June 27, 2009


When Charlie was acting all depressed, he trudged out of our room like Eeyore.  "Where are you going?" I asked him.  "What's wrong."  My husband followed him and then chuckled.  "Oh, I get it, Charlie is sad because he wants a baby."

Yes, that's our spare bedroom.  Yes, it's looked like that for over a year.  Yes, it's absurd.  But leaving it up seemed less weird to me than taking it all down and leaving the room completely empty.  (OK, mildly less weird.  Also I'm just lazy.)

But apparently what Charlie wants, Charlie gets.  After a week of doing everything wrong -- lots of booze, sitting in hot tubs, eating sushi, taking large doses of NyQuil -- it turns out that I am pregnant again.

We laughed that this is our "unplanned" pregnancy.  My friend's mother, an OB nurse, asked me what my doctor's plan was now.  Plan?  There isn't one this time around!  This was our Hail Mary.  This was me looking at my husband one night and saying, "We could try this and potentially save $12,000...whaddya think?" and then completely putting it out of my head because, seriously, neither of us thought it would work.

I took a pregnancy test to confirm that I was not pregnant, before I contacted the IVF doctor to get my PGD bloodwork started.

I took a second one because I didn't believe the result of the first one.

We have no plan.  I ran and hurried to take a prenatal vitamin because, let's face it, after two and a half unsuccessful years I had gotten pretty lax about remembering to do that.

Anyway, I'm just putting it out here because, well, this is where I cash chips.

I told my husband that my feelings about the miracle of life have actually regressed, gotten creepier.  I was always a life-starts-at-conception person.  And now, now I feel like we have to wait around and see if this becomes a baby.  It has a 50% chance of being a baby or a 50% chance of being...a lump of mutated cells.  I hate that this is what this process has done to me, that it's made me detach myself so much.  That I'm like some gross abortion advocate who only sees a lump of cells.  But that's where I'm at these days.  It doesn't become a baby until it has a heartbeat.  And even then...Baby #2 had one of those...

I'm just hanging back for the next three weeks or so.  Hey, three weeks, that's when my husband deploys.  How convenient.

So one of two things will happen.  1) This will be a baby, in which case my husband will already be deployed by the time a heartbeat can be detected and will still be deployed when the baby is born.  What marvelous timing.  Or 2) It will be a lump of cells, in which case there will be no heartbeat, I will take care of business because I am now a pro at miscarriage, and then I will start the bloodwork for the PGD and proceed as planned, only a month or two behind schedule.

Either way, whatever.

I know no one knows how to react to this news.  I told AWTM over the phone and her reaction was like "Um, yay?, er, right? Hooray! er..."  so I just decided to put it here instead.  If you don't read my blog, I'm not telling you.

You can feel however you want about the news.  I'd prefer if you didn't get too excited, or tell me that the fourth time's a charm or something.  But happy's OK.  And hopeful is good too.  (Note: Do not tell me that this happened because I "relaxed" or I will ban you from my blog.  Or I would if I knew how to do that.  Even though this is our "unplanned" pregnancy, there was nothing haphazard about it.  The day was specifically chosen to maximize success.  We just didn't plan for it to work.  Hence the booze and hot tubs.  This is as close to a whoopsie as the Groks can get.)

At this point, I don't know if I'll talk about it anymore, at least not until Heartbeat Week.  Not until I know anything for certain.

But let's see if we can get Charlie that baby he wants...

Actually, I'm pretty sure Charlie just wants to play with all the baby's toys.

And my husband says that if this baby lives, he wants to name it John Elway.  (Now that's a bit of guy trivia that I didn't get: three Superbowl losses before a win.)  AWTM says we should name it Bellagio if it's a girl.  We got jokes.

My husband says he just really doesn't want a Jim Kelly baby.

(How does that man remember how many Super Bowls every quarterback lost but can't remember where anything is located in our kitchen?)

Posted by: Sarah at 12:59 PM | Comments (37) | Add Comment
Post contains 818 words, total size 5 kb.

1 I am clicking with the nonplussed thing now.  So there is that.  ;-)
I have happiness and hope.  But stuff for the other side too. 
This totally made me smile at any rate. 
It would be super fantastic nice.  And for this time when the scales aren't tipping noticeably either way, I'll be practicing some jedi mind tricks for it to go the way I want it to. 

Posted by: wifeunit at June 27, 2009 03:08 PM (LXXeU)

2 Maybe baby's got plans for that $12,000 and so figured he/she better show up quick before you spend it  

I know you've mixed emotions - I get it, but I'm still excited that you have this chance.  I'll be following along and hoping for all the best for you!

Posted by: rc at June 27, 2009 04:01 PM (89qJF)

3 Believe you me you do not want a Jim Kelly baby...


Posted by: awtm at June 27, 2009 04:37 PM (NuDbL)

4 Wishing you luck. *fingers crossed*

Posted by: The Army Wife at June 27, 2009 04:56 PM (wB597)

5 I wish you luck.  fingers Xed.


Posted by: LAW at June 27, 2009 04:58 PM (eBMwP)

6 I'm just shaking my head and laughing.  You can't make this stuff up.  I'm hopeful, but I'll be praying, if that's ok with you.  

Posted by: dutchgirl at June 27, 2009 06:23 PM (hLAkQ)

7 fingers crossed - hoping for the absolute best.

Posted by: sharona at June 27, 2009 07:11 PM (BeRta)

8 Long time lurker ... first time caller commenter.

I'm happy and hopeful for you and your husband. 

Posted by: Heather at June 27, 2009 08:54 PM (E/7hG)

9 Wow.  Well, fingers crossed and hoping going on.  

Posted by: airforcewife at June 27, 2009 09:08 PM (NqbuI)

10 Some pretty stupendous kids got their start being 'marinated', so I will remain cautiously optimistic with your news and I feel where you are coming from.

You are welcome to dial my number and cash chips like a crazy person. 

Posted by: Guard Wife at June 27, 2009 10:50 PM (UIGsI)

11 you know, I have been thinking about this, do you suppose Charile thought you went to get a baby?

Posted by: awtm at June 27, 2009 11:05 PM (NuDbL)

12 Sarah, someday you've gotta tell Charlie the truth. "Charlie, I know you want a baby, but you can't have one. You're a male!" And then he'll look like this, though he won't be bad ... just sad.

Don't let him watch this movie. It might give him ideas.

Seriously, count me on the hope bandwagon.

Posted by: Amritas at June 27, 2009 11:56 PM (2eQQr)

13 I'll be cautiously hopeful for you, and keep you in my prayers.

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at June 28, 2009 12:19 AM (paOhf)

14 Wow.  I'm both hopeful and worried at the same time.  In fact, I'm so full of hope I'm almost changey. 

Praying so hard for you!

Posted by: FbL at June 28, 2009 12:38 AM (HwqvF)

15 Hopeful, ever hopeful. Steady on.

Posted by: Pamela at June 28, 2009 12:51 AM (jV2Nw)

16 Happy and hopeful for you and your husband, and Charlie. Maybe this will make Charlie cheer up. The room reminds me of our baby room that we had decorated for 4 years before it was needed. I had the same dilemma about changing the room or leaving it ready for a baby. I pray that your room is in use soon.

Posted by: Susan at June 28, 2009 02:58 AM (Y8ZGj)

17 At this point, we need to petition congress to pass a resolution stating that you are now pregnant, and will stay pregnant through term, including a 3-week overdue delivery.  Because they'll pass any legislation they can't actually enforce.

We just need to figure out how to tax your uterus and they'd be all over it.  (Pun not intended.  Bawney Fwank would most certainly not be all over your uterus for any reason.)

No pork comments either.

And the more I think about it, centripetal forces at pole position may have had some effect.  (Pun only partially intended.)

In any case, I am happy for you and just as excited as I am every time, just as hopeful for success, and just as worried.  That is, "just as" being relative to how I feel, not comparing my feelings on the issue to how you feel.

Feet and knees together now.

Posted by: Chuck at June 28, 2009 06:04 AM (r6BDb)

18 OMG...just..OMG.  Stunned,but with you come what may. 

Posted by: MaryIndiana at June 28, 2009 08:28 AM (CZowR)

19 Good Luck!

Posted by: David Boxenhorn at June 28, 2009 09:07 AM (0Zrfb)


I'm a long time lurker in the "hoping Charlie gets what he wants" camp.

I'm happy, hopeful, and praying for you, the often deployed hubs, and the perpetual puppy.


Posted by: sheila at June 28, 2009 10:30 AM (Bf9pt)

21 Wait...you ate sushi?

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at June 28, 2009 10:38 AM (deur4)

22 I have to add that every time I see Charlie in that picture I totally crack up.  For some reason that picture sets off the giggles in me, I can't figure it out.  I think it is the lion hair-do he has.

Posted by: airforcewife at June 28, 2009 12:04 PM (NqbuI)


Full of hope and cautious optimism - with prayers for good measure. And with you, at least in spirit, the whole way through.

Hugs to you and the hubby, and scritches to Charlie.

Posted by: jck at June 28, 2009 12:07 PM (d6k/G)

24 I'll be crossing my fingers and hoping hard for you.

Posted by: Leofwende at June 28, 2009 01:45 PM (28CBm)


Oh, my gosh, I get slack for one day, and this!

Happy and excited, and praying.  And possibly standing on my head in the garden.  (It worked for AFW's MIL's house...)

Posted by: She of the Sea at June 28, 2009 06:42 PM (J1l7A)

26 Hope and prayers being sent your way...

Posted by: Mrs. Who at June 28, 2009 09:41 PM (S5QVM)

27 Since I am a bit obsessed with your journey and since I too expect to one day have similar results from some sorta unplanned bizzarely normal yet, for you and I, very unnormal circumstances .... lemme say this: You totally Grok'd it.
Makes sense don't it? {wink}
Pat Charlie on the head for me. And give MrGrok a wink nudge.
We all must meet face to face sometime. Oh the stories we could share!

Posted by: Darla at June 29, 2009 12:07 AM (LP4DK)

28 Ha, Darla, you nailed it.  I had sex when I was ovulating and it made me pregnant.  Which took me completely by surprise.  Heh.

Posted by: Sarah at June 29, 2009 06:34 AM (TWet1)

29 I will add my hopefulness to the others, plus I wanted to say that this post made me laugh-out-loud despite the serious subject matter. I love when you do the sarcastic dry humor thing, because you totally nail it.

Posted by: loquita at June 29, 2009 09:18 AM (4gstU)


I am staying with hopeful. The way this happened is quite different from the other times. Maybe you had to do everything wrong lol. I think that was your point at least. Go on ahead and ride a roller coaster while you're at it.

Ok, I could give a hoot about football but somehow even I knew that reference. That scares me a little. Love da jokes, Sarah.

I understand the detachment, at least in the sense I get your logic. I think I'd feel the same way in your shoes.  My friend who is pregnant now didn't truly believe she was until the heartbeat. Refused to tell anyone but me for a while. And didn't think about the baby at all until she found out the sex. She had quite a baby bump and wouldn't even talk about it. Sometimes things just don't feel real for people, and it all depends on what is comfortable for that person.

Good luck, and I'm hopeful that this time is successful.

Posted by: Sara at June 29, 2009 10:36 AM (uG01M)

31 Quietly happy and hopeful... :-)  Makes sense to me. Sending prayers, too. Also hugs. :-)

Posted by: Krista at June 29, 2009 11:07 AM (5XpA4)

32 Wow, that is probably more a stunner to you than anyone else. Like everyone who reads you, I am very hopeful for you. Life is just full of surprises and some of them turn out to be very good.
I hate to tell you this but this same thing happened to my neighbors who never expected to get pregnant, had been married 15 years and WENT TO VEGAS (for a convention) and came back pregnant. Well, don't know where you were when it happened, but it happened and it's about time for you to beat the odds. That's my take anyway. 

Posted by: Ruth H at June 29, 2009 02:06 PM (4u82p)

33 Here's hoping! I'm trying to imagine the look on your face when you saw the positive test.

Posted by: Mare at June 30, 2009 07:36 AM (HUa8I)

34 So I'm a little slow on the uptake - it's been a long month. I will remain hopefully happy for you and say many prayers that, in about 9 months you are miserably overdue.

I like Chuck's ideas - made me laugh.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at June 30, 2009 12:30 PM (7Qxzl)


Ditto to all~

YAY!  I am very happy to hear this news!

Posted by: Allicadem at June 30, 2009 09:18 PM (U0Sq0)

36 Huzzah! That's awesome. Funny how things sometimes happen like that.

I'm sending good thoughts your way.

Posted by: Adam at July 01, 2009 06:33 AM (hcSzf)

37 I was going to write something better, but...I understand the need to be detached.  It took a long time for Greg and I to stop saying "if all goes right" with the last pregnancy and actually talking about a future.  So, I am sending you good thoughts. 

Posted by: Ann M. at July 01, 2009 10:28 PM (+GQ3g)

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