May 15, 2008

WHERE ARE THE WIFE ROLE MODELS?

There is one thing I hate about action movies: the wives. The wives are always whiny, self-centered nags. Every action movie wife is Adrian Balboa, telling Rocky not to fight. I get so sick of it. How many times can we hear some snotty witch tell her husband that she's "sick of him putting the job ahead of his family"? And every action hero takes it, lets his wife treat him like dirt while he keeps on killing the bad guys. I can't stand it any longer.

You know, I'm glad my husband has a job that he puts ahead of his family. Because my happiness is not the most important freaking thing on this planet. He doesn't live to make my life perfect; he tries to do a job that's bigger than him, bigger than us. And I am proud of that, I respect that. And I would never dream of emasculating him by saying I can't understand "what he's become," that I can't believe he forgot Timmy's basketball game, that I can't believe that he somehow thinks ridding the streets of evil is better than being home at a decent hour every night.

Seriously, this is what movie wives do. They destroy their husbands because they want their husbands to put them first, above everything else.

That's bullcrap.

I will never forget the post that Joan wrote at SpouseBUZZ about TV husbands promising to make it up to their wives. My husband doesn't have to make anything up to me; it's reward enough to see him do a job he loves well and to make an impact on this world. And yeah, that may mean he misses Timmy's freaking basketball game from time to time. Get over it.

You know, I was stressed out today. I cried a lot and I wished someone was here in the house to hold my hand and tell me that everything was going to be OK. But not once during the entire day did I feel upset that my husband was in Iraq instead of here. Not once. His job is more important than my crying stints. We signed up for selfless service, and by golly I take that seriously. I would never dream of making him feel bad for not being home on a day I needed him.

But apparently TV wives sing a different tune.

I hate TV wives. Except Zoe Washburne, she was cool.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:14 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 "I hate TV wives. Except Zoe Washburne, she was cool." hmm...Shiny.

Posted by: Sarah's Pinko Commie Friend at May 15, 2008 06:59 PM (xAF2d)

2 I feel the same way about Lifetime: Television for Woman. It makes my skin crawl. I kinda sorta detest being told my 'hooha' means I need to crave the golden girls and designing women and danielle steele novel adaptations and victimized women movie of the weeks. Because I might just claw my eyes out. Not to be dramatic about it. That entitlement issue is along the same vein as the push present thing you posted about the other day. Some woman are just wired that way and some aren't. I don't understand trying to make your husband feel bad about missing something. But I know I spent a lot of energy trying to make him feel like he wasn't. Thank god for choices.

Posted by: wifeunit at May 15, 2008 07:43 PM (BOdNw)

3 Exactly, wifeunit! I practically took pictures every second that AFG was gone, and will do so again. I wanted him to see what was happening here, because being here or not was never a choice - it just was. And when it comes right down to it, there are an awful lot of people in this world in far worse straits than I ever was. Not that I'm perfect - I've got kvetching down to an art form. But if my life were one dramatic vignette about how I've been victimized by the system, left behind by my husband, or anything else I'd probably jump off the nearest bridge. The big holiday AFG has always missed was Halloween. And my kids STILL talk about the one Halloween he managed to be home. They STILL remember it - and my son was only on the cusp of three! I wonder how many kids whose fathers are always home remember so much as last Halloween? And I wonder how many of those kids honestly think their father is a Superhero? But tv's not really interested in that side of it, I guess.

Posted by: airforcewife at May 16, 2008 05:16 AM (mIbWn)

4 I usually agree w/a lot of what you say and express. And while am vastly proud to stand next to my CPT, i'm done with this way of life. You have never gotten that call saying there has been a medical evacuation. And zero support from FRG, Rear D, and anyone else save your husbands best friend 8 time zones away. I am not whiney, I hold an MBA and work in NYC on wall street i am quite capabable and have been for years, but its time that i was put first. Apparently i am last on the totem poll for the Army and its support systems despite their contract with teh families. The bigger picture of what they are fighting for has zero to do with us. I ride to the WTC every single day and you know what, its a construction site. yes 911 was horrible, its over, us New Yorkers want to move on, b/c one more memorial for 911 just messes up our commute. But the bigger picture should be our family. what we are doing in Iraq is never going to end. our soldiers are going to die needlessly, my husband almost did. Yeah i want to be first. Someone definitley needs to make up for him being gone, for almost dying, for having lasting effects of a war that will never end. That phone call sucks, that worry, the fear the total lack of control sucks. I hope you never experience it. i truly hope your husband loves his job and believes in what he's doing, bc the last 4 years of war have sucked the life out of mine. i'll get over the missed christmas, thanksgiving, numerous birthdays, what i won't get back is my cheery husband, the one i married. you say you wouldn't dream of emasculating him by saying "you can't understand what he's become" you're not there yet, he's not. but it happens, the phone call made sure it did. someone owes me...big time...and not in the form of fisher house or disabilty pay. the job he had to put ahead of his family...made him disappear. yeah, someone needs to make it up to me

Posted by: xscwife at May 16, 2008 07:20 AM (kKccv)

5 I just want to say how very much I appreciate your views on these things. So often I feel alone when I'm one of the very, very few milspouses (here IRL at least) saying, "No, that's his job. No, I won't force a baby out early so he can be here. No, I don't hate him because he won't be here for Christmas." Mind you, I don't like what my husband has had to go through on his boat in the past year, but it's not because of the hours or the deployments or the underways: it's because of what it has done to him and how disillusioned he's become in the last year. But like I told him, it's HIS job and if he wants to retire from the Navy I'm behind him 100% and we as a family will work things out. I may be behind him drinking sometimes, but I'll be there.

Posted by: Tara at May 16, 2008 07:55 AM (c595h)

6 I remember a time when I would have thought "someone needs to make it up to me" for the exact same things mentioned above. It is not hard to imagine at all. But then I figured out the answer to that riddle. The only person who can do make it up to me is ... well, me. In the world I live in, I can't change the massive Army machine, the politics of war, and the minds of enemy. So I changed myself. And I have done what I can to put my myself first, then my marriage, then the rest of the world. Granted I sit in a very different spot from xscwife, but if I don't like the view, change my perspective, or suffer. Being tired of suffering, the choice was not and is not difficult. (And when I say stuff like this, it is mostly me reminding myself. Mostly.) Sorry to get off track there. Sarah, I wanted to say that I know you approve of at least one movie wife, too: Queen Gorgo. I think she is my movie wife role model. But frankly, I like real life models, like you, Sarah.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at May 16, 2008 05:56 PM (nK6Pm)

7 What about McClane's wife Holly? Didn't she come *back* after that whole business in the first movie? I can't remember what happened with them after that.

Posted by: Anwyn at May 16, 2008 07:37 PM (dzxw9)

8 You are a brick!

Posted by: Maggie at May 18, 2008 08:21 AM (XiJJE)

9 My favorite wife role model is actually on the most recent show I watched; the John Adams series on HBO. Abigail Adams was awesome; intelligent, strong, supportive... she held her husband together in his toughest times, and held her family together when he was gone. She's a wife who's well worth emulating.

Posted by: Emily at May 19, 2008 11:57 AM (jAos7)

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