April 06, 2010

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD...

My husband is in DC for the funeral service for the soldier in his company who was killed on deployment.

We had an FRG meeting last week, and the unit provided details for the families who would be heading to Arlington for the service.  As I sat there holding my new baby, the baby who looks just like my husband, all I could think about was this soldier's wife.  His pregnant wife.  Pregnant with a little girl...

When I thought I'd go into labor before my husband came home, I had a meltdown.  I couldn't make myself go to the hospital.  I was packing my suitcase while weeping, in agony that things had not gone as I'd wanted them to go, that it wasn't supposed to be this way, that he was supposed to be here with me and for me.  I wanted to stay in complete denial and refuse to go to the hospital.  I felt deep in my bones that I just couldn't have that baby without him, that despite how capable I am, this was the one thing I couldn't handle on my own.

And I think of this woman whose husband won't be there at all when her baby is born, and I can't stand it.  I am sick for her.  Just sick.

I'm so thankful for my husband and child.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:16 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 The military certainly helps us figure out our priorities... Prayers to that family.

Posted by: Amber at April 06, 2010 03:23 PM (AxTjH)

2 And everytime I hear about another that is leaving behind a family my heart breaks.  Prayers for them.

Posted by: Laura, A Military Mom at April 06, 2010 04:15 PM (oLHZ3)

3 Yes.

Posted by: Lucy at April 06, 2010 04:53 PM (YNvUz)

4 :-(

Posted by: Heather at April 06, 2010 05:46 PM (k6tVi)

5 Heartbreaking...

Posted by: Connie at April 06, 2010 07:37 PM (L6nIP)

6 When Mrs. P lost her husband a few weeks ago, knowing he never met his little girl, I sobbed. I sobbed for the inequity of it. I was angry for her and for the life that was taken from them. And for the last few weeks, every time I've gotten angry at my husband I thank God that he's here to annoy me. And I thank God that there isn't a doubt that he'll be in that delivery room to hold my hand. And for the first year of his son's life. You know what's in store for us at the end of this training, and I keep thinking, if something should happen, at least I had this time. At the very least I had this time.

Posted by: Sara at April 06, 2010 08:36 PM (Z8H9d)

7 I would've bawled and bawled in your position as well. I have this complete and utter fear that what happened to your friend may happen to me. This military is such a different fear than civilian life. Everytime I see a photo of a military widow being handed a folded flag by an Honor Guard member my heart melts. They are our friends and our family ... if by branch alone. I know two things to be true that if my husband or one of my two sisters ever pass away the world will stop spinning on its axis. Hold your baby and cling to the hope that only that small life brings you. I try and think that the only thing that could ease the pain of my husband passing would be if I had a child to look at and remember him by. His legacy. Now that we are adopting it will be nature versus nurture if that.

Posted by: Darla at April 06, 2010 11:05 PM (RAPsl)

8 Makes my heart and my head hurt.

Posted by: Guard Wife at April 09, 2010 10:50 PM (UI/tE)

9 I also had a friend from my husband's company who lost her husband this deployment while she was pregnant with their first baby girl.  They hadn't even been married a year.  My heart ached for her, too.  Still does.  I pray for her and her beautiful little girl (born right around the same time as your little darling) every day, and am thankful that she has oodles of loving family and friends and faith to support her.  After all she's been through, I think she is probably one of the strongest people I know, and I hope and pray that I never have to find my strength the hard way, as she did.

Posted by: Leofwende at April 10, 2010 12:28 AM (28CBm)

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