November 17, 2008

I WAS FUNNY?

wiig.jpg

I am not funny.

I sit on the funny panel at SpouseBUZZ Live and hate everything that comes out of my mouth. I am like Chris Farley in those old SNL skits -- "Idiot! I'm so stupid!" -- after everything I say. I don't like being funny. My peeps bring teh funny, not me.

And I don't do impressions. I don't even have a Cartman or a Slingblade. I can't do it.

So who knew that I would crack AWTM up.

With apologies to Rachel Lucas for stealing her line, they need to legalize gay marriage so that Kristen Wiig can be my wife.

This is for you, AWTM.

Every time we go to one of these SBL weekends, someone will ask me what I did. Did you see the Space Needle, Did you see the Alamo? I don't seem to be able to explain that the only thing I care about is being with my friends. In the swank Hotel Murano or the ghetto fabulous Sahara, I just want to be in my gulch.

These people, we grok each other.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:35 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 187 words, total size 2 kb.

November 05, 2008

HEH

I recorded SNL from Saturday but hadn't watched it yet. Holy cow, Ben Affleck did a hilarious impersonation of the crazy that is Keith Olbermann. I almost feel sorry for laughing at him when he had a butt for a face. Almost.

And John McCain was quite funny, especially the campaign strategies. He should just show up on SNL periodically; he always makes me laugh on that show.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:19 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 70 words, total size 1 kb.

TIME FOR A LAUGH

Amritas says, "Varifrank talks about change I can believe in!"

“A new President has been elected. Well that aught to teach him…”

The Office of the Presidency is a cruel inhumane joke that we invented to trap our most agressive alpha males. They get attracted to the scent of power, and the find themselves trapped in the steel jaws of a governmental system thats designed on purpose to not work.

That's why everyone comes into the office of the President loks like a bright shiny penny and leaves the office looking like a bag of freshly hammered dog crap.

Snort. Also, via Hudnall, a funny Onion article: Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job

Posted by: Sarah at 10:18 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 121 words, total size 1 kb.

October 31, 2008

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, DOGGONIT

palinhalloween.jpg

It's real, and it's spectacular.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:50 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 11 words, total size 1 kb.

October 30, 2008

GAFFES

I liked this round-up of Obama gaffes. Shoot, even I know the difference between Sanford and Son and The Jeffersons. And I never watched either show growing up.

But this one from back in May I hadn't heard yet, and it's a doozy:

In Cape Girardeau, Missouri, Obama showed off his knowledge of the war in Afghanistan by honing in on a lack of translators: “We only have a certain number of them and if they are all in Iraq, then it’s harder for us to use them in Afghanistan.” The real reason it’s “harder for us to use them” in Afghanistan: Iraqis speak Arabic or Kurdish. The Afghanis speak Pashto, Farsi, or other non-Arabic languages.

You know, twice in the past week or so, I have made jokes about how $600 couldn't even buy earrings, and nobody got it. Once I explained, they were shocked that Michelle Obama had said such a thing. But they hadn't heard about it before I mentioned it.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:34 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 166 words, total size 1 kb.

October 21, 2008

THE BEST

I love Penn and Teller's show. And this final episode maybe actually was "The Best." It was the perfect end to a really good day.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:29 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.

October 10, 2008

SUCKER FOR ADVERTISING

I am the absolute worst sucker for food advertising. A pizza commercial comes on, and I want pizza. I see a Blizzard on TV, and I want one. It's become a running joke in our household that if there's food on TV, I will want it.

I just watched last night's South Park, and I immediately had a craving for Chinese food. I had to google to even find a restaurant around here.

Mmmm, that was a good treat.

Good thing this only works on me for food; otherwise, I'd be at the Tahiti Village timeshare or tangled up in a Bow-Flex. And working for T. Boone Pickins.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 114 words, total size 1 kb.

October 06, 2008

CHOPPED LIVER

Guard Wife also spent Saturday at the gun show, but she apparently got leered at. Not fair! I didn't get leered at.
But AWTM wasn't here to do my make-up, so that's probably why.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:20 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 38 words, total size 1 kb.

September 09, 2008

TREATS ON THE WAY

Oh, snap.
Kim Jong-Il is gravely ill?
It may be time to buy cake ingredients...
Mmmm, schadenfreude cake. My favorite.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:46 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 28 words, total size 1 kb.

August 11, 2008

(INSERT VOICE)

I just realized that my husband and I have to do this funny thing when we write emails and letters while he's deployed. We have so many inside jokes and quotes from animated shows, so we have to write in the parenthetical voice clues. Like I have to write: Weak, lame (Cartman voice). Or, as I just wrote in a letter an hour ago: I got this in Parade Magazine (Stewie voice). And my husband just sent me this: I'm from the future! (Reno 911 voice)

I find it hilarious that we both do this so often. It also reminds me of something my French "cousin" said when he lived in the US. My brother asked him what the hardest part about making friends is, and he replied that Americans are constantly quoting things. We drop quotes from songs and movies and The Simpsons into everything. He often had a hard time following conversations because it would take him a while to realize a quote was being made. So my brothers and I tried to take him on a crash course of quotable stuff, which at the time included Friday and Swingers. It was hilarious.

My cousin would have serious trouble hanging out with my husband and me. Our relationship is one big string of quotes.

I'm super serial (Al Gore voice).

Posted by: Sarah at 01:30 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 226 words, total size 1 kb.

HEH

Hilarity, via Chuck.

america_motivational.jpg

Posted by: Sarah at 10:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 5 words, total size 1 kb.

August 10, 2008

OLYMPICS LINKS

Quote of the day.

There had been reports that Iran would compete against Israel at these Olympic Games for the first time since the 1979 Islamic revolution.

The Iranian National Olympic Committee (INOC) had said that as there was "no face-to-face situation" in swimming there would be no problem in attending the competition.

"Alirezaei swims in lane one and the representative of the Zionist regime (Israel) in lane seven, so they will not face each other," INOC secretary Ali Kafashian told ISNA news agency prior to the race.

Racists crack me up.

Also, something that would've been so skeezy if the last president had done it is so cute when this one does.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:25 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 117 words, total size 1 kb.

July 31, 2008

HA

How hilarious is this? (Via CG)
Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

Posted by: Sarah at 03:46 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 19 words, total size 1 kb.

July 26, 2008

HA

So the bio of Benjamin Franklin I've been listening to? Yeah, that's not a sustainable activity. FbL had a good alternate suggestion: listen to stand-up on youtube. I ended up on the most hilarious thing, Dennis Miller interviewing Dana Carvey. The Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart thing was priceless.

P.S.

Sarah Silverman just has the most perfect delivery. I can't listen to any more of her because I can't not watch her. Her face, it is delightful as she makes jokes.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 83 words, total size 1 kb.

July 25, 2008

HE CRACKS ME UP

I posted at SpouseBUZZ: My husband's got jokes:

The other day, I set my purse down in the living room and walked down the hallway. A minute later, I hear the cell phone ringing. I run down the hall, rummage through my purse like a madwoman, and grab the cell phone right as it stops ringing. I recognize the displayed number as my husband calling from Iraq. And I'm standing there with the cell phone in my hand as he's leaving a voice message. No way to call him back or to let him know that I'm stupidly holding the phone.

That's excruciating.

I sent him an email later, saying that I was dying as he left that message, and that if he ever doesn't reach me on the cell phone in the future, he should hang up and try back one more time. Chances are I'm rummaging through my disaster of a purse, which is always what happens when my phone rings.

So a day or two later, he calls again and I miss it, but he calls right back. After we get off the phone, I go to my voicemail and hear what he left after the first call: a sing-songy teasing voice saying, "I'm not calling back -- you shoulda gotten to the phone in time! Just kidding..."

My husband's got jokes.

After I came up with that post, I went outside for a moment and my husband called again and I missed him. This voicemail said sarcastically, "You'd think with your new eyeballs you could find your phone faster."

That man.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 273 words, total size 2 kb.

July 11, 2008

TEH FUNNY

Well, this cheers me up today. I clicked on Instapundit and my heart literally skipped a beat when I saw that Mark Steyn was hosting the Rush Limbaugh show today. I ran to the radio.

Also, this sent me into fits too.

I am not what you would call outdoorsy. If I wanted anything that was outdoors, I'd hire someone to bring it inside where civilization lives. [...]

Anyway, on my recent trip to Branson, we were staying at a hotel with both an indoor and an outdoor pool and spa. You already know which one I used. As I sat in the hot tub, inside the air conditioned building, I realized I was a full two layers away from nature, and I liked it. The air conditioning protected me from the heat outside, and the warm water of the hot tub protected me from the air conditioning. In time, the hot tub became too hot, and I wished I had some sort of thermos suit I could wear to take the edge off.

UPDATE:

I guess I ought to specify: they were fits of laughter. Maybe I have a weird sense of humor, but I thought that was darned funny. Take that, Al Gore.

Posted by: Sarah at 07:50 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 208 words, total size 1 kb.

July 09, 2008

HAHAHA

I talked to ArmyWifeToddlerMom this evening. She is unable to get online at her father's house, so she has been in non-internet limbo for a long time now. She's itching to get back. And I'm itching to hear from her again, because she always kills me.

One of AWTM's charms is her filthy mouth. Sadly, she's now going to have to curb her enthusiasm, especially for her favorite insult. Her son, Sir Rowland, is apparently cut from the same cloth as she is, and his inner-AWTM is starting to shine through. They were eating in a restaurant the other day and the waiter took a really long time to bring the kids their plates. As the waiter handed her son his dish and turned to go, Sir Rowland muttered under his breath, "Thanks, douchebag."

Ha. He's exactly like his mama.

We miss you, AWTM.

Posted by: Sarah at 01:30 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 146 words, total size 1 kb.

OW

Oh yeah, I forgot how this works.
First time at the gym after a hiatus = fun
Second time at the gym = ouch

Posted by: Sarah at 09:33 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 26 words, total size 1 kb.

June 25, 2008

HEH

Like jokes in dead languages?
This made me giggle.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:20 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 11 words, total size 1 kb.

June 22, 2008

MAKING ME SMILE

I bought the ingredients before I knew I was pregnant, but hadn't gotten around to making it yet. Then I was pregnant and couldn't but now I can. So I'm doing two things tonight that I couldn't do two weeks ago: drinking wine and eating Chuck Z's tuna casserole.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:08 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 55 words, total size 1 kb.

<< Page 3 of 14 >>
81kb generated in CPU 0.0232, elapsed 0.106 seconds.
59 queries taking 0.0919 seconds, 232 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.