She looks perfect.  Not a thing wrong with her.  The high-risk doctors "graduated" me to Regular Old Pregnant Lady after today's visit.

Which ends up being an interesting catch-22: We've received word that my husband might not get permission to come home for the birth unless it is a high-risk pregnancy.

Oh the irony...all we've wanted is for a healthy, normal pregnancy, and now that might mean it's not important enough to get my husband home from Afghanistan.

But we're not worrying about that today.  We're just counting fingers and toes.

Posted by: Sarah at 02:09 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 97 words, total size 1 kb.

1

Sarah - This post gave me chills. Congrats on your "graduation"

Posted by: Keri at October 30, 2009 02:38 PM (dtvJC)

2 *sigh* modern technology is just so freakin' cool.

Posted by: Calivalleygirl at October 30, 2009 02:45 PM (irIko)

3 These are some great images.

Posted by: wifeunit at October 30, 2009 03:00 PM (4B1kO)

4 Absolutely stunning images of your little one!

Well, you could always broadcast the birth live via webcam. {giggle}

Posted by: Heather at October 30, 2009 03:14 PM (k4L7l)

5

Regarding the pictures -- WOW!  Beautiful

Regarding the Catch-22 -- SRSLY??  *headdesk*

Posted by: Lissa at October 30, 2009 03:20 PM (eSfKC)

6 Now...when the doctors say "high risk pregnancy" do they mean for you or for them?  Because if they try to keep your husband from coming home to see the birth, I'm sure turning this into a high risk venture for the physicians could be arranged...just sayin'.

She is GORGEOUS!  And, you'll be surprised when she arrives how you can 'see' her in these early images.

Posted by: Guard Wife at October 30, 2009 04:08 PM (p4/8e)

7

Is there any way around that? Could the doctor's maybe have a heart and feign vagueness maybe? Like, "well technically she's fine but because of her history it would be a good idea to have support".  Is that bad of me? That would seriously stink for him to miss everything. My heart gos out to you guys and I hope he gets to make it home.

Posted by: Sara at October 30, 2009 06:53 PM (mjMky)

8 I'm with Sara, history counts even though I think she and you are perfectly fine, we want Daddy to be there.
I bet you even know whose ear that baby has, I love it. I'm grinning ear to ear even though I'm using the laptop cause I'm putting Windows 7 on my desktop. 

Posted by: Ruth H at October 30, 2009 07:36 PM (weEHE)

9 I think she's got your profile.  I've never stopped rooting for Baby Grok and I'm hanging in there with high hopes Daddy'll make it home.

Well wishes your way... 

Posted by: Susan at October 30, 2009 09:09 PM (EU2Wl)

10 Fingers? Toes? Finally qualified as a REGULAR PREGNANT PERSON? You have come a loooong way my friend! That is so terribly exciting! ::hugs:: and of course ... with the husband delay ... the military is notoriously backwards in so many things. As much as we support them you'd think a 72 hr pass for birth of first born would be just as important and grievance leave for death in family. Aye! Just goes to remind everyone that NO employer is perfect ... no, not one.

Posted by: Darla at October 31, 2009 12:07 AM (LP4DK)

11 Oh, Sarah, she's just beautiful!

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at October 31, 2009 01:47 AM (paOhf)

12 Absolutely precious. Brings a tear (of happiness) to my eye. Congrats on the graduation!

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at October 31, 2009 06:18 PM (SywI5)

13 Fantastic pictures!  I'm so happy for you on being just regular pregnant  

Posted by: dutchgirl at October 31, 2009 10:11 PM (Yg8bq)

14 Beautiful...amazing...so glad to see you have graduated to that point.  Wow.  I hope that he can come home...I'm praying that he can come home!

Posted by: Stacy at November 01, 2009 01:59 AM (JKqIL)

15 Aside from just thinking it's unfair that your hubby doesn't get to come home, here is some advice. I don't want to be one of those older ladies telling you what you should do, BUT - the web cam is what my son & his wife did for their first childs birth, you should look into it. It was well worth it for them. They checked with both the Doctor and his commanding officer, both of who gave them their full support. However the baby was a little early.
My son was sitting in an airport in VA on his way to Afghanistan, we were with his wife. It was a wonderful precious thing for me to be able to hold up a laptop so my son got to see his new son get cleaned up. And the nurse was wonderful. She showed off all his little fingers and toes, turned him around and about so daddy could see how perfect he was. Daddy got to talk to his little boy, and his wife, it was touching and sweet, and since we knew he couldn't be there, everything we hoped for via webcam. For a man on his way to war, and his family, it was a great gift.

Posted by: tibby at November 01, 2009 01:22 PM (v/QW/)

16 Wow, those pictures are amazing! I am doing a *facepalm* on your change in status, and how that impacts your husband's homecoming. My thoughts are in line with others -- I would at least try to skew this one in your favor, considering how much you've gone through. However it turns out, congrats on your new status as a regular pregnant lady! :-D

Posted by: loquita at November 01, 2009 01:24 PM (QcPAU)

17 Tibby -- I will have to see what I can do.  Unfortunately, my husband doesn't have access to webcams or VTCs at all this time, so...hmm.  I could at least make videos that he could see later on.  Crap, now I need to find a videographer for the birth too?!  Ha.

Posted by: Sarah at November 01, 2009 01:26 PM (gWUle)

18

Those are stunning pictures! She is beautiful. Congratulations!

Posted by: Tressa at November 01, 2009 05:03 PM (yY6P+)

19 I was SOOOO happy to hear about your pregnancy and see the beautiful pictures! (Yeah, I've been living on a planet far, far away for quite a while)  Having survived problem pregnancies in the military myself, I know what a struggle it is to be together at the birth.  I'm sending lots of prayers and good wishes your way.  (BTW, my suggestion would be to talk to your OB about the possibility of him helping you to get your husband home.  One of mine during the first gulf war was wonderful and very helpful.  The second, not so much but we lucked out anyway.)

Posted by: Lemon Stand at November 03, 2009 07:34 PM (piCQj)

20 What fabulous photos and such great news!  Here's hoping your hubby still makes it home.  Blessing to all of you.

Posted by: MoDLin at November 06, 2009 02:46 PM (KUPWn)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Tonight I let the dog into the backyard.  I caught sight of him out the window and noticed he was limping.  Another sticker burr, poor fella.  I went to the door and opened it, calling to my Charlie.  He came running right to me, as if to say, "Help me, mommy," and I grabbed his foot, pulled the burr out, kissed his head, and he ran in the house.

And it was such a good feeling, to be needed like that and to be able to be the only one who could help him.  To see the look on his face as he came running to me for help.

I can't wait to be that for my child.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:14 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 120 words, total size 1 kb.

Despite having very little energy still, I did manage to get some joke crocheting done lately, specifically a Bender bib and an Underpants Gnome.

Posted by: Sarah at 11:01 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 27 words, total size 1 kb.

1 That is an awesome bib. My favorite of Siglet's are these dinosaur ones that someone at church made for him--they're HUGE. This is helpful because he's a fairly, um--KINETIC--eater. He has another few that were store bought and have annoying sayings on them. "Hello world, I have arrived!" Stuff like that. One says "It's all about me." I hate that one and I always turn it upside down if it's the only one left and I have to use it. This is probably more than you wanted to know. Sig

Posted by: Sig at October 22, 2009 11:51 PM (D4fxj)

2 Grr, I forgot to insert html breaks. Sorry.

Posted by: Sig at October 22, 2009 11:52 PM (D4fxj)

3 Holy Talent, Batwoman... is there ANYTHING you can't create???   Brilliant!!!  You should totally run an Etsy shop or something...

Posted by: Krista at October 23, 2009 02:22 PM (sUTgZ)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

There's another pregnant Sara blogger, heh.  Congrats to her.

I started thinking about what advice I would give to another pregnant lady, and I decided to keep it generic: Listen to everyone's advice, but find your own path.

(Because I too like to invoke Chairman Mao while giving unsolicited advice.  In fact, I think he's who I turn to most for inappropriate quotes regarding pregnancy and/or graduation.)

But seriously.  An example:  Everyone I knew told me to buy under-the-belly maternity pants.  They're more modern, they have cuter styles, and they were "more comfortable."  So I did.  And they dug into me and annoyed the tar out of me.  I was always complaining about the elastic.  So one day last week, on a frustrated whim, I tried on a pair of the over-the-belly pants.  Holy cow, I was so much happier.  They don't dig in like the others.  Pants don't make me cry anymore, hooray!

I took everyone else's advice and it didn't work for me.  I'm just bummed it took me seven weeks of uncomfortable pants before I finally threw everyone else's fashion advice out the window.  I figured they knew better than I did, but it turns out they had just done what worked for them.  And apparently I am carrying way low and needed something different.

So listen to everyone and ask lots of questions, but then go with your gut.  If your gut says that you should be wearing grampa pants up to your armpits, then go for it!

And good luck.  The second trimester sucks too.

Posted by: Sarah at 05:09 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 262 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Harumph.

My only advice for pregnant women:

You know the book "Everybody Poops?"

Unless you eat a lot of fruit and soft foods, you ain't everybody.

And for guys, the reason pregnant chicks are hot is because at some level, you know they put out.

Posted by: chuck at October 21, 2009 06:02 PM (bMH2g)

2 I'm 9 weeks along right now and am horribly, horribly nauseous almost all of the time. I'm in that weird stage where I don't fit maternity clothes or my regular clothes. And any pressure on my tummy makes my nausea worse. I'm either hanging out in the house in sack dresses or big honkin' maternity pants hidden under a baggy shirt. Anything to get through this phase....

LOLOLOLOL at Chuck's comment.

Posted by: Heather at October 21, 2009 07:41 PM (umwpW)

3

Oh don't worry about it, dear. :-) I don't think you'll be making the DBFHB list any time soon. And really in my case everyone does know more than I do. The only subject on which I am selectively open to advice is fitness. I trust my trainers and a doctor. Otherwise I'm clueless and just reading tons of books to catch up.

You're like me, so self aware.

And chuck's comment made me laugh (hoarsly) out loud. "because you know they put out". HA! my kinda humor

Posted by: Sara at October 21, 2009 08:34 PM (mjMky)

4

I admit it - I worn "granny" pants during my prego times.  I couldn't stand anything cutting into me either.  When not going out of the house, I stuck to gowns or my hubs huge t-shirts, it was just more comfortable.

Always do what works for you and you will be just fine

And I agree with Sara & Heather, Chuck's comment - ROFLMAO.

Posted by: LMT at October 22, 2009 10:04 AM (leJhY)

5 I have something to admit here. Probably it's because of my age but...
I have never understood how anyone could stand to wear bikini underwear, it is way toooooo much like the old sanitary belts (especially thongs) we had to wear back in the day.   I feel the same about the under the belly pants, even the higher than that but not up to the waist type. I guess I'm just too used to my comfortable ways.
BTW I will be 73 next Monday!  I do go wayyyy back.

Posted by: Ruth H at October 22, 2009 11:46 AM (zlUde)

6 Hahahahah, who I turn to most.  I laugh every time I hear it, and think of the guy on Fox whose name I am totally drawing a blank on.  Maybe the WH is sending me subliminal messages while I sleep to steer clear of Fox?

I didn't like under the belly, but did like right across the belly.  Over the belly was okay.  I'm sure people mean well, but the only thing you need while pregnant is a good body pillow and a clear path to the bathroom.  After baby, forget all the cute clothes with thousands of snaps and get the gowns so when you are changing the 100th diaper for the day it is easier on you. 

Posted by: Army Blogger Wife at October 22, 2009 05:15 PM (q+eXI)

7 You have figured out the key to being a good mom WAYYYYY before I did!  DO YOUR OWN THING!  GREAT advice!    By the way, I'm with you on the pants.  The only pants that worked for me were the over the belly ones as well, but because I was carrying WAY HIGH and the under belly ones fell off of me! 

Posted by: Stacy at October 23, 2009 04:15 PM (qlReK)

8

My favorite was overalls.  And flip flops.

Beware of the advice.  When I was pregnant with my first, I was pretty stupid, but thought I was smart.  I got really tied into doing 'what everyone else' was doing, or the timelines that were soooo important....  Having to breast feed or weining or getting rid of the binky or bottle, walking, talking, potty training....  Every kid is different and each has his/her own timeline.  Don't worry about it!  Of course, the whole breast feeding until 9 years old is, uhm, creepy.  And another thing....

Breast feeding sucks ass, too.

Posted by: Allicadem at October 23, 2009 06:45 PM (1UtZE)

9 I can't find them on the website, but I had some Motherhood maternity stretch pants that were the BEST PREGNANCY PANTS IN THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD.   I had two pair, and I rotated them frequently.

http://www.motherhood.com/maternity/pants.asp

They still have some very nice styles, though not the plain black stretch pants I have.  Just be aware that an XL in Motherhood shirt language is a M in normal-person (non-pregnant normal-person, at that) language.  Their shirts have NO boob space.  That is a maternity clothes company FAIL.  How can you make maternity clothes, and not leave tons of boob space???  I just don't understand . . .

Sorry, tangent.   Despite the shortcomings in their shirts, their pants are unparalleled in the comfort department.  I recommend going to your nearest Motherhood store and trying stuff on.  They're kind of pricey, but they are SOOO worth the money.

Posted by: Deltasierra at October 26, 2009 02:52 PM (D4fxj)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

I love looking pregnant.  I never want to look normal again.  You can have the aches and pains, but let me keep the tummy.  I take great delight in the fact that I crossed through hell to get here, but at least I make a cute pregnant lady.  I deserve for luck to be on my side for once, right?  I have been amazed that strangers have had the guts to ask me when my baby is due; either they are really brave or I look so obviously pregnant that they feel safe in asking.  I'd like to believe the latter. 

I am halfway there.

Whenever you call the hospital, a recording says that if you are less than 20 weeks pregnant, you should go to the ER in an emergency.  If you are more than 20 weeks, you head straight to Labor and Delivery.

Should something go wrong, I have crossed the threshold from "having a miscarriage" to "delivering a baby."  It's both a daunting and a wonderful milestone.

Most of the time, I don't worry about that.  At least not now that she's started wiggling where I can feel it.  It wasn't as wow as I expected it to be, because I guess I expected a hard kick instead of little stretches and rumbles.  But when I really think about it, it is a fun feeling.  And it's like a secret: I can be doing stuff with my mom and then say, "She's been kicking this whole time," and my mom gets this wonderful look on her face like I told her I was pregnant for the first time all over again.  That's been fun.

Still, the worry is always in the back of my mind.  Every time I buy something, I imagine it sitting in the garage collecting dust like all the other things I've bought over the years.  I bought a crib and mattress this week, and part of me just chalks it up as money wasted because I cannot really see this all working out in the end.  Surely there will never really be a baby in this house.

Sometimes I catch sight of myself in the mirror when I'm getting ready for bed, and I "discover" that I'm pregnant.  It hits me, that I have this belly and that for most people it means that they will be having a baby soon.  But I still kinda think of it as something that happens to "most people," not me.

She has a name, and yet I never use it.  She is only "the baby."

And I don't know when it will feel real.  I should tour Labor and Delivery.  I should take one of the parenting classes.  I should work on a birth plan.  I should consider a doula in case my husband doesn't get home in time.  But I do none of these things because they still seem pointless. 

It's hard to explain, that I am enjoying the pregnancy while simultaneously doubting that it will ever actually result in a living baby.

I've taken a lot of guff for being too ready to have a baby, which is why I find all this so funny: I've been ready for a theoretical baby for ten years but I am still not ready for this real one inside of me.  People get wide-eyed when I say that I bought college-themed onesies way back when my husband and I were just dating, knowing that someday a baby would root for our alma maters.  We bought a mosaic to hang on baby's wall when we were on our cruise in 2005, long before we were ever thinking of having a baby.  And I bought an art print of a mother and baby bird even before I ever met my husband.  I have been ready for this moment for as long as I can remember.  And now we have a nursery, an honest-to-goodness nursery, and all these things are in it.  But still...

When will I stop waiting for the other shoe to drop?  I just want to feel like a normal happy person instead of leaving the tags on everything "just in case."

This post turned out far more morose than I thought it would be...

And while I'm writing this, I realized that I sort of cling to this sorrow.  I think part of me is resisting being a "normal happy person."  I still carry the pain of the three lost babies, but to the stranger on the street, I look like any other pregnant Army wife.  And once I have the baby, I am just like any other mom.  But I don't feel like a regular old first-time mom.  Now that I look like everyone else in the Babies R Us, I feel like I want to wear a sign that says "Trust me, it was much harder to get to this point than you think." 

I haven't figured out yet how to separate the happiness of this baby from the sadness of the others without feeling like I am turning my back on the others and also myself.  I haven't figured out how to get over my past, and most of the time I am not really sure I want to.  I don't want to dwell on it, but I don't want to move on and forget it either.

And maybe that's why I can't cut any tags off.  It's not really that I think this baby will die, because I truthfully don't really think she will.  Or at least I don't have any reason to think she will.  Instead, I think I resist because it means accepting a new identity and shedding the old one, which is proving hard for me.  Now I am just another pregnant Army wife and will soon be just another Army wife dragging a stroller around.  My belly is a sign of great things, but it's also the end of the person I have been for the past three years.  And even though I've hated that person, I don't know how to not be her anymore.

I don't know how to move on and just be happy and just be a mom without constantly feeling like I need to explain everything.  When people ask if this is my first baby, I just need to answer Yes instead of feeling like I need to unload the whole story.  Because right now, the story's still in me and it still feels like a big part of who I am.

And I wonder when it won't...when I'll just feel like this is my baby and we are a regular family like everyone else.

I guess I have 20 more weeks to figure it out.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:36 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
Post contains 1166 words, total size 27 kb.

1 You look fantastic, by the way.

I went through a lot of the same things as far as emotions go.  I used to have dreams where I'd wake up not pregnant anymore, and be in a complete panic when I actually did wake up even though it was her kicking me awake. Every big pregnancy milestone, I had a dream that somebody stole the baby before I got to experience it--the big ultrasound, the first kicks, going to the hospital to give birth.  I didn't wash any of her clothes until the 32 week, and only the gender-neutral clothes.  We fought so hard to get pregnant, and STAY pregnant that even when my water broke, I was kind of surprised that it was really going to happen--that we were going to get to meet the Captain.  So either it's normal to feel like that, or we think alike.

And as morbid as that crossing from going to the ER to going to L&D threshold is, it is a big deal.  You're doing great, and I'm so happy for you.

Posted by: Ann M. at October 15, 2009 10:32 AM (+GQ3g)

2 You look all lovely and glowy, Sarah

Posted by: Lissa at October 15, 2009 11:05 AM (eSfKC)

3

You don't have to be 'just another Army Mom.'    Your story is a part of you.  It's a part of your little girl.  It's how you became who you are now (even as you move into new phases of your identity) and it's part of how she came to be.  No, people won't know that from simply looking at either of you, but it will still always be that way. 

You know that I lost my Mom when my first daughter was 4 months old.  When people would see me in the context of my pregnancy they had no clue that I was also living in constant fear and worry and sadness because my Mom had terminal cancer.  And I got really ticked off at people who just oozed pregant happiness at me because I was expecting without realizing the heartache I was experiencing at the same time.  And that experience is a part of me and my daughter.  I looked like any first time Mom.  But I wasn't.  And the reality is, that a whole lot of women who look like any 'normal pregnant person' are also living in a story a lot bigger than the baby bump they're carrying around.  You aren't just any first time Mom who can take all that comes from new baby stuff for granted.  You are a woman who fought tooth and nail for a child.  You've used more Mama-bear ferocity in the last few years than most people do during the first few years of their babies lives.  You know better than most of us how tenuous life really is. 

So don't think that you have to dismiss the hugeness of all that has happened as baby coming becomes more and more a reality. It's part of who you are.  It's part of who she is--not in a bad way that means you're strapping heartache to her life forever, but in a good way that means her life is already infused with meaning and a story that is bigger than her alone.  You aren't just any pregnant army Mom.  You are Sarah, and you are pretty damned amazing.  You look absolutely gorgeous and I can't wait til you get to meet that precious little girl.

(P.S.  I'm sorry I wrote a book...)

Posted by: Val at October 15, 2009 11:36 AM (5btL/)

4 You are a lovely pregnant lady. When I was pregnant, I heard about free doula services for the spouses of deployed service members. I'm not sure if you know about it already, but it's definitely worth exploring. Enjoy those little kicks; they get bigger!

Posted by: Lee Anne at October 15, 2009 12:32 PM (N5ZmR)

5 Yay! I'm glad you are enjoying all of this so much. I think the waiting for the other shoe to drop and the grieving alongside the enjoyment are totally understandable. In fact, I'm guessing it's normal. I've been in a different set of shoes, so I'm grieving a different set of things, but what you're saying here totally resonates with me. Perhaps we could have t-shirts made up to wear into Babies 'R Us. . . . For what it's worth, I'm not sure one can separate sadness over the past from happiness in the present. I don't think you need to try, if you don't want to. And for what it's worth, I totally don't think you *do* need to just answer "Yes." Those three little ones you lost really were your babies and you really did lose them, and that *is* a big part of who you are. I think it's fine to say, "Actually, we lost three little ones early in pregnancy. She's our fourth." If they're uncomfortable, their problem. For what it's worth. . . .

Posted by: Lucy at October 15, 2009 02:25 PM (YNvUz)

6 We're so proud!

Posted by: Kevin Cox at October 15, 2009 04:17 PM (VRirA)

7 Oh my gosh, Sarah, you are so adorable! The kicks will get harder, much harder. Just wait.

No advice for you, but sending you virtual hugs.

Posted by: Heather at October 15, 2009 04:21 PM (ACoc9)

8

Aww, what a cutie patootie pregnant chick you are! 

I know it's hard.  Nothing anyone says will make that feeling go away, but just try to enjoy as much as you can!

Posted by: sharona at October 15, 2009 08:14 PM (BeRta)

9 When I was pregnant with L.E., I spent the first 20 weeks racked with fear.  I didn't look at baby names, didn't tell my office, went to bed immediately when coming home from work, and largely lived in my own self made bat cave.  After infertility and miscarriage, it was impossible for me to focus on the impending miracle.  Too scary.  Too fearful of how destroyed I would be if something went wrong and my hopes were crushed again. 

At 20 weeks, when we found out she was a girl, for the first time even uttered a baby name. I was still guarded, shaky and scared.  Better... but consumed by fear.  As the weeks went on, it did get better and I did enjoy parts of it, but the whole process was all consuming.  Even right at the very end, when she stopped moving at 41 weeks, even through the weekly ultrasounds, etc, I was borderline hysterical.  That day of fear led to the birth of my sweet, phenomenal baby girl.  The fear played it's role that day and led me to a needed induction and a perfect birth.  And the thing I couldn't stop saying for the first few weeks was.  No one can ever take her away from me.  She's really mine.  This really happened.  It was an unbelievable journey. 

I still grieve for the baby I lost and the pain and suffering en route to my children.  It's never left me, and I doubt it ever will.  I cry tears of joy every time I hear news of a good ultrasound for friends and breathe a little sigh of relief.  If someone around me experiences a loss, I move what I can to make sure I am there, supportive, listening, and not offering advice or it will all work out in the ends.  It's just a part of me now.  And frankly if someone told me to just pull it together already, I wouldn't have a clue how, now two babies and five years later.  This *is* who I am now. 

But, dude!  You bought a crib - that's huge!  I couldn't pull that off until month 8!  I never bought a single thing until the last month.  You're doing great, looking good and being an amazing mother.  That will show forever.  And IMO, as your baby girl grows, share this journey with her.  Let her feel your heartache, see you as real and know how undeniably wanted she was in each and every minute.  That will help form her character, all while binding the two of you together.  No one is walking without some fraction of pain in their lives.  To pretend to be so is phony.  So be real with your thoughts, be real with your emotions, and in another 20 weeks or so, I wish you hours of endless bliss with your sweet baby girl.  Clear your calendar and get ready to soak up the amazing relief and love.  Of course your baby will be brilliant, so she'll probably come right out of the womb, look up at you and say "Thanks for waiting mama, I'll try to always make it worth it for you." 

I'm anxious for your rainbows of peace as well. 

Posted by: Lane at October 15, 2009 08:41 PM (Xla7j)

10 Yup! you are definitely pregnant. I never lost a baby but I was always fearful and I have to admit to being superstitious about getting "things" too soon. My fears were not relieved by ultrasounds, we did not have them in my days of being pregnant, but I did have three very healthy, beautiful babies. Yours will be, too.

Posted by: Ruth H at October 15, 2009 08:59 PM (LsQQS)

11 Looking good!!!

This is a really wonderful post, Sarah. 

This line especially caught me:
"I haven't figured out yet how to separate the happiness of this baby from the sadness of the others without feeling like I am turning my back on the others and also myself."

I hope when you first look in that little girl's eyes, this all clicks into place and "the others" take their place as that which prepared a very special place for this little girl in everyone's hearts.  So it won't feel like you're turning your back.

{{Hugs}}

Posted by: Guard Wife at October 16, 2009 12:02 AM (p4/8e)

12

Ditto on the "you look wonderful" Sarah.

 

Congrats again and stay positive.

Posted by: tim at October 16, 2009 09:19 AM (nno0f)

13

OH YAY!!!!!!

OMG.  That is just the BEST PICTURE EVER.  Seeing that little baby bump on you warms my heart, Sarah.

Posted by: AFSister at October 16, 2009 03:45 PM (mUuHm)

14

I, too, waited for the other shoe to drop the entire time I was pregnant with the boys.  Even at the birth, when "Baby A" was in distress, I thought, "Well, at least there's another if this one is dead...  I didn't go through all of that for nothing."

And to this day, unfortunately, the dread never leaves.  But that's what being a mom is about.  You never stop wondering when the other shoe will drop.  For some of us, it has dropped -- maybe too many times -- to feel safe and unaffected.  But life makes you more and more wary the older you get!  We're all barely hanging by a thread and seeing how fragile (AND strong) that thread can be....  Can be numbing and scary....

Congrats!  I can't wait for you to get REALLY big....  And feel the different parts, elbows and knees, gliding and rolling under the skin....

Posted by: Allicadem at October 16, 2009 08:02 PM (eGglD)

15 You do look just lovely, Sarah. I'm SO excited for you.

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at October 16, 2009 08:27 PM (paOhf)

16

 "I haven't figured out how to get over my past"

You can't.  Probably shouldn't.

Our first was born ON our 7th anniversary.  My mother was an only child after 8 years of problems.  In the greater scheme of things problems are normal; I pray they're done for you for now.

You're looking good.  Sorry your husband isn't there to admire.  Send him lots of pictures.

Posted by: Glenmore at October 16, 2009 09:47 PM (V0mpS)

17 You look absolutely beautiful! 

Posted by: Mrs. Who at October 17, 2009 02:22 PM (+UBtq)

18 You and your daughter are both beautiful. Very radiant

Posted by: Teresa VanHove at October 19, 2009 04:24 PM (dkExz)

19 Though our paths are so different, as always I hear you.  I'm struggling with something similar--putting in its proper place the pain of the past and identity it has forged (how do I let go of the pain without letting go of who I have become?).  I think the commenters above are on the right track with this subject.  I think maybe the idea is to weave the pain into the fabric and life in such a way that it no longer drags us down and yet going forward it makes happiness all the sweeter.

*hugs of both joy and sympathy*

Posted by: FbL at October 20, 2009 12:36 PM (HyNTm)

20 (oops!  That should be "fabric OF life" above)

Posted by: FbL at October 20, 2009 12:37 PM (HyNTm)

21 I haven't figured out yet how to separate the happiness of this baby from the sadness of the others without feeling like I am turning my back on the others and also myself.

Someday, when you have a houseful of little munchkins, you'll realize what every parent knows: loving one child takes nothing from the others.

It's normal to feel this way, but love is a cup that fills right back up to the brim when others drink from it.  And I know that one day soon, you'll be able to relax and know this, too.

You're going to be a fantastic mother.

Posted by: Cassandra at October 24, 2009 04:51 PM (oSDvp)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

I had a doctor appointment today.  I thought it was just a regular appointment, but it turns out it was my Type II ultrasound.  Wow, that was the first time that a medical snafu has turned into a fun surprise instead of me wanting to set someone on fire.

I am so used to early ultrasounds, seeing a teeny blob in a big uterus.  My first reaction was how big she was.  My second was how developed she is.

She looks great.



She had the hiccups and was clapping her hands and rubbing her face.
And everything is perfect: normal heart, normal spine, normal piggy toes.

She's jammed in there so snug...why can't I feel her yet?

Posted by: Sarah at 01:29 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
Post contains 120 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I have heard that first time moms have a hard time distinguishing baby movements from regular body stuff? I'm sure she'll give you a good swift kick soon. So so so so so so so happy and smiling to "see" your little one growing and thriving.

Posted by: loquita at October 02, 2009 01:59 PM (zRFw4)

2

She is GORGEOUS!  As for feeling her...I didn't feel Rusty until I was 20 weeks!  I was starting to really wonder.  Even after that, I never felt him a lot.  He was jammed in SOOOO tight.  I never got REALLY huge, but he came out 8 lbs. 6 oz.  He was just snug as a little bug in there.  Everyone would tell me how they felt their babies move all of the time and I didn't, but I also wasn't woken up by him in the middle of the night!  (Until later on!) 

I love her little face!  It's so precious!  Looking forward to seeing her on the outside!

Posted by: stacy at October 02, 2009 02:46 PM (JKqIL)

3 I didn't feel Kiddo nearly as much as my friends felt their kiddos, either - on occasion, yes, but I didn't eat much sugary stuff, I'm a little... "padded," and he was snug (kept jamming his head up in my ribs - so much for breathing, right? are you feeling more oxygenated yet?)  

Hope she starts tapping hello once in a while for you! :-)

Posted by: Krista at October 02, 2009 03:00 PM (sUTgZ)

4 Your baby is precious! She'll soon give you an idea of her temperament as she continues her development. My three were each different, first, a girl, had dainty movements, later turned into kicking down like a little dancer, second, a boy kicked,elbowed and head butted, hard and often. The third was a comfort lover who snuggled and slowly stretched. I recognized the feel of the knees, elbows, head and butt after each was born, and, their pre-birth personalities continued past birth. She loved being cute and admired, elder son was always on the move,curious about everything, and youngest loved comfort and snuggling.

Posted by: HChambers at October 02, 2009 03:52 PM (QyH1P)

5 *grin*

Posted by: FbL at October 02, 2009 07:39 PM (HyNTm)

6 I'm so happy for you. What a wonderful surprise for you today!

Posted by: Heather at October 02, 2009 07:48 PM (ACoc9)

7 Little girls are always full of sweet surprises like this!

Posted by: Mrs. Who at October 02, 2009 08:15 PM (+UBtq)

8 How super exciting!  What a cute little bug!  Most importantly, I'm so glad that she is growing just as she should be.

Posted by: sharona at October 02, 2009 08:22 PM (BeRta)

9 Oh, Sarah, I'm sitting here crying tears of happiness for you! She's beautiful & perfect - I am so happy for you!

Posted by: Toni at October 02, 2009 09:27 PM (OoGre)

10

She is so cute!  What an awesome surprise.

Posted by: dutchgirl at October 02, 2009 09:52 PM (Yg8bq)

11 How wonderful. Half way!!! woo hoo...

Posted by: Pamela at October 03, 2009 01:21 AM (RTpvv)

12 Sarah - Look at her adorable face!!!!!

Posted by: Keri at October 03, 2009 10:58 AM (dtvJC)

13 This is such a great shot of her!! How beautiful she is.

Posted by: Guard Wife at October 03, 2009 06:31 PM (EvsXa)

14 Awww. She's gorgeous!

Posted by: Erin at October 03, 2009 11:22 PM (pK1qw)

15 She's just amazing. I'm so happy to know everything is going well.

Posted by: Miss Ladybug at October 04, 2009 12:37 AM (paOhf)

16

I didn't feel (or more accurately didn't recognize what I was feeling) until the 20-week ultrasound, when I saw him move and correlated it with what I was feeling.  From then on out I could recognize the feeling and realize that I had been feeling him for some time, but was attributing it to gas or stomach feelings.

I would bet that when you do recognize the feeling you will realize that you've been feeling her for a while.

She looks great!

Posted by: Christa at October 05, 2009 12:24 PM (2qSbp)

17 Hooray! What a great picture!   Pie slept through his 20-week ultrasound, but I got to see him yawn and swallow. I still see that profile in his face today.   It's so very, very precious, and I'm SOOOO HAPPY for you that you get to see your very own baby in profile in utero, too!

Pie liked to roll around before he really started kicking. I thought at first that it was just gas bubbles, but it was such a unique feeling that I finally realized it was the baby, not my digestion.  And the day I felt him actually kick me, it was just the tiniest taps, but I knew it was him!   After that, he was a stretcher: He'd lodge a foot or shoulder on my left hip bone and try to reenact Aliens through the right side of my belly.  I had to push him back down all the time.  He's still that way.  He'll kick anything near his feet -- even my face, if I'm not careful!

The weirdest feeling, though, is after she is finally Outside, and you're sitting in the hospital holding her and still feeling kicking in your belly. Phantom kicks are wacky! Pie's been out for a year and a half, and I'll get a gas bubble that I'm sure felt like a kick, and have to remind myself that I'm pretty darn sure I'm NOT pregnant!

Posted by: Deltasierra at October 07, 2009 01:57 AM (D4fxj)

18 wow! that is so cool.

Posted by: queenie at October 08, 2009 09:02 PM (9NXcn)

19 What a cutie!!!

Posted by: Leslie at October 15, 2009 06:59 AM (CA06Q)

Hide Comments | Add Comment