May 12, 2009

HEH

I heart Chuck Z.  His latest post made me LOL, srsly.

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KIDS IN THE HALL

AWTM always reminds me of things that I like. Weeks ago she put up a link to a Kids In the Hall sketch called "Seven Things To Do." I was reminded of how much I love that show and prompted to go buy three seasons of it.

Here's another good one I found, which I think is especially germane today...


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April 29, 2009

ON HIS BEHALF

I have done this kind of list twice before, but I started thinking this morning that it'd be a hoot to do one for my husband.  And then see what he thought of it.

THINGS MY HUSBAND LOVES

Deadwood
Wolverine
bacon
saving money
Dexter
Wu-Tang Clan
Greg Mankiw
Thai food
The Black Crowes
the RX-8
his XD-M
"I'm On a Boat"
Alton Brown
me wearing pink
Burn Notice
beer
the St. Louis Cardinals
sleep
My New Haircut
not having to do laundry
Jim Gaffigan
early Simpsons

(I showed this to my husband this evening, and he said it was a pretty accurate list.  He would've added one thing though.)

getting good gas mileage

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I LIKE SOMETHING HE DOESN'T? WHA?

My husband and I are the exact same person replicated in two different bodies, and we've decided that when we're super old, we're going to catapult ourselves into a black hole so we can be smushed together into an eternal quantum singularity.

Therefore, I am disturbed that he doesn't grok Retweet Theater.  We love all the exact same things, so how can he not find this hilarious?  Nothing makes me giggle more than spelling "t-o-a-s-t"...except for the fact that the Lileks character has the exact same voice as our Garmin, so every time I drive, I am chuckling to myself about $37 waffles.

Seriously, if he doesn't like Hamiflu, we may have to rethink this eternally smushed thing.

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April 16, 2009

"IN CURSIVE" MADE ME LOL

Found at Villainous Company...heh. BigD's gonna love this.

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April 09, 2009

HEH

Chuck Z cracks me up...

As we all know, when a veteran runs into a problem, we just pull out the gun we've hidden in our bible and start shooting.

I am still working on my answer to Sis B. I wrote for over an hour this morning, but I need to sit on it a little longer. I am not good at blog assignments: the longer it takes me, the less I like the result. But we'll see what I manage to come up with.

For what it's worth, I'd love to have Sis B write on the same topic: what the role of government is, what powers it should have, etc. Because I don't understand her side any better than she understands mine.

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March 26, 2009

DON'T DO THIS

How To Drive Yourself Insane
by Sarah

1) Marry the most wonderful person on the planet. Have everything in common, down to what foods and movies and columnists you like. Never quarrel. Have the happiest homelife imaginable.

2) Save 50% of your income for the first five years of marriage. Never go out to dinner or on vacation. Delay all gratification. Make every decision based on your financial calculator so that you'll have a substantial nest egg.

3) Reach all your financial, professional, and emotional goals. Decide it's finally time for life's most important goal: to become a family.

4) Watch all your babies die and half of your money disappear in the stock market.

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March 19, 2009

AND WHEN I SAY 'ANYTHING,' I MEAN AH-NAH-THA-NG

So Obama has teleprompter problems again, eh? Am I the only one who immediately thought of this?

Stay classy, President Burgundy.

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March 01, 2009

SO SIMPLE EVEN GILLY CAN ANSWER

Via Cass, a hilarious article about how Pres Obama is gambling:

Instead, no sooner had he finished describing his plans for spurring an economic recovery and shoring up the crippled automotive and banking industries than he was off to the races, outlining his ambitions for overhauling energy, health care and education policy.

The House chamber was filled with veteran legislators who have spent decades wrestling with those issues. They know how maddeningly difficult it has been to cobble together a coalition large enough to pass a significant education, health care or energy bill.

And here stood Obama, challenging them to do all three, at a time when trillions of borrowed dollars already have been committed to short-term economic rescue schemes and when new taxes risk stunting any recovery.

Is he naive?

There's a simple answer to that last rhetorical question.

(My husband and I love making that goofy face and answering obvious questions with that stupid uh-huh. It was the first thing I thought of when I read that absurd article.)

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February 25, 2009

HEH

An awesome tagline found in a comments section:

ALCOHOL, TOBACCO AND FIREARMS
Should be a convenience store
NOT a Government Agency

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February 12, 2009

YES, IT DOES SUCK

I am going to do short book reviews on everything I read this year during The George Bush 2009 Reading Challenge, but I couldn't wait to discuss this one. I read the book Infertility Sucks, and it is hilarious. Even though I haven't had to do IVF (yet), I could relate to everything in this book. And I have to quote you my favorite part:

Mr. and Mrs. Lifesabich, this is obviously not working out for you. Have you tried prenatal vitamins, valerian root, baby aspirin, changing doctors, standing on your head after sex, standing on your head during sex, exercising, not exercising, praying, having sex on Friday nights, trying a doctor in New York, trying a doctor in Colorado, increasing your medication doses and wearing boxer shorts?
Good, very good. Keep up the good work. Stay optimistic. Keep communicating with each other. Keep up on the latest research. Get to the pharmacy on time. Make sure your health insurance is up to date. Don't miss any doctor's appointments, even on the weekends. Make sure you've had all the necessary tests. Try not to miss too much work; you need to save up those parental leave days, just in case. And above all, don't forget to relax. That's very important.

Ha!

And in googling for the book link, I came across a funny list of what not to say. I was just thinking about this yesterday when I remembered that I forgot to mention someone on my post of people I'm grateful to have in my infertile life. A girl I know here in town went through fertility treatments unsuccessfully a few years ago. She always asks how I'm doing and listens to me talk, and she never comments. Nothing optimistic, nothing pessimistic. She just says, "I know, girl, I know." Once she explained that she purposely doesn't say anything because she hated every single thing that every other person said to her during the process. So she just says nothing. I respect and appreciate that.

There's some decent advice in the comments on this blog post for what to say if you have a friend who's struggling to have a baby. But I recommend buying this book! As long as your friend is a little irreverent, she will love this book.

And I thank my dear friend for recommending it to me.

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February 04, 2009

HA

The funniest Dining In story ever. (Lots of naughty language)

UPDATE:

When I took that one year of ROTC, I couldn't attend the Dining In because I was performing in a play that weekend. Apparently I missed out on a roaring good time, because afterwards it was decreed that there would be no more alcohol served at Dining Ins in the future. The husband says it was pretty crazy.

In Dining Out news, when the husband and I were first married, they made all the wives come up and drink from the grog bowl. I thought it would be oh-so-funny to go last, and instead of taking a little sip and making a horrible face like the other wives, I wanted to grab the cup, chug the whole thing, and walk away without blinking. And I did, and it was funny...until I spent the rest of the night puking in the 3 Putt Willie's parking lot.

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January 25, 2009

OH SNAP

My husband came in from the other room completely puzzled, because I was laughing so hard I was crying.

Iowahawk's parody of those pledging celebs.

(If you haven't watched the celeb video, you kinda have to torture yourself for four minutes in order to get the Iowahawk joke.)

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January 21, 2009

HAIKUS

Apparently Ace had haikus yesterday. My favorites:

Trust in Obama
All your worries gone forever
Bush goes to jail now
-----DrewM

unicorns for all!
I want one with wings on it!
pay up, you assholes.
-----jdub

Mr. President
My mortgage is due the first
Just an FYI
-----Guvnah

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January 20, 2009

I'M SICK

Because two hours later, it's finally funny again...
and because you have to laugh at yourself.

pregFAIL.jpg

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January 06, 2009

QUOTES

Oda Mae sent me a link and I have spent wahhhhhy too much time on this today, but I love reading everyone's favorite movie quotes.

Around our house, we have some tried and true quotes. I like when I am explaining something complicated to my husband and he brushes me off with Jack Burton's "I know, there's a problem with your face." When the dog does something cute, we fake cry and say, "Ah luve him so much." When someone says something illogical, we always say that electrolytes are what plants crave. Yesterday I was so mad at someone that this came out of my mouth: "I hated her, so much... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breath..." Ha. I could go on and on.

But lately the thing that has cracked me up the most is when my husband makes our life part of FAIL blog. The other day we were in a loud place and he was telling me about an upcoming movie, and I misunderstood the first sentence he said so none of the rest of the plot made any sense. The whole thing got so muddled, and finally my husband just goes, "Conversation FAIL" and I cracked up.

I love quoting things, per se.

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December 24, 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MATEY!

I found the pirate ship online that I made at work:

medship.jpg

It was actually not a terrible product. It was way too hard for "age 6 and up" like the box says, but it was made from better quality stuff than the other foam constructions I've done lately.

I think I am done with making foam things for a while now. At least I hope so.

Merry Christmas, mateys.

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December 17, 2008

JUST FOR LAUGHS

My friend said something a while back to the effect of: Sometimes life gets so crappy that you forget it's not normal to do shots of vodka at 3 PM. It made me snicker at the time. I was reminded of it today at 3 PM and thought, what the heck.

Hooo boy. Why couldn't she have said "White Russians" instead?

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December 10, 2008

SNORT

I chuckled out loud:

Unemployment claims jumped to a 7-year high the week after Obama won the election. Not because of the slow economy, but because “Yes I Can” was added to the application as a valid reason.

(link via Amritas)

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December 05, 2008

BWAHAHA

Frank J: In My World: New National Security Team

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