March 07, 2008

FEELING LONELY

Angie posted a link about large families (4+ kids). I knew I shouldn't read it, I just knew it. But I went anyway. Ouch, does it hurt to read comment after comment from people who had all of these accidental kids. Pregnant while on birth control, pregnant after having tubes tied (!), etc. It's so hard to hear about all these surprises when we'd give anything to get the one mega-planned-for baby we've been working on for 13 months.

I have begun to feel discouraged again. It's been three months since the miscarriage and, despite the fact that friends and family all assured me I'd be pregnant again by now, no such luck. And I'm starting to wish that I just had someone to go through this with me. I know several people who had trouble getting pregnant, but, happily for them, they have all gone on to start families. They completely understand what I'm going through, but since they're all past that stage of their lives, it's not the same thing; they know that life eventually works out for them, but I don't have that guarantee yet. So while it's reassuring to me that everyone has gone on to have a baby, either by adoption or IVF, I don't know anyone in the same situation as I am right now: trying unsuccessfully to have her first child. Do any of you readers know of someone currently going through this stage of her life? I'd really like to find a comrade in this struggle.

Because it's rough knowing that people who got pregnant five months after I started trying are getting ready to give birth...

Posted by: Sarah at 01:20 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 I wish so much I could gift this curse of fertility to you. You're right, it just doesn't seem fair. Can't tell you how often I've thought of this very subject. I think I can hook you up with some in your same situation. Gimme a couple of days. I have to tell you I gave a mid-wife a good laugh today. I asked at my appointment if I could get my tubes tied even if my husband had a vasectomy. She told me to just trust the vasectomy. I laughed and said no way! Not with our luck. I want to make sure I'm not having anymore babies!!! I hope your smiling a little, my friend I'm sending you one of my great big "Fertile Myrtle" hugs right now.

Posted by: Angie at March 07, 2008 02:49 PM (BJEkk)

2 The last time you posted about this, it made me think of my good college friend who was recovering from her third miscarriage. I think, at that point, that she and her husband had been trying to achieve (and sustain) a pregnancy for about 14 months. I just found out yesterday that she's 16 weeks pregnant and had ultrasound pictures to show. She waited to announce this one because she lost her first pregnancy at 14 weeks. Although I'm not at the point of being ready for motherhood, she sure gives me lots of hope!

Posted by: Nicole at March 07, 2008 02:54 PM (YHVU/)

3 Dammit. I'd give you my (theoretically) fertile self if I could. *hugs*

Posted by: FbL at March 07, 2008 08:29 PM (rW1/8)

4 Some of our dearest friends at church have been trying to have another child since I was in Afghanistan. I missed meeting them the first Sunday I was back because she had just miscarried. She's now watched no less than 8 people in the church--including people who didn't want one, and a teenager, and so forth--go on to have babies in the last year and a half (ours was born a week and a half ago), and she has said before that it's really hard not to be a little bitter about it. Every time I see her, my own (considerable) joy is tempered quite a bit because she is such a wonderful mother to her 3-year-old daughter and it's a really big deal to them. I can't say anything that hasn't been said. We've been married for 7 and a half years, but only started trying right before I deployed, and even so it took 6 or 7 months after I got back before we "caught." The worst part of the deployment for me was when she miscarried just a month after I mobilized to go over; I was stuck in TX, unable to help or even just hold her hand... Sig

Posted by: Sig at March 08, 2008 07:39 AM (7uphd)

5 All I can say is GOOD LUCK. I can't imagine how you are feeling, I'm way older than worrying about becoming, or not becoming, pregnant. I know the blessings of motherhood and family and I wish it for you. Today I am in San Antonio celebrating with my children and grandchildren the graduation of one of my grandsons from basic training at Lackland AFB. we are so proud and happy for him. It took him a while to decide on a path in life. His was an honor flight and a great incentive to do even better.

Posted by: Ruth H at March 08, 2008 08:57 AM (caBZ5)

6 I'm thinking about you!

Posted by: Allison at March 08, 2008 10:36 AM (xElwl)

7 I remember how absolutely alone I felt when I was going through infertility issues. (it took 5 years to have our first!). It seemed as if everyone was pregnant around me. I wish I knew someone at the same stage now, I wish I had known someone at the same stage I was 10 years ago... you're right, it would have helped. I hope you can find a comrade in this struggle.

Posted by: TripleE at March 08, 2008 03:06 PM (OWlhq)

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