July 05, 2004

FUNDRAISER

I have a relatively small blog. I won't kid myself that I can make a big difference, but I'd like to try something, with your help of course.

I just recently got a currency adjustment for my salary. Since the dollar is so weak and many people live on the German economy, we got an extra 4% of what we made last year. I didn't make that much -- since I only started working in September and I'm woefully underpaid -- and I don't spend much money on the economy. Thus the money is waiting for a good cause, and I think I've found it. I want to buy one of these:

sewingmachine.jpg

When I read at Spirit of America that the 1st Marine Division is trying to raise money to buy sewing machines for women in Ramadi, I thought that this would be a good cause. I enjoy my sewing machine and have been learning to quilt, so it seemed fitting that I could use my currency adjustment check to help Iraqi women start earning money and making clothes.

However, I don't have the full amount. One industrial sewing machine costs $475, so I was thinking that maybe my readers could help make up the difference? I get about 100 page views each day, which means if everyone kicked in five bucks we'd have a whole machine. I know many of you have already donated to Spirit of America, and I'm already amazed at how giving you all are, but maybe you could spare another $5? Like I said, I don't have any illusions that I can generate thousands of dollars like other bloggers did, but I'd be thrilled to get anything I could.

If you would like to donate, visit the Spirit of America site. You can use PayPal, VeriSign, or personal checks. And if you do donate something, comment on this post and let us know how much you've given, so we can all see when we've made it to a full sewing machine. I'll make up the difference.

I hope I generate at least some interest with this project. I'll donate regardless, but I thought it would be cool to say that we here at trying to grok bought a sewing machine for the sewing center in Ramadi.


MORE TO GROK:

Yay for the participation! I just got an email from a reader who suggested that some might feel funny about putting an amount in the comments section. Feel free to email me and I'll put an "anonymous" comment like I did for the first person. And like I said, $5 is plenty...and no one has to feel bad if they already gave at the office!

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June 30, 2004

COMMENTS

My comments section has been growing and taking on a life of its own since the Atrios incident. Yes, I still read all of the comments. No, I don't eagerly look forward to them the way I did six months ago. I've got arguments and insults -- plus headaches and sleepless nights, believe it or not -- because of the comments section. Reader cjstevens wrote a long and interesting comment here, and Sander wondered why I even bother to have a comments section.

Sometimes I wonder myself.

I read this post on Instapundit today about comments, and I certainly understood. When I first started my blog and all those readers came over from USS Clueless, I couldn't keep my eyes off the comments section. When I started playing with my templates and thought I had deleted my first week's comments, I broke into tears (ask my husband; he thought I was nuts). I thought I needed to cherish every comment I had, because I certainly didn't think anyone would want to read my blog once the novelty of Den Beste's link wore off.

Eight months and 55,000 hits later, the comments section has begun to weigh on my heart. What was once a spot for Carla or Mike or Tammi to shoot me an encouraging word has turned into gnawing dread in my stomach whenever I see the numbers climb higher. Every time someone comments, I feel the need to think about his words for hours. I try to understand where he's coming from, what he's thinking, why he thinks I might agree with him, and what I could possibly say to get my point across and make him see what I see.

A friend advised me to blog for myself alone, not for the adoring (or loathing) public. But every challenge that I leave unanswered haunts me. Every comment I disagree with is hours of my thoughts diverted elsewhere, when I'm sure someone else has already had the same argument elsewhere.

I've thought about shutting the comments off and just doing this for myself. I've thought about leaving them and letting them take on a life of their own without my involvement. I've thought about giving blogging up altogether because sleepless nights and stinging wounds are really the last thing I need when half of my heart is in Iraq.

I'm just stressed. And beaten down. I'm struggling to remember what the point of all of this is...

MORE TO GROK:

cjstevens, it appears the director of Gunner Palace will be on CNN News Night with Aaron Brown tonight (30 Jun). See if you can check it out.

MORE TO GROK:

Please keep in mind that I'm not necessarily talking about "abuse" here. Yeah, the comments were pretty nasty there for a while, but mostly now it's civil. It's just so much for one brain to handle.

My alarm goes off at 0630. Lately I've been dragging it out until 0700. I read for an hour, get ready, go to work until 1600, come home, shovel some food in my mouth, and go to the neighboring post to teach for three hours. (On nights that I don't teach, I'm watching Band of Brothers, which isn't exactly light entertainment.) I return around 2145 and then read and blog some more. I rarely make it into bed by 2300 and I'm lying there thinking about Michael Moore and Iraq and elections until midnight or 0100. I just can't shut it off.

Writing my own posts keeps me occupied; thinking of how I would respond to five different people who all have different ideas about Moore and Iraq and elections is making me insane.

So I apologize if you're a commenter and I don't give you a direct answer to your comment. It doesn't mean I'm not losing sleep over it.

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June 19, 2004

LOVE

10 Things I Love About Others' Weblogs

1. the rotating photos of the universe at U.S.S. Clueless

2. The Dissident Frogman's movies

3. the disclaimer that pops up when you comment over at Bunker Mulligan

4. Kim du Toit's skin pics

5. Allah's t-shirt

6. the picture of the ever-cheerful CPT Patti

7. The Gobbler Motel

8. South Park Pixy

9. Amritas' blogroll

10. The propaganda posters on The Mudville Gazette

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June 15, 2004

MANNERS

I read Sanders' comment here and then sat down to write and saw that Lyana had beat me to my point. But I'll say it anyway. I appreciate Sanders' point, but I think it's sad:

Nah, you worry too much. What's more, you take things said on the internet personal, which is kind of cute in a very naive sort of way.

Internet is just not comparable to everyday life, it's more anonymous, sharper and sometimes uglier. No one in the comments would ever call you clueless fucktard dumb to your face, even more so if they have any personal knowledge of you, but on the internet discussion often end with rude ad hominems. On the other hand, by dispensing with courteousness the arguments are more direct and perhaps more honest.

It may be scary at first, but you get used to it, after realizing they're not talking to you personally, but some anonymous schmoe saying silly things. Live and learn.

If the attacks are not meant to be personal, then what are they? They're not constructive. They're not educational. They're just insults, and insults are personal. Yes, I do take these things personally because I believe in decency and manners. I'm absolutely appalled that those 90 people don't.

I have never called anyone a name in a comments section. Only very rarely have I argued back with someone, and it's only ever been with another commenter and never with the blog host. I have never linked to what someone else has written and made fun of them or pointed out how wrong I think they are, even though the blogger who started this atrios-lanche has done this to me repeatedly. Once I wrote about some silly posts I read elsewhere, but I didn't provide a link to the site because I didn't want to send hateful comments his way. I don't think that's right. I can discuss the other person's ideas without linking because it's the ideas that need discussing, not whether the person is dumb as a hammer.

Yes, the internet allows us to be more open. I talk about things here on my blog that I can't talk about with many of my peers because they either vehemently disagree with me or they don't read the news very often. I'm very grateful that the internet has given me that opportunity, but it's come at a price. If we're losing all sense of courtesy and respect for other people's views and "space" (as in it's my blog and you've come to my space to call me names), then I think that's sad.

Many of those commenters from the weekend probably have kids. What if I printed out their comments and showed them to their kids. Look, Timmy, your daddy called me clueless fucktard dumb. And then I explained to little Timmy that his daddy called me that simply because he disagreed with what I had to say. That's a bad lesson to teach your kids.

My mother reads my blog. So does my first grade teacher. I try to conduct myself in a way that would make both of them proud because they taught me that showing others respect is important. It's a shame others weren't taught the same.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:28 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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June 01, 2004

BREAK

I don't know how Andrew Sullivan takes a break every year; the hardest thing for me to do is not to blog. Everything I read, every encounter I have in the day, everything turns into a post; for the past eight months I've looked at everything in my life through the lens of a blogger. However, I think I need to take a couple of days off. I have a lot of thinking to do. I'll be back in a few days with a long post about my thoughts. In the meantime, read about The Soldiers You Never Hear About.

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May 30, 2004

BUNKER

My congrats to Bunker, who just got denbestelanched. When I first started reading his stuff, I thought for sure he must have a popular blog; I was shocked to find out he was just starting out and still had low traffic. He has such an interesting perspective -- prior service, both enlisted and officer, well-read, the golf angle, deployed sons, etc -- that I think he has something for everyone. I hope that Den Beste's readers agree and stick around for more than one post to hear what Bunker has to say.

And if you haven't read it, read Den Beste's post on heroes and Bunker's addendum.

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May 18, 2004

THANKS

Thanks, John. But how in the hell did I beat Belmont Club?

Oh, and I totally agree. Those who say we shouldn't wave the American flag at the Olympics can ___________________ (fill in the blank with your favorite expletive). Lonsberry has lots of expletives he's deleted as well.

And your rebuttals to complaints on the war are spot on.

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May 15, 2004

BALM II

In addition to Tenacious D, I have found another soothing balm for my anger at the world. Two of my married students just got a new puppy, and they sent me a photo of him. I opened it this morning, and then left the window open -- that way I can read stuff like this, and when steam starts to come out of my ears, I quickly switch over to the puppy window and look at this little piece of heaven.

puppy.jpg

He works wonders for bringing my rage to a manageable level.

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May 14, 2004

COMMENT

Sorry, I ran out of time this morning. I was too busy responding to grokless comments on Anders' and Bunker's posts.

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May 13, 2004

GEEK

There's a funny meme starting where you make a Geek List. It's the top ten things you know way too much about to be considered cool. Rocket Jones did one, so now it's my turn. For whatever reason, I know a fair amount about these oddball topics.

10. LDS
9. Alias
8. statistics (the fun stuff like the Monty Hall problem or the Birthday problem)
7. Yukio Mishima
6. Armyspeak
5. Swedish language
4. rap music
3. Chief Illiniwek
2. knitting
1. the Karate Kid Trilogy

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May 10, 2004

PROBLEMS

Tim from CPT Patti in Baghdad is experiencing technical difficulties today.
You'll just have to wait until he's back up and running to read his gems.

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May 06, 2004

GOOGLE

I've never explored my hits from google searches before.
It's hilarious.
How did I get a hit for "taco bell complaints" and "headband store in Russia"?

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April 27, 2004

PLEDGE

I think this morning I'm going to limit myself to writing about uplifting things. And, man, have I found something that makes my heart sing: the running totals for money donated by bloggers to Spirit of America. Three groups of bloggers, headed by Castle Argghhh!, Dean Esmay, and A Small Victory, are raising money for alternate media sources in Iraq. So far they've raised over $30,000! And bloggers are starting to auction things: an original Cox & Forkum, a picture from Saddam's palace that Chief Wiggles took, plane tickets, bayonets, everything!

I didn't join up with any specific "team" for the competition, and it's probably too late to join in since it ends Thursday. If I had been paying more attention to getting in on this, I would've knitted a sweater for the reader who pledged the most. Instead I will just have to encourage you to go pledge through someone else...

And now that I see how much money everyone else is giving, I have to go donate more! $30,000! Look at the impact we bloggers can have.

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April 26, 2004

LILEKS

The only blog I read where I can remember precisely the first entry I ever read is Lileks'. It was his post on Ed Harris. Ed Harris, you say, Mr. Link on Andrew Sullivan? I like him. Let's go see what this so-called Lileks character has to say about him. How's that, Harris said something moronic? And this Lileks guy writes about this kind of stuff every day? I'm hooked.

That was January 2003. I've followed Lileks ever since; he holds a sweet spot in my heart, though he'll never know it. I listen to all the crappy music he makes. I look at all his regrettable food. And I feel a certain connection with him today when he apologizes for not making more time for his readers. And he means it, you can tell he really means it.

He makes me smile.

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April 25, 2004

RESULTS

The moment you've all been waiting for: the before and after of my trip to visit Tim.
You can also read Tim's infuriating before on his blog.

I've had some extra thoughts since I got home. The funniest one is that my mother encouraged me to go meet a total stranger from the internet. I think we look at blogging in a different way than we look at internet dating...

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April 23, 2004

BLOG TRIP

Remember when Roger Simon went to Paris and met The Dissident Frogman, Merde in France, and Nelson Ascher? Man was I jealous. I wanted to make a blog trip too. I want to meet these people whose lives I follow every day, more closely than I follow any of my friends' lives.

So I bought a train ticket yesterday.

That scenario could lead me off in a whole different direction, by the way. I could talk about how I tried to put to use the German I've been studying and say Ich möchte am Samstag nach Frankfurt fahren bitte, and how the girl behind the counter gave me this exasperated look when my German wasn't as fast as she would've liked, and how finally I just gave up and let her do it all in English, and how I walked out of the train station fuming and wondering why I even bother to study German in the first place. But that's a diatribe for another day; we need to stay on track.

Last week I decided that I needed some support. When my friend remarked that my house is entirely too quiet and that she doesn't know how I can stand to be alone like this, I started to think that I'd like to spend some time with someone who knows exactly what I've been thinking since day one.

So the grokkingest girl on the planet is going to Frankfurt...to meet Tim.

We had planned to meet once CPT Patti returned, but after last week's extension and missions, I figured there was no time like the present to just make it happen. So I'm going tomorrow to meet my first fellow blogger.

I'm a little nervous, to be honest. First of all, I have no idea what Tim looks like! I referred him back to my sweater photo and told him to be on the lookout for me at the train station. He also promised me a big hug -- something I have not had in two months -- and I'm honestly afraid that I might break down weeping there in the Hauptbahnhof. But it might be the best thing for me.

The hardest part about making this trip is explaining to people around here where I'm going. Do you want to come over on Saturday? Actually, I'm going to Frankfurt. What are you doing there? Visiting a friend. Are you staying the night? No, just a day trip. That's eight hours on the train -- why not spend the night? Because it's probably not appropriate to get a hotel with someone else's husband and a man I've never met before. Wait, who are you going to visit?

Just joking on that last part; I haven't said that because I know how odd it sounds. I've circumvented the whole thing really, just saying that I'm going to visit a friend. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Blogging resumes on Sunday, starting with what Tim looks like...

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April 05, 2004

DINNER

I didn't check my email until it was too late, so I didn't get to participate in the Right-Of-Center Bloggers Select Their Favorite Contemporary Dinner Guests over at RWN. The list sounds pretty good to me -- I wouldn't mind eating dinner with most of these people -- though my list would have leaned more towards bloggers. I can safely say I'd feel more honored to meet Victor Davis Hanson than Condoleezza Rice, more excited to eat dinner with James Lileks than Mel Gibson, and more nervous to meet Steven Den Beste than just about anyone in the world.

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April 03, 2004

CAPITALISM

Only on the internet could a blogger come up with a great product idea and have it made, marketed, and sold in less than two weeks.

(Thanks, Overtaken By Events.)

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March 29, 2004

WHY

Michele questions blogging. I can relate.

(Thanks, Beth.)

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March 27, 2004

MU.NU

Pixy Misa from Ambient Irony helped me move over from my old Blogspot blog to my new mu.nu one. I simply mentioned in a blog post that I wanted to explore other options, and abracadabra he set everything up for me and welcomed me on over. Mu.nu has been great, and it's been easier for me than Blogger (e.g. comments included, search engine for site, uploading photos, etc). So if anyone is interested in moving his blog or starting up a brand new blog, Pixy has made an open invitation to mu.nu! There's always room for one more, and then maybe you can see your name in lights!

Posted by: Sarah at 07:19 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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