, vehicle identification, etc.

5. Swedish language

My husband always teases me: "You chose to learn a language that only 9 million people speak, and all of them speak English?"

4. rap music

In itself not geeky, but pretty odd for a white girl college prof to have been to a Snoop Dogg concert.

3. Chief Illiniwek

I really got into this debate at the University of Illinois and have read every transcript and article about the issue.

2. knitting

I finished a project last night during the first 45 minutes of Rocky, and it was really hard for me to sit through the rest of the movie without knitting something.

1. the Karate Kid Trilogy

I know everything about these movies.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:11 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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This appears to be a very thorough webpage, with lots of links for future reference, on the War in Iraq. I haven't looked through it closely yet, but I plan to this weekend.

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I watched Rocky last night.

When my ESL students and I would do our American Values unit, one of the values I always had to explain at length was "the underdog". Rocky, Rudy, the 1980 US hockey team, these are all modern-day American heroes and folk legends. It's something we as an ESL class spent some time discussing because, to my knowledge, no other culture values the underdog like we do.

When the statue of Saddam came down last March, I was cheering the underdog. But watching Rocky last night triggered an analogy: we Americans are so familiar with the concept of bootstrapping that we sometimes have a hard time understanding why Iraq doesn't drink a glass of raw eggs and get to work. Iraq's Apollo Creed is Islamic Fundamentalism; the US arranged the fight but we can't understand why Iraq won't get in the ring. Having been raised on Rocky, Rudy, and Mighty Ducks, we easily forget that others don't have that tradition.

Who but an American would ever write

I fervently hope that someday, perhaps decades from now, Iraq will have a really top-notch soccer team. I hope that one day, they will get to the final round of the World Cup, and when they do, I hope it is Team USA they play for the championship.

I hope that the Americans play a tough, aggressive, masterful game, that they use all of the speed and skill and power at their command. And then I want to sit there watching TV as an old man, and watch the faces on the Iraqi people when the game is over, because I want to see that the most relieved and joyous they can conceive of being, is the day that tiny Iraq got out on that soccer field and kicked our ass.

Can the love for the underdog be taught? Can it be transfered to Iraqi society? Maybe our Air Force could drop copies of Rocky and Rudy on Iraqi cities so they can start studying. Someday I want to watch a movie about the Iraqi underdog who got to the top not because Allah was willing but because he worked his ass off. That's my hope for the future.

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My friend and I talked at length yesterday about eloquence. I found some examples this morning of things I wish I had said.

Via Hoystory:

Nope, don't blame the Islamofascists. Don't blame the terrorists. They're just innocent victims of American imperialism.

Just how out of whack does your brain have to be to ignore the guy holding the blood-stained knife in one hand and the severed head in the other?

via Feste:

On that dreadful day all Americans became the falling man and today we are Nick Berg.

John Kerry is on Imus at the moment and his opening remarks? He says we are crushed under the burden of healthcare and gas prices. No, Senator we are crushed under the WTC. Kerry continues to say he can shift the burden for the war in Iraq to others, remove the target from our backs, he is a fool.

Via the very angry Banagor:

O, Pardon! for I am "stigmatizing" with "hatred" a "great religion" and "culture"! Well then, show me this great religion and culture! Show me the fruits of this wonderful world which the Left defends so wholeheartedly!

I will show it to you: it is a tape, grainy but recognizable, in which the full glory of Islam is pronounced by the brutal sawing off of a man's head and proudly shown off to the world.

And the even angrier Emperor Misha:

We cannot make them stop hating us, for the very simple reason that hatred is all that they have to offer to this world.

Well, let them hate us then, but let us teach them also to fear us more than they fear anything else. Let us show them, forcefully, brutally and without mercy that there are no worse fates imaginable to man than to cross us, that their much vaunted "anger" is nothing but a slight expression of displeasure compared with what they have awoken in us.

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On the way to work today I found a balm for my frustration with the world: Tenacious D.

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When I read these accounts of how mad Americans are getting, I started thinking about how Nick Berg might not have died in vain.

Perhaps Nick is our era's Pearl Harbor.

Nick's family is extremely distraught (understandable) but blaming his death on the Bush administration (doesn't compute). I started thinking about what I would say if it had been my husband, if my husband were Nick Berg.

I would urge every American to watch the video. If I had to watch someone rip my husband's head off, then everyone should. I would tell Americans that the people who did this commit these sorts of acts every day and that it is our way of life that they hate. That they will never stop until we're all dead or enslaved, as Amritas reminded me. I would tell the public that the only way this will end is if we kill them before they kill us. I would urge Americans to remain steadfast in their resolve and to support our military and administration as they bring not only those five masked men but all terrorists to justice.

Perhaps the legacy Nick Berg's death will leave is that it will be the straw that broke the American camel's back. September 11 was supposed to be that straw, but we all tucked our American flags away shortly thereafter and went back to regular life. Those burned bodies hanging from the bridge in Fallujah were also supposed to be a straw, but somehow they only elicited a "screw 'em". Perhaps now, in light of the attention the media has paid to Abu Ghraib, the sleeping giant will awake as Americans start to notice that, as an Instapundit reader quoted, "Why is it that the media can show over and over again pictures that could make Arabs hate Americans, but refuse to show pictures that could make Americans hate Arabs?"

Nick Berg will not have died in vain if his death strengthens our resolve to win this damn war on terror.

MORE TO GROK:

But after reading this post and all the comments at One Hand Clapping, I start to get nervous that there's a line that, once we cross it, we can never go back. I haven't get decided how I feel about that, but I'll write about it when I grok it.

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Brain Terminal has a great post comparing Abu Ghraib and Nick Berg. Highlight:

One day the media was telling us we had to see the pictures from Abu Ghraib so we could understand the horrors of war. But with Berg's beheading, we're told we can't handle the truth. It kind of makes you wonder which masters the media serves: images that cast us in a negative light get a full airing; images that remind us of the savagery of our enemies are hidden from view, lest we get blood lust. But is it possible to win a war without a little blood lust?

Nope.

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Sorry, I ran out of time this morning. I was too busy responding to grokless comments on Anders' and Bunker's posts.

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There's a funny meme starting where you make a Geek List. It's the top ten things you know way too much about to be considered cool. Rocket Jones did one, so now it's my turn. For whatever reason, I know a fair amount about these oddball topics.

10. LDS
9. Alias
8. statistics (the fun stuff like the Monty Hall problem or the Birthday problem)
7. Yukio Mishima
6. Armyspeak
5. Swedish language
4. rap music
3. Chief Illiniwek
2. knitting
1. the Karate Kid Trilogy

Posted by: Sarah at 11:15 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Tim's back up and running, and he has several wonderful posts today. Go read all of them.

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John Hawkins had me in stitches:
If The Media Treated Basketball Games Like They Treat The War On Terror

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I found this on Castle Argghhh's post Wahabism Delenda Est. It really got to me.

Not all of us can run out and join the fight (though after watching the Nick Berg video, that's the only thing on my mind). Instead we have to fight for freedom at home. Deskmerc once said, "While our troops go out to defend our country, it is incumbent upon us to make the country worth defending." I have kept that on my sidebar to remind myself of my duty, but it's easy to get sidetracked and forget. Castle Argghhh reminded me today.

Our duty is to make the country worth defending. That means prosecuting those who humiliate prisoners, and they will surely be dealt with. But it also means not turning a blind eye to what is going on in this world. It means each and every one of us -- we who grok -- have a duty to try to help others grok. Consider it a sort of political evangelicism; we need to spread The Truth.

When someone equates Abu Ghraib and Nick Berg, we need to set the record straight. Pointing at someone's penis and sawing someone's head off do not a balanced scale make. When someone mistakenly says that both sides in this war on terror want peace, we need to remind them that radical Muslims are not working for peace by a long shot. Hippies want peace on earth; Muslims want death to Americans and Jews. When someone says that war is not the answer, we need to ask them what the f-ing question is.

It is our duty to ask ourselves "What have I done today for freedom?"

Posted by: Sarah at 03:33 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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I relate very strongly to Michele's story:

Maybe their well will dry up some day. Maybe there will be less and less followers of Islam who view their religion as an excuse to murder and more of the kind who want peace and prosperity. Maybe they will kill themselves off in all their attempts to kill us. Maybe moderate Muslims will stand up and be heard and drive the terrorists out of their holes and into a hail of machine gun fire. Would I care about their deaths? Nope. Not at all. They aren't human. They are monsters. Die, monsters, die, as my son used to say in his sleep.

So my son, an eleven year old who already knows too much about the world, happened to see part of the video yesterday as he watched the news. He was devastated and horrified. He took Nick Berg's death very personally. We discussed the matter, discussed about terrorists, about good v. evil.

He asked can't we just drop a bomb and kill them all?

And I realized, as I explained to him the best I could why we cannot do such a thing, that what he said is absolutely an eleven year old way of dealing with things. We are not eleven. We are adults.

Ok, then how come I keep whispering die, monsters, die in my dreams?

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Here's a sneaky headline.

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It's a drinking sort of night.

My head was already spinning, and now it's even worse. But I don't want to feel better. I don't want to forget; I want to revel in my anger and hatred. I'm drunk on rage and booze tonight.

I tried reading the Arabic text from the video tonight. I swear it would make no sense even if I were sober.

we tell you to know that the coffins will arrive to you one coffin after another, as your people are slaughtered in this way.........

Oh yeah? Bring it, asshole. My husband and his M1A1 disagree.

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