For many soldiers, this is the face of Iraq...

This is their experience and what they remember from their time in Iraq. But reader Tanker sent me a link to another face of war. It's another very real aspect of Iraq these days...

The difficulty with the war in Iraq is the differing missions. One soldier's experience could be mighty different from another's, and when both write home and tell friends and family what "war" is like, they're going to paint a very different picture. That's how my favorite reservist ended up in a conversation where someone said, "You guys just stayed in camp and took pictures, right?", when in fact over half of the soldiers in his unit saw major action and are suffering from PTSD. FOB Anaconda has a Baskin Robbins and salsa dancing night; my husband and his platoon spent 87 days living IN Iraq, outside the safe confines of an American FOB. If your daughter is lying around in a bikini in Iraq, you'll have a vastly different view on the uptempo of the war than the Marlboro Man's mom does.

Posted by: Sarah at 07:08 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 ay-yi-yi, I am going to agree with you there. As for the female soldier thing, I agree with you. I was active duty, saw everything you are speaking about firsthand. Anyone who says otherwise is either naive or deluded. And this is coming from a dirty liberal.

Posted by: Jen at August 21, 2005 10:18 PM (GM8gh)

2 You are doing a good job on your blog. I am ashamed though, that young women, who should be creating life, are being soldiers and taking life, because the United States has so many cowardly young men. I did my time in Viet Nam when men were men.

Posted by: Greg at August 21, 2005 10:39 PM (Yvyka)

3 Greg- Were the men braver then, or where they just, you know, drafted?

Posted by: Pericles at August 21, 2005 11:06 PM (hHudX)

4 My boyfriend spent almost every night of his deployment to Iraq on an airbase, while only occasionally overnighting at an FOB, and ditto for this deployment to Afghanistan. Although he flies a lot, and that is pretty dangerous too, it certainly isn't as dangerous as doing patrols in Humvees Baghdad. I am sure I would be singing a different tune if he were in an infantry company and not an aviation one.

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at August 22, 2005 08:26 AM (fSDNQ)

5 well there has always been front line soldiers and REMF'S.which will cause resentment over time.i'm not sure how we should be fighting this war at this point.while progress has been made in some areas of iraq and afghanstan alot more needs to be done politically and security wise.i mean it's simple in one respect if you're not native middle eastern you can't walk the streets not without security teams unless you want to wind up possibly getting kidnapped or killed.it's hard to build a society in that kind of atmosphere.

Posted by: tommy at August 23, 2005 10:19 AM (NMK3S)

6 God bless both the front-line soldiers and the rear area folks. Who's to say the bikini-clad woman didn't just complete a 15 hour day patching up a battle-damaged vehicle? I'll grant her a bit of pool time as I sit here fat, dumb, and happy with my wife and kids in beautiful 75 degree Wisconsin.

Posted by: Keith at August 24, 2005 09:30 PM (e0nDu)

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If you're in USAREUR like me, you didn't get to see the show Over There. My mother-in-law relayed some of the show to me, and parts she remembered made me groan. I wish I could see it for myself, but it sounded hackneyed. My husband and I were goofing off later on: "Gosh, Sarge, what a SNAFU." and "Sir, yes, sir!" and other things that only appear to get said in the TV Army. John of Argghhh! compiled reviews from milbloggers who watched the program, and the prognosis is not looking good. I can completely understand though: my husband can't get within ten feet of a military movie without turning beet red and swearing up a storm. If we want to see a show about war, we opt for War Is The H-Word.

And I hear there was a soldier openly smoking pot? HA. Double HA.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:08 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Man, this is why I've avoided blogging lately; it seems everything I say gets taken out of context or misconstrued. I get tired of going in circles.

So...I'm also not saying that all females are evil and unable to handle the military. I sure wish people wouldn't extrapolate my post into something I haven't argued.

My big beef is the view our society has that everything is the man's fault. This happens with sexual harrassment and infidelity, both in and outside the Army, but it happens in other realms too, which I've blogged about before in reference to Kim du Toit's bullseye, The Pussification of the Western Male.

Think about sitcoms: the men always cause the trouble. The portrayal of men on TV is ghastly. I saw it again today on a rerun of King of Queens: she wanted to go to the opera and he didn't; apparently she's too big of a witch to accept "look, hon, that's not really my bag", so he had to concoct this elaborate scheme to get out of going where he looked like a jerk in the end. I'm telling you, I stopped watching Everybody Loves Raymond when Ray ripped up his Superbowl tickets just to get Debra to stop whining for a second. The women on these shows are atrocious, but the joke is always on the dumb/incompetent/insensitive man.

Newsflash: men are not to blame for everything. That's my overarching beef with sexual harrassment norms and my reason for challenging Smink's post. Sometimes women are to blame for the unwanted advances and failed marriages.

Posted by: Sarah at 10:31 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 Sarah, Truth always hurts, but still it must be said. Thanks for saying what many people know. Maybe some don't, but I think they are just in denial. People smart enough to read must be honest enough to admit the truth.

Posted by: Ruth H at August 01, 2005 10:55 AM (7br1D)

2 To put the sitcom example in perspective, in the last season of Everybody Loves Raymond Ray Romano made $800,000 per episode. Patricia Heaton, who played his wife, was apparently making $75,000-$90,000. So, yeah, the "Men are stupid and women are wise" bit is mined for comedy, and maybe mined too much. That doesn't mean that it reflects the way that our society really values men and women, though.

Posted by: Pericles at August 01, 2005 05:22 PM (hHudX)

3 Say it loud, dear. You have more allies than you know. "If it weren't for men, women would still be living in caves." -- Camille Paglia.

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at August 01, 2005 06:57 PM (MzH7h)

4 So, I take a little time away from "The Sphere" and this is what I come back to-- my friends having to clarify their statements because other people don't like what they have to say? No, screw that. You say what you think, dimwits be damned. People donÂ’t usually want clarification anyway, even if they say they do. For the most part all they want to do is twist words and play stupid little games so they can try and kick your words back in your face. Say what you think and let it be. If others want to be childish, then let it be so. And one more thing, the last time I checked, women were the equals of men in American society. With equal rights come equal responsibilities. Both sexes are at fault for the problems in American society, not just one. DonÂ’t like that statement? Kiss me arse! No clarification needed... OUT!

Posted by: Ken Dixon at August 02, 2005 12:01 AM (+SdnQ)

5 Sarah, Never explain...never complain. If the 'sheeple' out there really didn't understand, they could ask for a clarification. But instead they choose to accuse you of saying things you never said. Thank you for being there to tell us what you think! Brad

Posted by: Brad at August 02, 2005 01:46 AM (Qz3ul)

6 Sarah, Don't sweat the negative feedback. I think your points are well made. My own observations and thoughts are similar. Back when I was a young LT in Germany an old crusty First Sergeant gave me some sage advice about the same subject which I will clean up in this forum:" never ____ the hired help" and nothing will come back and haunt you. That meant to me, I always had to maintain the highest standards of behavior around the troops, all of the troops, and expect nothing less of your leaders and the troops. When that is violated use a big hammer. As for getting flak from some of the troops out there, female or otherwise, it is my opinion that they either have an agenda themselves or they over reacted to the stimulus. And there are some out there that just don't like testosterone... been there and seen it up close. Now if this doesn't get a reaction like a red star cluster in a wall locker nothing will. All the best to you and the Hubby on his B-Day. GEO6

Posted by: GreyEagleO6 at August 02, 2005 12:25 PM (WiKxR)

7 Great support group you have.. that should make you feel better. Let it be known though.. that people are entitled to their opinions and when you write your stuff on a public blog.. well.. You're gonna get some differing views now and again. If you felt that you had to defend your position and this was bothersome to you.. then perhaps you should just not defend it.. and ignore people who don't agree with you. There's no faster way to diffuse a disagreement.. then to not pay attention to it. With that being said.. I wish you the best of luck with your blog. It appears that you have a great network of readers who will go so far as to down other's opinions to uplift yours. It's human nature. I'll have them all know though.. that Grey Eagle is in fact an amazing woman. An amazing person.. and if she did get offended.. she had a right to. It is a matter of opinion.. Some of your statements were pretty harsh and generalized.. and it was easy to feel a little prickle. But that doesn't make her a bad person, or wrong.. and the same could be said for anyone else that disagrees with you. Not that you said either of those things. Take care.. and like your friends said.. write what you will at your own risk. People who don't agree with you.. will read.. comment and then move on to other blogs where they feel like their views are welcome.. not opposed. It's the nature of such things! Is it not? And with such bold statements as your own.. and strong opinions (both not bad things) you will face much heavier criticism in the future. Be prepared.. and be strong. Unless of course, Big Brother tells you to knock it off.. then go to plan B. Take care and best of luck to you all. Phoenix Out

Posted by: Army Girl at August 02, 2005 10:25 PM (puF94)

8 "With that being said.. I wish you the best of luck with your blog. It appears that you have a great network of readers who will go so far as to down other's opinions to uplift yours. It's human nature." I wanted to add to this.. that putting other opinions down is normal if it doesn't agree with you.. Personal attacks and name calling is what I was more referring to. Sorry about that. Phoenix Out

Posted by: Army Girl at August 02, 2005 10:28 PM (puF94)

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I thought I was perfectly clear in my post on women in the military that I was only bringing up additional issues on the topic. But it appears that I need to say more.

I am not in any way saying that all of the blame lies with females. The reason I wrote the post was because Smink's post only addressed the issues that women face; I wanted to point out that there's another side to the story that neither Smink nor his 15 commenters addressed. That doesn't mean that I think females are the military's sexual predators.

Men can be sneaky, nasty jerks. I know of plenty of stories of the gross and immoral things they've done downrange too. However, we can't lay all of the blame at their feet. Women can be conniving sluts too. As a society, I believe we're too quick to always blame the men.

One scenario fleshed out: I heard a soldier tell the story of a time he heard a female specialist completely sass-mouth her first sergeant. She interrupted him and was extremely rude. As she left, my soldier friend expressed shock that she could get away with being so impertinent; he was told that the first sergeant had made the enormous error of having consentual sex with this female and was now paying for his mistake. This female specialist threatened to expose him if he didn't give her special treatment. Was the 1SG wrong for sleeping with her? You bet your sweet bippy he was! But this female is now the one hurting mission readiness by blackmailing her NCO. She could turn him in and say she was raped, and there's nothing he could do about it. In today's world and military, women hold all of the power when it comes to sexual harrassment. And I truly believe that some of them abuse this system.

Men and women are having sex downrange. Some of them are married, some are not. But what happens when two unmarried soldiers are having sex and the man wants to end it, and the female gets mad and reports to the unit that he raped her? Happened to someone I know. We as a society tend to always believe the woman is telling the truth in these situations; I personally don't believe that anymore. I think the system is abused and broken, so I get irritated when we moan about the plight of the poor, harrassed women in the military, and when every other AFN commercial is about stopping sexual harrassment against women. Some of these women know exactly what they're doing and have ruined the system for those who really are being harrassed.

[P.S. I also know that infidelity is not only a product of deployment or the military. Our last president had consentual sex with an intern. Bonehead, stupid, ridiculous move on his part. But what happened? She hung on to a dirty dress and destroyed his reputation, while she got book deals and made money. I don't excuse the president, but I do think that's despicable behavior on her part as well. She was not a victim in that situation, but she retained victim status simply because she is a woman. I believe the problem extends to all of our society.]

Posted by: Sarah at 04:52 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 You hit the nail on the head when you said they system is broken. It needs to be fixed. I think many people just have a hard time believing that women would act this way.

Posted by: Mare at August 01, 2005 09:06 AM (0CpxG)

2 I am a married soldier, 35 years old, and a combat medic with the 101st Airborne Division preparing to deploy again to Iraq in the next few weeks with a Forward Combat Support Battalion Your insecure statements are exactly what is wrong with the system. Case in point, there are 200 soldiers in my Company, a third of us are women. Of that there is one female soldier that we consider a "slut". Based on your statement all the rest of us who work so hard to earn the respect of the male soldiers should be held to her standard and are being deployed to entertain the male soldiers. "But this female is now the one hurting mission readiness by blackmailing her NCO. She could turn him in and say she was raped, and there's nothing he could do about it" This statement very rarely could happen. If anything, the fact that the 1st Sgt allows his affair to carry over into the misson hurts the mission and probably shouldn't be a 1st Sgt. A female soldier having sex with a 1st Sgt. Yep it happens. But, I can almost promise you that the 1st Sgt approached her with offers. That is simply the way it works. Does she have "ALL THE POWER", not in the real Army. The reason she gets away with the attitude is because the 1st Sgt doesn't want to risk losing what he has on the side. His weakness. She can report it was rape, but in 8 outof 10 cases the results will be the same, "there are not enough facts to further the investigation". See in the real Army it is a 1st Sgt's word against hers, and just like sexual harrassment, if there are not several witnesses (who have to be impartial, not friends of hers) then the commander investigating the case will not risk losing a senior NCO. Again, that is just the way it is. In truth, fact, and reality, the only "power" we have is that the male soldiers hope and pray that we might consider sex with them, and that is the true "power". Most of us don't even consider it, it is just in the male nature to behave this way to us. The only male soldier who really has to worry, is the one that has a history of sexual harrassment or other issues that the commander is aware of and usually goes home and tell his spouse another story. I'm not saying that as female soldiers we don't take crap from the men, or that we don't don't dish it out in turn. But the bottom line, is that we are soldiers with a very dangerous job to do. That is our first concern and priority. We really don't have the time to get upset over a comment or two. You probably don't understand this. The reason is, males talk and associate with each other in a swaggering sexual context, that is just their nature, esspecially in the Army where testesrone runs high. So this is their way of telling us that we are considered one of them, we are one of the guys, a soldier, an equal. So as long as you don't sexual touch us, or proposition us, it really doesn't bother us. Sorry if this blows your image of us, but this is the facts and the way it is in the real Army. Grey Eagle http://www.afemalesoldier2.com

Posted by: Grey Eagle at August 01, 2005 09:53 AM (bTUq5)

3 I don't understand what you mean by this "blowing my image of you." I'm glad there are females like you in the Army. I don't WANT to think that they're all skeezy. I want males and females to work on equal footing. But I'm telling you that every commercial break here in Germany contains some female complaining about being sexually harrassed. My husband had to attend repeated sexual harrassment training even when he worked in a combat unit with zero females. The Army focuses so hard on it that it seems that this is the only issue surrounding female soldiers. I'm glad to hear you say that you and your fellow females see the situation differently; please don't put words into my mouth that I didn't say. I'm not rooting for your failure...

Posted by: Sarah at August 01, 2005 10:03 AM (qPy3t)

4 "But, I can almost promise you that the 1st Sgt approached her with offers. " Must be different in the USAF then. Seen it happen, though the young lady didn't do anything out of sorts afterwards. Just a trophy hunter. Oh, and Sarah, you were quite clear in your previous post. I probably won't comment because it brings back some memories of things that happened to a couple of airmen (not me) that I was unfortunate enough to have been around during the early 90's. I agree that such incidents should be part of the debate, along with other factors. I think the biggest problem that people will have with this topic is that it isn't one in which feel good measures and "good guy" politics should ever have a place. To have the best military requires that a horrifically pragmatic view be taken. Otherwise it becomes a less than optimum force. Seen that too (in the physical ability topic) though that was more prevelant than the hinky fooling around. Somebody needed to tell these people that you don't date people at work, even if that work is a foxhole. Hell, that ought to be a law. It's always been a law for me. Enforcable by death now that I'm married. Heck, looks like I did comment. Dang. Kalroy

Posted by: Kalroy at August 01, 2005 10:13 AM (9RG5y)

5 Kal, you're right. I have a problem with unmarried soldiers developing relationships downrange too, because it detracts from the mission. And I don't even want to go into the issues surrounding physical ability. I swore off that topic when I read the astounding book The Kinder, Gentler Military. I can't even go there. Suffice it to say that when a female hands her weapon to the NCO and whines, "SGT X, my thingy isn't working...", there are issues beyond which I want to tackle here.

Posted by: Sarah at August 01, 2005 10:36 AM (qPy3t)

6 I think you're quite right, Sarah. Gray Eagle-- I think you're taking personally what's aimed at those females that give you and I a bad name.

Posted by: Sailorette at August 01, 2005 07:27 PM (goEPa)

7 I was directed here by my friend and fellow blogger, Grey Eagle. Interesting discussion, to say the least. I do understand the points I think the both of you are trying to make. My opinion though, is that yes, what you are talking about does happen.. but to a MUCH lesser degree than the norm... which is women being sexually harrassed by men in uniform. I think it's funny Grey Eagle referred me to this subject because ironically, I have felt first hand, some severe cases of this. And I had to remove my story from my blog because it does not sit well with the guys with the big rank. Anyway, yes.. I will agree that there are a great deal of women in the military.. younger girls, who find the attention and the newfound power to be mind blowing. But I agree with Eagle in that there are few of those girls out there.. who make the rest of us look bad. And when we start to focus so much of our attention on the very small minority, it is easy to assume and stereotype other females into their same category. I think what is offensive is that most of us fight that 'slut' stereotype on a daily basis. Damn.. several times a day.. without having done A SINGLE THING that would warrant such derogatory remarks or rumors. But because we are female.. and greatly outnumbered, it is a part of being in the army. When people start making generalizations and touting the negativity.. it's almost like promoting it. Whereas instead of focusing your thoughts and energy to the women out there who ARE doing right by themselves, their fellow soldiers and their service.. unknowing people begin to start making assumptions about the rest of us. Yes.. you may not have been talking about all of the females.. but your words could and most assuredly will affect the perceptions of the people who read your blog. I believe that you weren't trying to slander us all. And I believe that Grey Eagle is doing right by trying to offer a different perspective. The main point is that the Army focuses its money and its messages in where it thinks it needs to be. Domestic violence, child abuse and sexual harrassment/assault are prevalent... as I'm sure you know. So naturally that is where the money goes. And being a family member of a high ranking CID agent.. I can tell you that you don't even know the HALF of what goes on on a day to day basis at our posts around the globe. But I can assure you.. that the 'atrocities' that women are creating and initiating are far few and far between what is happening TO women.. not just our soldiers.. but dependents as well. Men are just as manipulative, just as demeaning and conniving as women. Don't kid yourself. And we could sit here for days and trade stories, I'm sure.. but in the end all that really matters is that there are stupid people out there.. and in every situation there is a shared responsibility by all involved.. except of course in random acts of violence. Which, I'm pretty sure if you pulled those stats, you'd find very few males victimized by women. I'm glad you clarified your earlier post.. and defended your position.. It appears to me that you are intelligent and can see both sides of this as well. I hope my comment doesn't come off as me trying to debate or argue. I support your statement as well.. just trying to explain how statements like that.. although well intentioned or not intended to make all of us Army girls look bad.. really does. It's hard not to take offense by strangers on the outside when we fight it all day long by men on the inside. We could use a few more allies on all sides.. but no matter. We knew what we were getting into when we joined up.. and I wouldn't trade my world for anyone else's. I love my life, my career and my country.. and no matter what anyone wants to say or to call me.. or to speculate about.. I'm still going to do the best damn job I can. Also.. you have to take into consideration that we're a bit older than these girls fresh out of high school.. But that's not to say that they are all bad!! Have a great week.. I've GOT to get to bed. Phoenix Out

Posted by: Army Girl at August 01, 2005 10:19 PM (puF94)

8 Oh yeah.. And you're damn right we hold all the power.. but not relating to sexual harrassment alone. The problem is that it's women who are insecure who are playing these head games with people's lives and careers... and their own hearts. If they truly knew how much power they had.. I'm sure they'd not feel the need to search for vindication, acceptance, status and other such things from others. They'd see it in themselves. That's what's really wrong with these girls and guys.. insecurity. (ok.. well.. it's a major thing.. but certainly not the only thing.)

Posted by: Army Girl at August 01, 2005 10:25 PM (puF94)

9 Army Girl, my only quibble with your comment is where you call me a "stranger on the outside." I'm not *totally* on the outside. My husband just moved from Armor to Finance, so we're getting a taste of both worlds.

Posted by: Sarah at August 02, 2005 02:37 AM (IKNDq)

10 Good discussion on all sides I think. Main message seems to be - Don't let the jerks color your impression of an entire group - for either side. We seem to have a great military - with some real assholes thrown in - both male and female. A lot of issues in the military are the same as issues in any large corporation. They just get magnifeid, especially in a combat situation (my opinion) Good points made by all.

Posted by: RC at August 02, 2005 12:13 PM (gDEwS)

11 I knew you were a wife.. when I said, 'on the outside' I meant that. Sorry if it came off too strong. But there is SUCH a big difference between 40+ hours a week with 'the guys' than hearing it second hand from your hubby and other people. It's just not the same when you're in it all day long.. Actually.. in my personal experience, the wives are worse than the men.. and can be way meaner! But.. that is just my experience. I wouldn't blame them.. as they know I'm deploying with their men for a year or so.. and as it is.. I see them more than they do most of the time anyway. Military wives, by no means.. have it easy. It's a life, job and career all its own. So is being a brat.. lol. I was born and bred Army. So I know how it is on all three sides. Take care!

Posted by: Army Girl at August 02, 2005 10:35 PM (puF94)

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Smink has a post on his views on women in the military (He's fer it). No one in the comments section brought up the touchy and delicate issue I would like to address. Any candid discussion of women in the military must focus on some key problems.

What about the barracks rooms designated for anonymous sex where females can try to get knocked up so they don't have to deploy? What about the females in Iraq who are running prostitution rings, charging money for sex with the male soldiers? What about the females who are making pornography and posting it on the internet? What about the females who have boasted that their goal is to sleep with every officer on the FOB? What about the females who lure married men to their beds and then threaten to expose their adultery? What about the frightening power a junior enlisted soldier has when she's sleeping with the first sergeant?

All of these scenarios I describe have happened in our brigade. I know of families that have been destroyed because of both real and imagined infidelities during a deployment. I've heard stories about ruthless female soldiers that make me ashamed of my gender. If we are going to discuss the effects of women in combat, we do need to discuss all that Smink brought up: performance, sexual harrassment, etc. But we also need to address the nasty effects of taking thousands of males away from their families and bunking them with a handful of women for a year. Yeah, I bet a lot of times it's the males' fault, but I've heard enough stories to make me wonder if the females haven't brought some of it on themselves.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:31 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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The husband and I watched Vice Chief of Staff Cody's briefing on the Pentagon channel two days ago, and I looked for an article on it yesterday to no avail. But it's out today: Army identifies locations for units in new, brigade-centric force structure. If anyone's interested in base realignment, this graphic is informative. The presence in Germany will be significantly reduced. What an exciting time for the military!

Posted by: Sarah at 07:47 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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An interesting side note that no one mentions when they talk about military recruiting these days, via this Stars and Stripes article:

Posted by: Sarah at 04:51 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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I went to our neighbor's change of command today, where he said something that struck me: he thanked the families for their support during OIF and told his soldiers that they can't understand what it was like to be left behind. I remember I got a taste of this when my husband was home on R&R and CPT Sims was killed. My husband was quite taken aback by everything we wives knew about life insurance and death gratuity. He was surprised that I knew things like how long I would be able to stay in quarters, and he was surprised at the string of phone calls we wives began to send. He said that he had never thought about things from the family end; he had never realized the worrying we did, because he always knew if he and his men were safe.

My job during the deployment was significantly different from his. Mine was nowhere near as hard (though I imagine wives who stayed back with three or four kids might think otherwise), but it was something he couldn't quite grasp. And unless you've lived the homefront lifestyle, you just don't quite know what it's like. Soldiers don't know what the homefront feels like.

(I was mulling over what my neighbor said when I realized we're back to the chickenhawk garbage. I think the two thoughts are related. I don't think you have to live through something to have an opinion on it, though I think it helps to know someone who has gone through it so you can talk about it and learn more. But not everyone can live every experience; the chickenhawk argument is bogus.)

Posted by: Sarah at 12:25 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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One time at a military ball, we sat across from a MAJ Hook. My husband leaned over and whispered, "I bet it was a long seven years as CPT Hook." I nearly spit my wine across the table.

Some names and ranks just go together. And some you just get so used to hearing that it feels weird when they change. But a promotion is a wonderful thing, even if we have to learn a new title. So I guess we'll just have to get used to calling the sweetest woman on the planet MAJ Patti now.

Congrats on your promotion, MAJ Patti!

Posted by: Sarah at 05:05 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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I just noticed that Red 6 is featured in the Stars and Stripes tribute to heroes.

Posted by: Sarah at 01:26 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I've been trying to get some reading done in the morning, and there are so many things I'd like to point out but don't have the time. Check out Conservative Grapevine and Varifrank as usual. I did have a chuckle at this article about Iraqi soldiers learning to complain:

The soldiers also are mad about what they call a $70 cut in their monthly pay. Soldiers, on average, earn $300 to $400 a month, they say. The reason, it turns out, is something nearly every American begrudges, whether a soldier or not. For the first time, the Iraqi government began taking taxes out of the platoonÂ’s paychecks.

I can't wait until Iraq is back on her feet.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:09 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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What was this guy thinking, giving an anti-US graduation speech to soldiers and their family members? If you're taking classes in Europe, you must be a military ID card holder, so every single UMUC student is connected to the miltary in some way or another. The faculty, however, is a different story altogether, which explains why he got supportive emails from faculty and boos from students in attendance.

Why do these commencement speakers keep using graduation as an open soapbox for talk on the war? All grads want to hear is attaboys and words of wisdom as they leave college. They want Chicken Soup for the Soul, not MoveOn.org at their ceremony.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:27 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Since the end of OIF II, I have seen a lot of things happen with medals and badges and patches. I used to think it was cool when my husband collected ribbons, but now I am starting to see why Bunker said to throw 'em in a drawer and forget it. I've heard way too many stories about soldiers who deserved ribbons but didn't get them and soldiers who didn't deserve ribbons but got them. Platoon leaders and platoon sergeants spend an extraordinary amount of time not on deciding who deserves medals but working on the grammar and presentation of the citation. And I'm sure some have been approved over others just because someone's grammar was better. In just three months, I've become disillusioned with the medal process, which is sad because I think they should be something to be proud of.

I also thought the CCB was cool because I thought those who were not infantry deserved some credit too. Slowly I'm beginning to see what a mess it will be. Now it's a CAB, eligible to...um...everyone? How do you decide who is eligible? It's for anyone who engages or is engaged by the enemy; what a mess that's going to be to give out. Nearly everyone will get one, making the award virtually worthless.

Just leave well enough alone, I'm beginning to think. I liked this post from Watch Your Six (also check out the comic strip):

Didn't anyone learn from giving berets to the entire Army in order to make everyone feel "more elite?" The very act of giving the beret to everyone devalued the beret itself. If you give a badge to everyone involved in ground combat, the CIB and the new badges you make up will all be de-valued. The very act of trying to make people feel more special will make them feel less special.

We're running out of drawer space; quit giving out more things to throw in 'em.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:37 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Well, I thought I'd seen everything...

Posted by: Sarah at 05:52 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I had the chance to briefly instant message with Mrs. Sims today. She sent me the most wonderful Memorial Day photo of her son and his father's memorial brick at Texas A&M.

I think about Mrs. Sims all the time. She and I weren't even that close; we went to dinner a few times together, but that's about the extent of our friendship. I hesitate to write about how much she is constantly in my thoughts because I'm certain there are people on this post she was closer to. I don't want her to think that I've become some zany stalker who's deified her into everything that Memorial Day stands for...but I guess I have.

Mrs. Sims is absolutely everything that an Army wife should be: gracious, humble, and dedicated. She remains optimistic and proud in the face of the worst experience anyone could ever have. And she's always on my mind. She's the first person I think of when I feel down or grumpy. She was the first person my husband and I thought of when our cruise tablemates were being obtuse. And she was the first person I thought of when I woke up this Memorial Day.

You see, the Memorial Day post I wanted to write is how much the Sims family is always present in our household. It took that photo of their son to get the words to come out.

I'm sure Mrs. Sims feels weird about the pedestal I've put her on. She's just a regular person dealing with an extraordinary challenge. I hesitated to write the post I wanted to because I don't want to exacerbate her pain. But I want her to know how I really feel, that to me she's everything that Memorial Day represents: the day when we remember those who gave up everything for our country. And I am keenly aware, every day, that CPT Sims gave his life for the very freedom I enjoy. I want her to know that I will never forget that, as long as I live. I never knew her husband, but I will never forget him. Even if she and I drift apart, I will remember the Sims family on Memorial Day and every other day for the rest of my life.

I will remember.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:41 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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There's a fundamental difference between last year's Memorial Day and this one, a difference that I have been dwelling on all weekend: last year I didn't have any veterans to mourn.

I've thought all weekend about what I wanted to say today, but in the end, my heart just doesn't want to articulate the words. I'm thinking them though, and I'm remembering today. And I'm grateful for every day I have with my own soldier.

This is a memorial to every soldier our post lost last year. I will never forget any of them.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:09 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Smash's story, though creepy, is vaguely familiar:

JANUARY 2003 – It’s been couple of weeks since my reserve unit arrived in Kuwait, and we’ve just finished negotiating with the port authority to take over an abandoned building to serve as the administrative headquarters for our harbor security operation.

The building hasn’t been used in several years, so before we can move in we have a lot of cleaning and repairing to do. Everyone pitches in – soldiers and sailors, officers and enlisted work side-by-side to clean up over a decade’s worth of dust, grime, and general neglect. But despite all the activity, the hallways remain strangely quiet.

A yeoman is on her knees, scrubbing a particularly difficult stain in the stairwell. She decides to break the uncomfortable silence with a little bit of small talk. “Whoever worked in this building before sure was lazy,” she sighs. “Who would spill a whole pot of coffee on the stairs, and not clean it up?”

Everyone stops working, and stares at her.

“What?” she asks, looking around. “What did I say?”

“That’s not coffee,” one of her co-workers whispers.

“It’s not? What is it?”

“Blood.”

Apparently the room my husband used to email me from, the room I stared at whenever we had the chance to webcam, was awash in blood when the first American soldiers got there. My husband's camp in Iraq was an old Fedayeen camp.

We can hardly fathom things outside of our experience. A young American in the Navy would never imagine that she was cleaning up after a slaughter. I can't even begin to picture what a room covered in blood would look like. It's so beyond anything I've ever dealt with.

But it's so outside all of our realms. That's why when you do a Google Images search of Saddam+torture, you end up with photos of Lynndie England on the same page as a photo of "Saddam's henchmen amputating fingers". Torture is so far out of our realm that we conflate dog leashes and finger vises; most of us can't really imagine true torture. The Abu Ghraib thing is as bad as we get, but it's nowhere near as bad as things can get.

It's good that we live in a society where we don't have to regularly clean blood off of the stairs. But it sometimes prevents us from imagining that other cultures don't live with the naivete that we do.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:32 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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I've heard several military families say that they prefer to live off-post because they don't want to feel the presence of the military 24 hours a day. I, however, have enjoyed living right in the thick of things ever since my husband began his military career. We've always been on-post, and we've lived in very isolated military settings, such as the Officer Basic Course and then Germany. I had never really thought about the omnipresence of the military until we went on this vacation. This was our first time away from the military, for every other time we've taken vacation, we've gone to visit family. It was our first experience being surrounded by civilian strangers, and I must say it was unnerving.

The first thing that happens when you meet someone on a cruise is that they ask where you're from. This is the most complicated question you can ask someone in the military. Where are we all from? We started trying to simplify things by just saying we're from Missouri, but then we often ended up having this conversation:

Strangers: So, where are you all from?
Groks: Um, Missouri.
Strangers: Great. What do you do there in Missouri?
Grok: Um, well, we don't actually live in Missouri; we live in Germany.
Strangers: Oh...well, what do you do there?
Grok: We're there with the military...

This either led to awkward silence or awkward questions. Maybe we were talking to all the wrong people, but we didn't get the sort of insightful or curious conversations I was expecting. When we told our dinner-tablemates on the cruise that we were living in Germany with the military, we didn't expect them to virtually ignore us. We talked at length about their jobs and backgrounds, but they didn't ask questions about Germany or Iraq. When the husband and I went back to our room, we discussed how we had braced ourselves to answer all sorts of questions about military life and deployment that never came.

The biggest thing that I learned about myself on our vacation was that I found I really missed the perspective that military life brings. We deal with things that are so far outside of the civilian experience that everything else seems trivial. A military family would never ask someone where he's from, because we know how often that changes. A military family would never say that it would be terrible to live on St. Maarten because we've seen that the poverty and problems of Iraq and Afghanistan far surpass those on Caribbean islands. A military family would never complain about a five-hour plane ride because we've all seen the mothers traveling alone with three kids, moving them across the Atlantic to meet up with their soldier. And a military family would never ever say that working on a cruise ship must be one of the hardest jobs out there because they work such long hours and don't get to have any fun. (Seriously, we had to bite our cheeks to keep from laughing out loud at that one. If we could be so lucky to get "deployed" to a cruise ship!)

And military couples share one suitcase when they go on a 7-day cruise. I've never seen so much excessive luggage.

I found myself quite the fish out of water on this trip, and I longed to go back to where everyone understood us. I never realized how much the Army has become my comfort zone, and I'm quite happy to be back to where everyone wears BDUs.

Posted by: Sarah at 07:05 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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1 Welcome back to the real world! I am always amazed at how little civilians know about the military. Even those who spent four years in then got out seem to forget wuickly.

Posted by: Bunker at May 18, 2005 07:49 AM (pzzx0)

2 Welcome back! I grew up in ultra-liberal Massachusetts, and what did my father do? He built ICBMs (Intercontinental Ballistic [Nuclear] Missiles).

Posted by: David Boxenhorn at May 18, 2005 02:57 PM (XUVN1)

3 Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I missed you so much.

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at May 18, 2005 03:15 PM (3RSki)

4 Sarahk, I've been visiting your site every day, as I always do, and I'm happy to see you back. I didn't have time to post last night, but I did link to this post at the top of my blog. More linkage to come when I go home. David, Now your secret's out! How could you live with the s-shame?

Posted by: Amritas at May 18, 2005 03:49 PM (+nV09)

5 Sarah - Glad you checked in. Amen on the long silence that follows when you tell most civilians "We're in the Army". Funny thing is: let two GIs meet for the first time in an airport somewhere and they will chat as if best friends for three hours about Iraq, BRAC, Basic Training, commissaries, war movies and the quirks of learning to live in Germany, Italy, Thailand, Korea, Japan, DoDDS Schools, Texas weather, the time they pulled hurricane search and rescue duty and how much better AFN is now than it used to be. Might it be that most folks know so little of the military that they are clueless how to follow up that answer? I bet it is the same sort of cluelessness that was revealed to me whenever folks who just came on post for a tour or their nephews graduation from AIT can't seem to quit talking about "just what polite, good cleancut Americans" these soldiers are. Excuse me...your expectations are showing...you were thinking perhaps that the military is comprised of the type soldiers Newsweek and CBS seem to favor for coverage? And Bingo on the where ya from question. After a few years in the Army I permanently changed the question "Where ya from ORIGINALLY?" That helps some...still is rough on Army brats though. Hi to Mr. Grok. Love to you both. And CPT Patti (STILL the Sweetest Woman on the Planet) says hi!

Posted by: Tim at May 18, 2005 04:01 PM (hby1v)

6 Most people are only interested in talking about themselves. What they wanted was for YOU to ask them about their lives... Unfortunately - it sounds like none of the people you were traveling with or meeting were of the inquisitive sort. In other words - interested in learning about something other than their own little world. A good answer to the civilian question of where are you from... "we're a military family, we currently live in Germany, but are originally from Missouri". This gives them all the info they need to either ask you more about where you live - or (more likely) tell you about all the places they've lived... or be rude and turn away (something that happens in the civilian world too... way too often). I don't think I could do a cruise though... it just gives me the willies thinking of getting on a boat packed in with all those people. *grin* I know there are advantages - but I prefer to go to a hotel and just hang out with my husband - even if it means I see a bit less of the world.

Posted by: Teresa at May 18, 2005 04:12 PM (nAfYo)

7 Grok: Nice, but I think you've taken this liking of military life too far. You've got to be flexible, as my drill sgt. used to say. Civilian or military, people are people, you know? There are good and bad with every styles of life. I never tell other folks that I was in Iraq unless asked, I've seen too many people trying to take advantage of that status. Sure, I was there, done what I was supposed to do, so let's move on, you know?

Posted by: nerdstar at May 18, 2005 06:19 PM (ccm++)

8 I gotta say that "Where are you from?" thing always makes me laugh. Just answer them, "I've lived on every continent but Anartica and Australia. In tents, in hotels, in palaces, and under the stars--wishing I had a tent, hotel, or palace.... Where you from??" Most times you get questions about what you do etc... Makes a great ice breaker. Plus, you can tell about your heroic expoits later ;-) I have found most well travelled people have never actually travelled. They've "been there" but haven't "done that"!

Posted by: Jamie at May 18, 2005 10:16 PM (yDBbJ)

9 On a side note.... I went on a recent TDY and took a backpack (with my laptop, clothes and uniforms). Never occurred to me to take more? You mean people don't roll their clothes???

Posted by: Jamie at May 18, 2005 10:23 PM (yDBbJ)

10 When asked "Where are your from?" I always answer "Where did I grow up or where did I last live?" That usually throws them enough to stop and think about it - then they want to know where I've lived and if I know where I am going to next. (Right now the Canary Islands with the hubby would be good). The mantra is only 6 months to R&R...only 6 months to R&R). Household6

Posted by: Household6 at May 19, 2005 03:09 AM (T+Tkq)

11 "Deployments" for cruise ships? hmmmm*jotting down* Must have Dear husband try and get one of these AWFUL assignments.

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at May 19, 2005 09:44 AM (Z6ake)

12 Perhaps the "civilians" were shy to ask about your positions with the military because of their perception of the military or something negative they had read... Perhaps they accept what you do the same as police or fire personnel? I see it as our jobs (within the military community) to correct misconceptions and educate the civilian population, not just sit back and marvel at the lack of inquisitiveness on their part. If the American public has a lot to learn or re-learn about the fine state of our services, then we (as a community) have a lot to teach.

Posted by: Some Soldier's Mom at May 21, 2005 11:28 AM (8Burp)

13 After all the traveling to wherever you've been, isn't it great to get "home" again? Because "home" is wherever you and your love half lay your head at night, secure in the comfort that you are each there for each other, and your bed is "home" in Germany. Because, in your military life, home is where you go to work, go to sleep, and go to live and love. Yeah, my cruises were a little different than deployment to Iraq and sailing the Caribbean waiting on cruise liner guests. A lot less space, and a lot longer underwater. We would have killed something just to be able to see our girls and kids, and follow it off with a beer. If you stay in the military till retirement, you'll remember how bad things COULD have been till the last breath leaves your body. Everything after Iraq is gravy, and worth savoring. So welcome "home", Sarah and husband. We are all glad to have you back. Thanks for sharing the vacation with us. Subsunk

Posted by: Subsunk at May 21, 2005 01:43 PM (dT4Ud)

14 I am disappointed with 'those' people. I would expect them to ask if you were in Iraq and how was it for both of you and go from there. At the very minimum for them to thank you both for your service. Timmmmmm. Hiiiiii.

Posted by: toni at May 21, 2005 02:05 PM (KXhoZ)

15 Well..as a life long civilian who has lived in peace,freedom and utter blissful security in the same small Indiana town her whole life (save for college) I am shocked to read your comments. I NEVER fail to say "Thank you for serving our country." when I meet a member of the finest military in the world. Past,present and even future (kids with delayed enlistment) soldiers and sailors ALL get my respect and gratitude. I know darned well how BLESSED I am to be a citizen of these United States of America. NOW....the only thing I truly do NOT get about your post S,is the one suitcase for 2 people thing!! GOOD HEAVENS WOMAN! It's vacation,treat yourself to your OWN bag. Glad that you are both back safe and sound.

Posted by: Mary at May 22, 2005 12:12 PM (/CoEY)

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Yesterday morning, my husband asked me what the date was: it was the first of the big three anniversaries this week, the days when my husband saw his heaviest fighting and for which he earned a pretty green ribbon to wear on his dress blues. Last night we went to his former company commander's house and had a Baqubah Bash to celebrate the event, complete with the most hooah American movie we could think of: Rocky IV. I checked what I was doing a year ago, and sure enough I was blogging about troop movements and nervousness. I also posted one of my favorite photos from Iraq.

Last night we had a talk about Adrian Balboa; I don't really like her. My husband said he kind of understands that she just wants what's best for Rocky, but I say that if you marry a fighter, you can't force him to change. And in Rocky IV, he fought for a principle, not for a title. You have to stand by someone who fights for what he believes in. My husband asked if I would still be proud of him if he were a civilian working for some company, and I said that of course I would. But it's different. Am I more proud of my husband for being a soldier and fighting for something he believes in? Of course. But only incrementally; he would still believe in the same things even if he didn't have the opportunity to fight for them. Adrian told Rocky that lots of people live with pain, to which he replied that not everyone has the opportunity to do something about it.

I can't believe it's been one year since some of the most important events in my husband's life. I'm glad that he had the opportunity to fight for something he believes in, and I'm glad that he came home safe to me when he was done.

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Please keep CaliValleyGirl in mind today: the Chinook that crashed in Afghanistan was from her soldier's unit. Say a prayer or visit her and give her strength as she lives through casualty notification day.

Posted by: Sarah at 10:56 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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