September 27, 2007
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September 12, 2007
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September 01, 2007
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August 14, 2007
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July 26, 2007
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July 25, 2007
Oh yes, we went there. And we both meant it.
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09:36 AM
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July 17, 2007
1) Krispy Kreme donuts
They have too much glaze for me, but mostly I just hate how people keel over with ecstasy whenever you mention them. I love donuts more than the next person, but I hate name-brand donut worship.
2) Dave Matthews Band
There's no real good reason why, but I don't like any of their songs except for "Satellite." I think their music is grating, and they were so ridiculously popular when I was in college that it made me hate them even more.
3) Jay Wolfe Nissan of Kansas City
When we bought our first car, we decided to buy an extended warranty. We specifically told the dealership that we were moving to Germany soon and that we'd never live in Kansas City in our lives. Naturally, we came to find out that they sold us a warranty that was specific to their dealership and that has a $150 deductible at any other Nissan dealer. Oh, and it didn't work at all in Germany, even though they told us it would. So it was a huge waste of money, and I'm extra mad because it's not like we moved unexpectedly and just had bad luck: we told them all of this up front and they intentionally sold us something that wouldn't work for us. Piece of crap dealership.
4) dolphins
Everyone thinks dolphins are these beautiful, peaceful creatures, but they're not. Just because they have a cute face and look like they're smiling doesn't mean they're nice. Dolphins rape their females and kill their babies. Not so cute after all. I've seen enough Discovery Channel to completely get over any ideas that dolphins are magical.
5) baja sauce
As you well know, I'm an enormous Taco Bell fan, but one thing I can't stand is this sauce they put on certain items. I call it baja sauce because the first time I encountered it was on a baja chalupa, but there is no official name for it -- with which I could ask they leave it off of my order -- and they sneak it on to many new items. I can handle most foods, but this sauce turns my stomach and ruins anything it touches. Thus it's hard to try new things at The Bell; every new item could contain the dreaded sauce. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me sick.
6) glow-in-the-dark
Perhaps it is because my brother used to think it was funny to lock me in the bathroom while we were playing with glow-in-the-dark legos, but something caused me to be extremely disturbed by anything that glows in the dark. Whenever I would get glowing keyrings or toys as a kid, I'd always have to make sure they were completely covered up before bedtime. And don't even get me started on those stupid stickers people put on their ceilings. To this day, I can't sleep if something is phosphorescing in the bedroom. Creeps me out.
7) France
This one barely needs any explanation, but I'll give the short version. I lived there for a year. I was constantly mocked, had trash thrown at me, got cussed out, threatened with rape, grabbed on the street, and chased by a guy on a moped so I had to crawl under a car to hide and escape from him. I don't really feel like returning to France anytime soon.
Harry Potter
This one might ruffle some feathers, but I just don't get the Harry Potter craze. They're kids' books. I'm glad kids are enjoying reading in this video game age, but I don't get all the hype the adults have built up. When I homeschooled a boy five years ago, he read a few chapters of one of the books out loud to me. It's a book for children and it reads like a book for children; I don't understand why adults are going bananas for them. I understand if you want to read the book so you can discuss it with your kids, but really getting into it and fighting over who gets to read it first? My parents never flipped out and bought three copies of Ramona Quimby. Because it was a kids' book and they didn't care. I just don't get why adults are reading Harry Potter; don't they have grown-up books to read?
Anybody else want to do a Piece of Crap List? If so, consider yourself invited. Or add one piece of crap in the comments.
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July 08, 2007
Found at Chic[k]pilot
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July 05, 2007
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June 21, 2007
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June 16, 2007
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2. When you go in to scout out a new sewing machine, you will get wooed by the glamour of the really nice machines. Then in the car on the way home, you will suddenly break out of your hypnosis and wonder why you were considering spending an extra $600 so you could monogram something.
3. When you accidentally put double the flour in a batch of cookies, they don't necessarily get ruined...but you don't necessarily feel the need to eat the entire batch in one sitting either.
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08:46 AM
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June 08, 2007
That said, I love Frank J's suggestion for debate questions. It starts with "If you had to pick a minority group you like the least, which one would it be?" and gets even funnier.
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06:34 AM
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April 13, 2007
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April 09, 2007
I support and defend the constitution. Period. It says that the Predisent is my commander in chief. If the commander says "Go, Kill, and Keep Killing, because thy are the enemy of freedom, then I go and kill. If the commander later says that his intel was flawed, and they aren't necessarily all that bad, well, anyone in uniform understands that the intel guys are mostly boobs anyway, who play LOTS of dungeons and dragons when thy aren't giving the boss their "best guess."
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03:50 AM
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March 29, 2007
The problem with [Al Gore's] analogy is that anytime he says, "The planet has a fever," people are going to immediately respond, "And the only prescription is more cowbell!" So that doesn't help his cause.
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February 22, 2007
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February 21, 2007
So I have one funny story . . . the first box I opened was a waffle iron . . . I was like this is a nice waffle iron we can make them tomorrow for breakfast. I continued to open boxes and read cards . . . about 15 minutes later Colin stepped on the waffle iron box and it collapsed. I told Nancy that I don't think it is a waffle iron in there . . . so I opened the box and it was a project that two special people have been working on for a long time . . . it was a quilt with photos of Sean, Colin, and me . . .
I have a similar story, only mine was a hundred times more bonehead.
When my husband and I got married, an old friend of my mom's sent us a package that arrived the day before the wedding. In all the commotion of wedding planning, I hastily tore of the brown paper wrapping and noticed it was a Honeywell fan. I figured it would come in handy, and I set it out on the table of gifts.
The husband and I loaded up all our gifts into a U-Haul after the honeymoon and moved to Missouri for six months, where we had air conditioning. All our stuff got packed up again and stayed in storage while we were at Fort Knox for another six months. We arrived in Germany a year after our wedding that HOT summer of 2003 when all the French grannies were dying of heatstroke. I couldn't wait for our household goods to finally arrive so I could break out that Honeywell fan.
Um, yeah, it wasn't a fan. It was bedsheets in a fan box.
Do you know how embarrassed I was? I sent these people a thank you card for a fan.
In my mortified state, I had to sit down again and pen a long, apologetic letter explaining why on earth I hadn't opened the danged box, and how, though I had thanked them profusely for a very useful and nice fan, I was also equally excited to get bedsheets. Over a year later. It was probably one of the most embarrassing things I've done in my life.
Coulda used a fan that summer in Europe...
Love the sheets though.
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February 02, 2007
We have been having a good deal of fun making up names for the imaginary baby. Jack Bauer LastName is a common joke around the house. Though the absolute gut-buster was when my husband suggested David Lo Pan LastName. And when he said it was no big deal if I stopped drinking, that we could easily raise a "party baby."
My husband's got jokes.
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05:00 AM
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February 01, 2007
My husband left for work and then came home about 10 minutes later. There's a two hour snow delay. They told him he doesn't even need to bother coming in today.
The South is hilarious.
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03:19 AM
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