In dog news, Charlie has decided that he wants to be Charlie Bronson and make a Great Escape.

Our backyard is a disaster, with dirt on one side and sand on the other. It's like a spectrum running from Mildly Crappy to Completely Worthless. Charlie recently discovered that sand is easy to dig and wriggle through. Thus, he keeps escaping. I bought those cheapy wire garden dividers, and I even strategically placed an old flowerpot so he couldn't get out again.

He still managed to escape.

To put things in Rachel Lucas terms:

He can still manage to squeeze out of that space. This means he can't have unsupervised backyard time, which is a real pain in the neck.

Very annoying. I will have to go steal some dirt from the construction site in our neighborhood to put on top of that sand to keep the danged dog in the yard.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:15 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 aw.... We had that yard before moving on base. Mark rented one of those dohicks from home depot and tilled it and planted seed. And watered and watered and watered and watered and watered the stuff so it would grow. It still looked like crap. And we had to pay for his excessive watering. Yeah!

Posted by: wifeunit at February 26, 2009 04:37 AM (t5K2U)

2 He is so cute. He needs a puppy playdate. So does my new puppy. I have to wrestle with her and my old arms scratch so easy they are beginning to look like my mothers when she got old. But it's so much fun.

Posted by: Ruth H at February 26, 2009 05:42 AM (4u82p)

3 Thanks for the photos - and the arrows and text! More, please! Apart from the grey grass and Charlie's priceless expression, this is exactly what I envisioned!

Posted by: Amritas at February 26, 2009 07:14 AM (+nV09)

4 Hi, Delurking to tell you I have had the same issue with my dog. I got a ton of those wire things you are using and doubled and tripled them up. He could get under one but couldn't get under the rest. Might be worth a try. Good luck! Stephanie

Posted by: Stephanie at February 26, 2009 08:56 AM (pdrUe)

5 Stephanie -- I may definitely have to try that. CVG also suggested paving stones

Posted by: Sarah at February 26, 2009 09:06 AM (TWet1)

6 cOmrades, have you forgotten the Berlin Wall? Put up a new one - but without Checkpoint Charlie!

Posted by: kevin at February 26, 2009 09:54 AM (+nV09)

7 You can see that he's hashing a plan. It's his eyes... their shiffty!

Posted by: the mrs. at February 26, 2009 11:19 AM (NJQf+)

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I figured I should give you a small update re: baby.

So here's the deal: You take women who are extremely freaked out about miscarriage and you give them a medicine which prevents miscarriage but which also has the absurd side effect of irritating your cervix and making you bleed.

(I'm reminded of the scene in Futurama when Fry says he can't swallow a pill that size, and the professor says "Well then good news!" because you don't swallow it. Ahem. Oh, and they're refrigerated.)

So basically now it's just a waiting game until I go for my ultrasound in two weeks. I won't know anything until then, but even then I won't feel great: the last time, you'll remember, we managed to become one of the 5% of people whose baby has a heartbeat and then subsequently dies.

I may be a while before I feel confident. Please don't try to convince me I should get that way right now. I won't breathe easily until I make it to a milestone that I haven't reached in the past. Like seeing a doctor. I've never even done that yet.

So we wait it out.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:59 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 My heart goes out to you. I have some idea of what your feeling. I had a miscarriage a few months ago and even though I'm now 13 wks pregnant I feel like I cant exhale yet. The fear of losing again, feeling that pain, that emptyness, is a powerful one. Hang in there and my prayers are with you.

Posted by: the mrs. at February 26, 2009 03:18 AM (NJQf+)

2 *hugs* Thanks for the update, Sarah. I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Posted by: Leofwende at February 26, 2009 03:47 AM (28CBm)

3 Thank you for the update. Glad you are plugging along and wishing you all the best. I am surprised your clinic is making you wait two weeks. That was not my experience and seriously I am mad at them for doing that.

Posted by: wifeunit at February 26, 2009 03:58 AM (t5K2U)

4 You have me, my dad, my sister, and all the girls on my wing praying for you, even though they have no idea who you are. Plus whoever else happened to get the word.

Posted by: TW at February 26, 2009 04:04 AM (ZfS8j)

5 "because you don't swallow it" So...it's like what Pres. Obama is doing to us.

Posted by: tim at February 26, 2009 04:06 AM (nno0f)

6 Thinking of you sarah, esp over the next few week while your husband is away and you wait. Saying a prayer.

Posted by: keri at February 26, 2009 04:24 AM (HXpRG)

7 Hang in there Sarah - I know it's easier said then done. You and Russ are in my prayers. And so is Charlie for him to stay in the yard!

Posted by: BigD78 at February 26, 2009 05:15 AM (W3XUk)

8 That is the WORST side effect I've ever heard! I didn't realize that was a side effect. I thought it was ... something worse. I actually feel a bit relieved now. That doesn't mean I feel confident. I am used to admitting I just don't know. And I can't forget what Leofwende said: "there is no point that is truly 'safe'".

Posted by: Amritas at February 26, 2009 06:11 AM (+nV09)

9 Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you.

Posted by: dutchgirl at February 26, 2009 06:24 AM (Sj3hy)

10 I guess you could say I'm relieved your cervix is irritated. And I will continue to keep the fingers I can cross, crossed. Carren and I are thinking about you. Also, I've a sure-fire way to keep the dog in the yard, but it may be more work than you're willing to do...

Posted by: Chuck at February 26, 2009 07:07 AM (bQVIy)

11 Oh, yeah, that's a HORRID "side effect" ... I promise you won't hear any "be confident!!!" advice from me, but lots of hugs & hope are continuing your way! :-)

Posted by: kannie at February 26, 2009 07:54 AM (iT8dn)

12 I'm waiting along with you... and ever since you said you were pregnant, I've been having trouble breathing, too. *hugs*

Posted by: FbL at February 26, 2009 09:51 AM (HwqvF)

13 Hugs and you are in my prayers.

Posted by: Reasa at February 26, 2009 02:22 PM (2W7Iu)

14 Im' soorry you are having a rough time. We didn't tell a soul until our son hit 12 weeks. Looks like a good group of people are waiting with you though. HH6

Posted by: Household6 at February 28, 2009 12:45 PM (V86CJ)

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I had a little bleeding today, which sufficiently destroyed my enthusiasm and optimism.
I won't be blogging about it anymore for quite a while, at least not until I know something one way or the other.
I am OK, but I would prefer not to talk about it, so no need to phone.

Posted by: Sarah at 01:50 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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I can't believe it's been five years since my husband left for Iraq the first time. What a Valentine's Day that was.

We're not much for celebrating the 14th, but there are two things we do every year.

One, we sing this.
Two, we watch this.

Happy Valentine's Day, husband. I still choo-choo-choose you.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:58 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 I drew a train with "I Choo Choo Choose You" on the outside of SB's Valentine's package. Nerdtastic.

Posted by: Sis B at February 14, 2009 07:20 AM (0ScrO)

2 Sarah, is the cap for your husband? It just oozes masculinity!

Posted by: Amritas at February 14, 2009 12:08 PM (Wxe3L)

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You know that 1% retail gain in January? I think that was my husband and I. Since my husband is having two deployment years in a row, and since the stock market is in the toilet, there's no sense in hiding money in Roths or TSP. So we've been spending it like it's going out of style. My husband got a bunch of stuff that he needs for SERE and for the next deployment (He's an "operator" now, which apparently means he needs a bunch of stuff that the Army won't provide.) I decided to live in the now by doing two things I've wanted to do for a while: I bought an elliptical machine to make good on my promise to start exercising, and I bought a plane ticket to go visit CaliValleyGirl and finally meet her baby.

Spending is kinda fun; no wonder other people do it so often.

UPDATE:

I said to my husband, "Oh, I also should've put that we paid off our car." And he joked in a cartoonish announcer voice, "Freeing up capital for someone else!" Heh. We're doing what we can to help the ecominy.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:40 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 You and me both Sarah! I'm spending like there's no tomorrow. Big screen tv last week. Next week? Living room furniture. Then....it's on to the next room. Oh, and they ordered the company car and that arrives next week. I'm thinkin' that 1% gain came our two homes! ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at February 14, 2009 06:28 AM (5c0T5)

2 I still haven't bought the pistol She told me I could get when I made Staff Sergeant... Hmmm... You're inspirational. Sig

Posted by: Sig at February 14, 2009 07:16 AM (fPHZv)

3 Good for you! The elliptical machine sounds neat & I'd much rather have one at the house than at the Y b/c I rarely go visit the one at the Y! Glad you're going visiting too! That's cool.

Posted by: Guard Wife at February 14, 2009 10:31 AM (i0ZCx)

4 That's basically what we said... there isn't a decent place to invest, so lets just spend it. Replaced the only appliance that didn't die during deployment (range), and a few other things

Posted by: Susan at February 14, 2009 03:05 PM (Y8ZGj)

5 Amen! Replace and stock up on stuff that doesn't depend on a paper dollar holding its worth, LOL - clothes, food, fixes, etc. Not a bad idea to save up some $ after that, either, though, just in case it's still worth something once Congress is done "helping"... Hubby asked me what we should spend our "stimulus money" on if we get any, and I answered him with one word: "Ammunition." No sense in having the government steal other people's money if you don't make good use of it...

Posted by: kannie at February 16, 2009 10:59 AM (iT8dn)

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Yes, the timestamp on this entry is correct. I've developed a terrible new habit: I wake up every night around 4 AM to fret. I have been awake for an hour now, so stressed out that I don't know whether to cry or throw up.

My husband leaves for SERE school on Monday. A few days later, I will find out whether I am pregnant. If I am, I won't be able to tell him for two and a half weeks. But the more likely scenario, obviously, is that I am not, in which case I will have to do the next fertility round by myself a day or two before he gets home. Thus, I will have to pick up my husband from SERE and drive him straight home for babymaking. The thought of forcing the situation the day he finishes being beaten and starved makes me sick to my stomach...but so does the thought of skipping a cycle when we have precious few left.

So I lie in bed fretting and stressing every single night. I'm back at the Choose Your Own Adventure stage.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:49 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Of course the thought of babymaking may help your husband get through SERE school. My ‘glass half full’ ‘not in your shoes’ two cents. Good luck…to both of you.

Posted by: tim at February 13, 2009 04:01 AM (nno0f)

2 Well, if he's been beaten and starved, might I suggest you begin the evening with a lovely meal of some his favorites, followed by a hot shower & massage THEN get to the business (whether for babymaking or not)? Of course, if I were in your shoes, I'd do the biznasty first and follow-up with the other two because Brian would be ASLEEP at the end of the massage. LOL Maybe the next time you're awake at 4:00, you can make a mental list of all the things you need to shop for? Or, just call me & we can chat it up.

Posted by: Guard Wife at February 13, 2009 05:10 AM (N3nNT)

3 *hugs*, Sarah.

Posted by: Leofwende at February 13, 2009 06:38 AM (28CBm)

4 Eat a banana, drink some milk and go back to bed. It works!

Posted by: Oda Mae at February 13, 2009 10:29 AM (kqi0o)

5 Ugh! I'm sorry. Wish I could say something better than that.

Posted by: Lucy at February 13, 2009 03:44 PM (HGFog)

6 I have nothing but hugs, love and prayers for ya.

Posted by: Reasa at February 14, 2009 06:12 AM (2W7Iu)

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I was joking with Amritas and David the other day that I have found the secret to workplace productivity: Hire people who don't need the money and then tell them that they can go home when they finish all their work.

My managers wanted me to stay on at the store so badly that they offered me whatever I want...except money. I said I would stay on if I could work one day a week and only do things that are fun. Amazingly, they agreed.

There were some parts of my job that I really liked, like organizing the yarn section. I love doing that; I would do it for free. I like to see how quickly I can do it. On Monday, I shelved all the new yarn in 24 minutes. I was sweating and puffing by the end.

And, absurdly enough, I have grown fond of making those foam houses. Now that I have several of them under my belt, I automatically know what will and won't work, and I just glue-gun the hell out of it and go to town. (I made an Easter castle today, and I was just thrilled that it didn't have any butterflies on it. They are the worst.)

So I am staying on to work one day a week, sorting yarn and doing crafts. And I go home when I'm done with my tasks. I'm cool with that.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:43 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 LOL!!! What a negotiator! :-) And I can totally relate to the yarn-stocking fun - I stocked hospital carts for surgery rooms one summer, and it was WONDERFUL! :-) Congrats on getting your job, your way! :-)

Posted by: kannie at February 05, 2009 09:13 AM (iT8dn)

2 Congratulations! "Unquit" ... now that's a word you don't hear every day. And your story's pretty unusual too. It is refreshing to see someone with a positive attitude toward work without being a patsy. I doubt everyone gets your kind of deal. You've earned your managers' respect, and it's no wonder they wanted you to stay. The Two-Gun Girl is back in town! Glue gun in one hand, real gun in the other. Not that she ever left ...

Posted by: Amritas at February 05, 2009 09:21 AM (+nV09)

3 Yay! I'm so happy for you. Very cool.

Posted by: FbL at February 05, 2009 11:07 AM (HwqvF)

4 Why when I read that the jingle "Price-line Neeee-go-ti-a-tor!" came into my head. It should now be "Mich-ael's Neee-go-ti-a-tor!" Way to go on that. Now if only I could adapt those skills to my job. It's a slow week and instead of surfing the net I could use my free time to catch up on my recorded Lost episodes

Posted by: BigD78 at February 05, 2009 11:21 AM (W3XUk)

5 I quit a part time job at a bookstore years ago. The owners liked me so well they tried to entice me back with a part interest in the store. I declined, owning a bookstore would be a full time, 24hour headache, and it was just before the big box bookstores moved in. Good managers noticed your talent. Good on you!

Posted by: Ruth H at February 05, 2009 02:20 PM (hBAQy)

6 I came here specifically this moment to see if you had posted the reasoning. I had guessed 'free yarn' which isn't true, but I KNEW it had to have something to do with the yarn. LOL Good for you. I will remember this negotiation tactic if I'm offered a job in the next couple weeks..."I see your job offer and will accept on two conditions: I only have to show my face around here once a week and when I do, I only do FUN stuff." LOL

Posted by: Guard Wife at February 06, 2009 08:40 AM (N3nNT)

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I'm on track to beat Bush's 2008 and 2007 scores in my George Bush 2009 Reading Challenge: I've read four books in four weeks. I'm gonna make sure I keep up the pace, which I think will be easy once my husband starts leaving town all the time. Heck, maybe I could even beat Rove.

I have plenty of things on my bookshelves to keep me occupied, but I always enjoy asking people to recommend books. What are your favorites? Maybe I will add some of them to my list this year.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:20 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
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1 If you haven't read them already, my husband and I both enjoyed Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner, and also Thomas Sowell's The Quest for Cosmic Justice. I know you've read Atlas Shrugged before, which would have been my #1 otherwise.

Posted by: Leofwende at February 01, 2009 07:13 AM (28CBm)

2 Leofwende -- I have read Freakonomics and enjoyed it. I love Thomas Sowell and just finished his autobiography yesterday, but I haven't yet read The Quest For Cosmic Justice. And you can't suggest 1200 page books for my reading challenge! That will slow me down!

Posted by: Sarah at February 01, 2009 07:57 AM (TWet1)

3 1.) "Patriots; Surviving the Coming Collapse" by James W. Rawles 2) "Invisible Resistance To Tyranny" by Jefferson Mack Both very short but worthwhile "reference" manuals for these troubled times in which we find ourselves.

Posted by: retro at February 01, 2009 08:03 AM (dGwLF)

4 Retro -- Thanks. I am not familiar with either of those books.

Posted by: Sarah at February 01, 2009 08:08 AM (TWet1)

5 Slaughterhouse 5, Kurt Vonnegut. Hands down, by far, (next to The Fountainhead) the best.... Ever.

Posted by: Allison at February 01, 2009 11:11 AM (HwSVX)

6 When you first mentioned Bush/Rove's reading challenge, you linked to two other blogs that had their reading lists posted. One recommended Clarence Thomas' My Grandfather's Son, which I just finished. It was an absolutely inspiring book. The part where he discovers Thomas Sowell's writings for the first time - well, the book is worth reading just for that part alone! If you haven't already read it, it's a must for your list. I promise - you will love it!!!

Posted by: Amy at February 01, 2009 12:08 PM (I9LMv)

7 Allison -- I read Slaughterhouse 5 in high school, and I liked it, but it's been a long time since I read it. Maybe I should read it again. Amy -- Thanks for the tip! I will add it to the list. I have actually heard good things about that book before.

Posted by: Sarah at February 01, 2009 12:36 PM (TWet1)

8 War on Wealth is quite good...for a thinking book...

Posted by: AWTM at February 01, 2009 12:43 PM (yufL5)

9 For starters: "A Canticle for Leibowitz," by Walter Miller. A deep, depressing, but often funny book: categorized as science fiction, but really philosophical/theological fiction "Darkness at Noon," by Arthur Koestler..a committed communist is arrested by the Stalinist regime. "On the Rails: a Woman's Journey," by Linda Niemann...a PhD in English takes a job as a railroad brakeman. (My review here) "Father, Son, & Company," by Thomas Waston Jr..this memoir by the long-time CEO of IBM is something quite different from the typical look-how-brilliant-I-am CEO autobiography.

Posted by: david foster at February 01, 2009 12:58 PM (ke+yX)

10 AWTM, thanks. Good idea. I also have never read Survivor, which I know isn't your favorite, but Palahniuk always makes me think of you. David -- I will definitely read your picks because I just think the world of you and know your picks will be interesting and challenging.

Posted by: Sarah at February 01, 2009 01:02 PM (TWet1)

11 Thanks so much, Sarah! I look forward to seeing what you think of them.

Posted by: david foster at February 01, 2009 01:26 PM (ke+yX)

12 I'm, at my son's house, his wife had another aneurysm fixed so I'm trying to help and can't remember ALL my books, we have about a million (no joke, our rooms are lined with bookshelves) but some I can remember are: The Forgotten Man, Amity Shlaes book on the depression; Seabiscuit, very good historical information in this; Lone Survivor, Marcus Latrell; anything by Steven Pinker, they are all on how the mind works and language, oh so good! That is about as much as my mind can drag up from its depths. I do very much recommend any Steven Pinker book, I think if you have an interest in language it would really be right up your alley. (and husband's) Wish I had one of my books with me. I am trying to read Pride and Prejudice and it puts me to sleep, I need sleep so that is good.

Posted by: Ruth H at February 01, 2009 01:59 PM (b90vF)

13 Right now, I"m on a kick for Kent Haruf's books, thanks to RSM. I"ve read "The Tie That Binds" and now I'm on to Plainsong. Good writing. I'd recommend "Atlas Shrugged" and "Fountainhead" but I know I'm preaching to the choir.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at February 01, 2009 02:00 PM (RlqpK)

14 Hmm... I'm kind of reading founding-type documents or philosophers referenced in John Adams (by David McCullough) right now. Starting with Frederic Bastiat. Then maybe some Cicero... After reading John Adams, though, I get the sense that David McCullough is simply an EXQUISITE biographer, so more bios by him are on my list. OTOH, it took me a year to read just one book, chunk-by-chunk every few months, LOL! But they're great! :-)

Posted by: kannie at February 01, 2009 04:10 PM (iT8dn)

15 A few more: 1)"We the Living," probably Ayn Rand's least-well-known novel, is IMNSHO her best from a literary standpoint. (There's also an interesting film based on this book, made in fascist Italy, of all places) 2)"Year of the French," by Thomas Flanagan. Ralph Peters called it "the best historical novel written in English," and he's not far wrong. It's about an incident in Ireland in 1798, when the French revolutionary government landed a force to support the Irish rebels. 3)"The Forging of a Rebel," by Arturo Barea. A narrative of Spain and of the Spanish Civil War. From my review: This book is "about" the Spanish Civil War, but it is not conventional military or political history. It is the story of Spain in the first half of the 20th century, as seen through the eyes of one man. The writing is so rich, dense, and vivid that reading it is like finding yourself inside someone else's dream.

Posted by: david foster at February 01, 2009 04:50 PM (ke+yX)

16 Books I've absorbed in the last couple of months: Juggler of Worlds Fleet of Worlds THe Blank Slate (Pinker) The Demon is in the Freezer The Nurture Assumption Crimes Against Logic Building Harliquin's Moon The Stuff of Thought (Pinker) A Walk in the Woods Damned if We Do (obscure tanker scifi!) When You Are Engulfed In Flames Chilton Volkswagen Jetta 1999-2002 repair manual I'm acquired a complete set of Patrick O'Brian novels (the whole Master and Commander series) so that will be next.

Posted by: deskmerc at February 01, 2009 08:36 PM (o/QXM)

17 In between all these tomes, you need a little fun, light reading that you can breeze through--like the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich (One for the Money, Two for the Dough, etc.).

Posted by: Pat in MN at February 02, 2009 03:39 AM (ky1Ki)

18 I am currently reading The Three Junes (the book I have been trying to finish since November)...and it's good. But otherwise I can recommend some children's books, if you never read them: Anything by Roald Dahl, especially Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I also really liked his autobographies, Boy and Going Solo. He led an amazing life, especially his years in Africa during WW2. He also has some wickedly funny adult short stories books. But I think you would really enjoy Going Solo. I recently read Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nihm. Defintely want to read that with my kids one day. I want to re-read all the Laura Ingells Wilder books too...I loved those! But I guess re-reading doesn't count, huh?

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at February 02, 2009 05:45 AM (irIko)

19 Wanted to stop by and invite you to come on over! I'm so happy to be able to do this for our military community. I'm a military wife and the daughter of a veteran. eMail Our Military (eMOM) is offering 10 ways for our military community the opportunity to win FREE flowers just in time for Valentine's Day ♥ http://snurl.com/b55mb

Posted by: Trish | eMail Our Military at February 02, 2009 07:06 AM (13x4Q)

20 I am currently reading A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalitt. A young conservative Jewish woman examines the loss of sexual modesty in our society and the consequences. Very different from what I have been reading lately but absolutely fascinating. Anything by Jen Lancaster (blame AWTM, she sent me Bright Lights, Big Ass).

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at February 02, 2009 09:21 AM (Yelj1)

21 DavidFoster ~ that's next on my list of Ayn Rand's books to read. I've heard it's incredible. Amritas ~ very true. I've taken the challenge too. It's a good one to take! CVG ~ LOVED the LHotP series. My daughter is reading them now and it's great to be able to read along with her and discuss them. Dahl is awesome - we love him too. I'd also recommend "Despereaux" - incredibly well-written. We're reading it before the movie hits the dollar theatres.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at February 03, 2009 09:47 PM (RlqpK)

22 World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks. Currently reading The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin by H.W. Brands. Sig

Posted by: Sig at February 04, 2009 04:07 PM (fPHZv)

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Quick update...

I realized that I couldn't wait until Monday morning, because in order to be ready for the procedure on Tuesday, I have to give myself that trigger shot Sunday night. So I had to find out if the procedure was still a go-flight.

Luckily, my neighbor is friends with my fertility doctor's wife. She called their house and got me permission to call the doctor today. Otherwise I have no idea what I would've done.

He listened and said that it probably is just the hormone levels tricking my endometrium into doing goofy things. He said that as long as the bleeding is letting up, and it has, then we are still on track.

So whew.

Hindsight sucks. I wish I'd gotten a good night's sleep last night instead.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:07 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 I'm glad your neighbor and doctor came through for you after the ER failed. A triumph of people over impersonal institutions. I hope that the track to Tuesday gets smoother from here ... and that you can make up for the rest you lost, though I doubt that's easy. You must be counting down the hours. I'll be crossing my fingers.

Posted by: Amritas at January 31, 2009 10:48 AM (y3aIN)

2 You'll sleep better tonight. I'm glad your neighbor has connections and that you're keeping us posted.

Posted by: Guard Wife at January 31, 2009 11:18 AM (IADCv)

3 Ugh. What a PITA. Hormones are of the devil. Here's hoping that your body is just giddy with anticipation for the procedure and this was it's way of showing it's excitement.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at January 31, 2009 12:41 PM (RlqpK)

4 I'm glad to hear you are hanging in there and that you got to talk to your doctor.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at January 31, 2009 04:05 PM (FoD6b)

5 I'm glad everything is still on track! That sort of crap used to stress me out like nothing else... everything is so time sensitive when it comes to treatment. I'll be thinking about you, good luck!

Posted by: dutchgirl at February 01, 2009 10:09 AM (Sj3hy)

6 Glad to hear things are still a go! You're in our thoughts prayers! :-)

Posted by: kannie at February 01, 2009 03:55 PM (iT8dn)

7 Praying... crossing fingers... sending positive thoughts your way! *hugs*

Posted by: FbL at February 01, 2009 04:20 PM (HwqvF)

8 thinking of you, wishing you luck and serenity.

Posted by: Kate at February 02, 2009 10:36 AM (JIGe1)

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Some days just beg to be blogged about. They have Palahniuk's "paperback potential." But other days are just too much to even form a coherent story.

Yesterday was the perfect storm of awful. In bed last night, the husband and I rated it as one of our three all-time worst days of our marriage. And by "in bed last night," I mean this morning, because we didn't get into bed until after 5 AM.

We started our day Friday at 5 AM with a trip to the fertility clinic. Everything looked good for a procedure next week. And then all sorts of little things started going wrong during our day, things barely worth mentioning save the fact that they all happened in a row: had to buy a new printer, knocked over a can of coke on the sofa and my knitting project, the garbage disposal broke, etc. We kept describing our day like this: Life FAIL. We just wanted the day to be over.

But around dinnertime, I started bleeding...and there's no earthly reason why I should be bleeding today. It was enough to make me nervous, and since it was a Friday night and I wouldn't be able to reach my doctor or nurse until Monday, we decided we'd better head to the ER. Luckily we ate dinner first, because we had no idea what we were in for.

I expected to be there until midnight. I didn't expect to be there until 4:30 AM. During that time, I had less than ten minutes of actual medical care -- take blood pressure, ask about my symptoms, quick pelvic exam -- and was eventually told...drumroll..."Geez, I don't know anything about fertility stuff, so just call your doctor Monday morning."

When we walked in the house to finally go to sleep, my husband's watch alarm went off. It had woken us up at 5 AM that morning to start our day, and he wryly announced it was ending our day as well.

Thanks to everyone who noted my offhanded Facebook status and checked on me. I am fine, apparently, even though I am still bleeding and don't know why or what this means.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:52 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I case you were sitting on the edge of your chair in anticipation (snort), I did go ahead and resign from my job. I will not be staying on in a more generic capacity; I will finish out the remaining three weeks of this job and then say my goodbyes.

With karmic timing, more foam houses arrived this week, so I will be making Easter-themed castles. But I plan to smile while I do it, because I have gotten darned good at it. I am a quick-draw with that glue gun these days. It will be my last hurrah there at the store.

And as much as I hated that foam when I first started, I think I will miss it, in a small way.

Not enough to buy one though.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:37 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Do you realize how painful it was to try to sleep on the edge of my chair last night? Unlike Allah, you are so unmerciful. My behind hurts. You think I'm going to let you get away with this? Most certainly not! I need a lawyer! Guaaard Wife! I am a quick-draw with that glue gun these days. I envision you in a cowgirl outfit, spinning a glue gun in one hand and a bullet gun in the other. It will be my last hurrah there at the store. Have a fun, foam-filled finale!

Posted by: Amritas at January 28, 2009 12:58 PM (y3aIN)

2 I think this is just opening you up for some bigger, better opportunity as yet unknown ;-)

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at January 28, 2009 02:21 PM (zoxao)

3 I'm glad there has been some resolution, although I would encourage you to remain glue gun qualified. You never know when that type of skill will be necessary and if you can wield one with great accuracy, you are ahead of the game. I'm sorry that this did not work out the way it should have, but I'm glad that I'm now officially the most unfortunate person job-wise. It makes for good cocktail party conversation...if I could afford cocktails...or a party.

Posted by: Guard Wife at January 28, 2009 05:32 PM (IADCv)

4 Take the pieces of one to the shooting range and blow them to little pieces :-)

Posted by: Barb at January 29, 2009 08:15 PM (p+dnl)

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I wrote at SpouseBUZZ about how we've been spending our block leave. One nice thing about just being at home is that we can be so lazy. We've been waking up and then spending about another hour or so talking and loafing in bed. It has been nice to be able to do that.

And we know it and keep talking about it in a meta-knowledge way.

I have been trying harder to live in the now, to live my real life and not the parallel one. We have been trying to find the good in not having a baby, and lazing around in bed until 9 AM is a definite start. We keep reminding each other that we can't do that anymore once we have kids, so we should enjoy it while we can. We are trying to be happier about not having a baby and focusing on the silver lining.

Another mental change I need to make is about my health. For two years, I have stressed out about what I was eating and drinking, in case it would have either a positive or negative effect on fertility. I have made myself sick with this cycle of guilt about having a glass of wine, etc. No more. I can't keep living this way, where I am freaked out that every little thing I do might injure this baby that doesn't even exist yet.

I also have put off diving into an exercise regime because you're not supposed to drastically change your exercise habits upon becoming pregnant. I never wanted to go to the gym because, what was the point?: If I got into a good habit of going to the gym for two weeks, I might get pregnant and quit going anyway. So I never had the motivation to start something that I imagined myself quitting. And two years later, I am just mad that I have been living my life in two-week intervals. So I'm going to start exercising, and we'll deal with baby if/when it happens.

We're hardening our hearts a little, mentally preparing ourselves for not having a baby, which is a hard thing to do when you also have appointments for fertility treatments. But I have hated the way we've been living for the past two years, so it's not like it can get any worse.

So we're enjoying doing whatever the heck we want with our time while our time is still ours.

Posted by: Sarah at 07:03 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Enjoy more goat-cheese lasanaga!!! Hmmmmm.

Posted by: BigD78 at January 27, 2009 08:35 AM (W3XUk)

2 Your husband can't get his mind off work. Neither can I. Ever, and I don't even have his level of responsibility. I don't understand how anyone can truly get away from their work. Perhaps it's because they consider their work to be a separate, detachable entity rather than a part of them. I realize it's not fun at times, but I appreciate your husband's dedication, and I don't think you'd really want him any other way. Besides, it's not as if he is working full time unpaid during block leave. Now that'd be going way too far! The childless life certainly has its advantages! I wonder if you have been obsessing over your eating and drinking because that is something you can control - in an attempt to compensate for that which you cannot control. Are exercise regimes and gyms necessary to maintain fitness that once was integral to a farming lifestyle? The sedentary, urban phase of human history is but a blip.

Posted by: Amritas at January 27, 2009 08:36 AM (+nV09)

3 This sounds very wise, imho. As they say, life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. Even when focused on achieving/attaining something big and worthwhile, life is still happening in the little things... I remember how I had to throw myself 100% into a ridiculous schedule in order to achieve my educational dreams for awhile. And I was amazed as I later looked back and realized the ways in which the necessary tunnel vision on a very worthwhile goal had somewhat inhibited my experiences and personal growth in other areas during that time. As I've also heard: Life is what happens when you're not paying attention... *happy hugs*

Posted by: FbL at January 27, 2009 12:28 PM (HwqvF)

4 Your comment section hates me. This more relaxed outlook, taking things as they come and doing what you want to do with your life as it is right now rather than as it might be if only sounds like a healthy change. Enjoy having your husband home while he is. Mine leaves in a week or so for a month, then maybe 2 more months, then home for 3 (if I'm lucky), and then gone for a year. *Sigh*. Woohoo for pre-deployment craziness.

Posted by: Leofwende at January 27, 2009 01:20 PM (jAos7)

5 Your comment section hates me too. I've been trying to comment for weeks, now, unsuccessfully. We'll see if it works this time. I know that nothing I (a complete stranger) say can really make things better. But I also know that I hate it when I put up a post about something hard and then it sits there with no comments ever. So what I've been trying to say is: I am out here reading. And I'm sorry that things are painful. I'm glad the block leave is good.

Posted by: Lucy at January 27, 2009 05:16 PM (HGFog)

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Professor: Well, it looks like I'll need my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course
Fry: What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay?
Hermes: You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around!

That Futurama quote has been running through my head all day.

So Obama becomes president, and I lose my job. Causation or correlation?

Seriously, I just found out today that my job has disappeared. I can stay on as a regular associate, at severely reduced pay, if I so choose. Try this on for size: do all the same work you've been doing, for a dollar less per hour.

I'm sure it's For The Greater Good.

Oy.

Must decide by tomorrow.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:51 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 That is lame. Sorry you have to make this decision.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at January 26, 2009 11:00 AM (dlioN)

2 Here we go again ... What a way to start your week! I am so sorry to hear this. To foam or not to foam? A certain slogan from the Reagan era comes to mind.

Posted by: Amritas at January 26, 2009 11:01 AM (+nV09)

3 That sucks! Sorry to hear that. Trust me I know how it goes. Maybe a little hopenchange stimulus can come your way instead of those who don't want to work for a living I'd put in a good word for you but something tells me I'm not on any VIP lists with the new administration. Just a hunch. Today does seem like a bummer - I found out I paid $14,000 in taxes (so far) and I'm sure I'll have to pay more once I file my tax return. So it'll probably end up being more like $15 - $20k. All of which I will not see any returned investment on from my govt. Suuuuper! Can you imagine what that return would be if I could have kept that money and invested it on my own? What if I were a business and could have reinvested that into my business/company instead of collecting it from employees to give to the govt. I might be able to help someone keep their job or even better get a raise for doing a job well done. Imagine the possibilities for our economy! I know I should hush it up. We're now under a regime that wants an education system that rewards children for mediocre behavior but punishes business for positive growth. Faaaaaaaaaaabulous!

Posted by: BigD78 at January 26, 2009 12:34 PM (W3XUk)

4 So sorry sweetie. But, remember, it's all about the hopey, changey thingey!!! Will this qualify you for an economic stimulus package?

Posted by: Pamela at January 26, 2009 12:52 PM (vN/8b)

5 My vote is tell them no thanks... You have enough to keep you busy, and frankly could make more money crocheting or knitting for others, or teaching classes at some MWR center...on post, think about it... you could open your own how to knit shop..

Posted by: AWTM at January 26, 2009 01:49 PM (l1Qbp)

6 AWTM is awesome. Why fool around with foam when knitting is your mission? More focus, more money. You've been a part of capitalism; now it's time to be a capitalist! But every day since we've come a little bit closer to our goal of being fat, rich, white Republicans. - Queen Leaina Get even closer. You have the skills, and you will soon have the time.

Posted by: Amritas at January 26, 2009 02:04 PM (y3aIN)

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It's been two years since we started trying to have a baby.

No two journeys are exactly the same, but I have been fortunate to know several different ladies who each understand one piece of the crazy pie.

A girl I know here in town, she understands the obsession. She was a charter and a planner. Though it only took her a few months to get pregnant, she remembers vividly the obsession with the science aspect. Like me, she never stopped picking up her charts and comparing month to month. She knows the agony of knowledge and the grief of searching for some medical indicator of why things don't seem to be working.

Another person from my Real Life understands the bitterness. She is mad, mad that she grew up, finished school, got married, got a good job, planned and saved, and now is stuck frozen in time, just like I am. She also hates her high school health teacher for saying that Man + Woman = Baby, because for some of us, it just simply doesn't. She is the only person I know who is as bitter about her lot in life as I am.

I am eternally grateful to know Darla, who like me counts the chickens far before they're hatched. Every month I too check the due date calendars online and plan for a baby nine months later. She and I remain hopeful to a fault, because the overwhelming evidence in our faces should make us slit our wrists rather than start picking out names. But we do it anyway, torturing ourselves with hope. I am glad to know Darla can still do that after seven years, because I have felt crazy for doing it for two.

And on the flip side, my best friend from high school understands the despair. She understands those days when you wallow and feel like it will never happen. Because although she eventually went on to have children, she never fully recovered from the emotional damage the journey took on her. She never gives me any platitudes, never tries to cheer me up, never tells me that things will work out. She keenly remembers the despair, and she too is a bruised orange.

And this Army Wife, whom I recently discovered because of The Worst Possible Thing, understands feeling like a biological failure. When the majority of people on this planet can and do reproduce, and you slowly realize that you can't, it is a severe blow. I feel like we have lesser genes, that we are faulty, that we are not the fittest and thus shouldn't survive. I've never heard anyone else even mention how not getting pregnant or miscarrying feels like a personal biological failure. Reading that on her blog made me finally feel normal about that one piece of the crazy pie.

These women help me realize I am not alone and I am not insane. I am so grateful to each of them for what they have taught me along the way.

Two years.

Damn.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:27 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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We woke up to our first real snow in three years.
Charlie loves it, just like he did as a puppy.

We're getting smiles where we can today.

Also, people in the South can NOT drive in snow. I was laughing with my husband that I took my driving test at 16 in more snow than we have today.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:40 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Could life get any more annoying right now? First annoyance: We noticed that we weren't getting any mail delivered. Not even a piece of junk mail for over a week. I called yesterday, and someone had gone online and put a hold on our mail for a month. Thanks a heap. Then this morning, Ticketmaster calls and says that someone fraudulently charged NY Knicks tickets to our credit card. Fantastic. Maybe tomorrow someone could slash my tires.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:02 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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My husband and I have been torturing ourselves with alternate reality a little lately. Our due date is coming up this week, which just underscores how perfectly timed that baby was. I got pregnant right before he deployed, and he would've returned with a little over a month before I gave birth. And the birth would've happened right during block leave. It saddens us to think how perfectly that would've worked out.

Another wife in the unit got pregnant right at the same time I did. She is due any day now. I also hate that I keep getting hit with these Comparison Babies. Sometimes I look at CaliValleyBaby and think that my own first baby would be teething and scooting around these days too. And now I will have to look at this new baby in our unit and be reminded of the progress that our second baby isn't here to make.

Some days I am hopeful that this will work for us. Other days I think that, with our track record, we have little chance for success with only five times to try before the husband deploys again.

My New Year's resolution ought to have been to stop being Dante Hicks.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:08 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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OK, so it's not just the dog who's bummed.

I think it was too soon to send my husband away again. I cannot remember a night during deployment when I felt as lonely and depressed as I do tonight. I have been on the verge of tears all afternoon.

But all these pants stories helped.

Is it bedtime yet? Heck, is it Sunday yet?

Posted by: Sarah at 01:45 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I called my husband last night a few minutes after midnight and said, "It's 2009 here; what year is it where you are?" He said, "2008. Are you calling me from the future?" It cracked me up.

I spent the evening with a friend, which was fun. I am home alone now, and it's surprising how normal it feels. Almost like my husband was never here. This is just how I lived for so long that it feels normal.

I think the dog is depressed though.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:09 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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My husband finished his MBA three days before deploying. He took a full load of distance classes every term in addition to his full-time Army job. He was always busy. And he finished the program and deployed, so I was really looking forward to having him home and having him to myself. No more homework, no more projects, no more me sitting alone in the TV room all day Saturday and Sunday while he worked.

He sat me down last night and said that he wants to start a new Master's Degree. Or learn Pashto. Or both. Either way, he warned me, he will be busy again. There go our Saturdays and Sundays.

I admire him for taking his professional development so seriously. But I can't help but feel frustrated that the thing I was supposed to be doing -- raising a baby -- hasn't happened yet and I keep sitting around waiting for my life to start. I could relate to Heidi's recent post about being consumed with the way life should have been instead of what it really is. I don't know what to do with myself besides sit around and wait for baby to show up. That's my only major life goal, and I've been twiddling my thumbs on it for two years now.

Maybe I ought to learn Pashto too.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:53 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 You really must embrace what IS. You don't have your baby yet. When you do finally have one, you will never have time again. You'll find that you can accomplish more things in an hour than you used to do in a day, and yet still never catch up. And you'll fantasize about all the wonderful things you could have done with all that time pre-baby. Absolutely live your life the way it is, even though it's not what you want it to be. I find myself in this battle constantly. When HD goes back to his Dad's house, I want to crawl under the bed and sleep until he comes back. I want everything to stop. Some days are better than others, but what I keep coming back to is that things are pretty damn good, even if it's not ideal. You're alive now. You're healthy now. You must live NOW. There are no guarantees that you will live tomorrow, that you will ever become pregnant again or that there will ever be another Republican president. If you wait for the perfect set of circumstances before you embrace life, you will never, ever truly live. I'm not admonishing you, I'm speaking as a friend who struggles with this same thing daily and doesn't want to see you drown in What If's and Maybe's and One Day's. I promise that on the days I'm able to embrace what I have rather than wallow in what I don't, things get just a little bit better. Ok, Polyanna is shutting up now. Thinking of you.

Posted by: Sis B at December 29, 2008 09:15 AM (0ScrO)

2 I get your point, Sis B, and I hate posts like this because then I always feel like I have to clarify everything: Yes I like my life the way it is (that's part of the problem, that the longer it takes to have a baby, the more I like not having one), yes I am fulfilled on a day-to-day basis with my job and knitting and blogging, etc. But there's something I just can't explain about how I feel these days, that my husband is still working towards goals that will affect our future and I am not. It makes me feel unproductive and stagnant. And we better freaking have another Republican president.

Posted by: Sarah at December 29, 2008 09:45 AM (TWet1)

3 I'm all for learning Pashto!!! :-) And that'd be a great activity to do together :-).

Posted by: kannie at December 29, 2008 01:15 PM (iT8dn)

4 Amritas (& Sarah) - Wow! Didn't realize Mr. Grok already had Persian - how cool! I was a (mediocre) linguistics major in college, so I'm more than a bit chagrined to admit that, while I know enough to be really enthralled by the mere mention of learning it & recognize the roots you mention, I haven't kept up with it enough to even sound intelligent, as "less academic" priorities have taken over life, LOL. But wow. I love this blog for SO many reasons! :-)

Posted by: kannie at December 30, 2008 10:20 AM (iT8dn)

5 I would definitely be frustrated as well, as my dh is currently mired in his masters I can imagine how irritated I'd be if he came home wanting to work on a second one when the first one has been such a time suck. Particularly on the backside of a deployment? I probably would not have been as kind, come to think of it. And I know very well that frustration of wanting your life as a parent to "start". I think finding something else to focus on as a goal would be a good thing. Go for the Pashto!

Posted by: dutchgirl at December 30, 2008 12:10 PM (rVkwX)

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