I'm on my way to the airport, heading to SpouseBUZZ Live San Diego, which should prove extremely rewarding. And then I'll spend a few more days hanging out in L.A. with my CaliValleyGirl. Since it's my first time to California, I fully expect to get the grand tour of L.A., including must-see spots like Mr. Miyagi's house and CTU. And migrant workers standing on the corner. I've never seen that before.

Blogging will be...whatever I can get over the weekend. I am going to try to blog from CaliValleyGirl's house, despite the fact that it must have some sort of blogging force field or something. Why else would she leave us hanging for weeks on end, right?

More to come...

Posted by: Sarah at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 I love California! You'll love SD! The weather will be perfect.

Posted by: Nicole at May 11, 2007 07:13 AM (vYQMs)

2 I think you more appropriately should have said illegal immigrants rather than migrant workers.

Posted by: Rosie at May 11, 2007 09:11 AM (SshBc)

3 Hey, I didn't spot your e-mail address at first glance, so I'll leave this here. You're in my videoblog this, and you were great on-camera! Thanks for talking to me at the conference. Have fun in Cali! http://www.townhall.com/blog/g/d3bc5504-dc90-42d6-8c30-8b55c5bd03e7

Posted by: marykatharine at May 11, 2007 09:52 AM (KW8jL)

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I met a very shrewd homeless man yesterday. He was camped out in front of the doggy bakery. What a clever idea: nothing says "I have extra cash" like a lady buying sweets for her pup. I had to give him my change after that display of decadence.

Today is Charlie's 2nd birthday. It seems like an eternity since we celebrated his 1st. This year he doesn't have any friends to invite over, but we're working on it. I think I may have found a rottweiler for him to be friends with.

Charlie's come a long way from impersonating a sweet potato.

He's a good dog. Mostly.

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1 awwww, he looks so cute in his hat! I wish we could bring them to SBL2!! I'll bet he and Ike would love each other.

Posted by: airforcewife at April 18, 2007 04:58 AM (0dU3f)

2 Holy Cow...does time fly!! Happy Bday to Charlie. BTW - how cute is his Mom?!?! LOVE that shot!!

Posted by: Tammi at April 18, 2007 08:59 AM (Bitcf)

3 "Friend"? Don't you mean "partner in crime"?

Posted by: Patrick Chester at April 18, 2007 02:27 PM (MKaa5)

4 Oh my goodness! A birthday is so exciting! I like that he gets his own chair at the table. My doggies will turn 5 this summer. Nice to quiet the guilt of luxury with a bit of spare change to the homeless guy. But I will be at the doggie bakery, too. ;-)

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at April 18, 2007 02:44 PM (Ilnml)

5 I just love it when you post pics of your "baby" - so very cute!! I am just a sucker for animals!

Posted by: LMT at April 21, 2007 03:34 AM (UE7gK)

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I got my first kiss while I was wearing a tuxedo.

It was a friend's 13th birthday party, which was the same night as the Morton Pumpkin Festival. (Yeah, that's not a joke. I love the Midwest.) We would attend the party for a while, and then my friend and I would rush to the festival where we were performing a lip sync of "The Chapel of Love." (This story didn't feel that ridiculous until I started writing it down.) Anyway, I was the groom in this dance number, so halfway through the birthday party, I went off to change into my tux. I came back to say goodbye, and my darling boyfriend took me over by the window and gave me my first kiss under the moonlight.

I was reminded of how wonderful that moment was when I read this paragraph in a long letter to surly teenage boys:

Look all people in the eye, even the haggard mother-types. Women like me, the ones who buy baby wipes and supersize tampons and organic milk and a guilty 24-inch Slim Jim and Us Weekly? We remember you. We remember you well. Not you in particular, but we remember how those of your age and species treated us at an early and difficult age, and it mattered. It mattered more than you knew at the time, more than we knew at the time. What you do now, how you treat the young women in your life after your shift at Big Y? I am here to tell you that it matters very much.

I am a lucky woman. I am lucky because I somehow managed to associate with boys who treated me well at the age when it mattered.

This boy from the birthday party, he was a dream. He still is. He is still one of the nicest men I have ever met, and I try to remind his parents of it every time I see them. He was a hopeless romantic, constantly writing me love letters and bringing me potted violets to the school dance. He was adorable and thoughtful and wonderful, and when I went to my high school reunion, my husband jokingly reminded me not to go home with this guy when it was over. He is the exact perfect first boyfriend anyone could ever want for her daughter. I was so lucky.

The second boyfriend was also a perfect gentleman. He was darling and nice and sweet and we could kiss until the cows came home. Oh, how we kissed. I can't tell you how many movies I was supposed to have seen in 1991 that I completely missed because I could sit lip-locked with this boy for hours on end. It makes me giggle to think about how naive and sweet we were together, just holding hands and kissing endlessly. And he too has turned into a wonderful adult. He's a C-17 pilot, and in fact I saw him a few weeks ago as he passed through town after shuttling soldiers to Iraq.

My third boyfriend never got the chance to turn into a wonderful adult. He was killed in a car accident when we were 16, so in my mind he'll always be the eccentric 8th grader who was really into Canned Heat and The Doors at a time when everyone else was out buying Vanilla Ice. I told him I loved him after we watched Pink Floyd's The Wall, and he broke his nose trying to sneak over to my house in the middle of the night. He's been gone for half my life, and I still miss him and wish I could've seen him grow up.

I had other boyfriends in my life, and some were better choices than others. But no one -- save my husband -- can top these three, the three who perfectly capture how teenage boys should treat girls. During middle school, when so many kids have a rough time, I met some of the best men I've ever known. I love these boys and always will. If I have a daughter, she will know these stories; if I have a son, he will have big shoes to fill.

I remember exactly how I was treated at 13. I was blessed.

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1 I loved this. Beautiful.

Posted by: Jenn at April 13, 2007 04:11 AM (PqtRG)

2 Very sweet. I admire your openess. It is very refreshing. Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: Wendy at April 13, 2007 10:11 AM (CfMHF)

3 I went and read the whole thing--and will be printing it out for future sharing with my son (he's 11). It was brilliant! You are very lucky indeed, to have such memories.

Posted by: MargeinMI at April 13, 2007 11:54 PM (sjz/9)

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I have been sitting here for about two hours trying to come up with something interesting to say. I have decided to give up and post a photo of the dog instead.

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My in-laws have been visiting, so I've been away from the computer. We've seen all the military museums in the area, as one is wont to do in these sorts of towns, and we even managed to be surprised by our visit downtown: in one shop we were treated to a right-wing rant wherein the shopkeeper will shoot Hilary Clinton if she becomes president, and in the next shop we met a gay jeweler who spends his free time either jetting to London or running the local indy theater with his partner. If I were Lileks, I'm sure I could write something really cool about that juxtaposition, but I'm not Lileks, so I'll just have to point out that it takes all kinds in this world, don't it?

Anyway, the husband just found out he's been assigned to be a Farsi speaker. He is ecstatic. Life is good around here.

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Did somebody out there buy us a really nice gift? We received a copy of America's Secret War: Inside the Hidden Worldwide Struggle Between America and its Enemies in the mail today, and neither my husband nor I ordered it. And there's no receipt inside the package, so I can't even figure out if it was supposed to go to some other Amazon buyer or something. Anyway, it seemed blog-related, so I wanted to check and make sure none of you sent me a special gift while I try to track down who really was supposed to get this book.

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Lileks on parenting:

We stood in the driveway and hacked at the ice with our heels until a yard of rubble cluttered the pavement. I thought of this today while listening to a Medved show about a WaPo piece on marriage; seems only the well-off can marry these days, and the poor decline the opportunity. A caller – male, age 31 – noted how he didn’t want to marry, and didn’t want kids, because they would ruin his freedom. Medved gently pointed out how things change, and gave the fellow a useful piece of news: kids are fun. You never consider that when you’re fancy-free and unburdened with diaper-filling squall-o-matic obligation units, but they’re fun, in ways you can never predict. You fill your day with all sorts of important tasks, but in the end nothing beats standing in the drive way in the wan March light, laughing and cracking the ice. That's the stuff you remember on your deathbed, I'll bet. That's the stuff you remember when you leave the building and strap on the wings.

I made a baby blanket. Now we just have to make the baby.
But I've found a new motto: If at first you don't succeed, drink boatloads of margaritas for 5-7 days and try again.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:34 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Yesterday I babysat our neighbors' four year old while they were in the hospital delivering their second. All in all, I think I did pretty well, in spite of the fact that I have no idea how much a four year old eats, how fast he can walk, how long he should nap, and how often I should reply to the incoherent strings of speech flowing nonstop from his mouth. I went in pretty blind, but we managed to get along. The only headache all day was this kid's bipolar spastic attitude towards the dog. "Charlie, come here!" he'd screech at the top of his lungs. Five seconds later: "Charlie, go away!" We had a couple close calls where the kid would dangle a toy at Charlie's nose and then yell at him if he took it, or where he thought it was great fun to keep tapping Charlie in the face with his bare foot, but thank heavens Charlie supressed all his normal dog instincts and just went with the flow. And I realized what a blessing it will be that our child will just grow up alongside Charlie so he won't be such a novelty.

So I managed to handle a kid for 12 hours...with the extreme help of Lightning McQueen, Mike Wazowski, and Willie Wonka. And I realized how much I should cherish the absolute silence of our home for as long as is still possible; it will never be that way again.

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I haven't written about my jobs yet because there hasn't been much to say yet. My first job is that I will be the new installation ambassador for Military.com. Basically, it will be my job to promote the website and their services in this area. Since my job boils down to getting more eyeballs on their website, maybe you could take a minute to check it out? Maybe read some opinions or watch some Shock and Awe videos or read SpouseBUZZ? And if you're a veteran or a spouse looking for a job, they have a great employment tool.

My second job starts this weekend, and I haven't said anything yet because I thought if I said it out loud, I would jinx it. I am going to start teaching the knitting classes at our local Michael's. A knitting job...how can it get any better? And part of my job description is that I have to promote the class by knitting in the Michael's and answering customer questions. So I get paid to go sit in Michael's and knit. I've been in a perpetual Michael Moore "Was it all just a dream?" fog about this job. I can't wait to get started.

So, life is pretty sweet right now. Except for the dead fish.

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One more fish down, the remaining two are hovering near the surface and covered in a mold-like fuzz. Don't expect them to last long. Sigh.

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We set up an aquarium when we lived in Missouri, and we loved watching our fish. We skipped the aquarium in Germany because I don't know what I would've done if the fish had lived longer than our stay there. And now that we're staying put for a while, we started the aquarium up again. We bought nine tropical fish, three of each type of tetra, and named them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd squad of our "tank" platoon (hardy har). And we loved them dearly...for eight days.

Yesterday, our tank turned into Lord of the Flies.

It started as a silly joke: "Man down in 2nd squad! Medic!" But the joke stopped being funny when the fish wouldn't stop dying. We lost six of them in 24 hours, including one who died during the night and was reduced to a pulpy spine by morning. Today, the fish who had been so happily schooling together for a week were all spread out around the tank, eyeing each other warily.

I went back to the store with all the corpses to ask which circle of hell my aquarium had morphed into. The girl told me that we had way too many fish in the aquarium, which sucks because it's the exact opposite information that a different girl told me when we came in to pick them out. I will go back tomorrow with a water sample to test it out, and if all checks out, I will buy two more fish. Five instead of nine. No more squads, but I guess that's OK.

Oh, and I bought the fish on my credit card, so I had a great sob story for the checkout girl: Not only did five of my fish die, but I bought them on a credit card that's now been cancelled for fraud. And how has your day been?

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Charlie got his hair cut on Thursday, and man, did he get it cut short! He's been walking around the house shivering for two days. I spent all day Friday looking for a doggy coat for him, but the only ones I could find were ones my husband would kill me for putting on the dog. So I found this website with a Free Resizable Pet Clothing Pattern. I gave it a shot, and for $5 Charlie now has a handsome reversible coat to keep him warm.

I'm pretty danged proud of myself. And Charlie's only tried to tear it off once.

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I went to the doctor on Wednesday to ask some questions about prenatal care. I figure if we're going to do this, we need all the info before we dive in. The doctor was incredibly sweet and very encouraging, but she seemed almost surprised that I would bother asking her these questions. She said something like, "So, that's neat that you're planning everything in advance."

I realize that I'm overly anal, but is it really that shocking in 2007 that someone would plan for a baby?

I've been reading What to Expect When You're Expecting. (Remember when I bought it and had to sheepishly explain to the pregnant salesgirl that I wasn't pregnant or even thinking of being pregnant yet?) I was shocked to open the book and find the first chapter was "Are You Pregnant?" Huh? Chapter 21 is called "Preparing for the Next Baby" and starts out with:

In the best of all possible worlds, we would be able to plan life to our precise specifications. In the real world, where most of us live, the best-laid plans often give way to the unexpected twists and turns of fate over which we have precious little control, leaving us to accept, and to make the best of, what comes our way.
To assure the best of all possible pregnancies, we would know in advance when we will be conceiving -- and before we did we'd make all the changes and adjustments in our lifestyle necessary to help ensure the best possible outcome. But such advance planning is a luxury many women -- because of menstrual irregularity and/or the fallibility of contraception (or that of a couple winging it) -- may never be able to indulge in.

If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right and "assure the best of all possible pregnancies." I accept the fact that I might not get pregnant the instant I start trying, but I do not accept the fact that I would get pregnant earlier than expected. My husband and I have gone above and beyond to be sure there have never been any oopsies; is that really that strange?

This is the single most important thing I will ever do with my life. Doesn't it make sense to plan for it?

I guess I've just been surprised that a very modern and updated book -- one that even makes sure to include a section about the effects of doing cocaine before you know you've conceived -- assumes that people still don't know where babies come from or how to prevent them. The book that repeatedly makes assurances that you can still get pregnant despite multiple abortions for some reason also assumes that women don't know anything about their own bodies. You have the right to choose, obviously, because it's your body, but heaven forbid you learn enough about your body to prevent all those danged abortions in the first place. Planning for a pregnancy? That's absurd. We'll shove it into chapter 21. But let's make sure to address previous abortions on page 21.

How out of whack are our priorities...

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1 I feel the same way! My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. We aren't planning to even start thinking about getting pregnant until 2009 due to finishing graduate school and promotions and such. It just makes sense to us to wait. But I've already started reading about the whole process and how to prepare your body properly for the best results. My friends with children look at me funny when I ask what their doctor's opinion is on certain topics and ask me if we're trying. Why is it so hard to believe that we can actually plan when we want to be open to having a child and stick to that plan?! And that we care enough to prepare ourselves to give the child the best advantages from the onset, long before you actually want to conceive?

Posted by: InTheAirForceAgain at January 25, 2007 06:50 AM (6CMb0)

2 I was never a fan of the entire What to Expect series. There are a lot of other books out there you could look at for better information. Taking Charge of your fertility is a great resource to learn all about your body, cycles, getting pregnant, etc. I had my first child after I completed graduate school and the nurse at the military clinic asked me if it was really my first one. I assured her it was and she asked me if I was sure I didn't have any miscarriages or abortions. I told her I had common sense and waited for the right time. She told me that it was sure slow by military standards, and I was in my 20's! All of our children were very planned and very wanted and surprise my husband is the father of all of them! (Yes, people ask me if he is really the father of all of them because they are spaced out--like it is a new concept to get married and stay married!) GOod luck!

Posted by: Infantry Wife at January 25, 2007 08:41 AM (kQWmi)

3 I am glad to hear that you are all doing very good things in planning way ahead of time for your pregnancies. But, I'd venture to say that the overwhelming majority of women in the world do not go through such planning years in advance. Whether it be because of poverty, religion and the belief that birth control should not be used, or other reasons valid or not valid. It is certainly not strange or unrealistic to plan a few years before you conceive, it is an important part of family planning and is very commendable. But, at the same time if a woman does not even know enough to not ever use cocaine, then why should we, including the author of a book, assume that she has it together enough to start her planning years in advance. I wish more women were like you, and had the opportunity to be like you if only for the sake of their children. But I think, in reality, there are many more women out there who have not done all the planning for at least one of their children that you intend to do for all of yours. Just my 2 cents.

Posted by: Terri at January 25, 2007 10:12 AM (cgjLF)

4 If that is making your head explode wait until the moment you pull up to a car where a baby unrestrained , is in the car all windows rolled up and Mom is smoking... it will drive you nuts. SERIOUSLY... there should be permit handed out to have children.

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at January 25, 2007 10:19 AM (nKVbZ)

5 Sarah, Isn't it amazing?!? For over 7 years of marraige, we never once had an "uh ohhh.." moment because we planned it that way. People spend all kinds of time planning so many other insignificant things in life. You'd think they'd give at least as much thought to when they want to have a baby as to what they are going to wear to work, but then you'd probably be wrong. When we decided to start trying, I asked my doctor about getting a pre-pregnancy physical. He said, "Well, if you are already trying, there's no point in having a pre-pregnancy physical. If you have any issues, we'll find them during your pregnancy and deal with them." Fortunately we didn't have any problems. I had planned on having that physical long before we started trying, but I never made it happen. SO, I say you are very smart to do it now. Now....GET BUSY!

Posted by: Petal at January 25, 2007 12:59 PM (B3mz/)

6 I've never been pregnant so maybe my opinion is worthless but I can say that you would be unpleasantly surprised at how many people neglect prenatal care altogether...no pre-planning, no interim planning...nothing. It's sad but true. So no, I don't think you're crazy for being prepared. You're just doing what's best for your future child.

Posted by: Nicole at January 26, 2007 04:00 AM (8QLUb)

7 This is only one of the many problems with the What to Expect books. I read every book I could get my hands on during my first pregnancy, and the ones that I remember the most and had the best information were Dr. Sears' The Baby Book, Pam England's Birthing from Within, and Naomi Wolfe's Misconceptions. You and I are completely different types as far as mothers go! Misconceptions describes a few different categories of mothering (not that anyone fits in just one). You would definitely be "the planner". I would fall in the "Earth Mother" category. Nothing wrong with either, just different approaches. Anyway, it's still my advice to burn "What to Expect". But that's probably just me.

Posted by: Sis B at January 26, 2007 10:55 AM (omG97)

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"The time has come," my mother said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And how you need to get pregnant this year while your husband is in a non-deployable state instead of waiting until this arbitrary date in the future that you picked out years ago which you know darn well coincides with when he will start galavanting all over creation."

I'm scared to death of raising a child. I know it's something I want to do, but I wanted to keep it in the vague future. Someday I would be a mother. But someday is upon us, and my mother is right: I need to start thinking about specifics if we're really going to have a family.

I called a friend of mine from Germany, the least-likely mommy I know. This is the couple who hated being around children and always said there's no way they were up for parenthood. So when they decided to get pregnant, I wasn't sure how they'd fare. They PCSed, so I never saw her pregnant or anything. I knew that she was the one to ask the tough questions about babies, instead of constantly talking to Angie (pbuh), who would come raise my babies for me if I'd let her. I called her to ask her how motherhood is treating her and to get the Real Scoop on things.

She loves it.

I was shocked that this girl has taken to motherhood, and she said that knowing what she knows now, she wouldn't have waited so long; she would've done it years ago. I was just floored. So I figure if they can love it -- the least gung-ho parents I know -- then I can love it too.

Nothing's happening today, dear readers, but inshallah we'll be on the road to parenthood by the end of the year.

My friend called me back today and gave me some tips on things she wished someone had told her. She mentioned back-strengthening exercises, something I never would've thought of on my own. And it made me think that others might have some good advice for me as we start this journey.

So what advice do you have for someone who is thinking of getting pregnant?

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1 I don't have kids, but from what all of my friends have said and from what I've observed. The younger you do it the better. You have more energy, you're less uptight. And I would echo the back strengthening, kids in my family run about 26 lbs by 6 months and it can really wear out your back. You're going to be fantastic parents. Oh and don't let them eat rocks.

Posted by: Mare at January 16, 2007 06:33 AM (Oc90P)

2 Start right now making sure you're getting enough folate. Think about starting a prenatal vitamin rather than just a regular one a day. Pre-conception and the early days of your pregnancy, i.e. before you know you're pregnant, are when it's most developmentally important to the baby to have the right nutrients. Other than that, just make sure you're eating healthy and not going overboard on alcohol/cigarettes/drugs, etc. (not that you do, just general healthy living guidelines.) Good luck to you. We might be starting our own parenting journey here (I'm waiting for a Dr. to confirm it before I let myself talk about it in more definite terms), and while I'm excited, I am absolutely panicking about how much of a change this is going to be. So I'm hoping to learn from any advice you might get too.

Posted by: karishma at January 16, 2007 07:07 AM (yU8Jx)

3 You'll be a great mother! What matters is that you know that this is the toughest, roughest, most rewarding job/experience you'll ever have. Above all always remember, you can only plan for the estimated arrival, after that it's up to the child and parents just go along for the ride.

Posted by: Vonn at January 16, 2007 09:06 AM (/VoEr)

4 Sarah - I don't know you, but enjoy reading your blog. So I will put in my advice... Take prenatal vitamins - if not prenatals, then make sure you take a daily vitamin. And don't stress too much about it. It will happen. There is ALOT you can read online. Assuming you dont smoke, drink only moderately, eat relatively well, then you should be fine, but never hurts to get an appt w/your OB too. I actually was 11w 0d pregnant w/my 2nd & didnt even know it - odd you ask since I'd been pregnant before, how did I not know? Long story (which I'd be happy to share via email b/c I am sure all your readers frankly don't care).

Posted by: Keri at January 16, 2007 11:15 AM (LBYUf)

5 Kegels, kegels, kegels. (& I second the folic acid)

Posted by: Infantry Wife at January 16, 2007 01:13 PM (kQWmi)

6 I could write a full page comment on this, but think I will just write a post on this...or not. I am one of those least likey Mothers. We were married 10 years, before starting the babu game. I was 32 when giving birth for the first time. I NEVER baby sat, changes maybe 5 diapers, thought most children were brats. However, am LOVING it, and it is the HARDEST job I have had. Not one to be taken lightly. When someone is not scared, or frightened, or gives it no thought...I worry. I am the middle daughter of a Mother who was not the most "nurturing" of Mothers. My Mother was the oldest daughter out of 12 on a ranch/farm, of German immigrants. She was tired of raising children by the time she had us. Honestly. So my parenting example, was an excellent lesson. She was a great Mom, but not very nurturing. I find my biggest problem, is a terrible over protective and nurturing streak. So welcome to the journey of Motherhood. So far I have learned more than I ever did in college, and any job.... You will love it.

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at January 16, 2007 02:23 PM (nKVbZ)

7 oh, and you never SLEEP again, it seems that one ear, and one eyeball are always on. So there is that. Motherhood is not for the faint hearted, or wussies...

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at January 16, 2007 02:25 PM (nKVbZ)

8 Second armywifetoddlermom! Also, get comfortable with nudity - labor is a relatively short experience in the grand scheme of things, but there's enough exposure going on to cause horror cringes for years afterwords. Plus, your kids will take their own clothes off whenever you aren't looking and there's someone around you're trying to impress. Get rid of all light colored furniture, rugs, and invest in the Magic Eraser company. And whatever color scheme you choose, the child will puke the opposite color.

Posted by: airforcewife at January 16, 2007 03:02 PM (0dU3f)

9 I should also probably add that even if my description sounds horrific, I still went through it four times. It definately has it's up side.

Posted by: airforcewife at January 16, 2007 03:04 PM (0dU3f)

10 Oh yeah! Prepare to seal all containers of buttons. The military should study 3 yr. olds, there is no being on earth more silent, sneaky or dangerous. (or as cute!)

Posted by: Vonn at January 16, 2007 06:53 PM (/VoEr)

11 First of all - keep 'practicing' until you get it right. Secondly, the reason your friend made a 360 is once you feel that baby inside you, then hold that baby - your life changes and suddenly has meaning.

Posted by: Kathleen A at January 17, 2007 01:58 AM (7qm8p)

12 Sarah, The DH and I are both 35 and this is our first kid. We've been married for 8 years and the best advice I can give is that the longer you wait for the perfect time the more you notice there isn't one. I'm due in August the DH finishes school Mid June and we have no idea where he will be going. Unfortunately he is trying his hardest not to miss the birth but the surge and early rotations into the sandbox may make it impossible. If you have the desire for a family and you have the chance then yes try for a child when you know he will be there for the birth, for the first few months of being a new daddy for the fun of midnight feedings and puke on ACUs. Most of all HAVE FUN!

Posted by: Household6 at January 17, 2007 09:26 AM (q1ZbX)

13 Damn I wrote an entire comment and the spam thing ate it!!! Let me try again... I am the last person who should ever have been a mother. I was in no way (let me repeat that NO WAY) ready to be a mother. My husband and I were both way too young. But there it was - baby on the way. We should all have ended up as statistics. Early divorce... kids on drugs... everything messed up. 28 years later we're still married, the kids are grown and on their own. My daughter is in Chicago and holds a good job, she just bought a condo. My son is a Sgt and CE on a Chinook... they've done very well. So, although parenting is never ever done (ask your mom *grin*) here are a few things I picked up along the way... - learn the "cat stretch" now, before you need it. It will save your back! I know this for a fact - it works very very well. Incorporate the kegals with the cat stretch - do one each time you arch your back up... 2 exercises for the price of one. - on the vitamin thing - regular daily vitamins are fine for right now. Unless your diet is really very bad don't stress over it. Most women with folic acid deficiency have very bad diets among other bad practices. Remember that the news people always need a "cause of the moment" to keep you scared. - the end of pregnancy prepares you for the beginning of having an infant at home. You won't sleep much at all in the last couple of months. You'll either be in the bathroom every 2 hours, or your have baby feet and elbows jamming you in the side or under the ribs - LOL. - No matter how deeply you sleep now - you will never be able to sleep through your baby crying. Even if the baby is in an other room and you have several doors closed between you. This I know for a fact as I used to sleep through anything and everything before kids. - You and your baby will "grow up" together. They don't spring out as instant toddlers. They gradually increase their activity and you will be able to adjust. You may not always be as quick as you should - but you won't have to instantly scrutinize everything for being childproof - you'll have months as the baby gets older - first crawls, then walks... gradual is good - you can anticipate most things (but they'll always fool you with the unexpected - one of the joys of parenting) - this is your baby. You won't believe me, but it's hugely different than anyone else's baby. You don't have to worry if you'll offend the mom if you discipline, you won't have to worry about someone else's rules... it's amazing what a difference it makes! - once you take on the job - it will always be there. - take some time off when ever possible - let your husband take care of the baby while you go shopping or just get out. He won't do everything the same as you and that's okay. The flip side of this is don't forget to spend some time with your husband... always remember you two are the foundation. Keep that strong and you will have a wonderful family. I think you will be a terrific mother. Just take a deep breath and relax. Many things are easier if you don't over think them. There is never a "right" time to have a baby - just "the" time to have one. You'll be fine. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at January 17, 2007 02:40 PM (gsbs5)

14 Well, here's my two cents worth (and my "baby" just got married and left me with an empty nest). 1. Don't worry about it. Whether you take vitamins or not, if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. 2. God makes babies so darn cute while they are young and innocent so that you fall in love with them and are less likely to kill them when they get TTR-Temporary Teenage Retardation. 3. My first ob-gyn doctor was old and about to retire (he had delivered me and my nine siblings). When I voiced my concern about the baby being healthy he said "ahhhh, don't worry about it. You can't stomp 'em out" 4. If you do get pregnant, stay as far away from the Internet and baby books as you can. Your best source of information will come from the people who successfully raised you to adulthood. 5. Relax

Posted by: stoicmom at January 17, 2007 05:26 PM (MvdmE)

15 Remember when Chsrlie was fine for hours in the crate on your drive and then suddenly freaked out for no reason whatsoever and you had to hold him for the rest of the trip? Yeah. It's like that. Calm and then chaos for 18 years.

Posted by: MaryIndiana at January 17, 2007 05:46 PM (V5Xp/)

16 Based on your blog, I would say you have (1)a strong sense of responsibility, (2)a sense of humor, and (3)a sense of perspective. With all that, you should do great!

Posted by: david foster at January 17, 2007 05:47 PM (/Z304)

17 Don't listen to your mother about when you have to be a mother. That's my advice. Get pregnant when you want to, and make sure you're done living your own, INDIVIDUAL life before that.

Posted by: Will at January 17, 2007 06:39 PM (QRBGL)

18 I came here by way of AWTM. You don't know me, but I'm so good at giving unsolicited advice I figured I would come over here since you were actually asking for some! I'm a mother of a 4 year old and a 2 month old. The one thing that I know for sure, is that no one is ever truly ready to have a child. You give up more than you imagine, and you gain more than you could desire. Here's a few thoughts: Having children makes you incredibly vulnerable. Your heart, your soul, is divided and part of it is literally walking around in another person. Your entire life becomes about protecting and nurturing that person, and many times there are things that are out of your control. This can be extremely maddening. Motherhood introduces you to a level of worry that you didn't know existed. Everything becomes a hazard, from a bedsheet to a string to a nice slice of Brie (during pregnancy). You go from worrying about all the things that can go wrong with pregnancy (and there are a lot), to all the things that can go wrong with a newborn... and with each stage of growth a new layer of worry is added to the last. Enjoy your sleep right now. Even at the point your kids sleep through the night, you still don't sleep fully and deeply. Your mind is bent on them and their safety. Sounds wake you up. Sometimes no sounds wake you up. Sleep is a thing of the past. Pregnancy isn't so much fun. There are parts that are ok, but for the most part, it hurts, you're fat, and it feels like you've been invaded by an alien. Birth hurts. Especially if you go natural. If you breastfeed, you have a leech that is seriously sucking you dry. But you know what? All of that is so totally worth it. I look at my childless friends and I wonder how they do it... how they get up in the morning, why do they do what they do? One smile from your child can melt away a day's worth of frustration. Seeing them learn and grow and become little people... it's absolutely freaking amazing. And the moment when you first hold them, and they're wrinkly and slimy and so alien... and you're completely terrified... that's when you start to understand. Over the next week or two the love affair grows and you start to realize that you know nothing and yet you know everything you need to know at that time. The reason for the vulnerability, for the worry, for the sleeplessness, is this incredible, overwhelming, protective, beautiful, indescribable love that consumes you for this new life. You only thought you knew what love was before you had kids. Motherhood teaches you more about yourself than you ever knew... it spotlights your weaknesses, but brings out reserves of strength to overcome them. You won't be ready for motherhood until you're there. Then you'll have the tools that you need. The best advice I have is to stop and enjoy every single moment. Enjoy the moments you have now, that you won't have again. Enjoy snuggling in with your husband and sleeping late on a Saturday. Go on dates. Court one another, and if you decide to make a baby, make it an exciting, loving time. When you're pregnant, stop and enjoy it, even if it sucks a lot of the time. Enjoy those first flutters and wondering whether its the baby or if it's gas bubbles. As weird as it sounds, enjoy birth. Don't waste this moment worrying about the next. You'll be fine. Btw, if you do get pregnant, I suggest only two books. Burn "What to expect" right now. "Birthing from Within", and "The Baby Book" will tell you everything you need to know. The big part is, relax and enjoy it.

Posted by: Sis B at January 17, 2007 07:26 PM (omG97)

19 Oops! I think my comment was longer than your post. Sorry!

Posted by: Sis B at January 17, 2007 07:27 PM (omG97)

20 go for it!!! I was married six months when we found out. We were doing all the things to NOT get pregnant. It was a GOD thing. needless to say, I did not enjoy being pregnant. Mommiehood is great, even with all the good and bad things- like projectile vomiting (in the car no less), asthma attacks,etc. I would say to get a physical done before hand and if there is any bad family history stuff- diabetes, heart, get it checked preferably before so if there are problems you can be aware. we found out when my child was 18months old, I had a pretty serious heart condition and probably shouldn't have ever gotten pregnant. (hence the bad pregnancy.) so my little one is a giant miracle! And its fun to see her grow up and do so many of the things i did as a child. Like when she crawls in my bed at 0400 and puts her cold feet between my legs to get them warm, use the vacuum as a microphone.(i did the feet thing to my mom too! I think i was re-incarnated!) happy babies!

Posted by: catwin at January 17, 2007 08:07 PM (iUrvV)

21 I read you at SB and came over from AWTM's link. I too wanted to wait. My big plan was to get married at 23 and have a baby at 25. Well I got married at 18 and divorced at 24...luckily no children involved. After about 8 years and being in another relationship I had my first at 32 and the 2nd at 34. I still ended up being a single mom, but everything has worked out fine. My girls are now 9 and 11 and they just know when I need a hug without asking why. Sometimes they just want to cuddle and its usually on a day that isnt going so well. I say go for it. I wish things had worked out and I had kids when I was younger because there are alot of days that they want to go to the park, beach, etc and I just want to laze around the house. We usually compromise by going to a park nearby instead of the one 10 miles away. Just relax and it will happen!

Posted by: Cindy at January 18, 2007 02:17 AM (Iigtw)

22 My comment is less advice, more observation. I never wanted kids. Then, I had my son. All that I've worked for, all that I have, all that I see in my future, has a bright and shining blonde boy in it. I can't recall a time when he wasn't with me (he is only 3) because those days were meaningless until he blessed me with his presence.

Posted by: oddybobo at January 18, 2007 04:15 AM (mZfwW)

23 Motherhood is the very best thing that I've ever done in my life. I love it! It's a hard, tiring, stressful, dirty, thankless job being a mommy. But it's also one of the most rewarding. The first time your baby looks at you, I mean REALLY looks at you, and smiles...there's nothing like it. And having your toddler light up when she sees you and running towards you as fast as her little legs can carry her with arms outstretched... all the pain, stress, sleepless nights seem to just disappear. My relationship with DH only got better with having children. Seeing him with them made me love him even more and I never even thought that was possible. It's like we bonded on a whole new level after our girls were born. Life is different after children and there are things that you will have to give up. Sometimes it seems like you have to pack a suitcase just to go to the grocery and it takes you forever to even get out the door. You can't just decide to go to the movies or out to dinner alone with your DH at the spur of the moment. You have to find a sitter and I, for one, have a hard time trusting other people with my kids. But those are just minor inconveniences compared to the joy you have in your children. I had a life before my kids, but I swear I can't remember what it was. It's like my life really BEGAN when I became a mommy. Go for it! You won't regret it. If you wait until you are "ready" to have children then you won't have any. Good luck!

Posted by: theabbottfamilyhome at January 18, 2007 04:21 AM (IOroS)

24 I loved being pregnant. The only discomfort I had was having to pee every five minutes! It does prepare you for getting up at night. I am a chunky girl, so maybe I had more room for my son, and that's why I wasn't uncomfortable, I don't know. I would say that all the stuff I read on breastfeeding was good, but it didn't prepare me for the little guy who didn't ever want to stop!!!!!!!! He was on the boob all night, and frankly it drove me nuts. I think it was being a first time mom, not knowing if he'd ever settle down, that kind of thing. I ended up stopping after three weeks because I had to get on antibiotics. I pumped a couple of days but when I got a little bit more of sleep and felt like a different person, I decided to go to the bottle. However if I had the chance to do it again I would and I wish a lot of times that I had felt strong enough to breast feed longer (although I REFUSE TO FEEL GUILTY). I hear if you go that route that an electric pump is the way to go. If you go the bottle route, get advice on how to prepare a bunch in advance. I was lost and definitely could have done that part better. You'll find your way, and that everyone is different. The advice from some people was golden and others just irritating! Lot's of good stuff you're getting here though. I was terrified that I would screw everything up, because I had not been around babies much at all and felt silly holding them. It just felt right when I held my son. There's nothing like that little baby squirming in your arms making those awesome little baby sounds. Mine is two now and I'm so glad that I have him. The best surprise ever, and just when I had resolved myself to being childless. At 37, I can definitely say start younger if you are able. Good luck!

Posted by: Jackie at January 18, 2007 05:00 AM (CL++R)

25 As someone pointed out above, there's no right time to have a baby. Period. My first child was an "oops". I can tell you it was the best "oops" of my life. If I had to consciously decide I would have waited forever...until I was on my last egg, with an Advanced-maternal-age file. Now, I have two and am thinking of having another. My oldest is eight and youngest just turned five, and it just gets better and better. Once you're a mother, you won't believe how shallow and empty your life was before motherhood. Seriously. It's the hardest, most rewarding thing available to us on this earth. But it isn't something that you can weigh analytically pros/cons, because there is no way to place any measure on the benefits. It's like choosing to fall in love.

Posted by: Liz at January 18, 2007 09:33 AM (uNRew)

26 I am another who was directed by AWTM to give our 2 cents worth of advice. Having children is like riding a bicycle; the more you think about it the more difficult it is. If you can open the topic for debate you have already made the decision. Go for it and you will be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams. Go MOM!

Posted by: vet66 at January 18, 2007 09:51 AM (Eodj2)

27 I hope you get a good laugh and a huge grin from all of the posts. Everyone has great advice and suggestions. Remember to have fun! (If it comes down to charting and measuring your spit, you know who to contact.)

Posted by: Jenniffer at January 18, 2007 12:08 PM (ZNLn4)

28 My original post wouldn't because of spam. It was long. Now seeing how much reading you've had to endure with this, I'll try and keep it short! Most everyone's post are all flowers and sunshine, but I will rain on the parade and give you my honest opinion.... Pregnancy sucks. Of course it's exciting, HOWEVER, it's scary. You freak out over all sorts of things -- and you could be the poster child for calm and collected, and one day, you'll be sitting there, crying because you have to plug in the iron. Why "plug in the iron?" Because that's how little it takes to cry like your dog was runover in front of you. You get fat. If you are like me and every other woman on earth, your weight matters. Your rational mind tells you that you're pregnant and you're going to gain weight. Your pregnant mind tells you that you're fat. And then you get on the scale, an bwwwwaaaaammmm. Holy shit. It's awful and scary and sad and DIFFICULT. I could go on and on. But I won't. Just remember that pregnancy is no joke and not a walk in the park. I completely disagree with the previous poster who said not to read books. The What to Expect series is a MUST. And a female OB/GYN. Sorry, boys, you don't have tickets to this play. As far as motherhood? Don't stress it until the baby's born! You'll have plenty of time to ponder that!!

Posted by: allicadem at January 20, 2007 06:34 AM (Fl3cw)

29 As a man, I'll put in my perspective. Motherhood/parenthood and children are the natural progression of a married relationship. I know I'll be slammed by some, but married/no children is just a one dimensional parody of what a real marriage is. Children are your demonstable commentment to each other and the product of that love. Having said that - having children is a life experience of contradictions. It is at once the hardest, easiest, most wonderful, frustrating, endearing, enraging mode of life that two people can take on. It is an overwhelming responsibility in a modern society that puts little value childbearing. My last has graduated college and will be marrying in a few months. I'm terribly proud and happy for her. Yet, I'm saddened that (at least until grand children arrive) a major phase of our lives has passed. Scrapped knees and puppies, and wonderment at Easter eggs are long ago, yet I feel them like yesterday. Life is a Journey, and parenthood is one of the most important parts of making the trip worth while. I really don't have the words to explain, but I can tell you that when you look into your own infant's eyes for the first time and that smile glows across their face at you - you'll understand.

Posted by: Clayton at January 25, 2007 05:40 AM (dqSmk)

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I don't do spontaneous. Everything in my life must be planned out and written on the calendar or it's not going to happen. Saturday night we got a phone call from a college friend saying that he had planned to fly to Virginia and surprise us by renting a car and driving down, but that his flight out of the Midwest had been seriously delayed and could we possibly drive up to see him instead? We had absolutely no reason not to go, but making plans the night before to take a trip to another state is so not something we do.

We did it. And it was wonderful.

We stayed in a historical hotel that one of our other friends from college runs. He comped us a majorly expensive room and let the dog come too. I had no idea I had friends in high places.

Immigrant friends.

As I watched these two buddies of ours, I was so danged proud of them. They both had come to the US ten years ago with nothing, just the Indian dream of making it big in computer science. And now they're our two most successful friends. I have a hard time feeling sorry for Generation Broke when I think of all these guys have had to overcome. And their visas are always in limbo because they come from a country with too many qualified immigrants. So unfair.

We watched the football, and the 24, and then talked for hours about Kashmir and Iraq. Thank heavens we didn't let our organization obsession get in the way of the most wonderful weekend we've had in a long time.

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I can't really think of any great recent Charlie stories, but we've been setting up the aquarium and he's been extremely interested in the equipment. Maybe there's a lingering fish smell, but he's constantly making off with the net. And the other day I was on the phone with my mom and walked into the living room to find the fishtank rocks completely covering the floor. No sign of them coming out the other end yet, thank goodness. I told my mom what had happened and she said, "I hope you keep a closer eye on your babies than you do on that dog." With my luck, this crafty stinker will figure out a way to teach my babies to eat rocks.

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1 Tell her my dogs eat metal, glass and lots of couches. You'll look like doggie-mommy of the year in comparison. And someday you'll be an excellent human mommy

Posted by: Mare at January 12, 2007 02:49 PM (Oc90P)

2 Your post brought back a very sweet memory of our dog Cole. She was a Lab/chessie cross. Cole the wonder dog we called her. There was nothing she could not do. If you asked for Cindy's slippers she would bring them;if you asked for Doug's she would get his. She could do a triple retreive even. Anyway, on to my story. When we had our first little boy she hung back and watched for awhile. Then she decided he was going to be staying and she started to bond with him. As he grew and started to get into things they developed a symbiotic relationship when it came to milkbones. We bought the big ones. My son being only about 8 months couldn't bite them. They were too hard.( I know, I know, my mom grosses out here too.) I do not know why he liked them, but he was teething and they felt good on his gums. (by the way I did not feed him these, he got them on his own!) He would get the cupbord door open and give one to Cole. She,not having thumbs had trouble with this first step. She then would bite it and the two of them would scramble for the pieces. (another good reason to brush your dogs teeth!) Wait untill you try to keep the baby from dumping over a full dog bowl of water! I had three little water babies! Thanks for the pup update. But most of all thank you both with all my heart for your service for our country and my family. Cindy H.

Posted by: Cindy H. at January 12, 2007 06:54 PM (GmiWb)

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A while back, AWTM was asking for contributions to the most depressing songs. I suggested Harry Chapin's "Mr. Tanner" and Jude's "I Do." But tonight as I was dancing around the kitchen with the dog to some Tom Jones, I wondered about the flipside to that question. What songs bring a smile to your face no matter what? I mentioned before that I can't but grin when I hear Elvis' "Burning Love" or that detestably cheerful "Mmmbop." I also can't help but feel happy when I hear The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be." (Go ahead, you know you want to listen to it.) I love it so much that we played it to close out our wedding, as we kissed and walked back down the aisle. We thought it was a tribute to all the miles we lived apart while we were dating; little did we know how often we'd live apart for the rest of our lives. I love that song, it's a true love song.

So what songs make you happy?

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1 Let's dance in the streets and pretend that this makes a difference!

Posted by: R.Wallach at December 30, 2006 06:19 PM (QPNNU)

2 Beautiful.

Posted by: MargeinMI at December 31, 2006 12:24 AM (W3Yhz)

3 Hell yes it makes a difference. The Iraqi people, REPEAT the Iraqi people, have taken a huge step towards reclaiming their country. Not ladylike,Miss Sarah,but I like the cake's sentiment none the less! Pupdate,please,at your earliest...

Posted by: MaryIndiana at January 01, 2007 04:55 PM (V5Xp/)

4 Now we'er in cahoots with the al Sadr malitia. Hell yes it makes a difference, our greatest enemy is our greatest ally. Less is more. The better things get the worse they'er gonna be. Hell Yeah!

Posted by: R.Wallach at January 01, 2007 08:25 PM (fsC5q)

5 Mmmmm....cake.

Posted by: tim at January 02, 2007 09:33 AM (nno0f)

6 Jim: you win the prize Homer!

Posted by: R. Wallach at January 02, 2007 12:33 PM (wn3bo)

7 LOVE it.

Posted by: Erin at January 02, 2007 01:21 PM (ppMYy)

8 You crack me up! Thank you! L

Posted by: Lara at January 02, 2007 06:20 PM (fgMws)

9 Wow, that's barbaric. I take it you believe in capitol punishment?

Posted by: Will at January 03, 2007 08:13 AM (QRBGL)

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I can't believe it's almost Christmas.

This holiday season really got lost in the move. I chuckled yesterday when I was unpacking boxed that hadn't been opened since Germany and I thought, "Wow, it's just like Christmas! Oh wait..." In the rush to buy a washer and dryer, a fridge, a sofa, two armoires, new brakes, and a host of other house needs (still no blinds -- that's today), I haven't even thought about Christmas. Not to mention that it's warm here, so how can my brain process it when a store clerk wishes me a merry Christmas and I'm wearing short sleeves? Does not compute.

Also my husband's present is lost somewhere in the house. I had hidden it in the computer room in the apartment, but I've opened all the computer room boxes here and it's nowhere to be found. I came across his present to me, which he had hidden in his underpants drawer. I told him that was maybe not the best place to hide it considering it was laundry day. Thankfully I didn't really see what it was, because I had an a-ha moment that maybe I shouldn't investigate further.

I have to shop for Christmas dinner. But first I have to clear away eight thousand glasses and dishes and bowls and tupperwares off the countertops.

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After six months in billeting at OBC, three years in Germany, and six months of just cell phones, we have our first home phone in a very long time. We've had it three days, and already I'm sick of the telemarketers. We've gotten so many pre-recorded phone calls that I can't even believe it. How freaking annoying.

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