October 06, 2007

THE HARSH TRUTH

And now I'm back down to knowing ten people who are pregnant: one of the girls I know had a miscarriage.

Nothing like a healthy dose of perspective.

That's the harsh truth and crappy part about this process: no one is safe. Nothing says that once we finally get pregnant, we're in the clear. Nothing says that once you give birth, you get more than a day with your baby, as this story over at Fiberlicious always reminds me. And nothing guarantees that the precious child you've raised and loved won't die when he's 17, and then your heart won't be broken by the pregnant women around you but by the flood of his peers' high school graduation announcements.

If I've learned anything in the past nine months, it's that this whole process sucks. Opening your heart up to having a child means opening your heart to a world of pain like you've never known.

And I'm far from the only person who's ever been hurt by the process, so I think I'll stop talking about it.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:59 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 Sarah - there's no reason to stop talking about it, just to stop worrying yourself so much. You play the hand you're dealt, whether that means one hour, one day or one short lifetime. Ask most parents of children with developmental problems and they'll tell you it hasn't been easy, but they wouldn't change a thing. Parenting is hard, whether your kid is 100% 'normal' or not. I know how it feels to have your heart ache, as I suffered a miscarraige only to find out my cousin was pregnant. When I got divorced at 29, I was devastated to find out my sister, and my two cousins were adding to their families because I knew I could no longer add to my own. Always wanted 4 boys, and I have 1 boy (handful enough). Sometimes your dreams have to adjust to reality - but that doesn't mean reality has to adjust your dreams.

Posted by: Kathleen A at October 06, 2007 09:00 AM (7qm8p)

2 Sarah, having been through a few miscarriages myself, you are right, it is heartbreaking, but the joy I receive from my children is far greater than any sorrows I've experienced. Don't stop talking about your fears because once spoken... or written, they are lessened and easier to deal with. Articulating your fears, hopes, anything, forces you to think about them and put them under the microscope. If you are open-minded (and you are), you will even change how you think about something when circumstances change or you receive more/better information. Good luck, and God Bless.

Posted by: JACK ARMY at October 06, 2007 01:07 PM (UwNoC)

3 Regardless of whether you talk about it, there are people out here pulling for you, sending you lots good thoughts, and saying lots of prayers. Take care. Here's a hug.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at October 06, 2007 04:49 PM (18CO/)

4 I can imagine all the anxiety that come with fearing for the pregnancy, worrying about the child being healthy, then worrying every day after they're born that they'll be OK. But you can't control everything in your life or theirs. So you have to find some way to have peace with yourself and hope for the best. Things happen in their time. I am 50 and don't have any kids. But I am still optimistic that it could happen.

Posted by: James Hudnall at October 06, 2007 08:10 PM (RggAf)

5 I think your acknowledgment of other people's pain is admirable - you have not sunk to the "why me?" level but have kept the compassionate high road, even though you are clearly in pain.

Posted by: Ruth H at October 07, 2007 12:59 PM (Zb6mV)

6 Sarah - My opinion is that talking about it will help. It might not change the situation, but it will help sort through your feelings. I think that making the decision is exciting, but it also evokes fear because of the unknown. Thinking of you. Keri

Posted by: Keri at October 08, 2007 08:59 AM (l3uZP)

7 the ''flood'' never goes away. from graduations, to weddings, to the birth of OTHER peoples grand children.........

Posted by: debey at October 08, 2007 09:59 AM (KMolg)

8 Dare I say a word? Thank you. The point that I was miserably trying to make.... You have the best intentions. Sometimes it's not so easy. It can be very difficult.... Keep your chin up. I just had twin boys on the 15th of September. It can happen.

Posted by: Allicadem at October 11, 2007 06:41 AM (TpHwB)

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