Dear Bunker,

Last night I had the chance to go out to dinner with CaliValleyGirl and The Girl. We talked about how much blogs have affected our lives, and I commented on how close you can get to someone you've never met. You were definitely one of the people I meant, because you've left a big footprint in my life. Just before dinner, I picked up that copy of The Federalist Papers that you inspired me to buy, and I thought that I'd like to start reading it but that I'd probably need your help wading through its density. You are still registered as a user on my blog. I just blogged about you on Friday, and I was waiting to talk about what I've finally grokked about medals with you.

It took me an hour just to stop crying after I read Slice's post. Well, that's not true, because I haven't even stopped crying yet, but at least I've calmed down enough to gather myself. I'd give anything to have you back for one more day so I could tell you everything else I want to say, but at least I know that I've already told you the most important things. Last Father's Day, I emailed you and told you that you felt like a second father to me, that I learned from you every day and that I cherished our blog-friendship. This Father's Day you won't be here to hear it again, but I promise I will be thinking of you again on that day. I'm glad I told you once how important you were to me.

There are bloggers like Den Beste or Whittle that I wouldn't even have the guts to talk to. But I would've easily walked up to you and given you a hug. You were a real person in my life, not just somebody I read on the internet.

There's but a handful of people in my life it could hurt this much to lose.

You know, the email you sent me this week meant so much to me, when you told me that it was cool that I was staying home and not worrying about building a career. But you know what? I deleted it. I don't know why I did that. I guess I thought there'd be plenty more emails where that one came from.

I just wish I could write you one more email to tell you how sad I am that we don't have any future together. I was going to make you the chicken lasagna alfredo you were drooling over the other day, maybe in exchange for helping me with The Federalist Papers. I was going to move to Texas and join the Texas Blog Ring you started, and you were going to teach me to enjoy golf. I hate golf, but I was really looking forward to playing with you.

I never met you, but I am going to miss you so much. I cringe at the fact that I had your phone number at the bottom of every email you ever sent to me, yet I never picked up the phone. Luckily though, I have the CD you sent me of your radio spot on the Lago show, so your voice can bring a smile to my face. And the next time I'm in Texas, I'm still going to visit you, even if there won't be any golfing that day.

I love you, Bunker. I'm glad you knew it; I just wish I could've said it before it was too late.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:35 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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The Girl did this book thing, and I wanted to participate too...

1) Total # of books I own:
It took me forever to count: 528, not including field manuals.

2) Last book I bought:
The French Betrayal of America. It's not even here yet.

3) Last book I read:
Last book I completed was the highly practical How To Raise a Puppy You Can Live With.

4) Books I'm reading now:
I take 'em one at a time; still reading Once An Eagle (it's 1291 pages.)

5) Books that have been important to me:
Hmm, "important", not just "good"...To Kill a Mockingbird, The Fountainhead, Skinny Legs and All, Alas Babylon, Cosmos, Stranger in a Strange Land, This Is My Beloved, and not to forget Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (the book my husband was reading when I met him, the spark for our first conversation) and Lila (the first gift I gave to my husband, for which I received my first kiss from him.)

Posted by: Sarah at 12:52 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Sara..I loved Skinny Legs and All. Thanks for the memory. Every once in awhile when my books start to overwhelm me, I gather up a box or two that I am not too attached to and take them to my used book store. I always end up bringing three boxes home. Is this called 2 steps forward 1 step back?

Posted by: Darcy at June 04, 2005 09:13 PM (GtWPf)

2 Sarah, completely off topic, but I thought you might want to know this. I was just visiting Bunkers weblog, and much to my dismay I found out that he passed away yesterday from a sudden,(and I assume a massive) heart attack. I left a message of condolence for his family there, and think maybe you will want to do the same. I am just shocked by this news, he was only 5 years older than me.

Posted by: Bubba Bo Bob Brain at June 04, 2005 11:35 PM (aHbua)

3 You must have the "long" version of "Once an Eagle." Mine is only 871 pages...I wonder if the story ends differently in the longer version?

Posted by: NOTR at June 06, 2005 01:26 PM (izx0t)

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It's brand new, but I already am a big fan of John Hawkins' new blog Conservative Grapevine. The links are succinct and interesting; it gives me a sample of many different blogs. Thanks, John!

Posted by: Sarah at 04:48 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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