December 17, 2004


I've been cleaning out my husband's hotmail while he's been gone, and I just noticed that he saved all of the emails I wrote him while we were dating. I've gotten sucked into reading them all over the past few hours, and I must say that I was something else back then. It's funny how he's been gone for ten months: back when we started dating, I couldn't stand to be without him for an hour. Probably the only person who will be interested in this post is my husband (and maybe Annika because she paid us a nice compliment in our interview). Without further ado, here is an Anthology of Goofy Crap I Said to My Husband Back in 2000:

I will think about you twice every second while you are gone.

Girls dig sponges of useless knowledge, so if anyone tries to pick you up this weekend, get her number and then I'll go after her wolvyberserker style and beat her senseless. Mercy is for the weak.

Without you, I am Schroedinger's cat...both alive and dead...

It is funny how I have been looking forward to spring break for 18 weeks, counting them down, and then when I had to leave you I felt like I wanted to stay. I am about to waste 25 hours...the travel time...and all I can think about is how I would love to stockpile those hours and save them to spend with you.

My mom found out you are 19. Ha.

When I am without you, my heart is all ate up.

This is the last time I can write to you from Sweden, so I am going to blow you another kiss through the ethernet cable and tell you that I cannot wait to see you.

I am listening to "Glory of Love," the cheesy love song from the Karate Kid, and I wish you were here with me. I'll see you when you get home. And I promise not to be grumpy.

Work will be torture because you will not be there.

[when my roommate was annoying me] Only one more week. After that I will never share a room with anyone but you for the rest of my life.

I rented a movie and blah blah blah, everything seems so empty and boring without you.

I wanted to tell you that I want to marry you and have your big headed children and that I cannot imagine having to do this for another two years. Two days has been torture enough.

Are you drunk?
Are you telling stories?
Are you missing me as I am missing you?

Your grammar mistake was cute, but only after I realized what you meant to say. You wrote: "I am so glad to find out that you read my email. I'm glad you are not worried. You have no reason to be my Sarah." I hope you meant "You have no reason to be, my Sarah"!
I love you. I have every reason to be your Sarah

P.S. All pushups done for our beautiful flag are good pushups. (You are so strong!)

I love you so much that in driving home today, I started crying because I happened to look into a house window and see a wife straightening her husband's tie in the living room. I wanted so much for that to be you and me.

I miss you. To steal a metaphor from one of my new professors, when I am without you, I feel as alone as a bean rolling around in a boxcar.

[after watching an episode of Days of Our Lives] I love you, though. I will never say that you raped me just because you were keeping it a secret that your father didn't really die when he got shot by the Italian Mafia and is instead pretending to be dead to get back at your mother who is trying to cover her murdering tracks.

I am really starting to miss you. I can't wait to be together. 315 days until we get married...

I love you because you didn't vote for Nader and because you think Krispy Kreme donuts are overrated.

And my favorite:

My roommate told me something once that I have been trying to forget for four years. She once said, "In every relationship there is one person who loves more." Once I heard this wise statement, I began to analyze all of my relationships, both romantic and friend. And I have found through the past four years that she has unfortunately been right. There is usually one person who is head over heels for the other and the other tries to figure out why he does not feel the same. My view of relationships has drastically changed in the past four years because in my mind there was little chance of anything that resembled real love.

However, there was the oddball relationship that would come up every once in a while, the two people who seemed so in love that I could not tell who loved more. And my amendment to that statement is that in every relationship there is someone who loves more, until the two people reach a state of love where the difference is indiscernable. It's like some sort of calc graph where the lines become tangential and almost appear to be one graph. And so I decided that this is the only true love, the love where you cannot tell where one graph ends and the other begins.

I was thinking about this as I drove back to school, and I realized that I do not know who loves more in our relationship. It has been so easy to see with others, yet I really think that we love equally. And that amazes me. We are a calc graph. A horizon. A rainbow whose end you can never find.

"In every relationship there is one person who loves more, unless you are [husband] and Sarah, and then you just love the most."

My husband didn't do so bad himself. This one's my favorite:

Before you, I didn't give a rat's ass about girls. Now, I'm a shell of my former self. I'm pathetically crazy about you. I miss you so much that I read all your emails over again and listened to the voice mail message you left me over and over just to hear your voice. How pathetic is that? I would have kicked my own ass in the olden days. Who am I kidding? I love how crazy you make me. Come home.

Husband, the way I missed you five years ago is nothing compared to what I feel now. If it sounds like I loved you then, my feelings have only grown. I miss you so much and I can't wait to see you again.

You're favorite.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:21 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 1127 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Very cute.... he is a lucky guy.

Posted by: jd at December 18, 2004 12:41 AM (3ULfT)

2 Ew-w-w-w-w!! Yuck!! Gag!! All your favorites really brought a smile and fond memories to me. (Of course, we had to wait weeks sometimes, because of finding BAINBRIDGE somewhere out in the Pacific or Indian oceans. But still, we tried to compete with Revolutionary and Civil War eloquence--and failed ignominously.) If I don't post to your blog again, may you and your Hero have a safe and blessed Christmas.

Posted by: Jim Shawley at December 18, 2004 02:48 AM (GdKO/)

3 Lol...very amusing. It's like fast forwarding through your whole the movie trailer for some romantic comedy. Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at December 18, 2004 05:46 AM (sm1DR)

4 I had to read through this once I saw the "Schroedinger's cat" line... that was just too sweet. There's a song or two in here- and that's a good thing.

Posted by: Jack Grey at December 18, 2004 06:00 AM (Jq8H8)

5 Sarah, Oh.My.God. So sweet! I got chills up my spine reading this post. As much as I enjoy hearing your opinions about politics, I LOVE hearing about the husband. You guys are one of those couples that no one ever doubts will grow old together.

Posted by: Erin at December 18, 2004 08:13 AM (1LxxS)

6 Yeah - they cheesy and smaltzy but very sweet and cute. When he can read this post he'll love it.

Posted by: Toni at December 18, 2004 09:12 AM (t9yVU)

7 Wow Sarah. Thanks for giving us that glimpse into your love life. I'm glad about the Days of Our Lives promise. That's only for Jerry Springer guests, really. You certainly are a lucky girl - and he is a lucky, very lucky guy. It's nice to see true love on display. Have a great holiday. Be safe and be happy.

Posted by: Kathleen A at December 18, 2004 10:29 AM (vnAYT)

8 Too cute, girl! i totally meant what i said!

Posted by: annika at December 18, 2004 04:18 PM (MYvJ3)

9 So we were 19 & 21. 3 kids and many adventures and misadventures, broke, rich, broke again,now rich again, after 42 years and in our 60's nothing has changed, we have been faithful, it has never been boring, and all the "Ill love you forever" songs of our youth turned out to be true. I am still beautiful and his little doll, he will always be my Rock of Gibralter and the funniest man I ever met. By the way,we love each other the same, just differantly.

Posted by: Steampress at December 21, 2004 08:14 AM (8N17F)

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