The last time, I had a vivid dream about the welcome home ceremony. Last night I dreamt that the husband and I were back together in our kitchen. I was wearing the outfit I plan to wear to pick him up, and he was drinking a beer. I woke up with a jolt and realized disappointedly that it was just a dream.

Today has been a very long day. Right now was the original time I was supposed to go pick him up.

I thought I'd better get back to Real blogging today instead of this dumb personal stuff I've been doing. But I can't seem to concentrate on anything lately. I just can't get into the news. Even Blagojevich's bleep-laden tirades couldn't compel me to blog. Only to laugh at home and tease my parents about living in Illinois.

I'm just sitting here crocheting and looking at the clock. Maybe I ought to do some things on that list; it seems healthier than this Waiting Game. I thought about going in to work today even though I got the day off, but the only task I have left to do at work is to put together more of those foam structures. That definitely ain't healthy.

And I haven't heard anything else today, no more updates, no new timeline, no hint of things to come.

Just lots of crocheting.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:59 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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A couple of you have been freaked out of late by my blog post titles. No, I'm not throwing in the towel anytime soon. You're stuck with me.

By the way, I finally watched The Terminator tonight. And yes, other people on my case, I have gotten the memo that The Wire is good. I plan to watch that with my husband though, not without him. I gotta get my chick flicks in before he gets home...what guy wants to watch Die Hard or The Terminator?

Oh wait...

And while I have your attention: did one of you lovely imaginary people get me one of these fantastic bracelets for Christmas? It came in the mail with no note, and it's not from my mother or husband, so I'm clueless.

Incidentally, my husband said, "Oh, well dang...wish I had thought of it."

Posted by: Sarah at 03:40 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 LOVE that bracelet! Etsy is so fun. Wish I could say I found that for you, but I'm not that cool apparently.

Posted by: Guard Wife at December 07, 2008 09:21 AM (eb8pN)

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I used to be bothered that my friends are not from my Real Life. I used to think there was something wrong with me. I used to feel that something was missing.

But this day was a tipping point. Since then, I have felt the Importance Scale tip from real life to imaginary.

And some days I am just overwhelmed by how happy I am.
How much I love you all.
Today is one such day.

Tomorrow night we have an FRG meeting. I don't know anyone in my FRG. I don't even know where my husband's company is located; I had to ask him via chat how to get there.

My real life is the illusion, and you are my world.

I live in a gulch in my mind and I am surrounded by the most wonderful people.

I don't think it's possible for anyone to feel more blessed than I do right now.

Posted by: Sarah at 01:06 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 I know what you mean, and am very grateful for all my blog friends, but it sure is nice to sit and chat face to face sometimes.

Posted by: Beth at December 04, 2008 01:12 PM (qkeSl)

2 I, too, know what you mean. It is nice to sit face to face and it's even better when it's face to face with an e-pal or bloggy buddy. Blessings are bestowed us from many places and my bloggy buddies are no less than a blessing. You all get me in ways that real-life people can't even begin to think about. Happy Thursday!

Posted by: Susan at December 04, 2008 01:33 PM (kOpTG)

3 I used to think there was something wrong with me. There was never anything wrong with you. Sometimes you align with those nearby; sometimes you don't. Physical proximity has nothing to do with common ground. When your husband returns, the scale will tip the other way again. Real life will become capital-R Real. But we won't become illusions. We will remain real. And we will always be here for you.

Posted by: Amritas at December 04, 2008 06:16 PM (zc9j7)

4 OK by the time we are like 80, they will have those star trekky teleporter thingys. Then you can teach me to knit... Finding friends that truly fit your heart that is HUGE, and you are part of that for me. I feel so sorry for people who have friends like "the neighbor, I do not really like", or the lady from work, that someone is nice to at work, and than goes home to talk about the wierd person.... that is an empty place. If you think about what the train did for America...I think the internet is to friendship to me...

Posted by: awtm at December 04, 2008 07:47 PM (EzXYD)

5 I am pleased to be your friend, however distant that I be.

Posted by: deskmerc at December 04, 2008 08:26 PM (pYOXQ)

6 See, if you were in my real life I'd be wondering if this were directed toward me and what your motive for saying it is. BUT, because I know that our friendship is genuine, I know this is at least partly aimed in my direction & that you know I feel the same. Now, if I'm delusional and you were talking about everyone BUT me, don't post it...and I'll never know. LOL

Posted by: Guard Wife at December 05, 2008 03:49 AM (N3nNT)

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I have hated to see this day come.
The du Toits are done blogging.
“And so, it has come to this.”
Preaching to the Choir
I can't even say any more.
I am crying.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I read blogs for the ideas. Some of them stick with me, for a very long time. I refer to them in conversations in my Real Life. I am thankful for all the ideas out there, and I wanted to express my gratitude.

I am thankful for...

Nelson Ascher's Forget The Idiots Today
Lilek's Notes From the Olive Garden
Den Beste's Cultural Cross-Pollination
Marc Miyake's Pariah Against a Prophet
The Dissident Frogman's Consecration
Bill Whittle's Courage
Varifrank's Thank You For Delaying My Flight
Kim du Toit's The Pussification of the Western Male
Mrs du Toit's Fight or Flee
Greyhawk's On Leaving
Tim's Farewell
AWTM's Trick or Treat
Joan d'Arc's I'll Make It Up To You
Rachel Lucas' You're Decent, But Just Confused and Stupid
CaliValleyGirl's Permanent Party
Crazy Aunt Purl's Fat Girl

I know I have forgotten posts and that there are many more that I am thankful for. But I have been working on this for over two hours, and I just have to let it be.

Please leave links in the comments if you have blog posts you are thankful for.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:06 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I am heading out of town to make my way towards SpouseBUZZ Live Tacoma! I will get to see one friend from my real life -- remember LT A, our friend who was severely wounded in that battle that Colby Buzzell immortalized? His wife, whom I haven't seen in over five years -- and several friends from my imaginary life: R1, DeltaSierra, Sig, Leofwende, and Barb. Plus my fellow authors. The hotel will be our gulch this weekend.

Posted by: Sarah at 09:05 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I was just sitting here thinking about this upcoming weekend and how I will be hanging out with imaginary friends. I remembered a funny story that I have always meant to blog but never did.

In September at the BlogWorldExpo, I was sitting on a sofa at the expo next to Guard Wife. We both had our laptops out and were messing with our blogs. I saw she was posting something, and I peeked over her shoulder and then joked, "I'll wait and read it when you publish it." Once she published, I pulled it up and saw that she had blogged that she had a headache and wished she had some pain meds. I turned to her and said, "I have some Tylenol right here in my bag." And then we cracked up that we had been sitting side by side for a long time and I only knew what she was thinking because she blogged it.

Now THAT is the blogging lifestyle to the extreme.

Of course, I already told you that I love surfing the web side by side with my friends. My husband bought a laptop in Iraq, and I giddily exclaimed that we could sit in the same room on our computers.

It's the little things that tickle me.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:33 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Lileks writes on Dean Barnett's death. As only Lileks can write.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:11 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Tim's wife, whom we all know as CPT Patti, was admitted to the hospital. They still aren't entirely sure what's wrong with her. I thought maybe some of you old-schoolers could leave some encouraging comments here for her so she can read them when she gets computer access. Hang in there, Patti. We know you're tough!

Posted by: Sarah at 03:40 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I bought Stranger Than Fiction because AWTM liked it. So much of Palahniuk's stuff in this book reminds me of blogging. Take, for example, You Are Here:

Okay, okay, so maybe weÂ’re headed down a road toward mindless, self-obsessed lives where every event is reduced to words and camera angles. Every moment imagined through the lens of a cinematographer. Every funny or sad remark scribbled down for sale at the first opportunity.

A world Socrates couldnÂ’t imagine, where people would examine their lives, but only in terms of movie and paperback potential.

Where a story no longer follows as the result of an experience.

Now the experience happens in order to generate a story.

Sort of like when you suggest: “Let’s not but say we did.”

The story—the product you can sell—becomes more important than the actual event.

One danger is, we might hurry through life, enduring event after event, in order to build our list of experiences. Our stock of stories. And our hunger for stories might reduce our awareness of the actual experience. In the way we shut down after watching too many action-adventure movies. Our body chemistry can’t tolerate the stimulation. Or we unconsciously defend ourselves by pretending not to be present, by acting as a detached “witness” or reporter to our own life. And by doing that, never feeling an emotion or really participating. Always weighing what the story will be worth in cold cash.

That is how a hardcore blogger lives. Every life experience is seen through the lens of how it's going to be blogged. Everything is a vignette, put out there for all to read. And while you're living the joy or sorrow of a situation, in the back of your mind you're also composing the blog post about it.

It's a way to process. A way, like Palahniuk says, to step outside the situation a little and view it as a "detached 'witness.'"

Because sometimes you need that.

Like today.

I'm not pregnant.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:04 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 Big huge hugs to you.

Posted by: Reasa at October 18, 2008 06:00 PM (2W7Iu)

2 Big hugs from this corner, too.

Posted by: FbL at October 18, 2008 07:22 PM (HwqvF)

3 Damn. Just, damn. Go hang with Carren. Her fertile myrtle genes should rub off on you. Of course, the fun is in the trying, as it doesn't involve diapers. Okay, there was that one time, but I'm not supposed to talk about that. After today, You could have one of ours, if you like. --Chuck

Posted by: Chuck at October 18, 2008 07:23 PM (q4psF)

4 Oh... I'm so, so sorry... *hugs*

Posted by: kannie at October 18, 2008 08:17 PM (f+LJo)

5 *hugs*, Sarah.

Posted by: Emily at October 18, 2008 09:21 PM (cZoqf)

6 So sorry, Sarah. big {{hugs}} your way.

Posted by: Susan at October 19, 2008 10:30 AM (IfQM3)

7 Crap. I wanted to be there this weekend to hold your hand & hug you. My presence honestly was needed at my sister-in-law's wedding this weekend...when you're ready for a good laugh I have some stories. Love you, chica.

Posted by: Guard Wife at October 19, 2008 11:42 AM (eb8pN)

8 i checked in tonight quick because i was thinking of you and wondering when you would know. apparently you know now and it's one more time for you to have to say "it's not my time". i'm so sorry. uh, and on top of it all, i forgot to say happy birthday

Posted by: Kate at October 19, 2008 03:23 PM (576n8)

9 I second the damn motion. I share your row boat on this. Oh how you know I do. I'm still sorry. btw that quote totally hits the nail on the head about us hard core ones too.

Posted by: DARLA at October 19, 2008 08:55 PM (hRWl6)

10 I'm sorry, Sarah.

Posted by: Anwyn at October 20, 2008 07:51 AM (dzxw9)

11 I'm sorry, Sarah.

Posted by: Deltasierra at October 20, 2008 02:21 PM (GWr7v)

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I'm leaving soon to start my journey to SpouseBUZZ Live San Antonio.
More later.

And yes, I am more than freaked out by this.

I can't even talk about it anymore.

I am an emotional, ridiculous mess today. I feel strung out and beaten.
God, I hope that means I'm pregnant.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:19 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 Is it hyperbole to remind people that historically, democracies have a life span and we’ve exceeded the average? (Note to self: must buy stock in liquor companies ‘cause it’s gonn’a be a LONG 4/8 yrs.)

Posted by: tim at October 16, 2008 08:42 AM (nno0f)

2 I thought this was interesting, and thought you might, too: http://www.zombietime.com/lefts_big_blunder/

Posted by: Emily at October 16, 2008 09:07 AM (jAos7)

3 I'm just hoping the silent majority – you know, the ones who have a head on their shoulders and understand what this country is about – rise up and vote for McCain. I'm thinking it's time to get my husband his gun, concealed carry permit, and stock up on ammo. I have my trusty shotgun, which also needs ammo. Sort of off-topic, will you be going to the Tacoma SpouseBuzz, too? 'Cause my husband (Sig) and I will be there!

Posted by: Deltasierra at October 16, 2008 09:11 AM (il0E1)

4 That's what I'm talking about. I feel like we are swimming upstream in jello and the world I am leaving to my children and grandchildren (and that new baby of yours!) is so unlike the one I've lived in. I am so sad for that, you cannot imagine how it makes me feel that my generation has failed. We hear a lot about the Nazi's but there were and are, and will be many forms of fascism. Last night we were cheered by John McCain's coming alive, but with all that my husband just kept saying about Obama, Mussolini, Mussolini. Look him up. He was voted in, didn't get in with a Putz like Hitler or Stalin. We are in scary times. But the Anchoress cheers me. She has a good spirit , I wish I did. PS One of my kids and his family live in San Antonio.

Posted by: Ruth H at October 16, 2008 10:06 AM (BkiKe)

5 Enjoy your time in TX! Wish I were going to be there!! Call me if you want/need. I think the phone conference w/AWTM and me is a good idea still.

Posted by: Guard Wife at October 16, 2008 02:30 PM (eb8pN)

6 Emily, Thanks for the zombietime article. It's given a lot to think about until Sarah posts from San Antonio (I can't wait!), and its lessons will remain relevant long after the election is over.

Posted by: Amritas at October 16, 2008 03:54 PM (HWSu7)

7 I've said it before: Once the gummint starts to bribe the citizenry with their own money, and the citizenry is either too lazy or too stupid to care or realize it we, as a republic, are doomed. we are so doomed.

Posted by: Chuck Z at October 17, 2008 02:33 AM (bQVIy)

8 Deltasierra: I'll be there.

Posted by: Emily at October 17, 2008 01:25 PM (cZoqf)

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OK, I just have to say this hilarious thing.

My mom said tonight, "You can't stop blogging. You're doing a disservice to the hundreds of thousands of people who read you."

HA!

I said, "Um, try like 300 people."

My mom thinks I am way awesomer than I am.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:03 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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My friend Amritas' website is waaay above my level. Both my husband and I have said that if anyone thinks we're smart, they should meet this guy. And it is so flattering that such an intelligent man reads my dopey little blog.

Amritas honors my blogoversary with a Tangut of my name. I think he's my longest-running blog friend.

Posted by: Sarah at 04:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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AWTM and I always talk about how self-congratulatory blogging is; we blog because we like the sound of our own voice. Which explains why I ended up re-reading an interview of myself today. If that's not a douchebag thing to do, I don't know what is. But Blackfive bestowed me the honor of saying he likes me, and I had forgotten that interview.

Anyway, I had to laugh that things haven't changed much from one deployment to the next:

Sarah: I have more in common with him than with anyone on the planet; I got lucky that he was a guy instead of a girl! More than anything I just miss hanging out with him, watching Futurama and talking about politics. Each day we get to chat online for like 30 minutes.

annikagyrl: first war where that's been possible, i guess. Thank you Yahoo!, lol

Sarah: We're sorta an odd couple, I'm sure. For example, yesterday we spent our entire time talking about why the dollar is so weak against the Euro. Probably most couples don't talk about that stuff!

Chuck Z's wife laughed at me that my husband and I use our deployment conversation time to talk politics. But every chat is full of names like Obama, Palin, Krauthammer, and Steyn. We spend most of our time talking bailout and Biden. Is that abnormal? It seems fun to me.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It feels a little narcissistic to blog this, but I have to let people know how touched I am. Long-time reader MaryIndiana started a Trying To Grok fan club on Facebook. And every time I look at it, I kinda want to cry. You can't imagine how honored it makes me feel.

And my little brother found the group and joined too. Sniff.

Posted by: Sarah at 01:46 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 We really like you.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at October 02, 2008 05:09 PM (FDziT)

2 Awwww. . . that's so sweet. And your brother joining is the icing on the cake.

Posted by: Lucy at October 02, 2008 10:00 PM (YsKhR)

3 I joined!

Posted by: Amy at October 03, 2008 01:25 AM (UMp4+)

4 I am going to join now.

Posted by: keri at October 03, 2008 05:07 AM (HXpRG)

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Made it home.

Last night was fun, hanging out with my imaginary friends. AWTM and I were the last ones standing. She is a chatty drunk, stopping numerous times along the way home to tell random passersby to beware of the porn peddlers on the strip. And to tell several casino security guards they look like Reno 911.

Also, note to self: never drink rum & coke, wine, beers, amaretto sour, and gin & tonic all in the same night. And then get on a plane the next morning. After four hours of sleep.

But my drinking days are over, and they sure went out with a bang last night! I start fertility treatments in the morning.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:09 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Wow! Tomorrow! Good luck! And way to cure your urge to drink any alcohol for quite some time. Nice mix, I must say.

Posted by: Sis B at September 21, 2008 06:10 PM (85GKX)

2 Welcome back! I appreciated AWTM's liveblogging reports, but I'd like to hear your take on what happened. Good luck tomorrow!

Posted by: Amritas at September 21, 2008 06:19 PM (HWSu7)

3 I did talk about 911 didn't I.....

Posted by: AWTM at September 22, 2008 03:47 AM (GzBlP)

4 I wish you all the best with the fertility treatments!

Posted by: Susan Dennis at September 22, 2008 08:46 AM (IfQM3)

5 Sending fertile thoughts your way...

Posted by: FbL at September 22, 2008 04:31 PM (HwqvF)

6 Good luck with the treatments! Sending you prayers and lots of positive wishes!! *mary*

Posted by: Mary at September 22, 2008 09:57 PM (3k4VW)

7 The secret is: if you start out drinking rum & coke, wine, beers, amaretto sour, and gin & tonic, you have to stick with rum & coke, wine, beers, amaretto sour, and gin & tonic - changing to something else is risky. Great to meet you at last!

Posted by: Greyhawk at September 23, 2008 11:37 AM (Q0N33)

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AWTM is doing an excellent job of liveblogging the Milblogs Conference. Head to her site and start scrolling...

Posted by: Sarah at 01:09 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Either AWTM has been exaggerating her insomnia, or we've discovered the cure: gin and tonic.

Last night I got into Vegas and, after an annoying mix-up and no one calling me back to let me know where to meet them, I ended up just going to bed. AWTM rolled in in the middle of the night and fell asleep the instant her head hit the pillow.

I, on the other hand, only slept from midnight to 2:00 and then 5:00-7:00. Not good. The time change threw me all off.

As does the fact that I'm in the desert and my lips feel like they're going to shrivel and fall off.

But I'm sitting on a sofa beside Guard Wife, surfing the internet together. Sigh...heaven.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:01 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I'm on my way to Vegas today for the Blog World Expo. Don't worry, there will be plenty of internet connection.

I was joking with Guard Wife the other day that my favorite thing about my internet buddies is that I don't have to pretend I'm not glued to my computer all day long. When I hang out with people in the Real World, I have to pretend I'm not jonesing for a trip around the 'sphere. In contrast, when I went to visit AirForceFamily, all three of us adults sat around the kitchen table with three laptops and surfed the internet together.

Course, when I was a kid I used to play marathon games of solitare alongside my brother as well.

Come to think of it, I used to host BYOB parties: bring your own book. My friends and I would literally sit in a room and read together.

Apparently I really like to do solitary activities in a crowd.

Where was I? Right, Vegas. I'm headed to Vegas to surf the internet alongside some of my favorite people on this planet.

More later.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:30 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Have fun and good luck with your panel! Thank goodness for imaginary friends!

Posted by: wifeunit at September 19, 2008 02:47 AM (J+xCo)

2 Fine! Have fun without me. And have a little fun for me while I finish cleaning house and then driving back to C-ville. Sigh. I wish i could go with you all.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at September 19, 2008 04:56 AM (62AAX)

3 I cannot WAIT to see you. I have a craft mission for you, if you choose to accept it. Unfortunately, I read at AWTM's that her eye is better. Not that I'm not glad she's better, but she's likely not bringing the eye patch. Bummer. Looks like we're on our own for appropriate "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" wear.

Posted by: Guard Wife at September 19, 2008 06:43 AM (fPBAo)

4 Who needs gambling when you can "surf the internet alongside some of [your] favorite people on this planet"? Soon BYOB will mean 'bring your own blog'. Keep us posted!

Posted by: Amritas at September 19, 2008 07:37 AM (+nV09)

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My husband and I went on a cruise the last time he returned from Iraq. We hated it. Between the awkward mingling with civilians and the Scattergories game from hell, it just really wasn't for us.

But the husband sent me a link today, noting that this cruise might be a bit more up our alley. I swear, when I read the first five names, my heart skipped a beat. Can you imagine getting those guys on a boat? It'd be like stalking Instapundit in Vegas, only there'd be nowhere they could escape from me! Muhwahaha.

No, seriously, I want that cruise. And I don't care one iota about the itinerary; we could circle Lake Michigan for five days for all I care. Hubs, someday can we take a nutjob cruise?

Posted by: Sarah at 10:58 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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