I don't know if I can take this.
When I wrote the other day about bearing my burden while my husband is at SERE, I had no idea that the scales would tip towards him so quickly. He has begun his last week of the class, which means he's at the "practical application" point of survival, evasion, resistance, and escape. And my heart hurts so bad for him because it's been pouring rain. Just pouring. And they're forecasting snow for tomorrow.
I know my husband is a tough guy and that he'll figure out how to get through this week, but there is nothing that hurts me more than the thought of him suffering. I've sat here all weekend in my warm house with my electric blanket, and the sound of the unrelenting rain is just killing me.
It makes me cry to picture him trying to survive outside in this weather. It is a far heavier burden than anything happening to me.
The sound of that rain is just paralyzing me. It makes me sick. It makes me want to go find where is he is rescue him.
I can't stop worrying about him.
I would call this the agony of the known.
You knew what he was getting into, long before the rain started. And now every time you look out your window, you can see the conditions tormenting him. They are concrete, whereas the Middle East was abstract. We're still cavepeople who are more moved by what we see with our own eyes. We can close them, but we can't forget ... especially not when we feel cold ... and when you knit things that will keep others warm.
I hope thoughts of you are keeping him warm.
Posted by: Amritas at March 01, 2009 08:23 AM (Wxe3L)
That is the thing about worry, it makes things worse. Now you must imagine him as strong and capable and taking care of the situation and I hope that is working well for him. Just keep thinking, he is prepared, he knows what to do. He can handle this. And yes, it is by far, worse than what you are going through but it will be over and he knows when that will be.
Posted by: Ruth H at March 01, 2009 10:21 AM (4u82p)
I haven't been here, but I can relate what you're saying to other places I have been--and I'm very sorry. Wish there was something better than that to say. . . .
Posted by: Lucy at March 01, 2009 02:05 PM (HGFog)
He has chosen this to make him stronger - and it will. Even as you are sad, I know you are simultaneously proud as you should be. I hope he never needs to use what he learns there, but if he does, it will have been time and effort well spent.
With all the craziness happening in the world, politics, and economics, it encourages me to think of the two of you as part of our next generation.
Posted by: Amy at March 02, 2009 07:40 AM (I9LMv)
Posted by: MaryIndiana at March 02, 2009 02:05 PM (XWWz+)
Thank goodness I was rather oblivious when flyboy went years ago, but the wondering and waiting does bite. big time. I know remembering that this makes him a tougher warrior doesnt help right at this moment but I betcha when he comes home he's going to remember it pretty fondly. At some point... maybe not right away!
Posted by: the mrs. at March 03, 2009 04:48 AM (NJQf+)
Aw heck... it'll give him great stories to tell and quite honestly, they're not going to let him have an untimely demise.
Me... I'm bad. I'd be snuggled up under extra blankets and would later tell him I kept EXTRA warm for him
Posted by: Meadowlark at March 03, 2009 11:49 AM (SXBsQ)
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