January 28, 2008

THE FLOWERS AND THE ROMANCE AND THE LIES UPON LIES

I read Rachel Lucas' fisking of 10 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman. She is spot on at how stupid they are. Actually, come to think of it, I have never had any man ever say any of those 10 things to me, so either 1) I have surrounded myself with high quality men since puberty or 2) the article is a bunch of hooey.

I will say though, that I have had the opposite experience of #2 ("They both look the same to me"). When we were registering for our wedding gifts, my husband thought I would be mad if he didn't express opinions, so he announced that he liked blue dishes. I searched high and low for suitable blue dishes, thinking that I should do something nice for him since he thought it was important. Turns out that weeks later when I broke down in frustrated tears and apologized to him that I couldn't find any blue dishes...well, he had no idea what I was talking about. He said he was just trying to be involved and pretend like he gave a whit of difference. That's when he got in trouble. Men, if you really don't have a preference, say so rather than making your woman tear her hair out trying to please you over something you made up just so you'd look "caring."

Also, I completely disagree with #9. My husband quotes movie lines to me all the time, and I think it's very romantic. Whether he's telling me in all sincerity that I am his Rushmore, or hamming it up and giving me a creepy "I wish I knew how to quit you," I think it's cute. Because for us, every day is Double Soup Tuesday, and every day we choo-choo-choose to be together.

I feel sorry for men trying to pick up women, worrying about offending her at every turn. Maybe if women weren't so full of themselves they'd be happy with a nice man who treats them like a person instead of a delicate little flower. And maybe poor men wouldn't have to change and fake everything about themselves in the hopes that some woman will like the new him.

Sheesh.

zoidberg.jpg

FRY: OK, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do?

ZOIDBERG: Ask her to mate with me.

FRY: No. Tell her she's special.

ZOIDBERG: But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs.

FRY: Well, tell her that. And then?

ZOIDBERG: Then mating.

FRY: No. Make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes?

ZOIDBERG: Is desire to mate a feeling?

FRY: You're not even trying!

[Zoidberg buries his head in his claws and groans.]

ZOIDBERG: It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies.

Yep, we quote that too. And yes, I consider it romantic when we do.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:07 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 My husband always whispers "I promise, I will NEVER die," as foreplay. And (completely unrelated to foreplay) he also tells me to relax when I'm really upset, but it's always very soothing and accompanied with warm cuddles. I think he's the "Sis B Whisperer" because the tension melts out of me when he does that. And I wouldn't have married him if he could point out the differences in dinnerware. Seriously.

Posted by: Sis B at January 28, 2008 05:22 AM (uahf1)

2 Ha, yeah, I forgot about "I promise I will never die"; my husband says that all the time too! And even though it is totally not applicable, I melt when he quotes Deuce Bigalow: "You may only have one leg, but it is the most beautiful leg in the world."

Posted by: Sarah at January 28, 2008 05:28 AM (TWet1)

3 AFG says, "I promise, I'll never die," TOO! How hilariously widespread! I actually LOVE it when hubby says, "I don't really care which plates you choose." It gives me carte blanche to go with whatever I want, which usually looks like something vaguely hippie-ish in colors like olive green, brick red, deep purple, or all three at the same time. Then hubby might cringe when he sees the plates, but it is fait accompli and done. It's also how I acquired a duvet that was a deep red with burnt orange designs on it. I LOVE that duvet. AFG... well, he turns the lights out as soon as possible at night. Yay for men who hate shopping with women!

Posted by: airforcewife at January 28, 2008 07:43 AM (mIbWn)

4 i have been watching more Futurama than usual lately because of the reruns, and i think i just saw this episode. is it the one where they are stuck with the amazon women? hilarious.

Posted by: Kate at January 28, 2008 11:36 AM (JIGe1)

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