A few months ago, a friend of mine was looking at my bookshelf. She commented on The Fountainhead there, saying that it was the worst book she'd ever read. I was puzzled, because I had remembered it being a very good book, but I had read it in high school, so I thought perhaps I would think differently eight years later. I read it again in Italy, and I realized that it was just as good as I had remembered it being.

I love Howard Roark.

I look at him a little differently now than I did in high school, but I love him for all the same reasons. I love him because he's everything I'm not. He's confident and self-assured and he doesn't get driven nuts by people who don't live by his values. I get driven nuts. A lot. But after reading the book again, I think I will be better able to work on letting go of some of those feelings and learning to be more self-assured.

I've always been sort of "evangelical" about my values. I think they're the right ones, and I want other people to think so too. I've never been good at the live-and-let-live when it comes to values, and I spend way too much time worrying about how to present the issues to people who disagree with me so I can "convert" them. I need to give that up, to let go of the idea that I can change people. I need to be more like Oriol, our American in Spain: "I just don't care about the criticism I receive every day, because I know the cause I defend is right." I'm learning from Roark. I'm learning from Oriol. And I recently learned from General Hans Oster.

I was introduced to this brave man when we went to the concentration camp. I'm sure there were more like him, but I had never read a story like General Hans Oster's. As I stood on the site where he was executed, I thought about the bravery it would have taken to stand up against Hitler. I have trouble standing up to negative commenters.

There are people out there whose fortitude constantly amazes me. I can only try to honor them by working every day at being stronger. Since reading The Fountainhead again, I think I'm on the right path, but every day brings a new lesson to test that strength.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:55 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Man, there's a lot of hippies in the Munich airport. I haven't seen that much long hair and scraggly beards since high school.

My mom should be in the air by now. I can't believe five weeks went by so quickly. But we got to see five different countries, so you can't beat that.

Now I have to start getting ready for my next visitor: my husband is coming home for R&R at the end of the month! We're both getting incredibly excited, and the timing couldn't be better with my work schedule. Plus it's fun that he'll be here for both the presidential election and Veterans' Day.

More on that later...

Posted by: Sarah at 08:56 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 I'm sorry to hear that your mother's gone, but I'm glad that Blue 6 will be back! You saw Germany, France, and Italy with your mother, but what were the other two countries?

Posted by: Amritas at October 04, 2004 10:24 AM (uOTUR)

2 Both Austria and Czech Republic for an afternoon each

Posted by: Sarah at October 04, 2004 10:55 AM (RtxzU)

3 Thank you for one of the most enjoyable and relaxing trips I've ever had. You gave me lots of wonderful memories! Most importantly, I'm going to miss that smiling face each day and that hug each night. I love you! Mama

Posted by: Nancy at October 06, 2004 02:31 AM (YuW6k)

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It's been hard coming back to my Real Life after a vacation. I have to catch up on all the math I skipped last week. I have to prepare for the next class I'll teach. I have to finish grading the things that came in late from last term. I have so many things to do around the house: grocery shopping, laundry, planting bushes, etc. I have two blankets, a pair of socks, and a sweater to make as soon as possible. I have to enjoy my mom while she's still here. I don't like Real Life; I want to go back to the week when the only stress I had was whether we'd get all the red jellybeans put together.

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We went to a concentration camp today. It was raining and I was very cold, but not as cold as they were. I was frightened by the enormous pyramid of ashes, but not as frightened as they were. I felt angry when I heard some German start yelling, but not as angry as they were. And I cried when I was by myself, but not as often as they did.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:58 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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My life this week has been filled with hurry-up-and-relax. I race to work, race home, race back to class, race to find time to spend with my mom, and race to sleep. But I'm done now; it's vacation time. In two hours, Mom and I will pile into the car and head here. For a whole week. With no plans, no alarm clocks, no superscript th, no work, and no stress. And likely no internet. I'll return next weekend; in the meantime, enjoy the sidebar.

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Dang, you know what? It's fun to delete people...

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I truly believe in basing my life around my values. I changed my career plans away from being a French teacher because, after my experience in France, I didn't think I could promote the culture in good faith. My husband and I also tried to change our living plans: we never intended to get stationed in Europe -- we even tried to find a way to trade our slot away -- because Europe is generally the antithesis of all that we value. I believe firmly in making choices based on principles, and I applaud others who do the same.

In that sense, I can sympathize with these DUers who want to leave the country if President Bush is re-elected. I personally don't see their arguments, I sure think calling it a "junta" seems over-the-top, and I can't begin to crawl inside their minds. But if that's what they believe in, then they should act on it. They should be decisive and alter the course of their lives based on their convictions and values. I completely support that. I wonder, though, how many of them will actually back up their words with actions. And I wonder how easy life will be in another country for someone who is unemployed and broke in the US right now. But I wish them all the best of luck, and I hope they feel more at home elsewhere.

MORE TO GROK:

Here's everything I like about the US. Heh.

And yes, I learned to heh from the Instapundit. I had never heh-ed in my life before I started reading Reynolds.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:18 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It was a heck of a weekend: I went back to France, which I never thought I'd do. I did a lot of thinking; I'll write about it after I get my stats test out of the way tomorrow. Read this in the meantime.

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In three hours my mom will be here!
Of course, now that I've weaned her off of TV news and she's addicted to the blogosphere, we're going to be fighting over the computer...

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I got an update on our friend LT A today: he's home and doing much better. His wife says he is "tube-free" and except for the temporary colostomy bag and the shots of blood thinner, he's doing very well. I'm so relieved.

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Revelation: teaching something that's second nature is very hard.

This weekend I'm teaching a seminar called Grammar Review. Grammar is no big problem for me. I hardly ever have to stop to think about the rules. I generally can identify compound-complex sentences, comma splices, and subordinating conjunctions with ease, so that makes it really hard to teach it to someone who struggles. In planning for my class today, I allotted like 30 minutes for things that took us over an hour to actually accomplish because I completely misjudged how much time it would take people to catch on. And I think they all hate me and that the final exam I wrote is going to kick their butts. Whoops. Trial and error, I guess; it's the first time I've taught this class.

They're getting it, slowly, but we need eight weeks instead of two days.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I had my first statistics class tonight.
I was practically bouncing out of my seat, I was so excited.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:20 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Every two months, there are two days where we work 11-hour shifts.
It's today and tomorrow, so there won't be much blogging.

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In the post I wrote the day my husband deployed, I mentioned the Johnny Cash version of "I Won't Back Down" that's in a commercial we love. It seems we're not the only ones who like that song; you can hear it during this slideshow on the First Infantry Division webpage.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:48 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Kathleen A said that I don't take myself too seriously. I think that can be my focus for a while: until I find something I want to write about, I can just keep not taking myself seriously.

So without further ado...one of those stupid email forward things:

The Last...

Last cigarette: Never. I've never smoked in my life. I just don't get it.

Last alcoholic drink: A radler at dinner last night: Germans mix half beer and half lemonade, which I thought was disgusting when I first got here. It's grown on me though.

Last car ride: Last night, home from dinner with other wives, a British major, and a captain on R&R

Last kiss: Exactly six months ago today, when Blue 6 left

Last good cry: Two nights ago when I felt I had let LT A down by not visiting him at Landstuhl

Last library book: I'm too much of an "owner" to use the library -- I prefer to buy books so I can keep them forever. The last book I borrowed from a library would have to have been over two years ago in grad school.

Last book bought: Aztec, as a gift for one of my favorite old students (the one with the puppy) who is interested in the Aztecs and will be deploying soon for his second fun-filled year in Iraq.

Last book read: I just finished Dark Star Safari, which I may write about later.

Last movie seen in theaters: tried to go see Spiderman 2, but it was sold out. Before that...??? Starsky and Hutch, I think. It's been a while.

Last movie rented: Euro Trip, with friends. Silly, silly movie.

Last cuss word uttered: I have no idea. I haven't actually spoken a single word today, so I know it wasn't anything I said this morning.

Last beverage drank: apple juice

Last food consumed: honey nut cheerios

Last crush: I've been accused by Blue 6 of having a crush on nearly every Soldier I meet. They're all so wonderful.

Last phone call: my mother-in-law: we both got phone calls from my husband yesterday.

Last TV show watched: Happy Days, of course. That's all I watch on TV here.

Last time showered: as of now? yesterday morning. Soon to be repeated.

Last shoes worn: rainbow flip flops

Last CD played: the mix I made for Tim when I went to visit him in Frankfurt

Last item bought: a get-well card for LT A. Actually, not a get-well card, because all of them suck. They're all like "ah, you have a cold? You'll be better in no time" and are completely inappropriate. I had to buy a card that was actually listed under Miss You -- Kids. There is a line of military greeting cards here, but they only have "congrats on your promotion" and "you're retiring"; they need to branch out.

Last download: some new security update for Yahoo messenger

Last annoyance: Yesterday at work was like the Day of Bad Customers. People who want you to fill all of their paperwork out for you because they're too lazy to do it alone. People who show up right at closing time and make me stay 30 min late. People who never turned in financial aid paperwork and then expect a Pell Grant to materialize out of thin air when they register. All sorts of problems and drama.

Last disappointment: Thursday my husband was online and I missed him by six minutes.

Last soda drank: Pepsi One at work yesterday

Last thing written: my Friday Iraq Letters: Blue 6, Red 6, LT A, my brother-in-law, and my friend's husband

Last words spoken: Like I said, I haven't said anything today. It would've been saying goodbye when I got off the phone with my mother-in-law last night.

Last ice cream eaten: one of those mini Snickers bar ice cream treats

Last chair sat in: our brand new computer chair that I bought for my husband for his birthday

Last webpage visited: heh. The Iraq War Was Wrong site linked from LGF, where I found this list. I have no idea what it has to do with the Iraq war though. (And I really can't believe this person compared invading Iraq to hacky-sacking indoors. That site has to be a joke, right?)

Posted by: Sarah at 04:57 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Sarah - welcome back for me...Last Webpage visited: Trying to Grok by Sarah brave wife of a soldier who keeps our spirits high and our pride higher...

Posted by: Kathleen A at August 14, 2004 10:23 AM (vnAYT)

2 Hey! Why is the American a Captain and my husband is a Brit soldier? We, er, he worked HARD to make Major. Please note it in the future or I will return to taunt you a second time. Pffft! (Great seeing you last night at dinner, by the way.)

Posted by: Oda Mae at August 14, 2004 12:41 PM (3dMjX)

3 Heh. Sorry, Oda Mae...humbly making the change now.

Posted by: Sarah at August 14, 2004 03:35 PM (a8bUi)

4 I have some Skechers rainbow flip flops - very comfortable. I call them my gay feet :-) I looked for Aztec at the library but it was checked out, I'll look again when I return my current books. I like the library, it gives me a chance to buy books I'm not interested in enough to buy, but need something to read to fill the time.

Posted by: beth at August 14, 2004 05:28 PM (OAw2i)

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I finally heard an update on LT A last night. He's improving, and they're probably going to move him home to the hospital at Fort Lewis in the near future. However, he still has a long recovery ahead of him. But at least he is awake and he knows everyone is pulling for him.

Posted by: Sarah at 01:37 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Maybe I could use my French in Tunisia!

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More information about our friend, via my Mama.

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Seeing Fahrencrap 9/11 was a complete waste of time...until today. My German co-worker walked into the office this morning and triumphantly slapped a movie brochure on my desk. "I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 this weekend, and if you saw it there's no way you'd vote for Bush." Thank goodness I could respond, "I have seen the movie, and I most certainly will still be voting for Bush. You're crazy if you think that movie is going to change my mind." Took the wind right out of her sail. "You've seen it? Oh." Boo-yah.

MORE TO GROK:

Heh, check the comments section; my husband cracks me up. As time goes on, I grow more and more amazed that he ever gave me the time of day. I'm the luckiest person in the world.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:39 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Our boys just got a new computer room on their camp, complete with webcams. I got to see my husband for the first time since our anniversary. He looked great! (I got to see the dimples too.) And he flashed the camera around the room so I could see everyone else there and also what the set-up is like on his camp. It was great. Incidentally, I thought when I looked at him that he looked really dirty. Turns out, according to Red 6, that he's actually just extremely tanned. But only on his head and hands, of course. Ha.

I'm going to buy a webcam of my own this afternoon so he can see me too. I'd better take a shower first...

MORE TO GROK:

Got to see Red 6 today too! Awesome. What a difference seeing someone's smile can make.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:28 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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